Hello, Trades46 here.

After finishing the final last chapter of Secrets from the Abyss: Origins, I felt like doing another humor filled chapter.

Not much angst or Kreigsmarine bashing this time around, just senseless 'Nagamon' humor.

Enjoy!


We Broke Something (Nagato)

September 8, 1943 - Maizuru naval base, Main Stage - 9:00am

"…please feel free to approach an uniformed officer or any of our loyal Ship Girls if you have any questions. Representing the Japanese Imperial Navy, I, Vice Admiral Fujioka Sekimoto, thank-you for coming here to Maizuru today in support of our war efforts of our troops against the Abyssal threat. I thank-you all of your time, and I hope you have a nice day."

The Imperial Japanese marching band begins playing "Gunkan kōshinkyoku"* as Vice Admiral Fujioka Sekimoto finishes his speech to the many applauding Japanese citizens who arrived today. The proud vice admiral looks on from the stage as the Maizuru naval visiting day begins.

Sometime earlier in August, one of the Imperial naval HQ high brass decided to mobilize a cross-country trek with an Imperial Japanese navy battleship along with escorts to visit the five main Japanese naval bases (Yokosuka, Kure, Ominato, Sasebo and Maizuru) with the conjunction of an open-day event for regular Japanese citizens to meet their naval fleet.

While some admirals opposed the event due to the very nature of the war still raging on, but the counterargument is also to tell the citizens themselves of the Abyssals themselves, who know very little other than the fact they are at war with Japan and the very nature of "Ship Girls", commonplace to the Imperial navy but a foreign entity to the Japanese people themselves other than 'cute girls who can control ships' stigma.

For the battleship carrying the honor of the Japanese navy, the great battleship Yamato was originally planned to be used, but quickly withdrawn after the resources required was turned down by the Imperial naval HQ. Instead, the pride of the navy and titleholder of the Washington Treaty's Big 7 battleship Nagato is used. Sailing from Sasebo, BB Nagato with her escorts light cruisers Kuma, Tama, Jintsuu, Naka and Sendai along with heavy cruisers Tone and Chikuma visit the naval bases in a counter-clockwise fashion. They left Sasebo to Kure, then to Yokosuka, next to Ominato and finally today to Maizuru.

To anticipate the arrival of the celebratory fleet, Maizuru naval base is cleaned up a week in advance and advertising posters were sent to cities surrounding the region. While Fujioka is concerned at first with people afraid of an Abyssal attack and not show up, the public response is overwhelmingly positive, with thousands showing up to support the Japanese navy at Maizuru.

"Fujioka-sensei, it looks like a lot of people are being very positive with this event." Asuka states watching the scenery in the festival. Fujioka walks beside her, beaming proudly.

"Yes, aren't we all happy that so many of our citizens stand behind us? It really makes you feel proud despite of hard times, that what we're doing out there despite the dangers makes it worth it."

"I'll tell you what's worth it," a cranky Hirotada Arizumi, the Maizuru submarine captain groans. "Going back out to the Pacific and sinking more Abbeys is worth it, not turning military naval bases into carnivals during wartime. What in the name of all things holy are those idiots in HQ thinking…?" Asuka is about to interject, but the German Admiral Kurt Gunther beats her to it.

"It appears that u-boot duties are all that thou knows Kapitän Arizumi. While ze risky, the Japanische peoples have ze rights to know about the war and how we as ze protectors of the nation should let them know." Kurt crosses his hands, thinking about his homeland. "We of Deutschland are strong because ze Führer gathers the people behind him. A country without people support is not a country." Hirotada's eyebrows twitches, looking like he wants to go argue back at the German until Fujioka stops them.

"Alright gentlemen, let's lay off the heated arguments of war and such for today; you're spoiling the atmosphere! Admiral Gunther, I believe you are assigned to the Cruisers' port today, is it not? And Captain Arizumi, it should be imminent you go to the submarine docks for your upcoming presentation of 'Undersea warfare at its best' correct?" The German admiral and the sub captain give each other a look of disapproval but heeding the request of the Maizuru base vice-admiral decides to leave for their respective locations. As both disappear, Fujioka lets out a sigh, shaking his head.

"That Hirotada and Kurt will never see eye to eye won't they… good lord, I feel like a mother trying to defuse these situations" Asuka gives an understanding hand to her teacher, Fujioka giving her a thank-you smile. "Alright, no time to waste on these minor details, the festivities waits. Shall we, Asuka-chan?" The female commander agrees a resounding yes.

September 8, 1943 - Maizuru naval base, battleship row - 11:00am

To simplify the organization of the single-day event, the Maizuru naval base is divided into five major portions at the docks. They consist of the Destroyer docks, the submarine docks, Cruisers' port, Carrier division and the biggest deepest port, Battleship row. Auxiliary ships are posted inside the dry-docks, also giving a chance for visitors to see the repair shops and refueling stations along with the new 'dorms' for the Ship Girls in their respective locations.

Human ground crews are present as security personnel and tour guides across the naval base. Food stands, shows, festival grounds and a show stage for various performers from singing/dancing to live shows are arranged. Ship Girl are present respective to their vessels, answering questions, giving information and also posing for cameras as necessary. Ship Girls like Atago and Naka are more than thrilled about being presented to the general public. This contrasts the timid Haguro and the reserved girls like Jintsuu and Shokaku, are somewhat uncomfortable with the revelation.

"Thank-you for your support!" Asuka bows for the 25th time today as three young girls took their signatures from her as they thanked the female commander and runs off. As softly massages her left hand, her writing wrist becoming sore after making as many as 100 signatures today for prospering young girls and boys alike. Fujioka humorously muses beside Asuka.

"Seems like you're the star officer here today," the vice-admiral observes. "You're inspiring a lot of young potential cadets to go for the service in the navy. Don't you feel special that so many young boys and girls aspire to you?" Asuka blushes and fidgets, not knowing how to respond. Fortunately she is saved as the two arrive at the Battleship row, where the Japanese's pride of joy BB Nagato is docked beside the two German dreadnoughts BB Scharnhorst and BB Bismarck. Ship Girl Nagato and her captain Jirou Ozawa notice the vice-admiral and the commander as both gives a salute.

"At ease, captain and Nagato. I'm Vice Admiral Fujioka Sekimoto, commander of Maizuru naval district and I welcome you both to our humble base." Fujioka states in a welcoming manner, shaking the hands of both parties.

"It is my pleasure to meet with you, Vice Admiral Sekimoto. I've heard of your exploits even from Sasebo, so it is an honor to finally meet you in person," Captain Jirou greets back. "You seem to have attracted much more attention than any other naval base we've visited and as our final stop before our journey concludes it is a pleasant surprise. Nagato, if you will?" The captain steps back as his flagship steps up, greeting both Fujioka and Asuka.

"I'm battleship Nagato, pleased to meet you. As the flagship of the 2nd fleet and member of the Big 7, I humbly thank-you for your warm invitation to your naval base." Nagato bows politely following her introduction. Fujioka eases off both Ozawa and Nagato with a smile.

"Please, you are both too formal. Enjoy the festivities, for everyone is welcome." Nagato bows and goes back to her post. Jirou walks up to Asuka, who greeted both the battleship girl and the captain off the side after Fujioka's introduction.

"You must be the 2iC of Maizuru, Commander Asuka Shiba. Likewise or your vice-admiral, I've heard to certainly live up to the expectations of the Imperial fleet. Some higher-ups in the HQ refer to you similar to rear-admiral Kizuki Tonda or the 2nd "Ya-Macho Nadeshiko". I'm happy to meet your acquaintance." Asuka shook her head and responded to the captain.

"Ahh, no I cannot even hope to match the importance of admiral Tonda-san, but I thank-you for your kind words." Asuka looks over to Nagato, who is busy with talking to a crowd of people, pointing at her vessel moored in the background. "I have to say, Captain Ozawa that you are quite impressive yourself, commanding such an important ship like Nagato. She eludes an air of pride and passion; you must be a fortunate officer to commission a ship as grand as hers for the cross-country voyage." Asuka continues to speak as Jirou gives a fumbled expression. "I'm rather impressed by the sheer size and presence of a battleship. It's the first time I've seen one this close that's not shooting at me. Nagato-san there is so important that you even need a fleet of cruisers as escorts correct…? Captain Ozawa?"

Jirou takes a step back when Asuka mentioned 'air or pride' and 'fleet of cruisers' walks away, far enough from Nagato and the people now beginning to board her ship. Jirou motions for Asuka and Fujioka to come to him, out of earshot of Nagato. Looking at each other questioningly, the puzzled commands and vice-admiral approach the captain. He clears his throat and glances back at Nagato, and quietly mutters to the Maizuru officers.

"I don't want Nagato to hear this as she is not aware of this herself. You see, Nagato is the flagship of the Imperial navy much before the introduction of Yamato, so it would be natural for her to fit into the 'royal and majestic' category and proudly display the Japanese pride…however, after her Ship Girl form appeared, the creators found...a fault, or a glitch." He put emphasis on the words 'fault' and 'glitch'. Asuka and Fujioka, both not fully understanding the term, remain puzzled. Jirou continues to explain, "You see, a ship girl is supposed to have a specific personality that is 'built-in' to them, or for better yet, the personality is with them when they are 'born'. Nagato there is a proud and grand fleet leader; a royal yet commanding presence befalls her. However, there is an odd 'exception' to that rule." Jirou now turns to Asuka, facing her directly.

"Commander Shiba, when you stated that Nagato is so important that I've assigned only cruisers as escorts? That's the cover-up for the press. The reality of it is rather…silly and unfortunately will expose the 'glitch' or Nagato over there." Jirou turns to the Fujioka now, "Vice admiral Sekimoto, do you want to know the reason I've specifically separated the Battleship row and the Destroyers' dock so they're at the farthest distance apart?" Fujioka gives a blank nod as confirmation, still puzzled.

"Yes, but I thought that you didn't want the destroyers to have a collision with the grand flagship…" Jirou cuts him off partway.

"Again that is for press reasons. The actual reason if possible, I personally want to keep a secret. The last couple of naval bases I have had no trouble, so as long as...!" The captain's face immediately tenses up as he sees behind commander Asuka's shoulder. Asuka feels a tug at her shoulder, turning around to see a black haired girl in a dress shirt with suspenders behind her. Also, a black short haired girl with a sailor uniform and a pink haired girl in a black uniform with a skirt and black shorts appears. Fujioka speaks up before Asuka can.

"Oh, what a surprise! If it isn't Asashio, Fubuki and Shiranui?" Asuka cuts in immediately, Jirou still shaking on his legs, but unnoticed by Asuka or Fujioka.

"What you three doing here?" Asuka asks the destroyers sternly. "Aren't you all supposed to be doing festivities at the Destroyers' docks? Don't tell me you're slacking off by walking around!" Unknown to the three officers and destroyer girls, the commotion have caught the attention of Nagato, who just handed the visitors to the tour guides.

"Well," Asashio begins, claiming Asuka down in the process, "Destroyer Sumire accidently ran into an oil tanker near the Destroyers' docks, so our ships are to be secured and the docks temporary closed while the crews are cleaning up the spills. The acting officer there gave all destroyers two hours of free time to look around. Fubuki here wants to see a Japanese battleship, so she said to come over to see it and to meet the captain."

"Don't go looking at me…" Shiranui puts a hands on her hips sighing, "I was dragged here by these two, saying 'Let's visit a battleship' and "it would be fun'!" Shiranui states in a voice mimicking Fubuki's and Asashio's voice. "Honestly I couldn't really care less about battleships or whatnot…hey buster, do you want something or what?" The annoyed pink haired destroyer mentions at the looming figure not standing above the officers and destroyer girls. Captain Jirou looks like he is about to lose it, trying desperately to say something.

"Nagato, let's calm down now, these Ship Girls are…err…errand…um… auxiliary vessels! That's right! Simple coastal defense ships!" Fubuki doesn't get it, immediately correcting the distressed captain.

"What do you mean? Hello, I'm Fubuki, first-class of the special type destroyer, first of the class! This is…wahhh!" Fubuki immediately gets pounce by the battleship girl, pinning her to the ground. Fubuki begins to struggle against Nagato, trying her best pulling her off and crying out loud. "Ahh, what are you doing! Get off me, you're really heavy! EEK! Where are you touching me! STOP IT!"

Asashio and Shiranui, while not understanding the situation reacts immediately as the naval officers remains stunned. Both of the destroyer girls try hard to pull the attacking Nagato from Fubuki.

"Hey what are you doing? Get off Fubuki you brute!" Asashio tries to pull Fubuki off Nagato, but the crazed battleship girl turns to look at Asashio with an obsessed face, then immediately grabs her arm and pins her down with Fubuki. Asashio joins Fubuki in the screaming shortly after. "Hey, let me go! What are you doing, Ahh! No…not there, don't! Please, not in front of Asuka-san! NO! KYAA!"

"Hey a$$hole! What the f&#k are you doing to them?" Shiranui shouts, her face becoming progressively angrier. Securing her gloves, she points one of her guns at the battleship girl. "You better let both of them go before I blow your…" However, the pink haired destroyer isn't able to finish before Nagato gets her leg, pulling her into the party. "You jacka$$, how dare you, I ought to kill you right…Ahh! Why you…prepare to d…KYAA!" Shiranui's mouth lets out an uncharacteristic moan, which she immediately covers her mouth, blushing hard in the process. Nagato finally beings to speak, her face in pure ecstasy.

"Ahh this is pure heaven! So many cute destroyers! Nagato didn't get to see any other cute little destroyers anywhere else but here! I love Maizuru of all the naval bases!" The once proud and majestic battleship girl cries out, to the cost of Fubuki, Asashio and Shiranui, whom are struggling uselessly. Fujioka and Asuka, now snapping out of their states, begins trying to pray the poor destroyer girls from the cuddling battleship, but a battleship girl strength cannot be discounted.

"…goddamnit. I was praying that this won't happen; I guess I let my guard down. You see, Nagato here has a 'glitch' when in the presence of destroyer Ship Girls tends to be highly affected by a symptom the naval HQ refer to as "cuteness proximity"**. She loses her composure in front of destroyers, so the decision to only use light cruisers as escort, well you see…" Asuka interrupts the captain.

"Yeah, I think I see that Captain Ozawa. But can you tell us how to get her to release the destroyers? My flagship is going to die at this rate!" Fujioka continues to struggle against the strength of the unrelenting battleship.

"No good, her hold is like that of a mechanical crane; I can't even budge her arms. Fubuki, Asashio and Shiranui, hang in there! We'll think of something!" Fujioka and Asuka quickly scan around for help, wondering what they should do to break the trance of the unstoppable Nagato. Fortunately, Tone and Chikuma are walking by as Asuka begs of them to help. Tone, feeling confident about her ability to save the day, agrees and walks over to the 'Nagamon' crushing the little destroyer girls underneath her.

"Alright, I'll get her left arm. Chikuma-nee, go for her right arm. Watch out you don't hurt the destroyers!" Tone orders her sister. Chikuma gives an understanding nod as both the heavy cruiser girls try to force Nagato's arms to open up to free the destroyers. However, the difference in strength is obvious, with neither Ship Girl able to even move her arms even an inch. Seeing the difference in strength, Chikuma goes for the radio.

"This is CA Chikuma. Sendai, can you and your sisters come to battleship row? We need help with a certain 'Nagamon' situation here!"

The night battle enthusiast, the searchlight toting hunter and the fleet Idol singer all show up within minutes later. However, even with the combined effort of the Tone-class CAs and Sendai-class CLs, 'Nagamon' still stubbornly clings to 'her destroyers'.

Just as they continue to look around for help, Zerstörers Z1 Leberecht Maas, Z20 Karl Glaster and Z33 Erhard Schmidt appear. All three of them outfitted with candy, toys and gifts of various sizes, won from their free time around the festival grounds. The three look in the other direction of the current crisis, waving to their battleships Bismarck and Scharnhorst.

"Looks like there aren't many people crowding Sister Bismarck, I guess Karl was right!" Z1 enthusiastically claims. All three Zerstörers however did not hear the warnings of Asuka, Fujioka or Jirou, telling them in every possible silent manner to run away from here.

Z20 gloats back to her fellow Zerstörers, unaware the three of them have caught the eye of the hungry Japanese battleship.

"The Japanische do not understand the greatness that is our Kreigsmarine Schlachtschiffe (battleship), so while Sister Bismarck and Scharnhorst are here they underappreciated…kyaa!"

The uncontrollable Nagato, seeing another three cute destroyer girls appear, immediately dives towards them with the three 'captured' Japanese destroyers in tow. Lebe, Karl and Erhard are all snatched up in one pass as Nagato continues to cuddle and glomp her 'war prizes' in daze. Z33, almost getting free, cries out loud to her battleship sisters before Nagato renews her effort on her.

"Sister Bismarck and Scharnhorst! HELFEN SIE UNS (HELP)!" Bismarck and Scharnhorst, hearing the German cries of their Zerstörers, immediately turn their attention to Nagato, giving her a threatening face of death.

"Sie da, you immoral and disgusting Japanische Sclachtschiffe! Let go of the Zerstörers before I decide to blow a hole in your face!" Bismarck threatens as she jumps off from her deck in front of Nagato. Scharnhorst follows suit, pointing her guns at the Japanese battleship.

Nagato, still unwilling to release the holds of the now-conked out destroyers in her hands, gives her attention to the threatening German battleships. She cracks a minor yet confidence smile.

"So you two Germans think you can steal away my cute and precious destroyer girls? Then, you're going to have to hit harder than with petty words…!" *GONK*

Fujioka and Jirou, heaving a giant slab of steel, smack it on Nagato's head, knocking the Ship Girl out cold. Throwing down the metal pole, Fujioka sighs in relief. Asuka then tells the German Ship Girls to calm down as Jirou orders Tone and Chikuma to carry Nagato back on her own ship.

September 8, 1943 - Maizuru naval base, main stage - 11:00pm

"I thank-you all for coming today in support of our military efforts. I bid the best of luck to you on the safe journey home and pray for the blessings of Japan. Good night everyone!"

Fujioka bows as he concludes the closing ceremony of today as many citizens cheers on. Soon, the people are beginning to leave the military base while the ground crew along with Ship Girls help with the cleaning up of the base's left over mess from the festival.

Nagato woke back up at 6:00pm, not remembering what happened. Bismarck and Scharnhorst shot Nagato dirty looks, Tone and Chikuma avoided contact as well as Sendai, Jintsuu and Naka avoided direct eye contact with her. Nagato looks puzzled, not sure why she's attracting so much resentment from the fleet.

Needless to say Fubuki, Asashio, Shiranui along with the German Zerstörers are still in a shocked state. Fubuki can't stop shaking , Asashio continues to cry and muttering "I dirtied myself in front of Asuka-san…", and Shiranui cross her arms mumbling indiscreetly in a loop, "…Let's visit the battleship…they said…it'll be fun…they said…".

Kurt arrived earlier to escort Z1, Z20 and Z33 back to the docks earlier, stating he will overlook the situation but 'there better not be a second time.'

The commanding officer Jirou stands by boarding bridge onto Nagato, shaking the hands of Asuka and Fujioka, preparing to leave Maizuru and return to the port at Sasebo.

"Well, I thank-you again for the stay in Maizuru, Vice-admiral Sekimoto. I have to say the 'event' in the afternoon isn't a kind experience, but as agreed I hope you keep the image of our flagship Ship Girl here intact by contacting the press."

"Do not worry," Fujioka states, "I've had Captain Arizumi look into the press making sure nothing we don't want go out to the press today. Luckily, everyone was onboard Nagato today when she 'lost it', so nobody saw the incident. Do have a safe journey back to Sasebo, and say hi to Genji Takeuchi for me would you?"

"Have a safe trip back, captain Ozawa. Thank-you for your visit today." Asuka bows to the captain, who shook hands with the commander.

"Thank-you both of you, I surely hope that one day we will meet again, either here or in the field." Captain Ozawa and the two Maizuru officers exchange salutes, as Nagato (now awake and 'normal') orders the 2nd fleet to leave port.

As the Sasebo 2nd fleet disappears into the night, Asuka turns to Fujioka with a question.

"Say Fujioka-sensei, when captain Ozawa says each ship has their own personalities at birth, where do they actually take their personalities from? Their ship builders, the people in charge of creating Ship Girls or…us, their COs?"

"I can't say for sure, but I certainly give Captain Ozawa the props for putting up with a flagship like that. Imagine that, keeping the image of a proud and regal Japanese flagship up, hunting Abyssals, touring the country while avoiding destroyers like the plague to turn 'Nagato' into a 'Nagamon'. I'd think I lose my head in just doing that, let alone going up against Abyssals."

"As for the personalities, who knows? Jirou Ozawa and Nagato seems like they have a lot of common; polite, generous and mildly imitating. Asashio and you are quite similar in lots of ways too, but Unryu is not as remotely as fun-loving as I'm, so I'll let the question unanswered." Fujioka takes a breathe of the night-time air as he turns back to face Asuka.

"Anyways, Asuka-chan, let's go back. I think your flagship and destroyers need some tending to." Asuka agrees with a smile, chuckling at today's rather odd but funny in hindsight event.

"Agreed. Thanks for the insight sensei."


* Gunkan kōshinkyoku is the title of the Imperial Japanese navy's marching song. It is also used today as the march for the Japanese Maritime Self Defense Force too.

** A symptom where as one approaches a cute/moe creature, their intelligence drops and tendency to do stupid things increases. From XKCD and TV Tropes.

Yes, Nagamon is humor-inducing. I give credit to this chapter for Danbooru/Pixiv artists where Nagato 'loses it' in front 'cute destroyers'.

Any reviews of my attempts at humor-based works? Leave a comment of what you like and didn't like will greatly help improve future works.

Until next time, see you around.
-Trades46