Disclaimer: I do not own the Kamisama Hajimemashita/Kiss series or any of the amazing characters featured thus far. I've actually not been planning this chapter (which I think you can tell – it's not too well written ^^") so I just want to make sure I don't insult anyone.
A/N: Your sexuality is your business, I don't mind if you are gay, lesbian, straight or whatever, so let's not turn this into an insult, OK? It's just a jokey-chapter :3
Chapter 3: Batting for the Other Team
Tomoe glared frostily as sake dripped from his usually silver fringe, staining it a deep gold.
He was weeding the garden and he suddenly felt cramped, so after kicking his leg out and accidentally hitting Mizuki who was drinking said sake, Mizuki decided to pour it all over Tomoe.
'You've done it this time, you damn snake,' he hissed, 'I have to be at school in ten minutes! I've not even changed; I don't have time to play with you.'
Mizuki giggled.
'So why are you weeding when you need to be at school?'
'Just because I have to protect Nanami, it doesn't make me unable to do my chores as a familiar. You should do the same, snake.'
After aiming another kick at Mizuki (Ouch! You're so mean, Tomoe!), he quickly dried himself off and changed into the uniform belonging to Nanami's school.
'Tomoe, are you almost ready yet?'
'Yeah,' Tomoe pulled aside his screen door to reveal Nanami smiling up at him.
'Let's go then. Seeya, Mizuki!' Nanami called.
'Nanami, can't I come too?' Mizuki moaned, staggering through the door glumly.
After pursing her lips, Nanami nodded. 'We don't have time for you to get ready today, but you can come tomorrow, right?' she smiled and reached for Tomoe's hand as they headed for the bus stop.
'Tomoe, why aren't you talking?'
'…'
'Are you mad I'm letting Mizuki come tomorrow?'
'…'
'You can still come!'
'…'
Nanami pouted. This wasn't going as well as she'd hoped.
'Yo, fox.'
'Go away, crow,' Tomoe sighed.
Kurama paused, inhaling slowly. 'You smell like sake, Tomoe. Don't tell me…' he grinned cruelly.
'What?'
'You and that snake. What's your relationship like?'
'Very close. We live together.'
Kurama laughed, girls all over the room came flocking.
'What's so funny Kurama-sama?'
'Kurama let me hear the joke!'
'T-Tomoe,' Kurama stuttered with giggles, 'has a very close relationship with a man!'
The whole classroom went silent.
'Yeah…' said Tomoe, 'so what?'
Girls screeched everywhere.
'Tomoe-san's… gay?'
The fox tilted his head to the side. He couldn't pretend he was familiar with the street slang teenagers used these days, but after probing his memories, he realised that gay meant happy, right?
Tomoe nodded, not wanting the whole class to know his problems. 'Yeah, I'm gay!' he smiled widely, hoping everyone would believe him.
He didn't expect the aftermath.
Nanami entered the classroom after excusing herself to go to the bathroom. There seemed to be an uproar and everyone appeared to be staring at Tomoe, who had plastered a wide grin on his face.
What the heck is going on?
'We're home, Mizuki!'
'Nanami-chan!' The snake familiar wrapped his arms around Nanami in a hug before bobbing his tongue out at Tomoe over her shoulder.
'How was your day?'
Tomoe glared as Nanami's ring tone sang. His ears twitched and he made out the words "po pi po". He shuddered. This must have been the Vocaloid that Nanami talked about so often.
'Hello?'
'Nanami?' a muffled voice came from down the receiver. 'Nanami, I'm coming to your shrine, right? I need to talk to the fox and the snake.'
Beep beep beep.
Mizuki smiled. 'Who was that, Nanami? One of your friends?'
Tomoe glared at his stupidity before realising Mizuki wouldn't have been able to hear what he did.
'Oh, it's just Kurama. He wants to speak to you apparently.'
'How did that crow get your number?' Tomoe hissed jealously.
'Hm? I gave it to him; he said he wanted to hear my voice more.'
Tomoe nodded. I'm going to punch him, he thought soberly.
'Why, Nanami-chan. You grow more beautiful each time I set my eyes on you…'
'I hate that guy.'
'Me too.'
Tomoe and Mizuki decided to watch from afar as Kurama "greeted" Nanami. Apparently, it gave them something to agree on.
After excusing himself, Kurama headed over to the pair who looked more than displeased.
'Yo, fox, snake.'
Mizuki sighed.
'Cut the crap, crow. What do you want?' Tomoe hissed.
'Hey, don't take your latent sexuality out on me, fox.'
Tomoe blinked. 'What?'
'You heard. Mizuki-san!'
The snake pursed his lips. 'What, tengu-san?'
'You and fox. You go out?'
'W-what?'
'Tomoe told me you date. I just wanted to make sure Nanami had reliable familiars. Same-sex parents – '
'Tomoe, what's the tengu going on about?'
'I think he's referring to when I told him we were close.'
'W-we're close?' Mizuki pretended to wipe his eyes with emotion. 'I am honoured, fox-san!'
'Shut up.'
Kurama laughed.
'Fighting like a married couple. How fitting.'
Tomoe attempted a kick at Kurama.
'Guys, I – ' Nanami paused. 'Tomoe, why is your foot in Kurama's face?'
'Hm? I needed a stretch and the crow carelessly walked before me.' He lowered his foot.
'I see,' Nanami shot him a glare that could only mean wait 'til we're alone, Tomoe.
'Well, I wanted to say that Kurama filled me in on the two of you, so – '
'We're not gay!' Tomoe blurted.
Nanami cast him the strangest look. 'What? Wait, no. I don't want to hear. Kurama said you were pretending to be in a relationship, and I just wanted to say…'
With a deep sigh, Nanami smiled.
'Can you continue it? No one's said a cruel word to me all day! And when I say "can you", I mean "I order you to pretend to be in a relationship with Mizuki until I say otherwise". Thanks, Tomoe!'
With a deep grimace, Tomoe took Mizuki's hand.
'Uh, I… love you?'
'I love you too, Tomoe!'
The female student body shuddered in distaste.
