Ohmygod, it's been so long since I updated, I'm so sorry. I was having problems with my computer and internet, so I got frustrated and just gave up on it all for a bit. I'm back now though, and back to regular updating, woo.

Okay, so this chapter isn't really eventful, but I think it's kind of necessary. It shows a big step for Alec since the memory loss, and it lets us see a little bit into their old usual lives, and another glimpse at how this is affecting the pair of them.

Sorry if there's any mistakes, I only proof-read it once, normally I do it twice and pick out loads of errors, but yeah. I'll shut up now and let you read. Please don't hate me for being away for so long. xo


Alec was relieved to finally be leaving the hospital after spending a gruelling week and a half there until the doctors were absolutely positive that he had no lasting injuries, other than the memory loss. At first, his happiness outweighed everything else and he found himself actually being able to stand everything he hated ab0ut hospitals, simply because he knew it would be over soon.

But then the conversation about where he would go came up… Alec cautiously informed the others that he wasn't sure he'd feel entirely at ease going back to his and Magnus' apartment because, well, the thought of living with somebody whom he couldn't remember being in a relationship with, terrified him. Jace had invited him to stay with him and Clary, and Izzy had said he could stay at her apartment, but Magnus had been adamant that Alec should go home with him, because being in his old home might trigger some memories. Alec had grudgingly agreed, although deep down he was still scared of how awkward it would be for them both.

The ride to the apartment was spent in silence for the most part. Magnus' car was beautiful - a white, convertible Lexus - but even with the top down, the air felt stuffy and suffocating. Magnus was the first to break the silence.

"Our apartment is right in the middle of the city. It's just down the road from my dance studio, which is the main reason we bought it. I wanted to decorate it in bright, lavish colours, but you wouldn't let me. We had arguments about that, but in the end you won and got your own way."

"Oh. What's it like, then? Is it nice?" Alec replied, stumbling on his words.

"You'll see." Magnus turned his head slightly to flash Alec a wide smile before looking back out at the road ahead of him.

The next ten minutes were spent in silence again as they finally approached the apartment building they lived in: a tall, glorious building with huge windows and a black structure that stood out amongst the simpler, smaller buildings surrounding it.

The couple entered the lobby, which was decorated with red and gold furnishings, and were welcomed by a young, handsome male receptionist. "Mr Bane, Mr Lightwood," he nodded at them. "Welcome back, Mr Lightwood. It's so good that you're doing well, sir."

"Th- thank you," Alec stammered quietly, feeling like he was being scrutinized under the man's green-eyed stare. He returned the smile that was given to him and followed Magnus over to the elevator.

"That's Joshua," Magnus said, a bitter tone with just a hint of jealousy to his voice. "Ever since he started working here last year, he's been obsessed with you. I mean, I can't blame him really, you are gorgeous," he winked, "but he flirts with you right in front of me all the time. Doesn't seem to understand that you're off the market."

Alec scoffed a laugh and said, "you're funny when you're jealous." He bumped his shoulder against Magnus' and laughed again when the other man frowned, clearly not enjoying being laughed at.

"Shut up," he said moodily, although a smile was playing at his lips as the elevator doors pinged open and they stepped inside.

As they glided up to their floor, Alec started taking long, deep breaths to calm the frantic racing of his heart that sounded like thunder to him in the anticipation-filled silence. He wasn't sure how Magnus was feeling at that moment, but he guessed he was feeling pretty much similar things: nervous excitement, fear, tension… All of the emotions were bundled up in one tight ball, clogged up inside of Alec and growing with the passing seconds as if taunting him and trying to force him to scream out in anguish.

He managed to rein the scream in however, and remained silent as they stepped out of the lift and into a corridor decorated similarly to the lobby. Two doors down the left side of the lift, they stopped. Magnus pulled out a key, unlocked and opened the door, stepped back and gestured for Alec to go inside. "Welcome home," he said gently. "Go on in."

Alec took a few slow steps inside the apartment and stared wide-eyed around the room. He was vaguely aware of Magnus locking the door behind them and standing close to Alec's back, but he couldn't focus on that; instead, he was focusing on what was his home. It's my home, he thought, stunned. I actually live here!

It was simple and modern, yet perfectly decorated, the type of place that left people green with envy and wishing they lived somewhere like there.

The entire left-side wall was made of thick glass, the windows giving a view of the busy city of London. The other walls were painted white, making the room bright, adding extra light to the sunlight streaming through the window, making everything seem more open. The floor was a dark mahogany laminate flooring, matching the mantelpiece of the old-fashioned coal fire and the large bookcase leaning against a section of the wall. A large, flat screen plasma TV faced a set of black leather sofas and a glass coffee table, along with a stereo system next to the TV cabinet. From where he stood, Alec could see that the kitchen - which was separated from the living room by an archway in the wall - had silver, black and white cupboards and counters, along with the essentials.

"We really live here?" He gasped, staring at Magnus with eyes as big as an owl's. "I always wanted to have a place like this…"

"I know," Magnus nodded, "that's why I finally gave in and agreed not to decorate it with a lot of bright colours. Come on, I'll give you a tour of the rest of the place." He frowned a little; Alec guessed that it was probably just because it was strange for him to say that when he and Alec had been living here together for a while now.

Magnus showed Alec two bedrooms and a bathroom, both of which looked like rooms for guests with their plain colours and accessories; a sort of hotel-feel to them. The final room he showed him was a third bedroom, completely different to the other rooms.

"This is our bedroom," Magnus said as they stood in the doorway. "There's an en-suite bathroom through that door."

Like the rest of the apartment, it had white walls and dark flooring. The huge bed was clearly the focal point of the room, positioned in the middle of the room. The duvet was a luscious red and there was an array of cushions - far too many to count by just standing there looking at them - in the colours: white, black, and dark blue. Alec had the sudden urge to act like a child and run over and just collapse on top of it; it really did look that cosy.

But then, as he looked sideways and saw Magnus watching him look at the bed, he gulped and forced words to come out of his mouth. "I'm not comfortable with us sleeping together."

Magnus' eyes had a forlorn, desperately sad expression in them for just a glimmer of a second - anybody else wouldn't have seen the look seeing as he quickly masked it into a calm one, but Alec had always been able to see Magnus' true emotions and it unsettled him to know he had caused the look. But he had meant what he said and he wasn't going to take the words back just because he felt guilty; he had to put his own feelings first occasionally, and today was definitely one of those days.

"I understand. I'll sleep in one of the guest rooms for now, it's fine." He looked at the diamond-studded watch on his wrist. "It's still only 5pm… Do you wanna order a pizza and watch a movie or something? Just for something to do. And I'm sure you're starving after having to eat that horrible hospital food…"

"Okay," Alec shrugged. "That sounds… Normal. And normal is something I need right now."

(line break)

Magnus hadn't even thought about the sleeping situation until Alec brought it up, as bad as that sounds. Out of habit and routine, he had thought about sleeping in the same bed as Alec, completely forgetting about the memory loss every time he did so, if he was being completely honest.

Laid in one of the guest bedrooms that night, he was at first surprised that he couldn't sleep properly, despite feeling extremely tired. The only reason he'd been sleeping bad recently had been because he was worried about Alec, so he thought sleep would come easy now that Alec was out of hospital and perfectly healthy.

It didn't take long for Magnus to realise why he wasn't sleeping properly tonight.

He missed Alec.

His Alec. The Alec that was madly in love with Magnus; spent his spare time on his laptop, typing away as he lost himself in writing a novel; the Alec that had been happy and carefree ever since he'd got over the pain of his parents disliking his sexuality; watched 'Britain and Ireland's Next Top Model' just because Magnus did, and always complained about it although it was obvious he actually enjoyed the show.

Magnus knew that it was the same Alec in the other room; he was just confused from his amnesia… But it felt like it was a different Alec at the moment. The old Alec that Magnus hadn't seen in years. The Alec that was shy and unwilling to just let go and have fun; seeking his parents' approval for almost anything; the Alec that was scared of being himself because of how others might judge him.

Of course Magnus still loved Alec - how could he not? - but it still felt like it was a long-lost friend he was now living with, not the boyfriend that he adored.

Alec could never fall asleep whilst cuddling. Instead, he curled up on his side in the foetal position and drifted off into the land of dreams with slow, quiet breaths. Just a few minutes later, he'd roll over to Magnus' side of the bed and would cling on to his boyfriend's waist with an arm, throwing a leg over Magnus' as if caging him in and saying 'you're mine, don't even think about going anywhere', and resting his head on Magnus' bare chest.

Magnus would love the feel of Alec's soft hair against his chest and would wrap his arms tightly around his boyfriend, listening to Alec's gentle breathing as if it were a lullaby.

He missed being able to hold Alec at night.

He missed his Alec, the one that didn't have amnesia.

Without warning, a tear slid down Magnus' cheek. And then another. And another. And another. He buried his head in the cushions - which smelt of lavender air freshener, not the sandalwood shampoo he and Alec both used that now scented the cushions in the main bedroom - and silently wept.

He cried for the fact he was sleeping alone. He cried for the argument they had the night before the accident. He cried for all the times he hadn't realised just how lucky he was to have Alec. He cried for Alec, who seemed more lost and vulnerable than he ever had before.

But all in all, he cried for the relationship that seemed doomed to never have a happy ending.