Chapter 3: Plan #217.70: Set Squirrels Loose
(A/N: Um…please don't kill me? I wrote another chapter! Yay.)
It's quiet…too quiet…except for that loud annoying ranting that's coming from down the hall of course. That'd be Moldy Voldy again, and it's starting to irritate me…probably others too. This can only be one of three choices:
1.Voldy finally got a girlfriend
2. He finally killed that Harry kid.
3. …it's time for another retarded meeting
Well seeing as how he will NEVER get a girl with that ugly snake face, and seeing as how Harry keeps thwarting all this idiots plans, I'd have to go with option C…oh dear Lord, not again…
Sure enough…
"All Death Eaters to the meeting room! Be there in 5 minutes or face serious consequences…"
"…Yep time for another evil plan." I pulled out the list from my pocket and consulted it, then grinning put it back into my pocket, "Oh this'll be good….but I'll need some help…" I ran off to the meeting, because I really do fear the consequences…I suck at magic after all.
"Meeting 474 is now in session!" Voldemort slammed down a gavel onto the table.
Since when did he get a gavel?
At least the 'normal' meetings have caught up to the 'emergency' ones…more proof that I need to go through with this evil little scheme.
"Blah, blah, blah, Order, blah, blah, outsmart, blah, blah," Bellatrix droned on and on with her (pointless) story. Hm…I never realized how many ways you can blow a strand of hair out of your face, and guess what? It almost NEVER lands in the same spot!
"Are you listening, Staci? This is VERY important if you're ever going to defeat the Order!" Bellatrix scolded me. Some others in the room glared at me, but most had glazed eyes that rivaled a donut….oh lord…I'm SO hungry!
Anyway, what am I going to do to stop the Order? I do paperwork and cleaning, because none of these –beeeeeeepppps- can do anything. I suppose I could throw a massive stack of paper at the 'enemy'. It might just give them the worst paper cut of their lives! –Evil sarcastic laugh- Yeah right, that'll show 'em all.
"Yes, ma'am," I mumbled. That package I requested better get here soon. I might be dead by the time this is over.
So after another excruciatingly long and irritating meeting, I ran out of the room. I think the other members are starting to think I'm completely insane and indifferent to their cause…which, of course, I am, but that's not the point."
And I mean, come ON! Is anyone ACTUALLY interested in what's being said in those retarded wastes of time?
Whatever, there's a package on my bed with holes poked in the top and all the evil and threatening things I was planning for everyone in this organization are gone…well, except for the semi-evil thing I'm about to do.
Because inside this box are three squirrels, and they're about to help me have a laugh. Because everyone knows that squirrels are also semi-evil, annoying, and always chipper.
And nobody can ever seem to catch the little buggers.
First stop (at midnight of course; I'm not stupid) is the high and mighty, Lord Volde-whatsit. Giggling evilly I planted one of the annoying little creatures, just inside his door, and ran off (again, NOT stupid).
Of course, EVERYONE in headquarters was woken up by loud screams, as a 6 inch creature tore up the room.
Which reminds me, I wonder how that other squirrel is doing…I threw it into Bellatrix's room, just to get back at her for freaking me out, and just being an ass to me.
"AHHHHH!!!!!"
Perfect…
Still smiling I fell asleep as the two head honchos' screamed bloody murder
For cripessake they're just little rodents!!!
"Emergency meeting, 568 is in session!" Voldemort shouted at the room of groggy Death Eaters.
One flaw in my evil plans…the lack of sleep…
Wait a minute…how did we get up to emergency meeting 568? Whatever…I'm too tired to care at the moment…
But not too tired to hang onto squirrel number 3.
"Whoever thinks this is funny is WRONG!" Voldemort yelled
I think it's funny…and it seems he thinks that I think it's funny too because he stared straight at me, sneering. Good thing I'm too tired to care…or smile at the moment.
"Again…if I find out who's been doing these acts of treason…."
Oooo treason…I'm scared now
"…They will be severely punished." And with that he dismissed us
And I dismissed that squirrel on the way out.
I can still hear the angry yells from here. And he'll never know because of the rush to get out of the room.
This job sucks but at least there's SOME entertainment.
