Chapter 3: Speak Again
At first, Sephiroth told himself he wouldn't be home enough to notice the changes. They were going to be small anyway.
"Nice mirror," Zack had commented that evening, voice crisp and clear. "That whole floor-to-ceiling thing makes the room look huge. Not that it isn't already super huge. Also good distraction tactic for when Genesis comes by to steal all your shampoo."
Sephiroth still doubted that was actually what happened to his shampoo, but he was sure Zack would tell him in time. Sephiroth straightened the mirror delicately before glancing back at his boyfriend. Then he signed, "Do you like the angle?"
Zack looked at the mirror intently, tilting his head and squinting his eyes. "I can see straight to the door from here."
"Perfect." Sephiroth leaned over the couch, watching his boyfriend assess the new addition to the room. Now Zack could see someone enter the room without turning around, and there was a clear view to the card reader lock so he could see if someone trying to key in.
"Huh. That's a neat trick." A slow smile spread across his face as their eyes met. "I like it."
Sephiroth let Zack pull him down into the kiss.
He blamed the other mirrors on impulse buys. Zack didn't seem to mind watching him put them around the apartment.
Admittedly, It was a little odd to see them when Zack wasn't around. Seeing his reflection everywhere he went made Sephiroth felt like he was standing in the middle of a stage, eyes boring into him from every angle; it was unnerving. However, his reflection was a very useful signing partner. Sephiroth got over his hesitations easily.
"You know I can do more than just see my way around, Seph," Zack had laughed one day. Sephiroth was putting a hand mirror on the coffee table – it brought the total mirrors in the living room to ten.
"I know that," Sephiroth signed back, a little stiffly. Some of his plans were taking longer to concoct than the mirrors, this was true, but he had forgotten an important sense in all of his plans – a certain puppy's nose. As usual, Zack seemed to read him like a book and distracted him from the 'grumpies' by dragging him out to dinner.
Sephiroth had decided to fix the problem the next time Zack was out of town. The pots and pans seemed like the most logical place to start. Diluting a bit of his shampoo, Sephiroth dusted the bottom of each with a different scent. In concept it was a fantastic idea: a different scent would exude when heat was applied to the appliance, easily alerting Zack when water came to boil or a pan was heated. The silver general only managed to get through half of the cutlery before he realized that was one of the worst ideas he had ever had; he spent the day coughing and fighting a headache from the plethora of conflicting odors. As an added bonus, Sephiroth realized (as he turned air filter unit onto full blast, scrubbed the pots and pans with the odorless soap at least twice, and stuffed them all back into the cupboard) that cooking had plenty of other notifications Zack could pick up on easily – from the scent of cooking food and smoke, boiling water changing the humidity level in the apartment.
Zack had joined him when he was hiding from the odor under the covers. No words were said, but there was a knowing smile. Sephiroth was thankful when Zack just settled next to him and they watched videos of dogs and cats playing with each other on his phone. It hadn't been exactly the night he had planned – a home cooked meal with Zack asking about the new scents in the air – but Sephiroth enjoyed it. Even if he spent more time watching Zack smile than watching a dog do tricks for treats.
In short order Sephiroth produced his next solution. A small band that could be hidden under a bracer that vibrated in accordance with input. Sephiroth had coordinated with Reeve Tuesti to create it. Perhaps involving him had been a mistake, but Sephiroth refused on principle to deal with a Turk or Scarlet. He had tested the band out extensively for use in his apartment and even its durability in battle. Reeve had babbled about it every time they met (particularly at the semi-monthly board meeting), earning him odd looks from Angeal and Genesis. The director had provided plenty of reasons for why Sephiroth might need the band – from taking a shower and leaving the oven on, to putting his phone on mute – and the silver general hadn't even needed to say a word (though he had plenty of comebacks prepared should his friends try to investigate too quickly).
When it was completed and the sensors were installed, Sephiroth decided to present it to Zack in it's recharding box.
"Did you leave the oven on?" Zack glanced to the kitchen. Sephiroth could see his nostrils flare as he took a sniff of the air suspiciously. He got distracted when Sephiroth passed the box over. "Oh, uh, hey, what's this?"
Sephiroth felt a well of excitement in his chest when Zack pulled the band out and gave him a pitifully confused look.
"Put it on," Sephiroth signed.
"O-okay," Zack hesitantly snapped it to his wrist, the movement only awkward because Zack wasn't sure if that was where it went. "Is this where I– woah." Zack grew wide eyed. "It just wiggled, Seph!"
"The the oven reached temperature," Sephiroth spoke while signing. He couldn't keep the smile from curling his lips when realization slowly dawned on Zack.
"Seph, what is this?"
"It's a smart band to help you in daily activities," Sephiroth signed the practiced sentence smoothly. "It's connected to everything in the apartment, up to a 100 feet radius from it. It is also connected to your phone to alert you of phone calls and alarms. You can even sync it with a computer that will toggle the lights along with the vibrations if -"
"Seph," Zack grabbed both of Sephiroth hands to stop them for a moment. More than once Sephiroth had continued a well-practiced signed speech regardless if his boyfriend had questions. Zack had learned to just stop him before he could keep going.
Sephiroth stilled and waited for Zack to respond.
"This... are you sure? It's your apartment."
"I already gave you keycard access. You spend at least half your nights on-base here." Sephiroth signed with a shrug. He wasn't entirely sure what the problem was. "It was easier to set up here. Especially given your recommendation to First, it would be an inconvenience to have the sensors re-installed after you move."
"It's not like I would move that soon -" Zack shook his head. "That's not important. Seph, just...are you sure?"
Sephiroth frowned as he tried to understand why Zack was having so much trouble accepting the small device. It really hadn't been that much trouble to set up the sensors in the apartment – even with that nosy Reeve's help (he had spent a good amount of time commenting on the quality of mirror frames around the apartment) – or to test the band's functionality. "Of course I'm sure."
It almost looked as if Zack was trying to say something, but he neither opened his mouth or lifted his hands. He was just staring, as if the weight of his gaze could pierce understanding into Sephiroth's skull like a blade point. It was an expression that was somehow deep and meaningful, Sephiroth had learned this look over the course of their signing practice sessions together, a mixture of hopefulness and sobriety that he couldn't quite understand.
"Thank you," Zack signed the words and Sephiroth knew he meant them. But, somehow Zack's smile was strained.
He must have caught Sephiroth's frown because he leaned up for a kiss and simply said, "I mean it."
After Sephiroth's fateful first spar with Zack, Angeal was receptive to setting up a training schedule that included him in the teaching rotation. Angeal had given him a strange look during that conversation, it was like he was searching for something in every word. Sephiroth had done his best to remember that Angeal knew nothing about Zack's disability, and reassured his friend that he wanted to keep his boyfriend safe. Angeal would sometimes look over at them as if suspicious of why exactly he was spending time training his boyfriend, but Sephiroth concluded that Angeal's suspicion was merely about the silver general's newfound desire to instruct Zack than anything else.
Sephiroth began the training with new equipment. Reflective polishes for Zack's sword and armor as well as some higher quality bracers that came with a nicer finish. There were a few other things for the mission pack – mostly consisting of small mirrors to set up strategically when setting down camp.
Sephiroth had set aside time in their earlier processes to practice using his new equipment. Simple things like temporarily blinding an opponent by reflecting the light into their eyes, or angling his guard to check for opponents behind him. It was only mildly harder to introduce the new sword positions into Zack's repertoire – but Zack was a fast learner. Perhaps as good a student as he was a teacher.
Olfactory identification was also important for Zack. Sephiroth had noticed more than once that Zack navigated by following his nose more often than his eyes, so he helped to mold some of Zack's intuitive understanding into something more solid: such as how to properly discern scents in combat, how to track, and how to estimate the distance of an enemy upwind. They weren't standard courses, as most SOLDIER didn't rely on their sense of smell as much as Zack; it wasn't until First class enhancements that SOLDIER typically started relying on it.
But what Sephiroth was truly focused on was materia training.
It wasn't to say that Zack wasn't gifted with materia. His magic was strong and he could call summons without conscious effort or a drain to his MP. But the efficiency of his mana use was always in question; Zack tended to drain his MP very quickly when he realized an enemy had a certain weakness to magic. That is to say, Zack's going power in battle was always in question when his MP stores were always running on empty. So, Sephiroth had given him a materia usage boot camp, Angeal had stood guard with him. It had been necessary.
After a few weeks, Zack's MP stores and efficiency had become adequate, Sephiroth started teaching him the sonar techniques. By the time Zack had a basic grasp of the abilities, Sephiroth transitioned their training from the VR room and to the outdoor training area.
"I can smell everything," Zack breathed in awe.
It shouldn't have been surprising that the strongest sense Zack would end up using was his nose. Of course it should have been logical, but Sephiroth was still wrongly amused by it. "Remember to sharpen the Sense spell. When the world is in clearer focus you can start assigning statuses and information to objects."
"Woah," Zack wheeled around on his heel and looked around him, trying to get a grasp on the spell.
Sephiroth walked around to face him again, waiting until Zack's eyes were back on him. "Your Quake is still too large. The intensity needs to be small enough so that I can't feel it."
Zack nodded and refocused his efforts. Sephiroth knew that simultaneously casting two spells from materia was a strain, especially when they were this complex. But he continued to watch and correct.
One day, Zack came to training not wth the materia Sephiroth had given him, but instead a materia fusion of the the Earth and Scan. Sephiroth hadn't even known ShinRa was still producing new materia. But the fused materia, which Zack proudly called the Sonar, had stripped away all the unnecessary attributes from the other materia and combined all necessities into a single spell. Casting speed, cost, and strain was reduced and the spell had been sharpened to an intense clarity. Sephiroth was impressed.
He was so impressed he visited the two brothers who fused it in the materia room of the SOLDIER Floor. It was a room Sephiroth rarely visited, but he decided on coming back. On his first visit he only stayed long enough to ensure that the brother who fainted upon seeing the silver general didn't get brain damage, while making arrangements for additional Sonar materia.
Sephiroth procured a slim ankle bangle and suggested very strongly that Zack always keep the Sonar on him. Zack got that strange look on his face again – the same look when he had been presented with the band – but when asked about it he simply shook his head and kissed out a 'thank you.'
Zack adapted to the low-level spell quickly. He was faster and more responsive in battle than he had ever been before – the ferocity of his attacks nearly took Sephiroth by surprise. Their spars started to fill him with a strange warmth. It wasn't quite pride, but it reminded Sephiroth of happiness; of course it could have only been pride seeing Zack succeed so quickly.
Everyone started to notice the force that was Zack Fair. But Angeal was the only one who furrowed his brow and asked Sephiroth how he did it. Sephiroth had merely shrugged and claimed trade secrets.
Zack was promoted to First Class. Sephiroth couldn't remember seeing him happier – he was practically climbing the walls in excitement, barely able to sit still long enough to even share a kiss. In fact he broke so many mirrors with a wild gesture that it was almost funny now. They had spent a rare night out and wrapped in each other's arms.
By the time morning rolled around, Sephiroth was certain Zack's smile would have stopped war and brought peace to the world – if he stopped squatting long enough for anyone to appreciate it. He was out the door at a run – early, even – for his first day.
Sephiroth felt his heart warmed and he couldn't help but sigh happily.
That night Sephiroth was cleaning the apartment. Zack had already made plans to spend the evening celebrating with Angeal, and spend one last night in his old room before the big move. Sephiroth had finished cleaning up the glass shards, and removing the large mirror in the living room when he heard Zack's keycard swipe in.
Zack wasn't supposed to be back.
Sephiroth turned to greet him, but stopped short when he saw the expression on his face. It wasn't quite a look of horror, perhaps shock would have been better; Sephiroth didn't know what to do when Zack awkwardly stepped towards him, but open arms and catch his boyfriend when he crumpled.
The apartment was quiet, so unlike it had been this morning in the whirlwind of Zack's exuberance. Zack's breathing was ragged as his fingers dug into Sephiroth's back. The press of Zack's forehead into his collarbone was hard, desperate in a way that was out of their routine. Sephiroth had only felt it once before. The day that Sephiroth had told him he knew.
Sephiroth wanted to ask. He needed to know what had happened. Had someone simply found out Zack's secret? If something worse had happened and Sephiroth would receive notice. Alarms weren't blaring so he probably wouldn't get called away to deal with an emergency any time soon.
Zack moved away, pulling Sephiroth by the hips until they were settled on the couch.
Sephiroth didn't like the way that Zack was looking down, as if he was steeling himself for an impossible strategy, but the silver general said nothing.
Zack raised his gaze and signed, "Angeal knows."
A myriad of questions rose in Sephiroth's mind. 'How' was the first and foremost, followed simply by 'how long,' and ending with 'why now?' If Angeal had known, why did he wait until today to say anything, to ensure that Zack made First and the company couldn't get rid of him? And if Angeal had yet to know, what had given Zack away today? Asking those questions didn't seem right, not right now – Sephiroth could corner Angeal and ask him himself – instead he signed a phrase that Zack usually asked him, "Are you alright?"
Zack reached out a hand and wound his fingers between Sephiroths, thighs touching as they stared into each other's eyes. Sephiroth had sworn to himself that he would never let Zack look like this again, would never let him be this vulnerable, this in pain. When Zack squeezed, Sephiroth squeezed back.
"It was my fault." Zack signed with his free hand. "He didn't know. And I just... it was so stupid. I was stupid." The two-fingered 'y' bounced against his boyfriend's head with loud thumps.
Sephiroth just squeezed Zack's hand – Zack squeezed back desperately.
"It was. I just forgot for a second." Zack grimaced. "I was... signing and Angeal called me on it. And I – I babbled. I didn't, and he... he had no idea." Zack looked so in pain as he signed. "He was so angry."
Sephiroth brushed an errant bang from Zack's forehead, resting his hand along Zack's cheek. It would normally be curled into a dimpled smile when he did this. Sephiroth wanted to protect him from anything that could hurt him. Even Angeal.
Zack frowned and shook his head, before pinching Sephiroth's nose. He hardly needed the call to refocus, and he easily set-aside half-formed interrogation strategies. "Stop thinking like that. Yeah, this... it really sucks. But I don't need you to do whatever you're thinking."
"But, Zack - "
"No. I knew he would find out sooner or later. I just... didn't think that would have been how."
Sephiroth tried to think of something actionable he could produce, something he could do to make Zack feel better. But, the more he stared at Zack, the more he thought that, perhaps, that Zack didn't need something to act on. He just needed... what was that phrase? Ah, yes, a shoulder to cry on.
"I'm here for you," Sephiroth signed. "Always."
Zack's smile wasn't large, nor was it laughing, but it was still a smile.
Zack had wanted to talk to Angeal alone after that, despite Sephiroth's insistence otherwise. So he was left pacing his office and worrying over the outcome of the encounter. Also wondering how much nonlethal damage the origami katana could inflict. It seemed less dangerous than the pens and books, and it was already sword-shaped.
But apparently everything worked out just fine, more than fine. Angeal had been more shocked than anything. And a shocked Angeal meant an Angeal that was bad at keeping secrets.
"I just can't believe I didn't... I've been training you for years."
"What Angeal means to say is that he thought you were terribly stupid. We all did, dear."
"Thanks, Gen." Zack wasn't exactly pouting, his pouts were more playful than the expression he was wearing. Sephiroth didn't doubt that everyone in the program wouldn't know within the day.
Sephiroth had wanted to berate Angeal for talking with anyone before he and Zack had managed to track him down. But he knew that the open secret that was his and Zack's relationship would get thrown back in his face. So he simply stood there by Zack's side.
"I'm more surprised Sephiroth managed to keep it secret. You, my friend, are horrible at it."
"Hn," Sephiroth didn't bother to respond with wit. Zack's back was pressed against him, he couldn't see anything he said anyway.
"You know," Zack said slowly, "It's kind of nice that everyone knows now. Like, this was the best time for it to happen. Not like you're going to get rid of me anytime soon now that I'm a First, right?"
"Well, I'm not learning sign language for you. I'm not from Gongaga."
"Banora's just as backwater. And it doesn't even have a mako reactor!"
"I never! It has me!" Genesis fluffed his hair. "Banora is practically a metropolis in comparison!"
Sephiroth relaxed as he felt Zack laugh against him. He was glad he hadn't attacked Angeal with the paper sword – it was probably be poisoned anyway. He smiled into his boyfriend's hair.
"It all makes sense now," Genesis said. The red general had planted himself into one of the chairs in Sephiroth's office, staring intently across the desk.
Sephiroth was trying to ignore him in favor of getting through a backlog of mission reports and preparing for his meeting with Lazard. They were going to discuss the future of SOLDIER to include persons with disabilities like Zack's.
"You've changed. Well, I thought you changed months ago, but I was certain that was just a phase. Now I know for certain. You've changed."
Sephiroth was torn between curiosity and throwing Genesis out. Going through backlog had been straining his eyes, so he let curiosity win. "How so?"
Genesis scoffed. "Do you really need a list? Well, then. Let's start with your face."
Sephiroth instantly regretted asking. "Genesis - "
"Seriously, though, Seph. You just have this stupid little smile – it doesn't even make people piss their pants anymore. It's almost like you enjoy board meetings nowadays."
Frowning, Sephiroth leveled a glare at his friend. "I don't smile that often. I only smile when I'm happy."
"That's just it. You are happy."
"I'm no-" Sephiroth stopped himself. Because he realized that Genesis was right. He was happy. Happier than he could ever remember being, it was almost like he was floating above all the problems that used to embroil him. He didn't feel a murderous rage whenever he encountered the president anymore (not that he still didn't think of a variety of new ways to kill the man every time they met), and the Turks were more tolerable than he could remember (after a tearful reunion they had learned Balto had been the whole reason Zack even passed his exams), and taking a mission was practically like a well-deserved vacation instead of a drug he craved day in and day out. "Huh."
"And I know why." Genesis said with a flourish.
"... you do?" That was highly doubtful.
"Ah, ah, ah. My friend, you are in love."
"Love?" Sephiroth was relatively sure there wasn't a more disgusting word in the human language than love. It was a made up thing, just a chemical reaction that dictated a need for reproduction with a suitable attractive mate – it wasn't even possible for two men to feel such a sensation. It was poetic and overly dramatic, and best suited for the horrible romantic comedies Angeal liked to indulge in. It wasn't real.
"Don't give me that face," Genesis 'tsk'd. "Just look at the facts. Think of how much you've changed your life for Zack."
"Changed my life?" Sephiroth didn't care for the phrasing, but neither did he understand what Genesis was trying to tell him. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, the sign language for one."
Sephiroth sniffed. "I needed a new hobby, and I wasn't about to take up papercraft." He looked meaningfully at the tiny paper blade displayed on his desk.
Genesis looked disbelieving. "So that's why you practice every waking moment?"
"There's no reason to pursue something if you aren't going to do it well."
"Hmm, well. How about the mirrors? You seemed to have gained quite an interest in them a few months ago."
That wasn't... exactly changing his life for Zack. The mirrors were quite functional for practicing sign language. That they helped make Zack more comfortable was only a plus. "You said it yourself: I'm vain."
"But you don't carry around a compact mirror, in your pocket like Zack does, or stare at your reflection for hours on end... interesting, very interesting." Genesis drummed his fingers in the lull, one of his familiar tactics to keep Sephiroth's attention. "And what about the training?"
"What about my training?" This conversation was giving Sephiroth a headache.
"You've made quite a lot of time in your schedule to train Zack."
"Angeal is a busy man," Sephiroth said simply. And he wanted to make sure that Zack was as well prepared as any SOLDIER could be for the battlefield.
"Well, that is true," Genesis made a show of thinking. "But you're also quite busy, yourself. And color me surprised when I found out you were actually using that time to train your lovepup instead of fornicating in the nearest closet!"
"Genesis," Sephiroth sighed. "It only means that I want Zack to come back from the battlefield. Angeal is the same. It doesn't mean anything-"
"Or how about the fact that you managed to keep Zack's secret from Angeal and me for months! We figured out your attraction to Zack long before you worked up the nerve to ask him out on a date."
Sephiroth didn't really have a response for that one. He was horrible at keeping secrets from those two; he had given up trying for the most part.
"Ah, and one more thing. Every time anyone so much as says Zack's name you get this – yes, just like that. You get that dopey look on your face."
"I do not." Sephiroth hadn't even realized he was smiling. He had to work for a second to turn it into a glare.
"Face it. You're head over heels in love."
"Genesis. I think you're mistaken."
"Oh, Sephiroth," Genesis sighed. It wasn't wistful or dramatic, like he had been expecting, it was just a sigh. "You don't have to be so afraid of love. Love is just a word to describe a sensation. And it's obvious to anyone that - "
"It is simply intense attraction," Sephiroth said stiffly. "We are dating, it is only natural that I am attracted romantically and otherwise. And as for your list of my," he wiggled his fingers "umm" as he thought of an appropriate word, "new found hobbies: they just happen to meet his needs as well as my own."
Genesis stared at him. "Is that what you told the tinkerer when you asked him for that vibrating watch? Which, mind I remind you, will never make a good bedroom toy."
"Tuesti?" Sephiroth had almost forgotten about the band. Once Zack had accepted it, it was unobtrusive and barely noticeable. In fact Sephiroth tended to forget about it when they weren't together. "Ah, as for that little project. I... can get a little distracted - " doing squats with Zack, his mind unhelpfully supplied " - multi-taking between rooms. The vibration function is a helpful reminder."
"Oh, yes, so the great general Sephiroth pays so little attention that he forgets he's filling up the bathtub?"
"... yes."
"Mhmm, mhmm. Now," Genesis glanced at Sephiroth's ungloved hands. "I'm almost certain I saw that on Zack's wrist. Not yours. Strange. Almost like... it was made for his use."
"..." Sephiroth wasn't entirely sure what Genesis was trying to tell him, but knew he would have a headache for the rest of the day.
Meanwhile, the red general sat back in his chair and smirked.
"Was there something you actually needed, Genesis?"
"Oh, no. Just passing the time with witty banter. See you at the meeting."
Sephiroth frowned as Genesis closed the door, because there was absolutely no way that warm feeling in his chest could be love... could it?
Sephiroth pushed his paperwork aside turned to the computer and did a simple text search. What was love anyway?
As always, Sephiroth wasn't sure how the Silver Elite found out about his newfound hobbies. If he knew how they acquired their information, he might be able to figure out what sort of information they were spreading. Instead he was left to puzzle out the aftermath of their gossip.
"Open that one!" Zack only let Sephiroth open the gifts with letters attached. It had almost become an evening ritual to open them together.
Sephiroth obediently opened the gift box. It was a slender piece of plastic that reminded him of an earring. There was a fist-sized box next to it with an ominous button on top. He pressed it. The plastic sparkled with blinding light and Zack laughed when he all but destroyed it in his haste to turn it off.
"Okay," Zack cleared his throat, and began to read aloud. "Dear Sephiroth. You hid your spazziness so well. It's nice to know that you're just as human as the rest of us. Love, Johnny. P.S. Here's a light for your keys!"
"What does s-p-a-z-i even mean?" Sephiroth signed with a chuckle.
Zack had just shrugged, "I've been known to be called s-p-a-z-z-y once or twice." Sephiroth noted the silent correction as he put the device into the 're-gift' pile. It seemed like something Mr. Tuesti would enjoy.
"Then I'm honored to be called spazzy."
Zack had just given him a toothy smile.
The gifts and letters were multitudinous, and almost never-ending. But the regular drain on his time and energy didn't annoy him him so much anymore; it was actually almost nice.
Sephiroth had always felt like the Silver Elite was a nuisance that he was obligated to suffer through for his public image. He had always ignored the gifts, and every letter he read made him feel like he was being watched. But, at some point, the tone had shifted – wildly. Sephiroth wasn't sure if it was the submissions themselves, or Zack's presence at his side, but the same letters he would have burned now found a home on the fridge, clipped in place by the colorful magnets someone had given him as a gift. In fact, Zack even had him write responses to the letters and gifts he enjoyed. It was all oddly rewarding.
It almost seemed like people were less afraid of him now, more willing to speak to Sephiroth the person instead of tripping over themselves when they met the Silver General. Even the former scientist down in the SOLDIER fusion had stopped fainting at the sight of him. It was nice.
It felt like everything was easier with Zack at his side. Was that... love?
