Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N- Special thanks to my beta, LisaCA707. This story kept on begging me to be told. I'm not expecting it to do well because it's not a B/E story, but I'm posting it for who bought me almost a year ago for FGB.


Two years later...

I opened my binder with this week's board meeting and I found a drawing by Alice of my stick figure self, a stick figure of her, and a circle figure for Emmett under a rainbow. It made me smile, but I knew I shouldn't. I saw two smaller stick figures in the background and the word "PORTLAND" written over them in childish scrawl. She always did this when drawing a picture of her family. I'd have to say something to Alice about making fun of Emmett's size when I got home, but I had no idea how I was going to keep a straight face. Emmett wasn't the chubbiest kid in his kindergarten class, but he wasn't thin by any means.

The meeting room was filling up, so I put the picture into the back of the folder to hang in my office cubicle later.

I hadn't wanted this job. Not at all. My bosses told me that my performance was lacking. How couldn't it be lacking? I knew why—I hated this.

My first thought when I went through the want-ads section of the paper and scanned the job sites was to go into interior design. I had been majoring in it in college. You didn't need a degree to decorate, but you needed insurance and start-up money. I had only gotten through two years of college before dropping out to get married. So, I ended up at an advertising company where I was treated like cattle, despite the constant we CARE about our employees! mantra that went through the emails. They cared about the bottom line- and that was profit. Carlisle had assisted me with money when I was scraping by, trying to get jobs wherever I could. He didn't let my children starve or be out on the streets. He never cheated on me, either. For that, I had to respect him, despite it all. We had the angriest, most violent, dirtiest sex in the week before he moved out- every night. For that, I still blushed and reminded myself he didn't love me anymore. He wouldn't have left me if he did.

I felt that familiar pain in my chest that I got when I got reminiscent over him. I hadn't had sex with another person since Carlisle left me three years ago. It was like a hole that I just couldn't fill.

I had to wipe my brain of those thoughts to participate in the conference.

"All right, team," Tony said, entering the room. "Have a seat, we have a lot to go over."

I opened my binder and pulled out the reports right as two dozen cupcakes were wheeled in. Damnit. They encouraged us to be pigs around here, yet went on and on about how image was everything and how important it was to be in shape for our clients. I rolled my eyes almost imperceptibly.

A green St. Paddy's Day cupcake was set in front of me.

I sighed and thought about all the animal lard in the icing and pushed it away. I didn't want to get cancer from the crap-filled preservatives.


As I made chili for the kids and the baby-sitter from down the street, Alice and Emmett were arguing over what to watch: she wanted to watch Barbie and the Butterfly Fairyland and he wanted to watch Spy Kids.

The doorbell rang and Jessica Miller was waiting.

"Hi," I said, unlocking the screen door. "Come on in. I'm almost done with the chili and the kids are going to watch a movie."

"Hi, Mrs. Evanson," she said. She was a little on the chubby side, but cute. Alice and Emmett loved her. "Ali? Emmers?"

The kids came running towards us, almost knocking us down, screaming. They enveloped her in a hug. I pried them away.

"Okay, kids, who's in charge tonight?" I asked.

"Jessie," Emmett muttered.

"I expect you to be on your best behavior," I reminded them. "And listen to Jessie."

"Okay," they muttered. Alice had shouted you're not the boss of me! to a baby-sitter once before and since then, I had to make sure they knew who was in charge. My kids were a little too smart for their own good sometimes.

I made a bowl of chili for each of my children and set it down at the table. "Okay, Jessie, they may have chili and popsicles for dessert, but no liquids after seven and definitely not anything with caffeine. You can have whatever you want. My fridge is yours until I get home tonight, just as long as you don't leave a mess."

"Thanks," she said. She made a bowl for herself and sat down while Alice and Emmett argued over what to watch.

"Whoever cleans up the living room first can decide what to watch," I said. "AFTER dinner. And Jessie, I want you to put them in the bath by seven-thirty. Alice needs to be in bed by eight, Emmett by eight-thirty. If there's any back-talk, they can sit on the step in time-out, Alice for five minutes, Emmett for six – and they can't get up or it starts over."

At that moment, the doorbell rang. It was my date, Bill Humphrey, the brother of a friend from the office. "You want me to get that?" Jessie asked.

"No," I said. "I got it."

At the door was the man I had been fixed up with. He was just on this side of portly, was balding, and red-faced.

"Santa Claus!" Alice screamed behind me.

Oh shit, I thought. "No, Alice, this is Mr. Bill," I said. I knew that Bill had kids from his first marriage and had them three days a week. He just chuckled, embarrassed, as I opened the door. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"It's all right, I oughta hit the gym a little more, but I don't. My own fault."

"Bill, let me introduce you to my other child, Emmett," I said. Emmett waved at him. "And this my baby-sitter, Jessica."

"Hi, everyone! Maybe we should take everyone out sometime—my kids and yours. How does the beach sound?"

I couldn't go the beach without getting sick to my stomach. It was the worst break-up of my life that still dragging out with weekends in Portland. "No... Yes, that sounds nice." Bill was a family man. That was a great thing for a single mother like myself. "Emmett, Alice, can I get a kiss good-night?"

Emmett got up from the table and kissed me, and Alice bounced until I bent down to kiss her. "Bye! I love you and be good for Jessie."

"Love you!" Alice and Emmett chorused.

There were awkward pauses in the car as he drove to the restaurant. I should have been flirting, but it just felt wrong. And I knew why.

"So, you're divorced or widowed?" he asked.

What the hell kind of question was that? "Divorced," I said. I had only heard from Charles three times in the last year. He had gotten remarried and rarely got my child support or alimony to me. He was over two years behind at this point and I don't think he gave a shit. I didn't want to unload this on Bill, though. "You?"

"Divorced. It was amicable, though. I still talk to my ex-wife and we work things out. We're best friends."

Well, good for fucking you, I thought. You're still buddies with your ex-wife. "Well, that's great," I said instead. "Good to hear." That you're a douchebag and she probably walked all over you and still does.

Dinner wasn't much better. He talked about his kids and how funny they were and how everything was just fucking perfect now that he was divorced. I held in everything that had happened to me. I figured nobody wanted to hear about it. My phone was achingly silent the whole time. I wished I had a girlfriend to call me and help bail me out at a time like this, but Jessie didn't even call.

I was ever so happy when he pulled up to my house. The lights were down, but he walked me to the door. "Well, it was fun," I said.

"I had a good time, too," he said. At that moment, he kissed me. It wasn't the best, most passionate kiss of my life. It was kind of gross. "I'll call you?"

Kissing me at the end of the first date wasn't so smart. "No." I was in a bitchy mood, that was for sure. He didn't turn me on like Carlisle did. I didn't know how I'd ever invite him in. "Good-night."

I opened the door and slipped inside, not looking back at his shocked expression as I shut it.

I leaned against the door, sighing. He was no Carlisle: somebody who didn't have to brag about what a great guy he was and how much he loved his kids. Carlisle has an easy-going manner and personality. He was damn sexy in his scrubs.

I heard his car start up and I knew he was gone.

The lights were on in the living room but the TV wasn't lit up.

In the living room, I saw Jessie sleeping on the couch with Alice in her arms. It was almost ten. At least Alice put on her footie pajamas. I figured Alice had used her charm to get out of going to bed. "Jessie?" I asked quietly.

Jessie's eyes opened. "Hey, Mrs. Evanson."

"Hi. Did she try to get out of going to bed?" I asked, picking up Alice, who moaned and stirred.

"Yeah," she said.

"I'll put her to bed and pay you," I said. "Be right back."

I carried Alice up stairs and tucked her into the bed. She could be a little shit sometimes. Jessica was gathering her books and putting away the dishes she had eaten out of in the dishwasher.

"Any problems tonight?" I asked.

"No, none other that Alice getting out of bed. How did your date go?"

I shrugged. "Been on better ones." I pulled out a twenty and a ten. "Here. Do you need a ride home?"

"No. I'm only a block away. Thanks, though."

"Good-night," I said, opening the door. "Be safe."

I swore off dating once I was alone in the house with two sleeping children. Yes, I hated my job but there was a club for people like me- it was called 'Everyone.' As long as I had my kids to pick up after work, I'd be just fine.

I checked my phone. I hadn't even heard the soft chime of a new text message arriving. I opened up the screen of my phone to see that it was from Carlisle's new number in Portland.

I miss you. So does Edward.

I got a glass of boxed wine from the fridge and hit the send button.

"Hello?"

"Hey," I said. "What are you doing up this late, Dr. Cullen? Did our boy Eddie piss the bed again?"

He sighed. He was either tired or drunk. Edward was still having problems with bedwetting almost three years after he left me. He had plastic sheets, but it was on-going three times a week, at least. "No, not yet. I'm just waiting. Just got Edward down for the fourth time. He's looking for every excuse in the book to avoid going to bed. Please tell me Alice is doing this too."

"She is," I said. "The baby-sitter had to hold her to get her to sleep."

"You were out tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Doing what?"

"I was on a date."

"Aww, you've got somebody else's dick in your mouth."

"No sweetheart, nobody's dick has been in my mouth except yours."

"So, how goes the hooking business?"

I snorted. He teased me like this when he couldn't have me. I usually reminded him he did it to himself. "Not well."

"Why don't you come down to Portland and see your favorite client?" I could tell he had been drinking a little, he was so relaxed.

"Perv."

He laughed. "Edward misses you."

"I miss him."

I went to Portland with the kids once a month so they could see each other. Those visits had a secret agenda as well: Carlisle and I ended up fucking—like, dirty, nasty, paralyze-you-the-next-morning-in-shock-at-what-you-did-fucking. The first time, I was mad at him and went home the next day, but he texted me. And of course, I realized how stupid I was acting and had phone sex the next night. We had settled happily into friends with the occasional benefits. I knew this was not going to end well, yet I kept on going back for the kids. Even I called my own bullshit on this.

"So, what was he like?"

"He was... a good guy. Family man. He talked about his ex-wife like they got along. I think he lets her walk all over him. He called her his best friend."

"Danger Will Robinson."

He laughed at himself. I rolled my eyes. "I know, I know. Let me tell you about the rest of it. Awkward pauses. Long silences. And at the end of the night, he kissed me."

"Did you at least slip him the tongue?"

"Even worse. Bad kisser. He asked if he could call me and I said no."

"What did you say?"

"Just that. No."

"You're cold."

"I know. I slammed the door in his face."

He laughed. "Ah, damn."

"What are you drinking?"

"Eh, just a Shiraz from the liquor store down the street. You're right about boxed wine. I tell you, alcohol is the elixir of parenthood."

"Is he that bad?"

"Nah, not really. He just asks 'why' all the time. When I tell him to put away his toys he asks 'why?' And I tell him because I'm your dad, and he says 'why?' I don't want to explain where babies come from… yet. I was saving that for age eight or so."

"I'm not coming over until he's over it. I don't want Alice getting ideas."

He told me a few more drunken stories before I cut him off. "Baby, I gotta get to bed. Call me tomorrow?" I asked.

"Fine." He yawned. "Good night."


"Momma, I don't like this," Alice moaned. Her eyes were shiny with tears. "I don't wanna go to Dr. Patterson!"

"Me either!" Emmett complained. They needed physicals and their shots. I hated doing this to my kids, but I had to… if they wanted to go to the day camps for dance and soccer.

"Momma doesn't like going the doctor either, but it's something we all have to do to stay healthy," I said. "Being healthy is important. You want to go to soccer camp. And don't you want to play with the toys in here?" The waiting room had a TV and plenty of toys to play with. Emmett was the first to go to the race cars.

I tried to relax but I knew there was going to be much weeping and gnashing of teeth in a few minutes.

"Emmett and Alice Evanson?" the nurse asked.

"Right here," I said, standing up. I took Emmett's hand and picked up Alice. She was paling. The nurse weighed the kids and took their height and escorted us to a small examining room. Alice began to cry and Emmett was quiet and fidgety. "Everybody has to go to the doctor," I said. "It's all going to be all right."

Alice whimpered.

There was a knock on the door. "Hi," Dr. Patterson poked her head in the door and smiled at the kids.

"Hi," I replied.

"Alice, Emmett, do you remember me?"

Emmett nodded, but Alice was so scared she wouldn't nod.

"I'll make this quick," she promised.

"Everybody goes to the doctor," I promised my kids.

"Every year," Dr. Patterson added. "Mommy goes to the doctor too."

I blushed. Yeah, sure I did. The last time was when Carlisle was living with me and I went on birth control. Did going once a month to fuck an ER intern count for going to the doctor? "I do," I added.

She examined both my children and everything seemed fine. She ordered the shot for both of them and the nurse came in and give it to them. Emmett was the brave one, his lips quivering, squenching his eyes shut when the needle poked his arm, but didn't cry. My brave boy.

The exam was over and they kids were let out to get lollipops and stickers from the nurse.

"Emmett's a little overweight," she told me. "Can you just watch his caloric intake over the next six months and we'll see what happens?"

"Sure," I said.

"Diets are so difficult to introduce to a child. Especially that young. Alice is still petite for her age, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. She's probably going to be a petite girl when she grows up. Just don't love them with food."

"I can do that."

"Esme, when was the last time you went to the doctor?" Dr. Patterson asked.

I closed my eyes and realized I needed to be honest. "A few years ago."

Her face dropped. "Esme, you know that's bad. You told your kids..."

"I know, I know," I said, not wanting to be a hypocrite. "I'll make an appointment once we leave."

"Look, we can set up an appointment for you for a physical; there's a general practioner in this same building. You do breast self-exams, don't you?"

"Yes, of course. Nothing to be worried about." I was healthy. I could run after my kids and I didn't get winded; we played together on weekends and I could still pick Emmett's heavy butt up.

"Gynecological health can be difficult to track unless you do the exam and pap smears, okay?"

I sighed. She was right. I needed to set a good example for my children. It was a little discomfort but nothing like giving birth. I could do this.

Since my doctor was in the same building as Dr. Patterson, I went by. I'd forget if I said I'd call. They scheduled me for a physical and a Pap smear.

I walked out the door with a crying Alice because she dropped her lollipop, promising to get her another one on the way home. Emmett offered her his own and it made me smile. My kids were great. The greatest thing in my whole life.


I was laying on my back two weeks later with my feet in stirrups displaying my cash and prizes to a doctor and his nurse. The speculum had been warmed but it still hurt. "Take note, she's a 3-0-1-3," he said. "Hold on, now, Esme. You can put the pillow over your head if you'd like."

I wanted to. The speculum clicked open a little more. I had to prove I was brave, just like my little Emmett, although he wasn't here. "Almost. Almost."

Who invented male gynecologists, anyway?

"Done."

I almost jumped off the table.

"I just need to do a bimanual exam," he said. "It might hurt, but I'll try to be quick." He slipped his fingers into me and pressed down on my lower stomach, feeling around. "Nothing abnormal," he noted to his nurse.

"Good, is it over?" I asked.

"Yes, you're fine. Do we need to talk about birth control?"

"No."

I sighed in relief and clamped my legs together, pulling the sheet over me. I couldn't say I disagreed with my kids, hating the doctor's office.

"We'll send you the results of your pap smear in the mail in a few weeks," he said. "Anything abnormal and we'll call you."

I sighed in relief as they left the room and started getting dressed.

I got in the car to get my kids from school. I laughed at myself for being so nervous about a pap smear. It was nothing like the pain of giving birth.

After I stopped for a cup of congratulatory coffee, I went to Alice's day care and checked her out. "How was your day, baby?" I asked as she ran into my arms.

"Is good!" Alice cried. "I made a card for you!"

"You did? Thank you!"

"It's in my cubby!" she ran to her cubby.

"How was she today?" I asked her teacher.

"She was good. She told me she was going to ask the Easter Bunny for a kitty," her teacher said.

"We'll see about that. No problems?"

"Well, she's a bit bossy, sometimes."

Tell me something I didn't know. "I'm working on that."

The teacher grinned. "She's learning," she said. "Sometimes, you just have to show her how to use that in a positive way, that's all. Maybe she'll be the first female president of the United States."

Alice ran up with her drawing. "Thank you! It's beautiful!" I said, although it just looked like stick figures and blobs of color. I saw Portland scrawled in a corner, again. "Tell me about it."

"It's you! At the doctor's. All better!" she sang.

My cheeks turned red. "Thank you, it's very nice. Come on, we have to go pick up Emmett."

She insisted on saying good-bye to her best friends, hugging them.

At Emmett's school, they called him out and he got into the car, buckling himself in like a big boy. He started telling me about his day.

My phone dinged as I drove and the kids sang along with the radio.

I tried to get it, but it was in the bottom of my purse (of course) and I almost hit a road sign. I just decided it wasn't that important.

We got home and I finally checked my phone as I got out the whole-wheat spaghetti to boil. The organic red sauce was in the jar in the fridge: that could be microwaved.

When I finally remembered my phone in my purse, I found that Carlisle was texting me.

A part of me still loved him and wanted him back, but it was just too messy. His job and his son obviously came before me and it was a sore subject. But, anyways, I had seen him several times since he left and I questioned how much self respect I actually had. Call it pride, call it being dumb. I just couldn't do it.

I called him back.

"So, what did Edward do this time?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Yes, because it's so melodic."

"What'd you do today?"

"Got a pap smear."

He laughed. "Got a strep test?"

"No, a Pap smear," I said, getting out tomato sauce, wondering how he had misunderstood.

"We call it a strep test on the other end!" He continued to crack himself up and I rolled my eyes although he couldn't see me.

I finally laughed. "You're disgusting. How much have you had to drink already?"

"One beer, that's it."

"Why is it every time I talk to you, you're drinking? I'm calling DCS Portland."

"One time bitch, and you're not going to have a fuck buddy anymore."

"What am I going to do? Date Bill whats-his-face?"

"Yeah, you do that."


Life was always hectic. Picking up kids and running errands, multi-tasking- that all fell under "normal" for me. I was looking forward to the weekend when the kids could go to the park on Saturday and we'd play on the playground and have sandwiches. Emmett had a birthday party on Sunday afternoon he had been invited to which I had to pick out a present for him to give. And then, next weekend, we were taking a trip to Portland for Mommy to have 'time' with Daddy and for them to see Edward. Unfortunately, Benadryl made my children even more hyper than they already were, so it was useless on road trips.

I checked the mail and drove into the garage with Alice and Emmett throwing things at each other in their car seats and screaming "You're a fartknocker!" and "No, you're a fartknocker!" I had to do damage control and stop them from calling names. I had long since accepted the term "fart" as a normal part of acceptable lexicon for children. I had dinner to make and had to get the present for the girl from Emmett's class wrapped and the bedrooms needed vacuuming.

The mail contained a bill, another bill, a letter from my mother (she had never mastered email), and a strange letter with non-see-through lining.

I opened each of them while ordering pizza. Friday night was always pizza night because at the end of the week I liked to have that chore off the table to start the weekend. Emmett and Alice were screaming and giggling in the living room and the TV was already on. They couldn't remember that name-calling wasn't okay, but they could figure out the TV and DVD player before either of them even started reading. I opened the one from some address I didn't recognize while putting in the pizza order.

ESME EVANSON,

Your Pap smear has been deemed

Normal XAbnormal.

I read it again. Abnormal? Me? I finished the pizza order and went to the bathroom. The kids were screaming in the living room, probably kung-fu fighting, but I didn't care. I dialed my gynecologist's office and waited.

"University Gynecology."

"Yes, may I speak to Dr. Katz?"

"He's out of the office for the weekend, can I take a message?"

Oh my God. Of course, I had to get terrible news today, before the weekend even started but couldn't get in touch with him. "This is Esme Evanson," I said. "My Pap smear came back abnormal and I need to speak with him."

She receptionist sounded miffed. "He's not available this weekend, he'll get back to you on Monday morning. I can make an appointment."

I sighed. Goddamnit. "Fine, make an appointment."

When she hung up after creating my appointment, I called Carlisle.

"Esme? You're calling me before I had my first beer of the night." He laughed at himself. I wasn't in the mood to fuck around over the phone.

"Carlisle, I got the results of my Pap smear back a few minutes ago. It said it was abnormal."

He took a moment to pause, to process. "It's all right. It doesn't necessarily mean anything."

"It means a lot to me!"

"Stay calm. It's not the end of the world. Women get abnormal on their Pap smears all the time. It doesn't always mean it's life-threatening."

"I got it today- Friday. I can't see the doctor until Monday. And everybody at that office thinks I'm retarded or something for calling them."

"Don't let them treat you like that! There's nothing wrong with panicking over something like this! It's a natural reaction!"

"Gee, what else am I going to do?"

"Esme, it was just a couple of cells. The doctor's probably going to do another Pap smear on you and a few other tests and that'll be it. They'll probably want to test you every three months or so. That's what we did in our medical school rotations."

I sighed. "What else?"

"I don't know, I'm not your doctor, I haven't seen the results. Like I said, it could be a lot of things, not necessarily cancer."

I sighed. "Fine."

"Don't take that tone with me!"

"Aren't you supposed to use that line on Edward when he turns twelve or something?"

"Okay, I'll level with you. I'll try to get in touch with the OB/GYN here so he can call you back and calm you down."

The doorbell rang. "I gotta go."

"Take care. I'll see you soon."

It was the pizza guy. I paid him and set it out for the kids. Cleaning and present-wrapping could wait. I took a cue from Carlisle and poured a glass of wine while the kids got their dirty, unwashed hands into the pizza. I didn't really care for once.

All I could think about was what would happen to Emmett and Alice if I wasn't there. I didn't want my slap-happy alcoholic mother raising them. And I didn't want them delivered to my ex-husband who'd probably surrender them to Child Services since he cared that little. Whatever was going on inside my body, I needed to make sure my children were going to be raised in a safe, secure, happy home where they'd be loved. My first thoughts were towards my children. And I knew they wouldn't be on anything else.