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Last Time on the Gundam Universe Project: Slender died, and Char had to call for reinforcements to fight the White Base. But with Dren still incapacitated due to exhaustion and the ice cream supplies dwindling, what will he do?
Episode 3: The Third Episode
Luna II.
An asteroid which was drawn away from the asteroid belt after some idiot attached rocket boosters to it in an attempt to create an asteroid space colony in UC 0044. Unfortunately for him, he forgot to equip the rocket base with proper fuel reserves, and was left to drift in space slowly towards Earth. He was found 14 years later by colonists from Side 3, and quickly became a prominent political activist.
That man was Zeon 'Zoom' Deikun.
Now, in UC 0079, Luna II was the site of a large Earth Federation Space Base. Actually, the only Earth Federation Space Base. It was called Luna II because 'Zeon's Awesome Ultimate Rock Starship / Bar and Grill' was deemed to not be an appropriate name for anybody's Space Base, let alone one from the Earth Federation.
And it was to that Space Base that the White Base (no relation) was headed towards.
"Once you get to Luna II, you'll have to contact Commandant Joachim so he can let you in." The Captain said.
"He'll help us?" Bright asked. "I've heard he's… not all there."
"He'll help you as long as you can help him complete his daily crossword puzzle." The Captain said. "He's not very good at them."
"How hard are these crosswords of his?" Sayla asked.
"He reads on a fourth grade level." The captain said.
"How did he get a commander's pay if he can't read?" Bright asked.
"Well, Luna II isn't exactly an important strategic location." The Captain said, assuming that Bright had asked a different question. If you've ever looked at a map of the Earth Sphere, you'll see that Luna II isn't close to anything but Side 7, which only has one colony. Why do you think we still have that base? There's nothing there! The only thing there is the emergency supply of ice cream."
"The emergency supply of ice cream?" Bright asked. "I didn't even know we had one of those."
"Ice cream…" Sayla trailed off, daydreaming.
Meanwhile, Frau and the children were dealing with the civilians on the ship.
"When will we get our food rations for the day?" One civilian asked.
Frau smiled smugly. "We forgot to load the ship with ammunition; do you honestly think we have any food?"
"Well then, when are we going to get to Luna II?"
"Hmm, let me see." Frau thought. "Depending on levels of angst, dialogue, Zeon attacks, and dirty laundry… any time between twelve minutes and five days."
"Five days!"
"What?" Frau asked, confused. "It takes a lot of people to do the laundry on this ship, our batteries are low, and we're so understaffed that everyone has to take turns. And we actually have to turn off the engines to use the washing machines."
"Why?"
"I don't know!" Frau snapped, yelling at the civilians before leaving.
Bright and Sayla got on the elevator to the bridge.
"So Sayla, how exactly did you get on this ship?" Bright asked.
"What do you mean? I was always on the ship."
"No, you weren't." Bright responded. "You were not on the ship when we left… wherever the heck we built it."
"I wasn't?"
"No." Bright repeated. "But as soon as we landed on Side 7, you suddenly appeared."
"Really?" Sayla asked. "I don't really remember any of that. I just know I'm supposed to be on this ship."
Bright was getting suspicious. "And, who told you that you were supposed to be on this ship?"
"A giraffe I met on Side 7." Sayla said. "He called himself Mr. Bandai. He said I had to get on this ship or he'd force feed me blueberry flavored bubblegum for a week." Sayla leaned closer to Bright, to whisper in his ear. "He must have known that I hate blueberrys."
"O-kay then. I'm glad we had that little talk." Bright said, backing away from her. Thankfully, the elevator doors opened just then, admitting Bright and Sayla to the bridge. Sayla approached the driving wheel.
"I'll take over for now." Sayla said. "I just have to watch the altitude and engine output right?"
"Yes, that's it." Mirai said.
"No. Sayla, I am not letting you drive my ship." Bright said.
"But why!"
"Because of what you just told me in the elevator. I think you might have some kind of… disease."
"Aww, don't say mean things like that Bright!" Mirai said. "You'll hurt her feelings!"
"Well, she hurts my ears so… deal with it."
"Okay." Sayla said, then wandered back over to the communications console she normally worked at.
"Operator, where is that Musai?" Bright asked.
"It's still following us sir, although they've taken up an erratic movement pattern. They go in one direction for a few minutes, then change directions and go another way for a few minutes."
"Is there any pattern to it?"
"No."
On the Musai, Char was facing a number of problems.
"Keep zig-zagging!" Char said. "Their radar can only detect us if we move in straight lines!"
"But sir, if we do that aren't we just moving in straight lines anyway, but just in different directions?" Crown said.
"That's a good point Crown." Char said, ignoring what he had said. "Maybe they don't have radar at all."
"Well sir, you seemed very convinced of the…" Crown was cut off by Char.
"It's okay Crown, I know you're sorry. But we can't do anything about this now."
"Sir, we're out of ice cream." A terrified crewman said.
" Oh my… that's not good. Open a comm line to Admiral Dozle."
Dozle was once again lazing about on a couch, not having moved from where he was in the last episode.
"Char what do you want? I'm in the middle of watching 'Days of Our Lives.' You of all people know not to interrupt me during my soaps!" Dozle said irritably.
"I know you're busy sir, but this is very important."
Dozle sighed, then continued in a monotone. "Did you run out of microwavable burritos?"
"No, we ran out of ice cream."
Dozle was so startled that he bolted out of his couch, sending nachos and cheese dip flying everywhere.
"You ran out of ice cream!" Dozle repeated. "Crap, we need to get you more immediately! I'll see if I can call Papua's supply ship back. Don't worry Char; you'll get your ice cream, just sit tight until we can get you it!" Dozle cut the transmission.
"So, sir." Crown said. "What do we do now?"
"We hide until the supply ship gets here. And we don't tell the crew about the ice cream shortage." Char said. "Seriously, there'd be a massive panic driven riot."
"And probably a mutiny." Char continued. "And I'm not going to lie; I'd be the first one to mutiny."
There was a bit of silence after that, only broken after three minutes by Char himself.
"Yes Dren, that's a great idea." Char said. "Engage stealth mode!"
Surprisingly enough, after rummaging about the bridge to try to fulfill Char's order, the crew did discover a button labeled 'Stealth Mode.' Crown gingerly pushed the button, unsure as to whether this would make the ship explode or disappear.
A few seconds passed during which nothing happened. Then all of the lights on the Musai turned off and the engines powered down.
During the following commotion on the bridge, no one noticed that Dren had never been there.
"Where's Amuro?" Frau asked, the scene now having shifted back to the hangar bay of the White Base.
"I think he's up there in the Gundam cockpit." Ryu said, as he tried on a massive belt.
"Well, is he busy?"
"I don't think so." Ryu said, then threw the belt away from him. "Too small!" he yelled.
Frau floated towards the Gundam cockpit, beginning to hear voices as she neared it.
"Okay, so Char is only getting two Zakus on the supply ship, not the three he wanted." Amuro said, recapping what he had just read in the book.
"Wait, how do you know how many Zakus Char is getting?" Frau asked as she reached the cockpit. "Do you think he's getting resupplied?" Amuro quickly put the book behind him and sat on it.
"No, I don't know anything. I'm just guessing." Amuro said quickly. "I was saying that if Char got resupplied, he would probably only get two Zakus, which is a lot better than having to fight three."
"Oh, okay." Frau said. She would have thought about it more, but she was distracted by a potent smell nearby.
"Ugh, Amuro!" She exclaimed, identifying the smell as him. "You're still wearing the same clothes from Side 7? No wonder you're beginning to smell!"
"I was going to get to it!" Amuro defended. "I was just busy doing things in the Gundam."
"Like what?" Frau asked. "There's nothing more important than shopping for personal hygiene!" Frau said, then dragged Amuro out of the Gundam cockpit. Amuro grabbed for the book as he was whisked away, but he couldn't get a hand on it, and it was left behind in the Gundam.
"It doesn't make a whole lot of sense." Bright said on the bridge. "Char should have attacked again by now. I mean, he's got a better ship…"
"None of the buttons are working!" Crown yelled on the Musai.
"Well, push them some more, we might get lucky!" Char said.
"A better crew…" Bright added.
Char leaned over to Crown. "Is that guy's uniform on backwards?"
"Yes sir."
"He's got more supplies…" Bright hypothesized.
"Where did all the ice cream go?" A random crewmember screamed.
"I don't know!" Another crewman yelled. "But we just ran out of Breakfast Burritos too!"
"God help us all." Crown said.
"Char himself has got to have an impressive handle on things…" Bright figured.
"Yes, that's a perfect idea Dren. I just hope we have enough shrimp and tapioca." Char said to no one.
"And his commanders are probably better too…" Bright continued.
"I love this episode." Dozle said, grabbing a handful of nachos. "It's just so 'Munch' indicative of Claire's 'Munch' feelings for Jimmy, but she can't tell him 'Munch' about it, because he's in 'Munch' a coma. 'Munch'"
"So it just seems odd that Char hasn't done anything by now. What do you guys think?" Bright said, then turned around to see every bridge crewman sending him insulted glares.
"What?" Bright asked angrily. "Did I say something that offended you?"
"Yes." Mirai said in a small voice.
"Sir, the Musai appears to have lost power." One of the radar operators said.
"Well, give me an explanation!" Bright said. "You don't need to waste my time by waiting for me to ask for one! Time is money!"
"Well, all of the lights on the ship have turned off and the engines have stopped functioning."
"Well," Bright thought. "You're right. They do seem to have lost power. It might be the perfect time to attack them."
"Yes, that's a great idea!" Sayla called out.
"Well, now that you've said it, I'm not so sure it's such a good idea anymore." Bright said.
"Aww, don't say that Bright-y." Mirai said in a jolly tone. "It was a good plan, a really good plan Sayla."
"First, never call me that again." Bright said to Mirai. "Second, what if it's a trap?"
"I know I'm not some kind of 'military expert' or anything," Mirai began. "But who tries to set a trap by powering down and standing still when you're the one chasing somebody?"
"Someone that is either insanely smart, or incredibly stupid." Bright said, narrowing his eyes in thought as to which one Char was.
"Sir, we've detected another ship moving towards the Musai." A radar operator said.
"Or somebody waiting for supplies and backup." Bright added.
"It might be a supply ship!" Mirai said. "We should attack while they're transferring supplies!"
"But what if it's a battle cruiser? Or another Musai?"
"Well, they don't exactly have much armor…" Sayla said.
"Yeah, and we don't exactly have bullets!" Bright said.
"What about the Gundam?" Mirai said. "We could send that."
"That is… actually a fairly decent idea, and relatively cheap." Bright said. "Somebody get all of our combat ready personnel on the bridge."
"But we just need to tell Amuro to do it right?"
"Yeah, but if he refuses, we're gonna have to bully him into piloting it." Bright narrowed his eyes and stroked his right hand with his left. "Possibly with… physical violence."
As the alarm blared out, Kai began running towards the bridge, fearful of what would happen if he were found to be disobeying orders. As he bounded down a hallway, Amuro burst out of a closet wearing his new Earth Federation uniform, scaring Kai away again.
"Okay, now that I've explained the plan to you, who is still in favor of trying to get to Luna II before Char catches up with us?" Bright asked. No hands went up.
"Well, that was easy." Bright said. "I'll do the next one anyway. Who is in favor of attacking Char while he's getting resupplied?" One hand went up, Amuro's.
"There are thirty of you here, how come only one of you voted?" Bright asked.
"Wait, wasn't there a third option? I was going to vote for that."
"Me too!"
"Me three!"
"No, you morons, there were only two options! And there was no 'all of the above'."
"Hey, that's not fair!"
"I want a recount!"
Bright raised his right hand back behind him, selecting his first target with his eyes. All of the 'voters' backed away from him in fear.
"Alright, we had one vote and it was to attack." Bright said. "So, power up the guns and turn the ship around, because that's what we're going to do."
As everyone set to work opening the gun ports, readying the Gundam and core fighter, and otherwise getting the ship ready for battle, Sayla decided to ask what she thought was a good question.
"Mr. Bright, you said we didn't have any ammunition… Well, if we don't then why are we readying the energy cannons?" Sayla asked.
"Because they're energy cannons!" Bright said, like it was the simplest thing in the world to understand. "Our anti-aircraft defenses use bullets, but the big guns on the ship are energy cannons. You know, the kind that use energy."
"I don't get it." Sayla said.
"Somehow, I didn't think you would." Bright said.
Meanwhile, on the Musai, the commotion had largely died away, leaving the Musai crew to relax in their perceived invisibility.
"Sir, the enemy ship appears to have turned around." Crown said. "It's heading straight for us!"
"Yes Dren, I think so too." Char said, ignoring Crown and talking to his non-present officer again. "There's definitely something odd about that supply ship." He was staring at it quizzically.
"As Ryu went to move up to attack, Amuro stopped him, reminding him that they should attack with the sun at their backs to gain a tactical advantage." Amuro read. "Hey, that's not such a bad idea." He then said aloud.
"Hey Ryu, we should attack from over there." Amuro pointed. "That way the sun will be behind us."
"Wow, that is a great idea!" Ryu said. "You're really smart Amuro, where'd you learn that?"
"Umm, I read it… in a book." Amuro worded carefully.
"Excellent!" Bright said. "We'll attack Char before his supply ship even gets to him!"
"Definitely something odd." Char said. "Crown, what kind of signal is that ship broadcasting?"
"A 'friendly' signal sir." Crown said nervously, not liking where Char's thought process was going. "It's our supply ship."
Char narrowed his eyes further. "What color is the signal?"
"Uhm… green sir, like it should be." Crown answered. "Sir, the White Base is advancing on us, we need to do something!"
"That's strange… the signal is green, but the ship is painted blue. That shouldn't be."
"Prepare to attack!" Bright said. "On the count of fifty!"
"Why fifty, sir?"
"Because, everybody does three, or five, or ten. And I don't happen to like Alexander Hamilton or Abraham Lincoln; I want to go with Ulysses!"
"Sir, how about we just go with seven?"
"Fine." Bright groaned. "On the count of seven."
"You're right Dren," Char said. "They must be spies!" Char concluded.
"Wait a minute… what?" Crown asked incredulously.
"Six!" Bright said.
"The colors, they don't match up! They must be a ship full of spies, trying to destroy my beloved Musai!"
"Sir, I really don't think…"
"Five!" Bright called out.
"Target the enemy vessel!" Char commanded.
"The Trojan Horse, sir?" Crown said, hoping that Char would come to his senses.
"No, the spy ship!" Char said.
"Four!"
"Disengage Stealth Mode and prepare to fire!" Char commanded. It was in that, that single, slow, horrifying moment that the Musai crew looked around to notice that Dren, the man who singlehandedly kept Char focused on the mission, was nowhere to be found.
He was still passed out in the medical bay from the last episode.
"Three!"
So the Musai crew did the only thing they could.
They turned off Stealth Mode and powered up the cannons.
"Sir!" One radar operator called out. "It was a trap, the Musai is powering up its weapons!"
"Well, we've got no choice now, do we?" Bright yelled. "Two!"
Amuro placed the Musai's bridge in the sights of his rocket launcher. He didn't care what the book said, Char was going down today.
"Fire." Char said.
The crew of the White Base looked on in surprise and the crew of the Musai looked on in horror as the deadly beams lanced out from the Musai's three double turrets. They struck the blue supply ship in the side and blew it into a few thousand pieces, which began to slowly fall down to Luna II's surface.
"Did they just…" Bright trailed off, having completely forgotten about the countdown and the attack.
"Blow up their own ship? I think so." Mirai continued.
"But why?" Sayla asked.
"Wait!" Amuro yelled. "That wasn't in the book. This thing is useless!"
"Haha!" Char cheered. "Another job well done!"
"Sir, the Trojan Horse!" Crown reminded.
"Oh right." He thought for a moment. "Fire the missiles!"
"We're all out of missiles. We used them all two episodes ago."
"Well then… fire the beam cannons!"
"They need to recharge."
"Alright well… I'm out of ideas." Char said. "Usually this is when Dren comes up with a plan. Let's all listen to him."
"Sir, you need to fly out in your Zaku to fight the Gundam! It's closing fast!"
"Why?" Char whined. "My Zaku machine gun is going to be just as useless in this episode as it was last time. We need something better… like bazookas. Or battle axes."
"Well, we need to do something; the enemy ship is about to fire on us!"
"Okay…" Bright said, collecting his thoughts. "The attack is still on, I guess. I don't really know why they did that, but it can't be bad for us. Reset the attack counter!"
"Ooh, idea!" Char said.
"Is this a good idea, or a not so good idea?" Crown asked, now having become somewhat disillusioned with his commander.
"Let's load all of the peanut butter into the missile tubes and shoot it at them!"
Crown looked around at the other crewmembers, who were shrugging and shaking their heads. "…well, it's better than what we've got."
"Four!" Bright yelled again. He was about to call out the next number when a brownish substance shot out of the Musai's missile tubes. It scored a direct hit, covering much of the exterior of the White base with the substance.
"Sir, we can't use the energy cannons." Sayla said. "They appear to be clogged with… peanut butter."
Bright looked on, utterly stupefied. "Are you serious?"
"Prepare to retreat!" Char commanded.
"But why sir?" Crown asked. "Your… unorthodox but brilliant strategy has made the enemy ship useless in battle. Why not press the advantage?"
"Because we need to wait for the supply ship."
"But sir, I thought we shot down the supply ship."
"No, that was the spies!" Char said assuredly. "The real supply ship should be here soon."
"Sir, I…" He was cut off by another crewman.
"Just let it go kid." He said. "It'll be easier that way."
"And now they're retreating." Bright said, his voice filled with disbelief.
"I just don't get it!" Bright said. "How could a single… Wait, I am not falling into that trap again."
"I mean, in a single battle, the enemy ship stopped while it was chasing us, fooled us into thinking it was in trouble, powered back on to spring the trap on us but blows up their own resupply ship instead, clogged our gun turrets with peanut butter, then retreated!" Amuro ranted for him.
"Like I said before…" Bright began. "Either he's insanely smart, or incredibly stupid."
"What do you mean 'you shot down the supply ship'?" Dozle asked, back sitting on his couch over the video feed.
"Funny story actually." Char laughed. Dozle did not. "You see, the 'friendly' signal was green, but the ship was blue, so I thought… 'They must be spies!' And Dren agreed with me, so we shot them down!"
"So, your assessment of the situation was corroborated by a man who has been unconscious in your sickbay for the entire episode?"
"Well, I wouldn't put it in those words…" Char said. "Dren was right by my side the entire time! Still is, as a matter of fact." Char pointed to the air next to him.
"… Right." Dozle said, sighing heavily. "Well, I'm letting you off the hook for this one Char, because as strange as it may seem to everyone, yours was not the biggest screw-up of the day."
A man appeared to Dozle's right, and the huge man sighed again. "What did Conscon do this time?"
The man talked, whom Char could not hear.
"Three? As in, Conscon just lost three Zakus while patrolling deep inside our own territory?"
The man spoke again.
"Three Musais?" Dozle thundered. "I don't get it! How could a single…" The transmission cut off.
"Did you…" Crown began, but Char cut him off.
"Yep." Char said. "Forgot to ask about the ice cream."
Next time, on the Gundam Universe Project:
Episode 4: Char Aznable's Bogus Adventure
