We are still in flashback mode. I'm still telling the story of how two became three. There's lot of story to tell and I'm excited to get it all out for you to read. This is definitely an angsty chapter.
Remember, reviews are much appreciated..
Walking into the precinct the following morning Alex sat down at her desk and sorted through the various papers. She knew that she had to tell Captain Hannah that she was pregnant, but despite her telling Bobby that she wanted to come clean about their marriage, Alex knew that she couldn't. She wasn't ready to give up their partnership at work. So, when she went into Captain Hannah's office that morning it was to tell him about her "sudden" marriage and subsequent pregnancy. A marriage to a man that no one knew. The man that she made up was an investment banker and he traveled for work. She also told Captain Hannah about the baby. He assured her that she would be given adequate maternity leave once the baby was born.
It was on that day that Bobby wore his wedding ring for the first time. He told his co-workers that he was married in a quick ceremony in Atlantic City. Alex had to bite the inside of her lip to keep from laughing at the looks on their co-workers faces. She was sure that some of them wondered what poor woman had fallen for someone like him. If they only knew.
She was nearly six months pregnant when the bottom fell out of their world and they would have to admit that the stories of their marriage to other people were made up. It had started out innocently enough. They were on a routine stakeout. As routine as all the others that they had been on over the years. However, nothing about this day would be routine. He had tried to talk her out of going.
"Let me take one of the other detectives. You shouldn't be going out in the field. It's not safe and..."
Alex rolled her eyes and told him, "I'm not an invalid Bobby. I'm pregnant and perfectly capable of going along with you."
Bobby sighed and finally agreed with her. Against his better judgment, he said, "Fine."
They had just gotten out of the car when it happened. Their suspect came out of the building and headed towards his car. He saw Alex and Bobby and pulled a gun from his jacket pocket. He had pointed the gun at Alex, but when Bobby noticed, he jumped in front of her. Shielding her from the bullet.
Before she knew what was happening, Alex watched as her husband fell to the ground. She watched the blood seeped from his chest onto the light blue fabric of the shirt that he picked out that day. Alex let out a quiet, "No..."
She dropped to the ground beside him and put her hands on his chest to try and stop the bleeding. She whispered, "Hang on Bobby. Hang on for us."
She heard the sound of an ambulance in the distance. She prayed that they would get there in time to save him.
She felt herself being moved out of the way. She watched them kneel down to work on her husband and partner. She felt the tips of her fingernails dig into the palms of her hands. She said a silent prayer for him. She put her hand on her stomach and felt their baby moving. She watched as they loaded him onto a stretcher and wheeled him over to the waiting ambulance. She went to climb into the back with them, but was stopped when one of the paramedics put his hand on her shoulder, "Family only."
Alex shook her head, "He's my partner and my husband. Please? I need to be with him."
Alex was never one to beg for things. As a woman and a police detective, she thought that appearing strong was important. This time was different though. She needed to be with her husband. Needed to draw from his strength. For the first time in a long time, she wasn't afraid to admit that she was weak.
The man must have sensed that she needed this. That she needed to be with her husband. He finally nodded and took her hand to help her into the ambulance. She sat down next to her husband and took his hand. She kissed it softly and then she whispered, "I love you Bobby. You need to be strong and hold on for me and the baby."
Alex wasn't sure what she was expecting to hear. She guess that she hoped she would wake up from this bad dream. Wake up from the crushing reality that her husband was on the brink of death. She loved him so much. She let the tears flow freely now. He needed to be okay. He was the love of her life and she wasn't sure that she wanted to live a life that he was part of.
The rest of the ambulance ride went by in a blur. She watched as they unloaded her husband and rushed him into the hotel. She felt someone take her hand and helped her from the ambulance. Once she was on firm ground, she realized that the hand belonged to Captain Hannah.
He asked her softly, "What happened?"
Alex looked at her boss and said, "We were walking up to our suspects apartment and he was coming out. He noticed us and took out a gun. Bobby jumped out in front of me and..."
She dissolved into tears and Hannah finished, "He took the bullet that was intended for you." Alex nodded and Captain Hannah continued, "I need to call his wife. Let her know that he has been shot."
Alex nodded and she choked back a sob. None of their co-workers had ever seen their spouses. There was no need. It was then that Alex realized she needed to come clean. She finally whispered, "She knows."
Captain Hannah looked at her and asked, "Did you call her?"
Alex shook her head, "No. I didn't need to. She knows."
"How?"
Alex closed her eyes and swallowed hard. However, before she could say anything, she heard a nurse calling for the Bobby's family. She turned and walked over to the woman and listened to the nurse tell her about Bobby's condition. Alex listened to the words and felt herself falling to the floor.
When she woke she was in a hospital bed. Captain Hannah was sitting beside her bed. He was looking down at her and Alex tried to get out of bed. Hannah put his hand on her shoulder and said, "Easy Alex."
"Where am I?"
"You fainted when the nurse told you about Detective Goren's condition."
Alex bit her bottom lip and knew that he was putting two and two together. She finally asked, "How is he? Any word?"
"He's still in surgery."
She nodded and closed her eyes tightly. She needed to get out of this bed. She tried again and said, "I need to get out of bed. I need to be there when he gets out of surgery. I..."
"You aren't married to an investment banker. Are you?"
Alex shook her head and whispered, "No."
"And Goren isn't married to some women he met and married in Atlantic City."
She closed her eyes and whispered, "No."
"What's going on here Eames?"
Alex sighed and whispered, "We didn't mean to lie. We fell in love and we were married a little over four and a half years ago. We kept it a secret until six months ago."
"When you got pregnant..."
Alex nodded and whispered, "Yes..."
She knew then that the charade was over. Hannah was putting all of the pieces together. Their partnership was going to be taken away from them.
"Why did you and Goren lie about being married to other people?"
Alex took a deep breath and whispered, "Our partnership is the most important thing in our lives. It's how we met. It's where we fell in love. Our co-workers are like family to us and we didn't want to be split up."
Alex closed her eyes and she felt the tears slide down her cheeks. Her husband was fighting for her life and she was in this hospital bed. Their lives were falling apart and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.
Captain Hannah told her softly, "We will talk about this later. Right now, I need to go downstairs and check on Goren. You stay in bed and I will be back with word on his condition." He could tell that she was going to argue, so he told her, "That's an order Detective. I will be back when I know more. I don't want to have you in here for any longer than necessary."
Alex knew when she was defeated. She knew that they were all going to have to talk about the deception that the two of them had done. She knew that it could mean that end of their partnership, but she could say that she honestly didn't care. All she wanted was for her husband to be okay. Everything else could be worked out. They had an excellent solve rate and they had continued to work well together. Despite being married for the last four years, they hadn't let it effect their working relationship. She hoped that that would count for something.
She closed her eyes and tried to sleep. However, sleep wouldn't come. She finally drifted off into a restless sleep.
She wasn't sure what time she woke up, but someone shook her awake. She turned to see who it was and was immediately jolted awake by the look on their face. It was a look of sadness and hopelessness. Captain Hannah looked at her sadly. He hated to be the one to tell her this. Hated to be the teller of bad news. He'd told countless spouses that their husband or wife were killed in the line of duty. This time however, was one of the worst.
Alex looked at her Captain and shook her head. Then she put her hand on her stomach and whispered, "No... He can't be gone."
Captain Hannah looked up at the ceiling. This was one of the parts of his job that he hated the most. Not matter how many time he did it, it never got any easier. He took her hand and said softly, "He lost too much blood. They couldn't stabilize him. He bled out on the operating table. There wasn't anything that they could do."
Alex was glad that she was laying down. Because if she hadn't been she knew that she would have collapsed onto the floor. She closed her eyes and tried to stop the tears. This time however, there was no way to stop them. Then she started sobbing hysterically. She couldn't control it. No matter how much she tried. Captain Hannah told her softly, "The department will help you in any way we can."
Alex simply nodded. She couldn't speak. Her sobs wouldn't stop and no words came out of her mouth. The only thing she could do was cry. She put her hand on her gently rounded stomach and felt their baby kick. A baby that would never know his or her father. It was so monumentally unfair. They were finally happy and excited about welcoming their baby in a few months. Bobby had even started painting the nursery.
She heard the door open and then close again. It was then that she was alone again. It was then that she released the sobs that she'd tried to hold inside. She cried for her husband. She cried for the baby that she carried inside her. A baby that would be the only thing left to remind her of the love that she shared with the incredible man that she had married.
She pushed the nurses call button and asked for a sedative. She knew that she needed to sleep, but couldn't without thinking of the man that she loved and lost so tragically.
It was late that evening when she woke again. She stretched and for a brief moment she smiled and thought about Bobby coming home from work. Then, she opened her eyes and realized that she was in the hospital and she remembered that Bobby was gone. She closed her eyes, but refused to cry. She needed to see her husband one last time. She needed to say goodbye to the man that she loved more than life itself. The man that made her laugh and made her cry. The man that she knew she would never forget.
She called for the nurse and asked, "I need to see my husband. I need to say goodbye to him."
The nurse nodded sympathetically and walked to get a wheelchair. She returned a few minutes later and helped Alex out of her bed. Then she asked, "Are you sure you're strong enough for this?"
"No, but I need to see him one last time. I need to say goodbye."
The tears rolled down her cheek silently and she hated herself for crying. She wasn't usually this emotional. However, her husband was dead and it was all her fault. He had only been trying to save her. She hadn't wanted or asked him to protect her. Damn him. Why had he jumped in front of that bullet? She knew the answer to that question immediately. He had been trying to protect her and their unborn baby. Deep down she knew that he had done what he thought was right, but it didn't make it any easier to accept. Because of a split second decision she was a widow and her baby had no father.
They finally wheeled her into the room that he was in. He looked so still. She'd never seen him like this before. She barely heard the nurse whisper, "I'll leave you alone to say goodbye."
She nodded and looked down at her husband. If she didn't know any better, she would have sworn that he was sleeping. She expected him to open his eyes and give her a kiss. She knew that it was just wishful thinking however. She took his hand in hers and gave it a soft kiss. She'd seen hundreds of dead bodies over the years. It had never been this personal. Never been this hard for her. She'd always felt bad for the families that she'd had to break the news to. Now she knew how they felt. She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. It hurt to breathe and it hurt to look at him laying on that cold metal table. She closed her eyes and whispered, "Why? Why did you throw yourself in front of me? I know the answer, but I still hate you for it." She took a deep breath and whispered, "No, I don't hate you. I miss you. I can't go on without you. Damn you Bobby... It wasn't supposed to end like this. We were supposed to have a long life ahead of us. You were looking forward to becoming a daddy. You were going to be an awesome daddy..."
She dissolved into tears and then whispered, "I'll make sure that this baby knows all about you. What a wonderful man you were. How you always stood for what was right. Despite what it cost you. I'll make sure our baby is proud to have you for it's father. I love you so much Bobby. I don't know how I'm going to go on without you. You were my best friend and my partner. Dammit... This is so unfair. You didn't deserve to die protecting me..."
She dissolved into tears once again. It seemed as if the tears wouldn't stop. She had no control over her emotions. Especially since getting pregnant. She looked at him once again and then she whispered, "I'm so sorry... It's all my fault..."
She knew that if she hadn't gone along with him that day then he wouldn't have jumped in front of that bullet. He was simply trying to protect her and their unborn baby. It was something that she hadn't asked him to do, but she knew that he wouldn't have done anything less. She closed her eyes and then she heard the nurse come back into the room.
"Are you ready to go back to your room?"
Alex shook her head, "No. I don't want to leave him. Not here. Not all alone... I..."
The nurse nodded her head and put her hand on her shoulder gently. They stayed there until Alex had no tears left to cry. She felt numb inside. She couldn't believe that he was gone. She felt herself being wheeled out of the room where her husband remained. She closed her eyes and wondered how in the world she would be able to go on without him.
The days following his death passed extremely slowly for Alex. People came and went. Her family stayed with her and tried to help her through the hardest days. She closed herself off and spoke only when spoken to. Even then it was only one word sentences. She settled into a deep depression. Her husband was dead and no one could bring him back. She closed herself off from nearly everyone.
A week after his death, they arrived at the cemetery for his burial. Alex didn't want to go, but she wanted to say goodbye. She needed to say goodbye to the man she loved with all of her heart. So, he managed to get herself out of bed and dressed in her best clothes.
Her father arrived and she hugged him tightly. Then she whispered, "I'm not ready to let him go daddy. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It's not fair. He was a good man. He didn't deserve to die like he did..."
Johnny Eames looked at his daughter and his heart broke for her. He knew that his daughter loved her husband. The whole family had grown to love him. He was good for his daughter. He treated her with respect and it was obvious that they were deeply in love. His daughter smiled more after they married. He loved seeing her happy and now she was anything but happy. He was dressed in his police uniform out of respect for a fallen comrade. He took his daughter's hand and whispered, "He died protecting you Lexi... He wouldn't have had it any other way. He didn't want anything to happen to you or the baby. He..."
"I didn't ask him to protect me! I feel so guilty that he died protecting me! Why does it hurt so much? It hurts so bad that I can hardly breathe. I want to climb into bed and sleep forever. I miss him so much dad. It's not fair..."
He gathered his daughter in his arms. He knew that she missed her husband. She hadn't been the same since the day that he died. Some of the spark had went out of her. She never smiled and she rarely got out of bed anymore. She only ate to keep the baby healthy. Otherwise she would have wasted away to nothing.
He walked her out to his car and opened the door for her. She sat inside and looked out the passenger side window. She didn't speak during the entire ride to the cemetery. She simply stared out into space. She was like a robot. When they got to the cemetery, she hesitated getting out of the car. She wasn't ready to say goodbye. Wasn't ready for him to be lowered into the cold, hard ground. She finally opened the door and walked towards the grave site. Every step was harder to take than the last. She finally sat down in a chair that they had set up for the mourners. She waited for the others to sit down. When the minister started the ceremony, she closed her eyes and tuned him out. Before she knew it, the service was over.
After everyone had left and he was lowered into the ground, Alex stayed behind. She wanted to say goodbye in private. However, she couldn't say goodbye. All she could do is crumble to the ground and beg for God to bring him back to her. She screamed and cursed at a God that she wasn't sure she ever believed in. She crumbled to the ground on top of his grave and would have given anything to take his place at that moment.
The next thing Alex knew, she was being shook awake by her father. She opened her eyes and whispered, "Daddy..."
"Lexi. You have us quite a scare. First Bobby gets shot and then you faint. I swear, you two aren't making it easy on us old folks."
She simply shrugged and whispered, "I'm sorry daddy. I miss him so much."
Johnny smiled and told her, "Well, he's out of surgery and in intensive care. He's still sleeping, but they said that you can see him if you want to."
She looked at her father and whispered, "He's gone daddy..."
"No Lexi. You were having an awful nightmare. That's why I woke you. You were screaming and crying. I couldn't watch you any longer. I'm not sure what you dreamed, but it looked awful."
"He's alive?"
"Yes. And once you get stronger the doctor said that you can visit him for a few minutes."
Alex nodded and then she smiled brightly and whispered, "He's alive. I had a bad dream. He died on the operating table. He left us daddy."
Johnny nodded, "He hasn't left you Lexi. He's got a great chance at recovering completely."
She tried to push herself out of bed. She needed to see for herself that he was alive. She wouldn't believe it until she saw him with her own eyes...
