Chapter 3 Falling Behind

Now I'm standing

Looming in tears

My heart is gone

I'm falling behind

Jonathan was being led to the Hall of Accords.

They would question him there, and because he used to be Nephilim, the sword would work on him.

He was a tiny bit anxious. He already could see people glaring at him.

He was put on a chair. It was very cold on it and Jonathan had a feeling his butt was instantly freezing. They should draw heating runes on it...He sighed anyways.

Jia and inquisitor Lightwood stood before him.

Other Institutes and their inhabitans were watching him with narrowed eyes. Rosemarie Eichelenberger of the Berlin Institute was being held back by Brighid Lovelace. Rosemarie had lost her little sister, Michelle in the Endarkened attack on Alicante.

He looked down and bit his lip as tears of guilt consumed his green eyes. "We are here today to question Sebastian Morgenstern." Jia called out and put the sword in front of him.

He took it slowly, and it felt like hooks were digging in his skin. It was painful. "Call me Jonathan." He told Jia and she blinked.

"Alright. Jonathan Morgenstern, we are here to question you upon your recent change." She told him and he nodded slowly, understanding.

The Asian woman looked at him, her dark eyes like ink black pools in which people were threatened to drown in. And he had a feeling she would drown him for real if he didn't comply. He swallowed soundly.

"What do you want to know?" He asked uncomfortable.

The woman looked down and asked, "Do you actually indeed feel remorse over your actions as Sebastian?" She was slightly curious as well. Jia rarely talked to evil masterminds, and none had been as acomplished as Sebastian.

"Yes I do. I hate what I've done, no matter how cliché it sounds like. I am sorry. I am sorry to all of you."He said. He skimmed through the crowd and looked straight into the crying Rosemarie's eyes. "I truly am."

The elder woman cried out, "LIES!" She yelled heartbrokingly.

"You cannot lie under the Mortal Sword!" Jia exclaimed towards the woman and looked back at Jonathan.

The boy seemed genuine.

"How did you manage to get the fair folk on you side?" She asked, curious.

Jonathan swallowed. "They like to be on the winning side. I presented the queen my plan and I guess she liked it."The boy shrugged with a blush.

He remembered the queen and how she had looked naked.

She was pretty.

Jia raised an eyebrow to his blush.

"Why are you blushing mister Morgenstern?" She asked, confused. Had she said something wrong? Or was the boy merely frightened or something.

"I slept with the queen." He confessed.

Several gasps were heard through the crowd. He guessed he had done something not very smart. Now he would get even more trouble with the Clave.

Damn it.

He looked at his sister, who seemed disgusted with him. The whole Clave was shouting. After all, she was a filthy Downworlder. J

onathan was suddenly released by JIia, who clealy wanted to get over it.

"For showing remorse, we won't kill you. You are on probabtion. Magnus Bane has agreed to watch over you for the time remaining. Leave Idris now." She said and Jonathan could hear Jia's unspoken words; And don't come back.

Jonathan nodded and stood up. Soon, he was taken out of the room by Magnus."We're going back to New York. Congratulations vampire, you seem to have made it through yet another day."Jonathan nodded and stepped through the portal.

He ate slowly at Taki's. He was there with Magnus and Jace.

"So you slept with the bitch?" Magnus asked as he got himself a strange looking waffle. Jonathan did not question him.

"You mean the Seelie Queen?" He asked softly, confused as he ate a piece of his pancake.

Magnus nodded. "Yes of course."

Jace leaned back, sending him a hateful look. "Who else did you think we meant? Lilith? The queen of England?" He asked and Magnus shot him a look.

"Lilith is not a bitch." Jonathan said, looking at Jace. She had genuinely cared for him, and he wouldn't forget that. He would never forget how much she had cared, no matter what she was.

Jonathan's eyes narrowed and Jace glared back. "So you did slept with Lilith?" He was taunting the daylighter, he knew that. But he hated Jonathan SO much.

Before he even knew it, Jonathan had lunged at him. He was squeezing Jace by his throat and his eyes blazed with fire.

Magnus sighed and got up. With a snap of his fingers, Jonathan flew feet away and smashed against the wall.

"Now Jace, stop insulting Jason." Jonathan shot him an annoyed look.

Jason?!

"And Jason, don't fight with Jace. Shadowhunters...They're just like idle bidle babies." He commented.

Jonathan sat back next to Magnus and grudgingly at his pancake.

"Tomorrow is your mother's wedding, isn't it Jimmy?" Magnus asked Jonathan. "It indeed is. Will you come?" He asked.

He knew Simon might remember something so he might come, Izzy had said it earlier with the flyer. He was curious about Simon. Technically, the boy was his sire. His master. Should he be grateful he got another shot at life? He didn't knew it for sure.

He hoped for Isabelle that he indeed remembered some. She already had been through enough grief.

He looked down to his pancake. He had caused so much grief. He was the worst. He sipped on his juice and ate another piece.

He had a strange feeling about tomorrow. But he didn't knew why. He just simply sighed and ate.

"Yes I am coming. There is nothing better then a party." Magnus said with a small grin. Jace laughed slightly, "Remember when Simon was turned into a rat?"

Jonathan his interest perked up.

He was a very curious being. He couldn't help but want to know more about Magnus his parties.

Soon he was launched into an amazing story about a peacock, Chaiman Meow and a red haired infant. He thought the infant was Clary, but he didn't knew for sure.

"Wait, what happened with the bull?" He asked Magnus and was shot a glare by Jace.

He knew it was all his fault and that Jace should hate him, but some part of him felt annoyed that he didn't got even a chance to speak normally. But only that glare managed to make Jonathan be swallowed by guilt.

He felt horrible to even be alive.

He thought he heard a giggle. His head snapped around to go to the direction of the sound, but there was no one. Why had he heard that giggle? Soon Jonathan. A very high pitched female voice whispered in his ear.

He blinked. "Did you hear that?" He asked, thinking he was going crazy.

Jace frowned. "I heard nothing." He said with a annoyed voice.

"Are you hearing voices?" Magnus asked.

Jonathan nodded. "That's not a good sign." Magnus said.

"Well, we always knew Sebastian was bonkers." He said, refusing to call him Jonathan.

Jonathan stood up, "I think I am going back to the apartement." He said, not wanting to talk about it. "Alright." Magnus said and stood up.

"Jace, you pay." He said and followed Jonathan without looking back.

"Hey! Why do I pay the bill?!" Jace said, but they had already left.

Jace groaned.

"You don't need to stand up for me." Jonathan said later in the apartement.

He wrapped his arms around himself as he looked at the ground.

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Whatever Johan, be glad I don't let Jace kill you."He said and got himself something to drink.

He passed a cup of hot chocolate to Jonathan, who drank it eagerly. "Thank you." He said with a slightly burned tongue. "It's nothing." Magnus said with a monotone voice.

He guessed Magnus didn't need his gratitude. He had a feeling Magnus already knew everything.

"It's late. You better sleep before your mother's wedding tomorrow." Magnus said, wanting to be rid of the vampie so he could text Alec, but also to give the boy some space.

Jonathan nodded.

He stood up and went to his new room.

His new room was bold, and undecorated except for a small bed that was strangely more comfortable then it looked.

Jonathan let himself fall onto the bed. He thought of his new life and his old one. He had a idea as if he was still drenched in their blood. His happy ending was lost.

He looked at his hands, they were clean and pale. But in his mind, they were red. Scarlet of blood. He remembered a piece of Macbeth as he looked at his hands.

He closed his eyes and let his mind drift off.

Screams haunted his dreams. Or were they nightmares? Jonathan had never dreamt much, so he didn't knew if he was dreaming or having a nightmare.

All he knew was that he woke up, soaked into cold sweat. And that nobody seemed to understand the horror he had been through. But then again, they couldn't understand. They could never understand how hatred had sucked him in, like within a vortex. He had been falling and falling, being sucked in by the dark. He had been lost and it seemed never ending. He had been stuck in pain, in loss.

It had felt terrible.

He wished he had a place where he was free of screams. Free of pain and misery. He closed off his mind and simply slept like a babe. Memories overtook his consciousness. They overtook everything.

An angry Clary glared at him, his mother looked full of horror and knives.

So many knives.

He was losing his mind.

It seemed like he was losing everything.

Everything he had ever cared about. His family. But in a way, he had already lost them.

Was there a place in his head still untainted by pain? no, there wasn't. He was in pieces.

He sat up and opened his forest green eyes. He looked at his hand, as if it was fading away. Even now, he was still falling. He saw there was light now. That was the difference. Right now, he saw there was light. And it was good.

Unlike him.

Always unlike him.