Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, Weiss Kreuz, or this idea. The idea came from a new reality show. It's called, "My Big, Fat, Obnoxious Fiancé."
Story: Getting cold feet, Mamoru breaks it off with Usagi. To cheer her up, Michiru and Haruka put her on a dating show to have fun. Alongside needing a vacation from the antics of his team, Crawford sees an opportunity to seize more funds
Set after dunno anymore
Spoilers: I don't think so.
Warnings: OOC mostly in the beginning, perverts, raunchy humor, weird humor, craziness, etc…
Pairings: Usagi/Crawford

My Obnoxious, Irritating Fiancé
Chapter Three: Day Two

She wasn't going to be placated so easy and there was no way she was going to let it go. Especially with the amused jerk just sitting there calmly. It was such an oxymoron! How can you look perfectly calm and debonair, and yet also be dripping with smugness and amusement the way he was?

There was tenseness in the atmosphere and it was definitely stoking the fire. Usagi glared at him irritably and Crawford continued to eat, now with a smirk. Usagi wanted revenge so bad. Now, she was not the kind of person to get revenge usually, but this was personal. He made it personal! There had to be some way. She looked down at her food and suddenly got an idea in her head, growing her own smirk.

Crawford began to eye her suspiciously when she began to look really happy, grasping at his Sight for something. Unfortunately, it was choosing this time of all times to act up. He slid off his chair carefully, trying to act as natural as he could, and backed away from her slowly. However, she looked up and that happy look took on a slightly deranged tint, and began to look more and more prominent as each second passed.

Oh yes. Breakfast was definitely one of Usagi's favorites (technically, so was all other food times). But now it was breakfast and her plan was about to come into action as spontaneously as she managed to come up with it in the first place. Therefore, breakfast was in first place when it came to favorites. She looked up and saw Crawford backing away. She grinned wildly.

Crawford saw the maniacal look glaze over her eyes and before he could react (it really was very unfortunate that he couldn't have a vision right then), a fistful of eggs was thrown at his face. He blinked in shock and the eggs slid off his face, with his glasses smeared with the eggs that had stayed on. A food fight? This was her idea of revenge?

Well, two could play that game.

Normally, those who knew Crawford would know that he'd never agree to be on this show in the first place, doing the things that he did, or become consumed into winning a food fight. But, well, there was always a first time for everything and money was on the line.

Plus, he really needed to get the hell away from his irritating teammates and get on that long-needed vacation.

With that attack on him, Crawford retaliated with pancakes, unfairly using his skills as an assassin against his bride-to-be. That meant that Usagi ended up with syrup and bits of pancakes all over her hair and face, dripping down on her in a gross mess. She yelped and grabbed a can of whip cream and sprayed it all over Crawford.

It got to the point where their clothes could only be salvageable with dry-cleaning. Soon enough, there was actually no food left. Both of them collapsed and started laughing hard, even Crawford who was genuinely having fun for once. Unfortunately, Usagi didn't know the position they were in and Crawford did, which he couldn't help but use to his advantage.

Usagi's eyes were still closed, so Crawford leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. Her eyes opened quickly and she shoved him off of her in shock, skittishly shying away. She frowned at him, heart racing, while he just continued to have a smirk on his face.

"Ugh! You are such a jerk," she huffed, but she couldn't help inwardly admitting she'd liked it.

They both got up at the same time and Usagi shoved pass Crawford to go to her room in an effort to get clean before Ruriko came back, and tried not to think too much on the brief kiss, and also unable to not think on how much she should be missing and thinking about Mamoru and truthfully wasn't. That thought scared her.

Crawford walked on to his room, scheming ways to annoy Usagi more and maybe actually get her to lighten up.


INTERVIEWS: USAGI

She was directed to the interview room, mind circling back to the kiss and trying to feel any amount of guilt for cheating on Mamoru. But…she wasn't, was she? He'd broken up with her and she shouldn't be so upset. But then…she, deep down, knew that she was starting to not care about him so much, and what was really upsetting her was that. She wasn't ready to acknowledge that she was letting go of Mamoru after everything.

"I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of how he's acting. I don't know what to think of him anymore. First he's the dream guy, then he becomes perverted, after that he's so fun to be with, and then he goes back to being a perverted jerk! I know I said that he was cute and all, but this is going too fast. All of a sudden, I just realize that this is becoming way too real. I…I don't know if I can do this anymore. I thought this was going to be fun. Not to turn out to become one huge nightmare. Oh my god. This is too much. I can-can't do it. I just can't."

Usagi was ready to pull out her hair. She was realizing that she was getting close to melting down and that most of what she'd just said was actually directed towards Mamoru, minus the 'pervert' parts. Which, in hindsight, wasn't even all too bad in regards to Crawford.

But…the too fast and too real part…that was actually more about Crawford than she'd like to admit right then. Because she shouldn't be getting butterflies thinking about him or the urge to smile just seeing him, or laugh at his antics all the time.

She wasn't really upset at him. Usagi was more upset at herself.

CRAWFORD

Though Crawford was wearing the smug smirk in place, inwardly he was frowning. Usagi seemed actually rather genuinely distressed and he wasn't sure if he was really getting to her, or there was something else getting under her skin. He needed a little more time to extract all the information he needed to make a conclusion, but he wasn't too worried about that. He was sure he'd succeed.

Keeping on the charming look, he looked into the camera and began to talk, coming up with something on the spot while thinking about what he should actually be doing with Usagi to get to the bottom of her problem.

"I think I have to tone it down a little. I hadn't meant to make her break down. I suppose I went a little overboard. Now I believe I must focus on just getting back to being in her good graces. I'll slip a note to her from under her door and ask her to meet me outside at the pavilion when she's done. Hopefully, it'll work."

He wondered why he cared so much about what was troubling the young blonde.

END INTERVIEWS


Usagi looked at the note and didn't know whether to go or not. To her, she felt like she just wanted to quit. Sure, all it was were stolen kisses and the bed sharing thing, not to mention the "cream incident." But these were problems to her because she didn't have any experience with things like that. The only guy she had ever been with was Mamoru. Melvin didn't even count. This was more like Demando all over again. Plus, with the revelation that she'd had earlier about her own feelings…

She sighed and finally decided to go.

At the pavilion, Crawford stood waiting for Usagi. He saw her come out and walk towards him. He supposed that it was now time to play Prince Charming, and he smiled politely accordingly. He held the miniature bouquet in his left hand and held out his right.

"Good morning, Usagi. These are for you."

She looked surprised and smiled gratefully at him. She took them from him and Crawford grabbed her hand. He led her through the lawn of the backyard and they talked about their game plan, finally managing to discuss how they would pull off their job.

"Right," she started hesitantly. "If we're going to pull this off, we can't have you get all weird on me. Or them. So don't be weird. Or a jerk. Or a pervert. My parents won't accept it," Usagi scrunched up her nose. "And I know my friends will find out the truth if you did act like that. My friends know me really well and they're all kind of…overprotective and just somehow know everything. Especially Setsuna and Rei. You can't get anything passed them," she shivered and pouted, making him chuckle. "Just act like when you first met me. That suave, charming, polite guy, you know? $50,000 is at stake here, so we've really got to be careful and not screw up," she couldn't help getting worried.

"I understand. I'll try to be like that, but it's just that I can't help myself sometimes," he lied with a straight face. "I want to do something right and then I just screw up. Things just come up wrong and I say stupid things or do stupid things." Hm, things were going good.

Usagi grinned reassuringly. "It'll be okay! Now let's bump fists on this."

He grinned back at her and they bumped fists, which inwardly made him laugh. He'd never done that before in his life, and ironically not even the youngest on his team was prone to the action.

"Alright partner! Let's do this," Usagi said, while Crawford playfully bowed.


Ruriko came back and informed them that they were going to have to deal with the first person from outside the mansion.

A wedding planner.

Usagi trusted that it was going to go fine. It was. It would. Hopefully? Besides, Crawford was great just a little while ago when they had lunch and she was sure that this would be a piece of cake.

Oh how wrong she was. When the wedding planner came, Crawford was up to his usual tricks again.

"You know, you are very beautiful," Crawford complimented smoothly, a smirk growing on his face as his glasses glinted ominously. Now…how far should he take this? "It's quite the shame I'm getting married. I'd ask you out otherwise."

Usagi was in denial. How could he be messing it up? Everything was going fine until they met the wedding planner. Then Crawford started to hit on the wedding planner! Who does that? And with the wedding planner! She was having a hard time wrapping her head around it and around this guy. Usagi could even tell that the wedding planner wasn't quite sure what to make of this or them. Heck, Usagi knew that the planner probably didn't even believe they were in love.

No thanks to her "fiancé" and herself. He wasn't even trying, but she was! All she could do was shake her head and smile reassuringly at the planner. Usagi may have been trying, but clearly it wasn't good enough.

And after they had just told each other that both of them were going to do their best, he goes and does this. They will never make her friends, let alone her parents, believe in this. Absolutely no way.

They were so doomed.


INTERVIEWS: USAGI

Usagi was sure she'd developed a tick by her eye. She was going to end up strangling him at this rate!

"We have about a small amount of chances of doing this right," she gritted her teeth. "He is doing whatever he can to destroy what little chance we have at winning the money. I won't let him. I won't let him do this. Tonight, I'm setting down the ground rules if he wants to make it through this as almost millionaires," she almost shook a fist at the camera.

There was going to be hell to pay. She swore it!

CRAWFORD

Crawford couldn't help himself. He was chuckling and not stopping any time soon. It was really, really fun and entertaining to rile her up. And she was just…cute whenever he managed to do so.

Deciding on the appropriate reaction to the camera, he decided to shrug sheepishly.

"It was time to turn up the heat again. So really, I had no choice but to ruin the meeting with the wedding planner. This is my job, is it not? And actually, I'm having fun, like I keep saying. And I can't wait to bug her again on sleeping arrangements."

A genuine, mischievous smile grew on his face.

WEDDING PLANNER

When Mogami Kyoko accepted this 'wedding planner' assignment, she hadn't expected this couple. Nope, not at all. They were more than odd, but then again, who was she to judge?

She wasn't all too normal either.

Chuckling nervously and somewhat confused into the camera, she gave a helpless shrug.

"Ehhh…they look good together? They're a strange couple for sure, and they are definitely different in age, but…age is just numbers, right? Er, I'm not sure…I'm pretty sure he just likes teasing her a lot, even if he acts all cool and all, and she's definitely irritated and suffering through it…but she's still with him and tolerating him. Isn't that like…what a lot of couples are supposed to do? Just deal with the annoying bits of their partner? I guess that's love, huh? B-but…LOVE!"

She started growling and a storm cloud grew over her head as she muttered curses under her breath, remembering a certain blond that had broken her heart and imagining throttling him while he pathetically apologized over and over again to her.

END INTERVIEWS


After the interviews, Usagi sought out Crawford and dragged him away, face palming in exasperation.

"No! What do you think you're doing?! This isn't what we agreed on doing earlier, remember? Or did you suddenly forget? I want no excuses! Crawford-san, we have the lifetime chance that comes only once in a million here…I won't accept this." She really did start pulling at her hair, her poor pig tails being abused at the treatment.

Crawford winced and reached over and untangled the blonde's fingers from her hair and firmly held her hands. He grabbed her face then and forced her to look at him.

"Breathe," he told her calmly and she didn't know whether to be irritated that he was acting normal then or to just follow his advice. She chose to follow his advice, though she shot him a dirty look. "Give me three more days," he asked from her, sounding vague.

Unsure what he was meaning about that, Usagi nodded hesitantly anyway.

He nodded. "Very good. Now tell me about your friends," he told her, hoping to get her distracted and make it look like they were continuing to get ready for their job together.

Usagi bit her lip. "Ah…there's Rei. I guess if you can just tone it down on the laughs and jokes around her, then you got her. She is more likely to like you if you're serious because she's a serious person most of the time, but can get in some laughter too. She lives in a temple, you know?" She huffed then. "She can be so mean sometimes! Always teasing me and calling me Odango!"

Crawford noted that, hiding his smirk. If his Japanese was correct, that was something along the lines of referring to Japanese dumplings and why the style of hair was called that in the first place. It was rather cute.

Usagi smiled widely then. "There's Ami-chan! Ami will like you if you like books and is studious. She loves knowledgeable people. And don't forget to not act like a know-it-all though," she scrunched up her nose. "I don't like books though. Not unless they're manga.

"Then there is Makoto. She's more of a fighter," Usagi said proudly. "She might challenge you to a fight and see about how well you know food and if you're a good cook," she told him, almost rather apologetic at the first part of that.

Usagi brightened up even more then. "Now you have a better chance with Minako. She'll accept you as long as it looks like I'm truly in love and happy. Make her laugh, joke around and be playful around her. She hates serious guys. Even if they're bishies. She'll get together with one for one or two days, then she'll drop them after that," she winced and Crawford raised an eyebrow at that friend.

Here, though, Usagi looked hesitant. "These are my older and much harder to impress friends. Setsuna is especially hard to impress. Just act like a nice gentleman with class and talented with lots of things. Hotaru is actually the youngest and would be like Minako, so you'll have an easier time with her too. And lucky for you though, Michiru and Haruka know about this show and were the ones who told me to go for it. But if you had to, Michiru would be impressed if you can play an instrument, more so a violin.

"Now, I think the hardest one out of all my friends that you would've had to convince would've been Haruka. She'd have been impressed if you can play the piano, have some knowledge on cars, and can fight. Actually, she's like Makoto in some ways like that. She'd also probably would've challenge you to a fight," Usagi coughed in embarrassment. "Anyway, she would've been impressed. But she wouldn't have liked you so easily. Even if you made me happy and if I really did love you, she wouldn't care. She's convinced that she has to protect me from everything; that includes most definitely men. So good thing we don't have to really convince her, huh? When we are about to meet my parents though, I'll tell you how to act around them then. Plus, I still have a few more friends, but they will be easier to convince than my friends that I just listed. You have all that?" she returned to sounding nervous.

Crawford nodded and said teasingly, "I don't make you happy…?" Usagi just rolled her eyes and smacked his arm. "And you don't love me either? I'm rather hurt and might even cry," he told her, though the effect was ruined by the small smirk on his face.

Usagi did something she knew she would regret, but she wasn't really thinking at the time. By instinct, she just ended up doing it.

She pecked his lips.

She blinked and with eyes wide open in shock and amazement, backing away slowly and yet somehow at the same time quickly. He smiled one of those devilish smiles that Usagi was becoming used to.

"Does this mean I get to share the bed with you?" he drawled.

Usagi narrowed her eyes and grabbed a pillow from the couch next to her and threw it. For once, it didn't miss and smacked Crawford right in the face, though he had let it this time. She stormed up to her room, leaving behind a laughing Crawford.


INTERVIEWS: CRAWFORD

Crawford was still amused and smirking slightly as he settled into his seat in the interview room. He had to take a moment to calm his chuckles down and then he took a breath and focused in on the camera.

"That's a whole lot of friends she has," he raised an eyebrow, slightly tapping his lips with a finger in thought. "It's quite a good thing that we aren't going to actually be going that far and will be working together on these last few days up until her parents come and we'll have to fool them. In the meantime, before that, Usagi will be brought into the scheme soon enough and realize the truth, right before we actually do end up fooling anyone together at all. Still, this Haruka person…she sounds quite the terrifying woman. I suppose I'll see you all soon. I have to go see if Usa will finally share the bed…" he tacked on, crafting a mischievous look that was starting to actually be more genuine than not nowadays.

Tsukino Usagi had become such an easy target, and an entertaining one at that.

END INTERVIEWS


Crawford made his way up to her room and stood in front of the door. He knocked (a first) before he tried the door.

"Don't even think about it!"

Crawford smiled in amusement and put on his best pleading voice. "Please? What if I promise I won't touch? I'll keep a distance…"

There was a muffled "thump!" and Usagi opened the door. She looked into Crawford's eyes and he thought quickly, deciding on a ridiculous look that he would never have had on his face otherwise. He put on his version of a sad puppy look and waited patiently.

"Oh alright. You stay on your side and I'll stay on mine, got it?" 'Only because he's becoming annoying,' she tried to tell herself.

He nodded his head politely, keeping in his smugness. She'd probably take it back if he did.

For the rest of the night, Usagi wondered whether she was insane or not for letting Crawford in her bed. Most importantly, she was already regretting it as Crawford rolled over to her, putting his arms around her. Unfortunately, he was asleep and she couldn't get him off of her. So she was stuck in a rather disturbing position (for her), and had to fall asleep in that same position.

She hoped morning came soon.


Tsukiyono Omi had not been this shocked since he found out about his past. And he wasn't exaggerating that. After all, to see an enemy on TV…Omi thought he was going to faint. Maybe he was dreaming? He had been watching the last two episodes, meaning the next one, which is tomorrow, would be Day 3, and he was still almost inclined to think he might've been poisoned and he was hallucinating.

Then again, it was such a shame that he missed the first episode.

And to be honest, although it was his enemy there, it was all actually funny. Who knew Crawford would be licking his fingers or sneaking into a bedroom to share a bed or even be on a reality show? It was outrageous and out of character of the man, even if he still usually still acted the same cool-headed, calm, and polite bastard that he was. In any case, Omi figured this whole reality show gig would be more of Schuldich's style.

Guiltily, Omi couldn't wait until tomorrow. He wanted to know what more inane things Crawford was going to do to Usagi and how she would keep on reacting to him.

He blinked when he just remembered that Ken was there. Actually, Ken was there yesterday too. "Ken? What's wrong?"

Ken's eyes widened. "Crawford's on TV! And you're asking me what's wrong?!" Ken shook his head. "You weren't there…I saw the first episode! I don't even know why I'm still watching it! Omi, this is the enemy there. I should have already warned the others. We could have had him and done something about him by now."

Omi turned off the TV. Nothing else was on.

"Really, Ken. It's no big deal. Why don't we sleep on this and talk about it tomorrow?"

There was also that Omi had found a new show he liked and wanted to keep watching, and there was no way in hell he was going to get it cancelled or let it be his fault that it wasn't going to show anymore or that he ended up missing an episode.

Revised/Edited 7/28/16 – Completed 7/28/16

(Old) A/n: Right, there are some things that I took from the show, like where they meet the wedding planner. They don't say the same things though. I wanted mine to be a bit more original than that. I don't want it word for word and in fact, a lot of this came from my own imagination like the Shakespeare part and cream incident. Plus, there are some parts that I didn't add, but I might add at a later time. Hope you enjoyed and don't forget to review!

(New) A/n: Also forgot to mention that though this was originally based off of that show I said from before, since I've decided to change it up, it's a lot more loosely based and I've the days and a lot of the experiences.