At some point after Carlisle left me alone, I had realized something that made me feel rather giddy. "I love him.."I admitted to myself. "But he doesn't love me.."I realized,and that made the hole in my heart ache,along with the actually one in my back. "Bella!"I heard Alice sing from down the steps. "We have a surprise!"She finished,and I was suddenly frightened. A "surprise" from Alice could vary. I giggled at that thought,and stumbled slowly down the steps. "Bella,we know your gonna be staying her awhile,so we decided to let you pick where you can stay."She explained,and walked me to the kitchen where everyone was lined up."Um..Alice-"I began,but was cut off by the rest of her instructions. "Its simple,pick who you wanna share a room with!"She demanded. I sighed,and annoyingly put my hand on my hip,shifting my weight. My eyes danced their way over my choices. First was Alice,swaying eagerly. Rosalie was next,glaring from Alice to me. Emmett didn't seem to notice,and his eyes remained glued on the TV. Jasper hadn't stopped reading. Lastly my eyes stopped on Carlisle. I wanted so badly to pick him,but my mind screamed at me with repeated "No"s. I dropped my head to the ground,and mumbled "Alice".She squeaked,and drug me up to her room,which already contained two beds. I forced myself to match her smile,and sat on one of the beds. She joined me,and put a gentle arm around my shoulders. "You could have picked him.."She whispered,and squeezed my shoulders,before jumping up. "Okay,so the clothes we will share,I brought some of yours from your house,and the dresser on the left is yours."She explained,and opened each drawer,and finally the closet. I thought my eyes would pop out."How do you..Why aren't they.."I stuttered,unable to put my shock into words. There was,a rough estimate,of a thousand sets of clothes. She giggled,and shut the door with so much grace,you would've thought it was a dance routine."Sorry Bella,I just really needed you to decide then...You can change your mind."She whispered to me,seeing the pain in my eyes. "I like staying here...Can..Can we just.."I trailed off,imagining all the possibilities."How about I leave you alone for awhile...there are some books in the ..Well..I think...If you need me I'll be down there Bella."She said,and in the blink of an eyes,was gone,with the door shut. I crossed my legs,and began sifting through my choices. Living,dieing...Dieing caught my attention. Flashes of myself in a pool of blood passed through my mind,along with many ideas of how to achieve that. The easiest was glass."The window.."I exhaled,and rose,a little shakily,to my feet. Snatching the brush from the dresser,I threw it at the window,causing it to shatter in a million pieces,and the light shed in. I grabbed the biggest piece,and went to the closet. I easily squeezed in,and sat in the very corner. "I'm sorry.."I sobbed,shutting the door,and locking it,as if that would prevent a vampire from getting in. "I'm so so sorry.."I repeated,and held the glass to my wrist. Slowly it dug into the skin,causing a thin line of red to rise. I imagined Jasper smelling the blood. I deepened the cut. Alice throwing out the bloodstained clothes. Even deeper. Emmett not giving anymore bear hugs. Deeper yet again. Rosalie glad that I'm gone. Deeper the glass slipped,as it cutting butter. Carlisle trying to save my useless self. Deeper. Charlie and Renee dressed in all black in front of a coffin. Deeper. Esme crying,if she found out. Deeper. Edward having no useless human to flee from. The deepest yet,and slowly the darkness,and pain surrounded me,and all feeling was gone,as I heard the panic,and commotion from outside the door. Thank you Three Days Grace for the variety of songs helping me make this chapter:)
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