This one is long enough that I've decided to split it into two parts. Part two should be up tomorrow. :)
They were having dinner late again, not unusual for two people who both often worked past seven. This time it was Lizzie's meeting that went long, so it was Darcy's turn to keep the food warm while he waited. One of the resolutions they had made early in their relationship was that no matter how busy their lives, no matter how difficult it was to coordinate their schedules, they would make an effort to share at least one meal together every day. Only when they were actually in different cities did they allow exceptions.
She let out a sigh as she dropped her fork to her empty plate. "All right. You cooked; I'll clean. Just give me a minute."
"Don't worry about it." He rose, stacked her plate on his, and carried them to the sink. "I can see you've had a harder day than mine."
"If I weren't bone tired I'd put up more of a protest. Thanks."
He rinsed the dishes, put them in the dishwasher, and wiped down the counters with brisk efficiency. He was frequently tempted to point out to Lizzie that her dislike of cleaning could be alleviated if she just went in and got the job done instead of procrastinating and letting the mess pile up, not to mention getting distracted and therefore taking twice as long to finish – but he wisely kept his mouth shut. There was always the risk of her bringing up the housekeepers who had done most of the work during his childhood so he had never learned to develop a distaste for chores. He had learned from painful experience to avoid such inflammatory topics.
And then there was the fact that he genuinely enjoyed finding ways to make life easier for his wife. It was only fair, since she brought so much pleasure and sunlight into his own. "Lizzie," he said thoughtfully as he rejoined her at the table, "perhaps this is silly, but I can't helping thinking of that scenario we discussed that night after our anniversary."
"Oh, really?" She looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Did you want to act out what would have happened after I kissed you?"
That was very tempting. "Perhaps….later. What I was thinking, though. In that situation you did most of the work in changing our relationship. You were certainly the instigator, in any case."
"Okay…."
"Much as I enjoyed speculating about it, I couldn't help envisioning a scenario wherein I, instead, instigated the initial changes."
Lizzie's weariness drained away, replaced by lively enthusiasm. "Is that so?" She leaned over the table, chin resting on her hands. "Do tell."
"What if I stumbled across your videos on my own?"
She let out a short laugh. "What if indeed. I've imagined that plenty of times myself. But it usually ends with you hating me, and maybe a lawsuit or two thrown in for good measure."
"There is no scenario I could possibly dream up that would end with that," he said earnestly.
"I know. Which is a great comfort. I'm impressed by your ability not to get offended, I just think you're underestimating my ability to be offensive."
He waved away this absurd notion. "What I'm trying to decide, however, is how and when. If you hadn't informed me yourself, I'm not sure that I ever would have become aware of your video blog."
"I think we can come up with something. But when, that's a crucial question. From the very beginning? Don't tell me you would have fallen in love with me just by watching me make fun of my parents and sisters for a couple of minutes."
"Not love, but I would have been intrigued."
"You would have behaved differently toward me at the wedding."
"I would hope so."
"Would you have told me you knew about the videos?"
"That's a good question. I'm not sure. Perhaps not immediately."
"Yeah, it would be a pretty weird conversation starter," Lizzie giggled. "Hey, I know you from the Internet!"
He shook his head. "I almost feel it would be too easy for me. I would have too much of an advantage over you, knowing who you were and at least something about you before we ever met."
"I knew almost nothing about you and still felt I could make any number of assumptions about your character." She buried her face in her hands and reemerged, shaking it off. "Argh. Never mind. Should we look at a different timeline? Move the discovery to some later point in our acquaintance?"
"How about several weeks later? When I was reluctantly beginning to acknowledge an interest in you."
"You mean like your fascination for my fine eyes?"
Darcy reddened. "That was a misrepresentation of my words."
"Sure it was. Okay, so that's our when. What's the how?"
"That will be difficult. I was never one to idly browse the Internet, and I only engaged with social media on a sporadic basis."
"Which is pretty weird for the head of a digital media company."
"I was selective. I preferred establishing a handful of high-quality platforms rather than a large quantity of poor quality."
"And yet you stooped to the plebeian realm of YouTube to set up the Domino test run."
"That was largely thanks to you," he said, ready to move on with the conversation, but her jaw dropped and she cut in.
"Uh, what? My doing? I had nothing to do with Domino."
"Your videos are what inspired me to use YouTube for our platform." Had he not told her this already? She blinked, clearly stunned. "Till that point," he went on, "I doubted that a channel on YouTube would attract viewers of any significant discernment. Then I saw that you had created high-quality, intelligent content there, drawing in a similarly intelligent audience. My low opinion of the platform was instantly elevated."
"Wow. Okay, first of all, you are definitely a snob." Darcy could not help stiffening, but she went on with a warm smile, "A snob who's willing to broaden his perspective, especially when encouraged by a pair of fine eyes."
He rolled his own eyes, though her teasing, as always, made him love her more. "Shall we get back on track? I believe I've effectively explained how I managed to remain oblivious to your video blog until external circumstances forced me to become aware."
"So what external circumstances could we contrive to replace my foot-in-mouth moment? Oh, I've got an idea." She bounced up in her seat. "Let's say there's some article floating around the upper echelons of business bigwigs –"
"Business bigwigs?" he repeated dubiously.
"Just for the alliteration. You'll see. So, this article is talking about controlling your online persona, and recommends that you Google your name frequently to remain aware of what's trending in regards to your persona."
Immediately he said, "I would ignore it. If there's any serious issues with my online image, I have assistants who could apprise me of it. Googling oneself is nothing but vanity, the need to see one's name over and over."
"I've Googled myself more than once."
"It would be vanity for me," he corrected, fumbling.
"I'm teasing," she said, and he relaxed somewhat. "If it feels vain to you, then you don't have to do it. To each their own. But I'm getting to the best part. See, Fitz reads the article. When he can't convince you to do it yourself, he decides to Google you. And one of the things that comes up is my videos."
"Fitz finds them first." He tapped his fingers against the table contemplatively. "Hence the alliteration."
"Mmm-hmm. So, I don't think he'd watch all of them. Not right away. As soon as he realized we were talking about you and Bing and Caroline, he'd call you. Hey, Darcy, do you know someone named Lizzie Bennet?" Her imitation of Fitz's voice was both accurate and hilarious.
"I would be startled, to say the least. Have you been talking to Bing?"
"Even though Bing would be a lot more likely to mention Jane."
"True."
"Uh, no Fitz would say. I take it you know her, then?"
"We are – acquainted."
"Well, congratulations. You've made it onto her video blog."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah. You'd better check it out. The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, on YouTube."
"Thank you for apprising me of this." He considered the scenario. "I don't think I would seek out your videos immediately. I would be anxious, uncertain. At this point I could only guess at your feelings about me. You seemed friendly enough, but beyond that I had no idea. In a way I might prefer to keep it a mystery for the time being."
"I was way too good at disguising my hatred," she sighed. "Fake politeness is overrated."
He glanced at her. "You might be veering into a different scenario."
"Right, sorry," she said in mock-seriousness. "One speculation at a time."
"So I would begin watching perhaps the next day. This would be fifteen or sixteen videos, right? I would be done in about an hour."
"A little less grueling than your 60-video marathon."
"But similarly illuminating. I would see the effect of my thoughtless words at the wedding, and how my cold demeanor and reticence justifiably perpetuated your initial impression."
"And my judginess and stubborn refusal to admit when I'm wrong," Lizzie put in cheerily. "Don't overlook those lovely qualities."
"I would have been shocked, there is no denying that. When I actually watched those first 60 videos, I already knew your dislike of me. In this situation it would have come as a complete surprise. I would be wounded, perhaps briefly angry. But I believe eventually I would have to admit the justice of your criticisms. I would have been abashed by my own reservations about your family and financial situation after realizing they were concerns that significantly occupied your own mind, but in a far more nuanced manner."
"Nuanced? You'd call my costumed impressions of my mother nuanced?"
"More than my initial viewpoint. I would harbor no more arrogant doubts about whether you were worthy of me. I would know, instead, that I was not worthy of you."
"Whatever. But at that point you weren't even sure if you wanted to like me, or be liked by me. Would you want to go through all that trouble to fix my opinion of you?"
"My aim would not be to fix anything about you," he said with a frown. "It would be to amend my own bad behavior. Whether or not that changed your opinion is not the issue. It is a matter of principle."
"That's also true of what really happened, isn't it?" she said quietly. "After you left Collins and Collins, you didn't plan on ever seeing me again. You didn't know that improving yourself would eventually result in me seriously changing my mind. Your motives were totally selfless."
"You're exaggerating my virtues. But surely you're not just now realizing my intentions after leaving Hunsford?"
"No, I knew it," she said. "I just love it." They shared a smile. "But let's be honest," she went on briskly. "We know this story has to lead to us getting together. Isn't that the point? So how would you go about convincing me that I had completely misjudged you?"
He considered. "If I recall correctly, the week after the video game incident at the local bar, I actually came to your neighborhood with a vague notion of visiting you. I never did build up my resolve enough to come to your door, but Jane spotted me and mentioned it to you later."
"Right. I remember that. That was swim week." She made a face. "I bet that jerkface Googles himself on a daily basis. That's probably how he found out about my videos."
"Most probably."
"Would you keep watching my new videos? You'd find out that I'd met him and…" She swallowed, grimaced anew. "All that unpleasant stuff."
"I would. And I would be furious with him, but aware that there was little I could do to protect you as long as you thought so poorly of me. If I could amend that at least somewhat, I might be able to warn you. It would provide further incentive.
"I believe in this situation I would not have attempted to visit you," he continued. "I would have given you space. The pleasure I derived from your company was not worth the possibility of causing you pain. But there would be no avoiding it when you came to the party at Netherfield. Bing would have been confused and hurt if I didn't participate."
"And what would you be thinking of him and Jane at this point?"
"I would have to reconsider my initial assumption of Jane's indifference. She was less reserved about her feelings in your videos. Not to mention the guilt that would arise whenever she spoke to you in my defense. Perhaps I would try to spend the party observing her and Bing, reassessing their relationship."
"And I would have assumed you were scowling at them in disapproval," she sighed.
"True." He pondered for a moment. "What if I attempted to engage not you, but Jane, in conversation? I might have found it easier to converse with her, less likely to make me tongue-tied, particularly if Bing was there as well. And it could be a small way of making amends for doubting her genuine interest in her relationship with Bing."
"I wouldn't know what to think of it. I'd try to find some way to explain it away as more evidence of your jerkiness. Like maybe you were trying to shove your way into a private conversation and ruin their moment. Even if it was obvious to any other observer that they didn't mind and you were perfectly polite and thoughtful about it."
"What if I managed a smile?"
"Well, that changes everything," she said, giving a wicked smile of her own. "I'd wonder if you had been taken over by an alien. In fact, I might just march right over there to find out what you were talking about and determine whether mind control was involved somehow."
"Since I have little skill with instigating small talk, why don't we assume that I had joined them in whatever topic they were already discussing. Perhaps the upcoming trip to Vidcon?"
"Makes sense. So I'd show up just as Jane was saying, Oh, yes, it should be very fun. And it's all thanks to Lizzie, isn't it? she'd say to me, smiling broadly. And I would try not to panic, because it was really thanks to my videos, which I really don't want certain people to know about."
"And I could easily guess the reason you were having trouble responding. It would be supremely difficult for me to speak as well, this being the closest I had been to you since discovering your videos. I would force myself to say something, however, if only to rescue you from your discomfort. It seems like an excellent venue for a mass communications student. I'm sure it will be highly beneficial for your studies."
"And I would just kind of stare at you, thinking there must be sarcasm or disgust somewhere in your words, but unable to find any. Uh, yeah. Definitely. I'm really looking forward to it."
"I would fumble for anything further to say, afraid that I would betray my knowledge of your videos, and finally ask something to which I already knew the answer. Will Charlotte Lu be attending as well?"
"Yes. I'd be kind of bewildered that you cared. And then I'd look around and discover, to my horror, that Jane and Bing had managed to slip away and leave us alone. I'd calculate just how rude it would be to walk away without another word, and whether I even cared about being rude or not."
"And I would know it was kinder to let you go. Safer for me as well."
"But then I'd let something slip out about Bing and Jane making googly eyes in the corner. Those two. I'm stuck somewhere between wanting to smile at them and wanting to vomit."
"That would make me laugh. They certainly seem very fond of each other."
"I'd be totally thrown off by your laugh – understated though it was – having expected a scowl at the mention of their relationship. Then I'd say something bold. What do you think of them, anyway? It's happening awfully fast."
"Yes. I would not pursue a relationship so hastily, myself. But Bing is a very different man than I am. As long as your sister approves, they are welcome to proceed however they wish."
"This would only further support my theory of alien abduction. Who were you and what had you done with William Darcy? So…you don't have any other objections?"
"If I did, they would be irrelevant to the matter at hand, I would reply stiffly, afraid that you had somehow intuited my interest in you. It is Bing's relationship, not my own."
"Well, yeah. But I've noticed he tends to turn to you for advice. Approval, even. At this point I'd be poking the bear, trying to get mean, unpleasant Darcy to reappear."
"He does frequently seek my advice, I suppose. I believe that is common between friends, is it not?"
"Sure. It just seems kind of….one-sided."
"I have occasionally solicited his advice. He is, as I'm sure you've noticed, far more at ease in navigating social situations, and at times I've turned to him for suggestions in that area. You might not have personally witnessed it, but I assure you it has happened."
"Wow. Was that an actual teasing tone you were taking with me? Very daring. Very risky."
"Did it pay off?"
"Maaaybe. I'm definitely caught off balance. I was expecting you to get offended and instead you're practically smiling. And is that – no, really? A twinkle in your eye? This is freaky. Anyway…uh, I'd better look for Lydia and make sure she's not sock sliding down a hallway somewhere. Then I'd get out of there in a big hurry."
"I might feel I had made some small progress in improving my behavior, but it was plain that the damage I had done upon our first meeting would not be repaired in a single conversation. That would have to be enough for one evening." He looked across the table at Lizzie ruefully. "I would be at turns exhilarated, anxious and bewildered. Any time I spent with you gave me a myriad array of conflicting emotions."
"You'd be waiting for my next video, right?"
"Actually, I'd be uncomfortable at the thought of watching it. I'd want to, of course, but I'd also fear that if you mentioned me, I'd be hearing words never intended for my ears."
"If I didn't want you to hear them, I shouldn't have put them up on the Internet. Let's keep all the ethical quandaries on my side, shall we?" Somehow she managed to say all of this with a delightfully flirtatious tone. "I don't think I'd mention you in that video anyway. Too much confusion to deal with. I'd focus on Jane staying up all night with Bing, like I did in real life."
"I would be a bit disappointed, and chastise myself for feeling that way. It should be enough that you weren't actively delineating your hatred of me."
"Don't worry. It'll come up in the next video."
"Really?" His voice came out hoarse. He cleared his throat. How long had they been sitting here talking? He didn't want to stop, but he might not have a choice if his voice gave out completely.
"Yeah. But we can't keep this up." She stifled a yawn. "These scenarios keep getting longer and longer and more indulgent. Can we go to bed and pick this up tomorrow?"
"Absolutely."
