Bella's Point of View.

2002

I shuddered on the cold, shadowed ground. I knew it was him, I could tell from his voice, despite his hooded face. His voice rang through my ears.

"I have control over you, Bella." he pet my face lovingly, "I own you. In more ways than one." he grinned and kissed me fiercely. "Mine." He got up and kicked me in the ribs before leaving, laughing quietly.

I can't believe I thought he was charming at first. I wiped my eyes and felt another shudder past through me as I felt his heated hands caress my arms. I spit blood out on the ground and stood shakily on my feet.

I grabbed the clothes he threw to the ground. I put them back on my freezing, yet heated body. I never thought he would go this far. My clothes had tears in it, but they still covered my disgusting, sticky body.

Who would want this? I wrapped my arms around my stomach and held myself. I was bruised, whether they be yellowing or still purple, I was still bruised. I was beaten, but not only that anymore. I...was tainted somehow. I felt dirty and...well, violated.

I wiped the tears away furiously with my grubby hands. This was the last straw. He stole my virginity and I would not allow him to keep doing this. He knew he had full control over me now. I didn't feel safe anymore.

I ran home, tripping from my swollen ankle. I slammed the door open. Matt wasn't here, he was probably at his house, reliving those beautiful moments where he gained all the power. Asshole.

Mom ran into the hallway to look over my shaken frame.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Your fucking boyfriend." I spit out.

She stumbled back as if she were hit. Like he had done to me...Many times.

"What are you talking about, Bella? Matt is a wonderful man! He's been so kind to both of us."

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, by both of us, you mean you. Mom, he has been beating me! I just didn't say anything because you looked so happy."

She shook with anger. "Bella, stop."

"No! I won't! Mom, he raped me, tonight! He shoved me into an alley and raped me!" I started to cry. "Y-You don't believe me?...Do you?"

"Go." she ordered harshly. "Go to your room. Now."

I sobbed. She didn't. I glared at her and cussed. She stopped when I felt a burning sensation on my cheek. I looked at her with wide eyes. She slapped me.

"Go." she whispered, her body still shaking from anger.

I didn't say anything and slowly walked to my room, still shocked. I collapsed against my bed only to find that I felt as if I was caked in mud with his hands fondling me. I cried and walked into my bathroom. I tore off my clothes and took the loofah and scrubbed at my skin in the scorching water. My skin was turning red and I vaguely recalled I shouldn't be doing this, to keep evidence of his rape, but I would go mad if I didn't.

I wrapped a towel around my wet body and slipped on my pajamas. I gripped at the teddy bear and tried to remember what Charlie looked like. I sobbed into my pillow. I got up and locked my door and window. I shoved a chair under the knob and crawled under the covers.

It was the beautiful blonde. She stood in front of me and reached a hand out to touch my arm but I flinched away from her. "Oh, Bella."

"How do you know my name?" I asked quietly.

She smiled, amused. "You're so beautiful." she fingered my collarbone.

"W-What are you doing?"

"I love these marks." she said while poking a scab. "They symbolize how you're mine, don't they?" she smiled, a twisted smile that sent a shiver down my spine.

"What are you talking about?"

"I want to make it permanent, whether I have your consent or not."

She stepped forward, but she wasn't the beautiful girl with the broken eyes. She was Matt. He lunged at me, grabbing my face and pulling it towards his.

I screamed.

I woke myself up with a jolt, sobbing into my pillow. I looked over to my clock to find it very early. Lauren wouldn't be up by now. She wasn't my mom anymore, whether she carried me in her stomach or not. She chose her boyfriend over me. She never did that. Ever.

I grabbed my phone that was hidden in my dresser. I had his phone number in my contact list. Even though I hadn't seem him since I was three, he still wrote. He wanted to bring me down for holidays so many times but I was too shy. He wrote letters because he knew I found it weird talking to someone over the phone. He had given me his work and home number nevertheless.

I found him on contacts and dialed his house number first. He answered on the first ring.

"Bella?" a gruff voice asked hopefully.

"D-Dad?" I sobbed.

"What's wrong?" he demanded.

"I...I can't explain over the phone," I cried harder. "But I need to come live with you...Please. I have money and I can pay for a ticket."

I practically hear his brows furrow. "Well, Bells, I want you to come. Boy do I want to see you, but what about your mother? She agrees with everything?"

"Yes," I answered, no hesitance in my voice. "She thinks it's a great idea."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Great, Bells!" he paused. "I love you, kid."

"I love you too, Dad." I hung up and dialed the number for a taxi. I told them not to honk the horn, that I would be waiting outside.

I felt emotionally detached from everything in this room. I took my dream journals and my two pairs of jeans and my one jacket. I stuffed my phone in my back pocket and my cash in my wallet. I grabbed the teddy bear at the last second.

I looked out the window to see the taxi driver pull up. I unlocked my window and shoved my bag through the window and it landed in the bushes. I shut it again and picked my bag up when I got outside. I ran to the taxi and handed him the fee for going to the airport.

When we got to the airport I walked to one of the desks and told her all of the information. It would proximately take two hours and ten minutes to land in Seattle, Washington. I handed her the money for my ticket and then went through the metal detectors. They told me to keep my phone shut off during the flight.

I sat in one of the plastic chairs and opened my phone to find a picture of me and Lauren. I furiously deleted it. I called Dad and told him the arrival time. Someone brushed against me as the flight was called and I felt his grubby hands slide my shirt down against my will.

I wiped away the tears when I got onto the flight, sitting next to a woman that looked to be in her late forties. She kindly let me have the window seat.

"First flight?" she asked quietly.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"It'll be okay, honey." she patted my hand soothingly.

I thanked her quietly. I felt fine when she touched me. No disturbing shudder or flashbacks. I felt the comfort of a mother. She continued to talk to me during the flight, even letting me read some of her book when I realized I didn't pack any of mine. I could always get more. They were so warn out that they were falling to pieces.

"I'm visiting my son in Washington." she grinned to herself. "He just had a baby of his own. They grow up so fast. I bet your mother misses you like crazy right now."

I doubt it. "I'm not sure." I said quietly. "But I know my father does."

She smiled whimsically, "Daddy's girl?"

"You could say that." I agreed while smiling at her. When we got off the flight I congratulated her again on becoming a grandmother and she wished me luck with...well, everything. I didn't tell her much except I was going through some rough patches.

I sat next to the conveyer belt where the suitcases rolled around. My only suit case was my carry on. A shadow loomed over me and I looked up to see an awkward, shy man with a mustache looking down at me.

"Bells?"

I nodded wordlessly and got up only to fall into his arms. "Dad. God, I missed you."


2003

"We're making real progress, Bella, I'm proud of you."

No we aren't.

I felt guilty for wasting away Dad's money but I didn't ever want to relive that moment again. Matt was put in jail. Apparently he had raped many other young women too.

Lauren was pissed. I stuck my tongue out at her in court – childish, I know – and flipped her off. Again...childish.

Dad refused to let me live with Lauren again and I gladly accepted. She broke my trust. I knew I would end up suffering from that new boyfriend somehow.

The upside was, though, that Dad made me feel safe. He bought me a switch blade and a can of pepper spray. He taught me self defense and helped me with my balance problems.

I still felt awkward around people though. I couldn't touch boys, except Dad. He saved me. I only felt comfortable around women, and they all hated me for my anorexic figure and my pale blemish free complexion.

No, I didn't eat. Yes, I knew it was wrong. I couldn't bring myself to eat. I had my reasons.

I've been taking pills to help me gain weight and Dad has coaxed apple sauce down my throat, but that was it.

"Bella." Dr. Lexington called. "I think it's time you start school again." she smiled. "I know you can do it. I have a feeling being around friends will help you open up a bit more to me."

I looked at her. You could say my emotions raged a lot. I'll be completely honest, around people I don't know, I feel the need to put up a barrier to keep me from knowing them. I'm a bitch. But around people like Dad...and well, Dad, I'm nice. I love him and know I can trust him. He would never hurt me like Lauren did. I confided in her and she chose the one who wasn't her daughter.

"Fine." I said. "You want to know what I think about him?"

She nodded eagerly and pulled her pen back out to record it.

"He may be in jail, but that's not good enough. He abused me physically and mentally. He raped me and tore up my insides. I can't trust anyone. He's an asshole and I want him dead." I smiled at her expression. "Did we make progress?"

She scribbled that down too and nodded dumbly. "Yeah, Bella. We made progress."

My dreams are an odd shelter. They keep me feeling safe, despite that I'm abused in them. The beautiful blonde girl looks at me with such love. I feel as if she is my sister. We protect each other in the dreams. We clean each others wounds and try to stop the man from hurting the other as much.

She's my solace, besides Dad. I can talk to her about anything. She hugs me and comforts me. The only sad part is though, is she is just a figment of my imagination.


Sorry for the sudden turn in OOC-ness. However, I still hope you liked it. (: