A/N: Chapter 3 like I promised. Please R & R, constructive critism is a MUST. There are lyrics posted at the end of the chapter, but keep in mind they are not posted in entirety. (Note: Grammatical errors. Fixed!)

Disclaimer: Own nothin' except previously mentioned original charaters.

Warnings: Some minor language, an SH (self-harm) scene, and sexual references. Nothing major so you all should be able to handle it :)


Chapter 3

Quidditch and Potions

It is near the end of November, I have been going steady with Terry for a few weeks. Natalie found out about my plan on breaking things off with him and talked me out of it. Not like she had to, I knew the type of person I am.

It was the afternoon and I was sitting in the back row in potions with my chin resting on my arm, twirling my wand in-between my fingers. Slughorn was handing back a quiz we took in our last potions class. He handed me mine with a shake of his head. Inwardly I groaned, another failure.

"Speak to me after class, Ms. Sommers," he said. But as soon as class was over, I quietly slipped away.

I barely walked a few feet away from the classroom when a hand grabbed my shoulder. I slowly turned around, fearing it was Slughorn. To my relief, and dislike, it was Terry.

"Hey Babe," he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "How about you and I slip away for a bit?"

A sly grin was poised on his face and by the tone of his voice I knew what he wanted. I really did not want to but I gave in anyway. I knew better to just give him what he wants then just fight it. Nothing good came from fighting back.

He led me to an empty classroom and closed the door. Before I could object to anything, he shoved me against the wall and we proceeded to do the deed. Afterwards he tucked in his shirt, kissed me on the forehead, and left, leaving me to feel dirty and used.

Inside that room I pulled down my skirt and fixed my shirt. I glanced at the scars and cuts when I pulled on my ratty cloak. Does he ever notice them? I wondered. He is probably too busy getting under my skirt to notice or he just doesn't care. I stared at my arm and just let the cloak dangle off my right shoulder; then I pulled out my knife and added another scar to my collection.

I watched my skin give and the warm liquid spill; the usual scene that I've witnessed over and over again, the same sensation. I felt it wash over me like the kind of high you get from a drug. But when it's gone, you crash. Feel worse then before. So much like a drug, I thought, it gives to you and takes it away and yet you want more. Will I ever become numb to it? I wondered.

Shaking the thoughts off, I closed my knife and pulled on my cloak. Picking up my bag I opened the door and left the room.

Later, in the late afternoon, I took my broom out from under my bed and set off for the Quidditch Pitch. I needed to physically get away from everyone; Terry, Natalie and the common room. There were some days where you feel so suffocated that you literally had to walk away, and today was one of those days.

When I reached my destination I mounted my broom, kicked off and flew around the Quidditch Pitch. I kicked off from the ground without even thinking, not even bothering to tie my hair up, and let go of everything that happened these past months, letting them fly away with the wind. Nothing can compare to the tranquility of flying. Neither sleep nor scar.

I remembered when my father first taught me to fly, just him and me on his broom zooming across the English countryside. I barely remember our summer vacations in the country, because I was so young, but I do remember flying with my dad. I was four and frightened at first, but father was there with me so I eventually became comfortable with the broom and found out that I loved being in the air. He gave me my first broom when I was six. I know I was too young to have one and my mother was furious, she objected to me even learning to fly at the age of four, however father felt that I was ready. I was too small to fly alone but just knowing that the broom was mine was enough.

The images of my young childhood flew through my mind as fast as the wind whipped through my hair and cloak. Usually I try to block earlier memories of my childhood, the past is the past, and those happy days are behind me now. On the other hand, at this very moment, I was glad to remember. I can never cry or feel down when flying.

But my bout of peace was short lived as I spotted a flash of red in my peripheral; it was the Gryffindor Quidditch team, out to practice.

I steered my broom and landed into the stands, getting out of the way and wanting to see the team practice. I also had no desire to go back to the common room anytime soon.

The team looked at me curiously but no one said anything, though I did hear someone say: "Potters fan." I kept to myself, occasionally commenting on an action or direction Harry gave- to myself of course. The practice seemed to go smoothly and by sundown they were finished. The team flew off to the changing rooms, leaving Harry with the Quidditch balls.

I guided my broom towards the pitch, deciding it was time to go back. Harry was wrestling a bludger into the crate when the Snitch escaped.

"Shit!" he swore. Thinking fast, I kept my eyes on the Snitch, leaned into my broom and sped forward, extending my right arm, and I managed to catch the Snitch.

"I think you lost this," I said holding out the Golden Snitch and landing.

"Thanks," said Harry, panting from his wrestling match with the bludger. "That was a good catch, why aren't you seeker for the Ravenclaw's?"

He plucked the golden ball from my hand and I shoved my fist into my pocket.

"Never really considered it," I shrugged.

"Well you should, you're good."

"Thanks," I said, diverting my eyes. Harry bent low and placed the Snitch into its compartment.

"Your name's Alana right?" he asked, straightening up.

"Yeah," I said, startled, my eyes flicking upwards to his green ones. No one ever remembers my name.

"Now I remember, you spilled Butterbeer on me a while back," he said laughing. I let out a nervous laugh. What is it with me being such a dumbass? I opened my mouth to respond but the bludger that Harry was wrestling with escaped its bindings and pelted straight for me. I ducked and Harry dived on it in time. He struggled with it back into the crate and I reached over and helped him. Our hands momentarily touched and after we secured the bludger we stood up and stared at each other.

"Thanks," he said.

"No problem," I answered, I saw the red Quaffle on the ground and stooped and picked it up. "Don't forget this," I said handing it to him, his fingers grazed mine. We stood there in an awkward silence, until Harry gave another nervous laugh.

"Do you need help with that?" I asked indicating to the crate.

"Oh, yes please," he said as if realizing it was there. He threw the red ball into the crate and closed and locked it. I adjusted my broom in my hand and grabbed one end of the crate and he took the other. We walked off the Quidditch field and put the crate away in Madame Hooch's office, which was followed by another awkward silence.

"Well, I should be going back," I said.

"Alright then, thank you for your help Alana. Have a goodnight."

But I did not respond back, my back was already turned and I was walking as quickly as possible back to the Ravenclaw dorm.

Harry:

Why is she so…so, I struggled to think of a word to describe Alana, lonely? I thought, finding no other word and watching Alana walk off. She seems like a nice girl, and she always hides her face behind her hair, why? She's very pretty

No, I thought, walking towards the Gryffindor common room, she is dating that Slytherin, and besides, Neville loves her.

I walked across the long stretch of grass up to the castle, thinking about Alana; for some reason I could not get that girl out of my head. I gripped my broom and looked up at the approaching castle, watching the dying sun cast its rays on the old building. Pushing open the heavy doors, I walked in.

I don't even know her anyway and it's not like I like her… do I?

I stopped next to the Grand Staircase and pondered this. Images of her and her long hair flowing in the breeze as she flew streamed into my mind. I quickly pushed them out.

"I don't like her in that way," I said aloud then continued to the common room.

Then why is my heart saying otherwise?

Alana:

I returned to the Ravenclaw common room both stunned and excited. Harry Potter, I thought, I managed to talk to Harry Potter, and he even remembered my name.

Don't get so excited. He's just being polite.

But I still felt like I swallowed a whole cauldron of Felix Felicis and was also experiencing the side effects. As I slipped into the common room I barely noticed my housemates.

Look at you, you're acting like a stupid lovesick puppy, get a grip of yourself.

I crossed the room and went into the girls' dormitory. I closed the door and went to my trunk and pulled out my pajamas, still deep in thought. I could never tell Terry; he would get jealous like he did in Hogsmeade a few weeks ago. Heavens knows how he would react to this encounter. I knew I also couldn't tell Natalie; she would tell and side with Terry.

I slipped into my P.J.'s and sat onto my bed. Yes I have to keep this little meeting a secret.

Suddenly I heard the dormitory door open and I quickly slipped under the navy covers. I had a feeling on whom it might be.

"Alana?" appeared Natalie's voice from the door. I pretended to be asleep, not really wanting to see her at this moment.

The door closed after a few minutes and I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. My God, Alana, what have you gotten yourself into?


The next Potions class I was not quick enough. Slughorn caught me and made me stay after. I leaned against my seat, toying with a loose string that was hanging from the sleeve of the cloak that I never take off, bored as hell as Slughorn lectured me. I was momentarily relieved when the creak of the door opening reached my ears and someone stepped in. I kept on staring at a point behind Slughorn.

"Harry!" Slughorn said jovially, my head spun around and I saw that it was indeed Harry Potter standing at the door. He paused and stared at me. "Just the person I needed to see!" said Slughorn, breaking our reverence; I turned back to the front of the classroom, my arms crossed. "You see, I have this student here," -gesturing towards me- "who does not show the competence in potion making like you do. Would you mind tutoring her for me Harry? I am sure she will thrive under your guidance!"

My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped as I stared at the fat man in front of me. Is Slughorn really saying what I think he's saying? There was a momentary pause.

"Um-yeah, sure professor," Harry said. I felt like fainting, great, just what I need, to make a full of myself in front of Harry Potter. Again.

"Then it's all settled then! Now run along Ms. Sommers, and remember Saturday, detention with me."


The corridor halls were very cold and drafty, colder then usual for early December because of the Dementors breeding. I sat in the library waiting for Harry, shivering. I met him outside the Potions classroom and he agreed to Monday after dinner in the library. The shivers that racked my body were not only from the cold, but also from nerves. Where is he? I thought, panicking a little.

I awoke early in the morning, well before breakfast, and laid in bed nervous. Fuck, I'm going to do something stupid, I know it. It was Monday, the day I had my study date with Harry.

After some deliberation, I got up and took a shower. Now clean, I stood in front of the same mirror that I usually look into when I am scolding myself for something I've done, would it kill you to make yourself presentable at least? I used the same drying charm on my hair and the same hair potion that Natalie once used ages ago, she should really lock up her stuff, I thought while combing the liquid through my hair.I opened a black makeup bag that I owned; everything inside of it was relatively new since I rarely wear makeup. Some of the items in my bag were things given to me from Natalie others I lifted from muggle shops when I needed something to cover the bruises my uncle gave me or the scars on my arm.

I looked at my reflection and wondered what I am going to do about my face. I don't need to use foundation since I have no blemishes, my eyes and lips could use some work though, I thought and proceeded to do my own makeup. Once finished I looked at myself in the mirror. Not bad, I thought, maybe I should use makeup more often.

I went back to the girl's dormitory and put on the school uniform and my cloak and stared at my reflection. My hair is too long. Maybe I should cut it… I thought, fingering my wand. Maybe later. Where's my knife? I frantically thought, feeling my pockets. I went back to my unkempt bed and reached into the azure pillowcase. Finding it, I pulled it out and weighed the object in my hand. It was small, only the length of my palm when open. The black plastic handle was nicked from years of pulling it out and dropping it. I chuckled hollowly at how this object became my best friend and worst enemy through these years. I pulled myself out of this small trance and put the knife in my pocket next to my wand, then went down to breakfast.

Once I stepped into the Hall, my eyes quickly sought out Natalie and I began to move swiftly towards her. She glanced up at me and had to look twice; Natalie dropped the toast she was holding along with her jaw. The other girls followed her gaze and stared as well. A few of the boys did a double take while I walked along the length of the table. Natalie's astonishment was finally broken and she began shouting.

"Ouch! Alana! Look at that! Hot stuff there!"

I blushed, mortified. Her shouts caught the attention of the Hufflepuff's whose table was right next to ours. A few of them let out whistles. What seemed like miles later, I met up with Natalie and sat next to her.

"Oh my God, Alana! Look at you! What's with this sudden change in your looks?" asked Natalie.

"Oh nothing, I just wanted to surprise Terry," I lied. I could not tell her or Terry; Terry would just get jealous and Natalie would take his side.

As soon as I said his name, Terry appeared next to me as if summoned.

"Hey babe, wow you look amazing," he said leaning over next to my ear and sliding his hand down my back.

"I know, doesn't she?" said Natalie, leaning over me. "Loads better then what I did when she first went out on that date with you."

All the other girls began asking questions, making it very hard to concentrate on my meal.

"Whoa, guys, I just decided to put on a little makeup. Nothing to get excited about," I said annoyed.

"Yes it is," said Elaine, a fellow dorm mate, "you know as well as I do that you are not really a head turner."

At this comment I looked at her.

"I mean, you're pretty and all, but let's admit it, how often do you look this good?"

"She's right, I never knew you had it in you," said Natalie.

I put down my fork, my appetite was lost.

"I have to get to Charms, I'm goin' to be late," I mumbled grabbing my bag and leaving.

"Alana, wait! I didn't mean-"

But I did not hear the rest of her excuse. I could hear Natalie and Elaine get angry at my rude escape. Luckily I did not hear their comments.

Once I managed to leave the Great Hall I ran into the girls bathroom and stayed there until it was time for my first class.

I got a really bad sinking feeling in my stomach when I remembered what happened at breakfast. I knew I was not as pretty as the other girls, but to actually hear someone (other then Natalie) say it just seemed to make that feeling worse. When I was in the girl's bathroom I locked myself in a stall and pulled out my knife, maybe I was being a bit oversensitive but I just really wanted to be left alone. It was not like I was crying; I just wanted to reflect on this by myself.

I took a small mirror out of my bag and checked my makeup for the hundredth time. Where is he?

Harry:

Once finished with my meal, I told Ron that I needed to work on some schoolwork and I wanted to concentrate alone and in quiet. But I know he didn't really hear what I said, Lavender had his attention.

I picked up my bag and slipped out of the Great Hall. It was not very hard to lose Hermione either, before dinner I told her that I wanted to study alone this time and see if I can get more work done. She told me that was a good idea and said nothing more, especially when Lavender and Ron walked by.

I did not want to tell anyone that I was, in fact, tutoring another student. Alana, more specifically. I knew Hermione would give me a reprimand that the only reason I was actually good at potions was because of that book, which was true, and then throw in another on the book. I did not tell Ron because I did not want to risk anything getting back to Neville, and also because I never would have gotten a chance to do so anyway.

Why are you doing this Harry? I thought to myself as I walked up a set of stairs to the library. Slughorn said another student needed help and I am giving her help, I thought almost as if trying to convince myself that this was the only reason I was helping her. You're only good at potions because of that book, said a nagging voice at the back of my mind. Yeah, but it's all fifth year stuff. How hard can it be?

I turned the corner and saw the entrance to the library. I still don't know why I was doing this, then thoughts of Alana's deep brown eyes came into my mind, but I quickly pushed those out. Then I remembered Ginny and her smile. No, I don't like either of them, I thought sternly; then entered the library.

Alana:

I began putting my quill and books in my bag, he's not coming, I thought. I was stupid to think so. Before I could close my bag I saw Harry standing by the table. My heart skipped and I blushed.

"What? We're not studying?" he asked, a slight smile on his face. I blushed even more, oh God, stop blushing! Curse these cheeks, I thought.

"No, I was… just afraid you weren't coming," I confessed. Harry laughed. His laugh gave me chills, not the bad kind, almost...sensational. Alana, stop it. I looked down and tried to pretend Harry was someone else. He is only tutoring you because Slughorn asked, he doesn't like you. Don't get your hopes up.

"Well I'm here now."

Harry laughed again but, when he noticed that I was not joining him, quickly cleared his throat.

"Well, let get started then," he said, setting down his things. I silently nodded and took out my potions book.


Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

This is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we are, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but our heads spinning

"Why Can't I?" - Liz Phair

You're never gonna find it if you're looking for it
It won't come your way, yeah

I should've done something, but I've done it enough
By the way, your hands were shaking
I'd rather waste some time with you

Well you never would've thought in the end
How amazing it feels just to live again
It's a feeling that you can not miss
And it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

Well you're never gonna find it if you're looking for it
It won't come your way, yeah

"Blue and Yellow" - The Used

Each song describes the attraction between Harry and Alana, Liz Phair for Harry and The Used best represented Alana.