Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Recess.

Butch smiles at T.J., "Thanks, Teej." He sniffles and wipes the sleeve of his right arm on his eyes to get rid of his tears.

T.J. sighs lightly, "I know I don't understand this, but I think I understand enough to know it's serious. You should get help for it."

Butch shakes his head still sniffling.

"How did you..." Randall starts. He rubs his hands together nervously not sure how to finish his thought. "Why, um..." he struggles to find the right words.

T.J. senses this and finishes for him, "How did you learn to do this? What made you decide to... start doing this? I know your family's been having trouble, but people normally don't..."

"It felt right." Butch cuts in answering. He pauses but realizes they want to hear more. Butch pulls his left sleeve down covering his arm which had stopped bleeding now. The dried blood on his sleeve visible. He frowns at the sight.

"People are going to notice." T.J. tells him, referring to the blood.

"Yeah, I know." He mutters.

"I don't even have to squeal." Randall remarks to himself - although the others can hear him.

Butch almost looks like he's going to cry again but he stops himself. "Gee, I feel like the crier kid." He half smiles at his joke. He frowns again and continues, "One particular night, not long after the police came to our door telling us of the news of Joey's... death" he gulps swallowing the bitterness of the memory, "I was in my room listening to my parents argue as usual in the living room. I hear a slap and then my mother crying and the slam of a door. By that point I hear the sound of a cap being popped off and swallowing and groaning." He gets curious looks from T.J. and Randall. "My father was drinking beer in front of the television. He does this every night... I knew what had happened. They didn't just argue. They got into a fight. Over Joey... over me. I went into my bathroom, which is in my room, and just started to get so angry! I took a hand mirror I had and threw it at the tub. It shattered into a few pieces." He directly looks to his listeners. "I don't know if I was in blind fury or it was the heat of the moment or what. But I did the unthinkable. I just... I went over and took a piece and just slashed it on one of my legs. It started bleeding but I didn't care. I kept going. I started going at it on my wrists and... started crying, a lot. I was so angry with myself. With everything!" He licked his lips, "I fell asleep tired from all the energy it took. I slept in my own blood." T.J. and Randall glance at each other in absolute shock from the gruesome tale.

"You were too angry to feel anything?" T.J. asks.

"I just felt anger. I didn't feel pain or... pleasure. I felt like I was in a hypnotic state or something. Like a part of me just took over for me and I was watching myself from somewhere else, maybe another part of the bathroom. Just watching this crazy 9 year old boy slicing his body with cuts and the blood splattering everywhere. Onto the tub, the floor, the sink... everywhere. At the time I wasn't thinking. I guess it kind of was like punching a pillow to let off some steam. But to a more extreme level."

T.J. nods, "That's what Spinelli does." He almost regrets interrupting.

"What?" Randall asks, surprised by the change of mood.

"Oh, sorry. I just meant Spinelli punches pillows when she's angry." He shrugs, "Though now I see she'll also draw on the pavement at the playground."

"I wish I was more like that. Be creative instead of..."

T.J. looks down to the ground, "destructive."

Butch suddenly stands up. "I kept this up most nights mainly on my legs and thighs and stuff." T.J. stands up looking at him. "My body's a mess Teej. If I keep doing this at the rate I have... I don't know what will happen."

"You need to stop."

"But I can't have my parents find out. If they knew what my body looked like now." He bites his bottom lip and quivers in fear. "I'd be disowned."

"No!" Randall stands up and walks up to Butch. He looks him squarely in his eyes. "They wouldn't do that!" His voice softens, "They're your parents. They love you. Just like mine love me."

"They hate each other because of me. How could they love me?" Butch hangs his head. "I'm such a screw-up."

"What are you talking about?" T.J. asks bewildered.

"I just am. My grades suck, I have no real friends, I..." he stops abruptly. "Nevermind."

"What?" They both ask at the same time.

He turns his back to them. "Forget it." The bell rings.

"Aw, it's time for class! We'll never make it back in time being this far out!" Randall grumbles in his usual way.

"You go ahead back. I'll take care of this with Butch." T.J. instructs.

Randall takes one last look at them and runs off.

"You ready to do this?" T.J. questions Butch.

Butch slowly turns back around, "You're okay with missing class?"

"Of course. Butch, I'm a real friend. I'll help you get through this. Starting with the school nurse checking you out. I'll walk you there."

Butch looks scared.

T.J. tries to ease his mind, "All the students are back in class now. No one will see. Here, how about this? Take off your jacket. Leave it here." Butch raises an eyebrow.

"Why?"

T.J. takes off his own olive green jacket, "Put this on. It's clean." Butch realizes and does as he's told.

"Come on, let's go." They head back to the school leaving the jacket in the forest behind.

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