Chapter 3, yay. I actually didn't think I would get this far so yay for me getting this far. Thank you everyone who has left reviews so far, glad everyone is liking it so far! I have a few ideas so will hopefully have a few more chapters yet. Just a bit of Merle / Beth time, we will be heading back to the prison soon. Hope you like this one.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
I sat there lazily for a minute, I had never done that to myself before today. the women back at the prison was right. it is empowering!
'Beth, open this door now or I will kick it down!' Merle growled interrupting me from my high. I would like to believe he wouldn't kick the door down, it being the only thing keeping us safe in here but by his voice I wouldn't question it.
I quickly cleaned myself up then let him in.
Merle stormed through the door as soon as I open it, slamming it close again, locking it and throwing his bag on the floor before laying into me, screaming and shouting.
'What was tha? Some way to get back at me again? Always usin Rick? And this time ma own brother? I don't have time for this, ya want every guy at tha prison we go back now, forget this. I don't need it, don't need the hassle.' He screamed while walking off into the bedroom, me following swiftly behind him. 'We can go back, you can have who eva tha fuck ya want, no need for you to be stickin around ere with a low life like me is there sweetheart! Not when ya can have every fucker at the prison' he picked my bag up from its place on the floor and threw it onto the bed.
'What? No I don't! I don't want anyone else, you know this. I want you!' I screamed, He completely ignored me starting to put my things in my bag. 'Merle Dixon you stop that right this second! Do I, we, really mean that little to you? Your throwing us away?' he keeps on shoving things in my bag, did he even want this? Did he ever want this, this wasn't about me doing the wrong thing, it was about him not wanting me around anymore. 'Oh I get it, fun is over! I was a new piece of ass, now you are done with it and want something new as long as you get to stay at the prison! This would come out to be my fault, I would of messed up! You don't give a fuck do ya, no because all you think about is yourself! Well fine. Go ahead, go back to the prison tell them what you want, go and sleep your way through the women but don't expect me to be coming back with you. You're a fuckin arsehole!' I scream between tears before storming off into the bathroom. Locking the door before siding down it ending up sitting with my back to the door then letting all my tears escape. I couldn't cope he had been using me and he didn't even have the heart to admit it, I hated him I really do. I knew it was too good to be true, he knew me just as good, no, he knew me better than I knew him right from the start. He knew which buttons he had to press to make me angry, he knew how he would break up with me from day one.
*flashback*
'I want to help, I want to be able to protect myself! Carl is basically a kid and carries a gun, why can't I?' I was getting angry, it had started of as a civil conversation but had turned into a fight with Daddy and Maggie about going on watch, I wanted to help contribute more to the prison, more than just baby sitting Judith all day. Daddy and Maggie both agreed I was too young and I couldn't handle myself if something was to happen. 'You can't tell me I am too young! Is it because I am a girl? What is it?'
'You can't handle yourself' Daddy replied. 'You have people to protect you, I don't want you worrying about protecting yourself when you have others'
'I am going to worry more if I can't fight and protect myself, what if the prison gets over run daddy, what then? I am going to be the first to go and you know it! Just let me learn just a bit, just enough that if it ever does happen I will be able to survive!'
'Daddy said no and that is the end of it' Maggie replied putting her hand on Daddy shoulder. I had enough, I am not a child they can't control me, can't they see that one day I may need to protect myself?
'I am not a child, I know I need to be prepared to protect myself, how can you both be so selfish?' I spat out before storming out of the cell block. I paced around the yard kicking and punching random objects I came into contact with.
'What did those rocks ever do to you darlin?' Merles voice bellowed behind me. I turned and stopped as I realised he was jogging over to me. It wasn't unusual we had been getting close lately, I liked being close to him, he didn't treat me like a kid like everyone else did, to him, for the most part we where equals.
'Whas happened sweetheart?' He asked when he reached me, putting his arm around me leading me to his truck which was parked up within the inner gates of the prison facing the fences.
'Just daddy and Maggie you know? They are always treating me like a kid, I am not a child, I am 20 years old for god sake' I let out a exaggerated gasp before jumping in to Merles truck. 'I just want to contribute more than just looking after Judith, and if something was to happen to this place I want to be able to protect myself. It feels like they are cutting off my wings you know? Like because I am a girl I need to be wrapped in cotton wool, not able to survive on my own but I want to, I need to if anything happens I am not going to be another dead girl' I look up at Merle who I now realise I am holding his hand. He looks in to my eyes, it is obvious he doesn't know the feeling, of course not, everything I want was pushed on to him growing up, but he is trying to understand.
'If ya want to learn to fight. To protect yourself, I will teach ya. Ya not gonna be another dead girl, ya got that?' I stared into his eyes, this man was not who everyone back at the prison thought he was, he was a good man and I got to see that gazing, falling into his eyes as he stood up for me in his own way, I knew I felt something for him.
'Thank you' I exclaimed throwing my arms around his neck, then without warning kissing him. Neither of moved, both slightly confused at what was happening, I then started moving, Merle following behind. Like a spark of electricity had gone through both of us, our hands started roaming from our backs to our necks to our face, lips exploring each other. That was our first, but by no mark only 'time out' in his truck before the prison found out, they also surprisingly never found out about the fighting lessons.
*end of flashback*
'Darlin ya really think that much of me? Ya think I would use you?' he shouted from the bedroom interrupting me from my thoughts. I was quiet, not saying a word the only noise being my muffled tears. 'Ya really think I have used ya, that I really want to let ya go' Just more silence. 'For once stop acting like a spoilt child!' He shouted a few minuets later. 'Ya not just a piece of ass, I love ya, I don't wan' anyone else! Ya mine, my one and my only! Mine...' He shouted back through the door trailing off towards the end sounding defeated, it was scary he was vulnerable, something I had never seen before which made me scared, I felt like I had broken him. Hearing him fall onto the bed I rushed out to see him sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. He meant it he really did, didn't he? I had push him a step too far this time and he had cracked.
'Merle, please I love you, I want to be yours, I am yours, you got to believe me' I said through tears while kneeling on the floor in front of him, trying to get him to look at me. 'I was mad that is what it was, I was mad that you thought I couldn't handle myself, that you thought I would ever cheat on you! I would never, I love you! I just can't be expected to sit in a cell all day or have an escort and I'm sick of you treating me like a child, I already get enough of it from everyone else at the prison, Maggie, daddy, the people from Woodbury, you know that, and I am sorry for what I did. Ya see we could be here with anyone else right now, but we are not because you thought we was worth your love. Because somewhere among the madness you though we was worth it. And I do to! I would do anything for you, please don't leave me, I don't want them. I want you. I don't want any of them, especially not Rick or your brother or anyone else but you' I paused, I knew why I was begging him to stay, I loved him, but I couldn't let him off that easy, it is never going to work if we keep coming back to this point with the same issue. 'But I can't have you trying to control and treat me like I am still a child, not when everyone else does, you know that right? I don't want to lose you, I honestly don't know what I would do if I did, but we do this as equals or not at all. Please know they will never be anyone else, you are my one and my only' I left it there not knowing if I had made things better or worse. When he didn't reply I stood to get my bag knowing the chances are that was it, I had broke up with the love of my life.
'What tha hell do ya think ya doin?' Merle asked grabbing my arm as I started to move away.
'Getting my bag, you obviously don't want me anymore' I spun around.
'And wha makes ya think tha?'
'you haven't said any different have you? I have just tried apologising and you couldn't even look at me let alone answer me'
'So from me being quiet you got that I wanna leave ya? Holy shit darlin I'm never not gonna answer ya sweetheart, you'll neva talk to me again' he chucked, I was not finding it amusing. He dragged me down on to his lap so I was straddling him. 'We are doin this and we are doin this together, I love ya. But start talkin to me sweetheart! I can't have this every time something is up. I can't do anything unless I know, ya know I am workin on becomin a better man for ya'
'You are a good man, your my perfect man' I interrupt linking my arms around his neck just overjoyed with the fact I still get to call him mine.
'Darlin, we both know I'm not, but I'm working on it, but I need you to help work on it to. You are the best thing to happen to me, apart from ma brother and I'm not going to let the likes of Officer Friendly take tha away from me.'
'He won't' I whisper looking straight at his eyes. 'No one will, I will work on it too, we will figure it out, you know that right? we belong together and that means it will work out for the best! And no one can change that'
'Apart from officer friendly who would keep you safe and sprinkle ya with love and ta world with fuckin pixie dust!'
'You really have something against him don't you? Why won't you understand that I am yours, not Ricks not anyone's else's, yours! I want you, I want to be yours, I don't know what would make you believe that? Should I get a tattoo 'Merle Dixons property'?'
'Tha sounds good, get ya a little collar...'
'Merle, I'm not a dog!'
'I know sweetheart but just ta picture of ya with a collar and nothing else...'
'No collar'
'Ya will change you mind about tha one day sugartits.' He stated licking his lips. 'Nobody back at tha prison could pull it off ya know'
'Still not happening ' I pouted
'It was worth a shot. For now can we just concentrate on our alone time? Ol' Merle needs a bit of attention'
'Oh really? And what kinda attention does he want?' I ask in the most flirtatious voice I can looking up at him through my eyelashes.
'Well I was thinkin of holding ya for while?' He replied seriously.
'A-are you really being serious? You want to snuggle?' I stuttered, I was normally the one to ask to snuggle which always got rejected.
'No, I wanna hold ya'
'Oh ok then. Have you got a cold? The flu?'
'No why?'
'You have just asked to snuggle!' I giggled I enjoyed this way too much.
'We have already decided I am holdin ya, we are not calling it snuggling. I can take ya on that chair ya like soo much till ya pass out if ya would prefer?' He started to get defensive
'No that is fine, we will leave that till later' I reply pushing him back onto the bed and snuggling up into his side.
Hope you like it, please let me know if there is anything I could be doing better. TTFN! (Ta Ta For Now)
