I woke up sweating, I had a vision...
The last one I had was the one about Vampires after that it stopped but tonight I saw...
This time I will not stand still...
Jasper was going to lose control at school. I won't let it happen though.
I hurried to school. Once there I waited for the Cullen's car. When they pulled I ran towards them.
"Hi, Alice how are you?" asked Bella with a smile on her face.
"Hi, Fine thank you"
Edward listen to me. You have to leave. Leave school today. You and Jasper please trust me.
"What's going on?" asked Rosalie.
"Why should we leave?"
"You won't regret it, please trust me"
"Why don't you let me in your head and stop counting?"
"Because I have my own secrets" I stated
"We'll stay Alice I am sorry. I can't just accept your words" said Rosalie
"You'll regret it." Edward when you'll get to choose, sit with him, and stop him.
With that I walked away. Why couldn't they just leave?
"Alice, wait"
Every time I heard this sentence Bella was following me.
"What was that about?"
"Nothing" I said.
It was about the fact that I am a freak who can see the future, please lock me up again, I love to be called crazy.
"It didn't look like nothing" she smiled.
I didn't answer. Yesterday when she comforted me I understood something. If I don't tell her the truth, she'll think I am a victim, she'll hold me while I sob, but I am not...I am the bad person. If I tell her the truth on the other hand she'll leave me, without a second glance, without a single whisper. She'll despise me. I couldn't decide what was worst...
"It must be a very appealing place" I heard Bella say.
"I am sorry I don't understand"
"I said your mind must be a very appealing place because you can't stop closing off in there" she smiled "or maybe I am a very boring person" she kept smiling.
My mind appealing, it's hell and I just can't get out. I am trapped condemned to be me...
"You don't seem boring" I stated
You seem appealing ..
"So why won't you talk to me?" she inquired. Her tone was amused but I felt there was a true need for the answer.
"I don't talk to anyone really" I said hoping it'll make her feel better.
"I am glad that I am not anyone" she smiled softly at me.
You have no idea! You're so not anyone!
"Seriously though, I really want to become your friend"
"Why?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Because I want to know you"
You wan to know me I am a sick freak. A murderer. I don't deserve to be known by you. I don't even deserve to be standing alive while they're in a grave.
I didn't answer what should I say? I want to know you too but I never want you to know me. I can stand the idea that someday you'll look at me like my parents did when you'll know about my gift/curse? I won't be able to prevent the rest of me fro shattering when you'll know what I did. It's not worth it I am not worth it.
"I think I would love peanut butter" she said
"What?"
"I think if I could taste stuff like humans do, I would love peanut butter" she said again
'I smiled at her.
Peanut butter really. I picture you very well, your naked body after we made love, eating straight from the jar.
Alice!
"Peanut butter is good" I said with a husky voice.
"You like it?"
"I am not a huge fan of food" I said
"I can relate to that" she smiled
"Did you just joke about your feeding …..habits?" I asked
"Yes is it bad?"
"No, I guess not"
I heard her inhale longly.
"Alice, would you like to hang out with me after school?"
Wait, why?
"Does Carlisle wants to see me again?"
She chuckled. Her laughter is my favorite sound in the world
"No, Alice I said hang out with me, not the whole Cullen clan"
If Edward fail at stopping Jasper, I don't think I'll be seeing any of you anytime soon.
"I feel like your father will want to talk to me again later" I said
"Why?" she asked.
I hope we don't have to find out.
"Nothing, Look Bella I really have to get going. And I don't know if us hanging out is a good thing I am a terrible company" I said
Her face fell. I felt bad, but it was for the best for her, who would want to be friend with me. My father used to say that people like me were mistakes, that we shouldn't have been born, because if I was not crazy then I was worst I was inhuman. He made me understand that I'll never have a friend. And I kept my lesson in mind.
"Why don't you let me decide that?" she asked
I didn't answer.
"Why won't let me in?" she whispered brokenly.
My heat shattered at her tone. I was bound to do everything wrong. I just couldn't seem to get one thing done correctly.
"I am sorry" I whispered as I walked away.
I know that after that she is going to give up. She had every right too. There's only so much rejection one can take before giving up.
The Jasper's accident was supposed to happen in the next period. My heart was racing, I was actually worried about him, about them. I didn't want them to get exposed.
So I waited patiently, after a few minutes in their class I saw Edward getting Jasper out of the classroom, he threw a brief glance at me. But was too focused making everyone believe his brother had a seizure.
I sigh in relief. It could've been worst...
The rest of the day passed in a blur, I was so worried about Jasper and Edward that I didn't do anything much really...I hope they're okay...
Why do I care anyway?
I know a part of me wants all of them to be happy. The only difference is that that part of me wanted to be Bella's happiness. I wanted to be the reason she smiled. But I was only a reason for her sadness.
Just when I was going at my house, finally after these awful hours of being forced to be visible. I found Rosalie in front of my car. The sight was less delightful than Her sister' in the same position.
"Alice, my father would like to talk to you again" her voice was not harsh. It was emotionless
I nodded
I followed her car to their mansion. All the driving my mind only wondered about Bella, why wasn't she the one waiting for me? Why? Maybe she gave up...
No! she can't give up on me, she can't walk away from me now that she possessed all my little remains.
Of course she did, she realized that you weren't worth it. That you'll never be worth it. Everyone end up at this conclusion don't they. Maybe it's time to give up on yourself.
See: you shouldn't have let her in, she's already breaking you, tearing you apart!
Like I had a choice …..
I pulled in their driveway.
Bella where are you...?
I followed Rosalie, inside the house. I was met with Edward pulling me in a hug.
"Thank you" he whispered in my ears "Thank you so much"
It was the first time in m life that I was proud of being the freak I was.
When Edward let me go. Jasper was right after him, he didn't hug me.
"Alice I want you to know that I owe you. I have a huge debt"
I didn't get the chance to speak, that I was pulled in a hug again. It was Esmee this time.
"Thank you so much"
When she let me go. I finally took a deep breath.
"I didn't exactly do anything" I stated
"Non-sense, the Cullen's owe you" spoke Carlisle.
Where is Bella? It's the only that floated in my mind
"Bella is out hunting she'll be back soon" said Edward
"Okay" I said emotionless.
Thank you!
Again, we all sat in the living room.
"Alice, I think you noticed how we all are very grateful"
I nodded not knowing what to answer.
I should be grateful I've been hugged more times in minutes than in a life time.
"Therefore don't feel like you have to answer this question-"
He was cut off by Bella, bursting in the house.
"Alice" she said before hugging me.
This time I hugged back, the simple thought of her giving up on me gave me enough will, to try and be honest with her, to try and let her in. Nothing has changed since this morning except that I realized that if I'm not worth it she is.
Eventually we let go of each other.
She sat beside me and held my hand.
"So Alice" Carlisle said smiling "What I was trying to ask is how did you know it would happen?"
I want to tell them, but I didn't want to go back to the asylum. I never want to go back there.
"Alice we'll never do that to you" said Edward "I promise"
And I believed him
"Well, sometimes ...Sometimes...I...I... get visions of the future"
There it is I said it.
The room was silent
They think I am crazy, well done Alice you can't go a week without being labeled as crazy basket case. Why did I tell them? God Alice you'll never learn how to be strong will you?
"It's fascinating" spoke Carlisle
What?!
"You don't think I am crazy?"
"Well, you proved yourself today by doing what you did, and for that I am extremely grateful again. We all are"
Maybe they are not going to send you back to an asylum.
"Alice, no matter what happened before, I swear we have no intention of sending you back there" spoke Edward
"Back where?" asked Bella.
Okay, you promised to let her in. And until now it's going well. But I don't think I am ready to talk about that! But what if she really gave up this time. You have to tell her.
"When I told them about my visions my parents sent me to an asylum"...
I saw Bella's expression change from curiosity to pure anger.
Here it comes Alice hold on to your heart dearly, her wrath is coming and you deserve it after all. Making them believe you were normal while you're just a crazy ….
"How could they do that?" she said her voice filled with anger.
WHAT! They? They did nothing wrong I am crazy not them! They did what they had to do.
"They did what they had to do?" I stated
"Don't tell me you are okay with it?" she said her anger now directed at me.
It cuts through me, no matter what I did I disappointed her somehow. The coward part of me wanted to just get up and run, run and find somewhere I could be alone, with all my shame and die there alone like I should be.
I didn't answer her, everything I said was wrong anyway.
"I am sorry I didn't mean to snap at you" she said apologetically " it's just that you shouldn't be okay with it you are not crazy, you never were, your parents should have seen it"
"Don't talk about them" I said
How dare she? They took care of me even if I was a mistake, they sent me there so I could get better. I know it might sound wrong, but dad used to say you need a few wrong to make things right. Sometimes when I talked about my visions he hit me so hard that I fainted, but it work I didn't get visions for a few days after that.
"Alice, it doesn't just sound wrong. It is wrong" said Edward "No one should have to face what you faced"
"Don't talk about them" I said getting up.
I started walking to the door.
"Alice, please see it, see that they were wrong, you are a good person, you deserve better"
How could she say that?
"You don't have the slightest idea of what I did. I deserve way worst than what happened to me; I deserve hell for what I am for what I did. So don't stand there judging people you don't know"
I felt the tears burning my eyes. I was walking to the door. When I felt strong pair of arms around me. I fought as hard as I could for her to let me go she didn't even flinch. She held me until I felt the tears escaping my eyes.
I hate crying in public.
I heard Edward whisper something quickly. Then Bella lifted me and guided me to the first floor. I didn't even fight it I don't think I could fight anything at this point.
She laid me down in bed and kept my head buried in her chest. A part of me wanted to stay there forever.
"Hey, it's all going to be okay" she said
"Alice whatever you think you did to deserve hell, you are wrong" she said again.
She didn't know a damn thing about what I did or what I didn't it's time to stop this masquerade.
I pulled away just enough to meet her eyes. Beautiful golden eyes on which I am going to see kindness for the last time.
"I killed my parents"...
I know weird place to stop!
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