A/N: I'm and so incredibly sorry for the delay. I had no internet access over spring break and am just now back at school. Enjoy the upload and expect more soon!


When I woke in the morning my mind was assaulted with feelings I had no name for. When I stood and dressed I was shaking with uncontrollable dread and when I ran I could not stop. Whether it was fear of my new mate or of myself I didn't know yet. My rut was over and the impact of what I had done finally set in.

I had mated with a wolf. A creature of my worst nightmares which could only want to hurt me and now I was forever bonded to him. I sprinted, not caring where I ended up and praying desperately that I could outrun my emotions. Everything I felt about him was a lie; I knew it couldn't be true. A lone wolf who lived far too much as a human and loved a deer? No, all my instinct told me he didn't really want me, at least not the way I had wanted him the night before. I was sick; something was wrong with me for lusting after my predator. How had I found his strength so attractive, his body so comforting? I had entrusted my soul to him in a fit of rut and now there was no escape save running.

I knew that I could not distance myself from the stain of my sin, no matter how many briers I let tear at my skin but I was still miles away before I stopped, too exhausted to go on. I doubled over in the pain of loosing my mate because no matter how much I wanted to deny it we were a pair forever and I would never have another.

I regretted leaving the minute I stepped outside but I had made myself truly vulnerable to him. Though he had the same unnatural desires as me he had been in full control while I had spiraled emotionally, crashing into love. He would only want me for so long before growing hungry. As I knelt in the snow I began to wonder if that would be any worse than living without him. Both my choices were bleak: spend only a short time happy with my mate or a lifetime miserable without him.

I wanted to return to my old life. Everything seemed much simpler then and I hardly spent any time as human. I had been content to live as most halflings did and die in my animal form. I wished that going back could undo my choices or distance my mind from the grief.

It wasn't until that night that I heard his howls, shattered haunting calls that echoed across the forest. They twisted at my soul and no amount of covering my ears could block it. His was the cry of a man broken and the land fell silent in response. He was sobbing to me, begging me to return but I knew better. Deep in my chest I knew his love wasn't real and I must not go back.

I found my herd the next day but covered in wolf scent, they were weary to accept me. It took several days before they stopped avoiding me altogether but even then I was an outcast. Every few nights I would hear his howling carried by the wind and my chest would clench. I could only huddle in my thicket, cold and crying, desperately aching for the warm arms of my mate.

It was well into winter when I realized that the unthinkable had happened. I hadn't even considered it when I had chosen him but the rounding of my belly didn't lie.

I was carrying a wolf's child.

I couldn't comprehend how it could have happened. I sobbed for days, already attached to my fawn but terrified of the possibilities. Treacherous thoughts whispered that it could already be dead. I forced myself to forage for food to keep us alive but it soon became clear that my fellow deer knew something was wrong with me. I was chased away, even attacked. I shed both my antlers early in fights before finally giving up and avoiding the others.

I began to spend each night as a human, huddled in the warmest places I could find, so that I could wrap my arms protectively around my child. I had wanted to fawn so badly before but now I was alone and unsure. There was no mate to comfort me and none of my herd would accept the child no matter the outcome. It was already clear they could sense it did not belong.

As a halfling I had hoped I could carry on alone but one evening it began to snow as I had never seen. Where there had been little snow before now there was a thick blanket and no food to be found. I was increasingly in danger of freezing, growing sluggish and thin. Still I would hear my wolf's cries and I shakily resigned myself to the fact that he might be my child's only chance. My pregnancy had made my choice and I could only hope it was for the better. Despite my reservations I couldn't help but fantasize about being in his arms, his soft kisses, even his serious face. I didn't know if that was what awaited me but the hope kept me walking even as the snow continued to rise.

It took two full days of travel to make it to his hill, smoke lazily drifting out of the top. I didn't let myself reconsider, steeling myself for what was to come whether it be good or bad. At least if his pleas were a trap it would be a quick death for my child and I rather than slowly freezing.