Title: Dinner Party
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: Olivia and her family invite Cargen and his new lady friend over for dinner. This is a recast of the dinner party scene in Rapist Anonymous episode of Season 15. It is set in the Olivia/Will/Noah AU and would take place following the Her Negotiation story of that series.
"This salad is really lovely," Eileen said as they began their dinner.
Olivia offered her a small smile from across the table. "Thank you," she said.
"It's a lovely view too," Cragen said.
He was rather impressed with his detective's new place of residence. The building was beyond obviously new. The apartment was beyond obviously modern. It was clear that Olivia must've put a lot of time and effort into decorating it. He supposed it had been a good distraction but it was glaringly obvious just how different in terms of style, layout and décor his detective and her husband had gone in the decision to leave their brownstone.
He hadn't been surprised by that decision. He couldn't imagine how they could go back even though he did know victims to go back to their residences after their assaults. He imagined it would be vastly different, though, when the assault had been against the whole family and a small child had been involved. He didn't know how any of them could feel safe in there ever again.
What had surprised him, though, was the family's decision to leave Manhattan. He supposed it wasn't that surprising given what they'd been through. But it was surprising in terms of Olivia. His detective had lived in Manhattan since she was a child. Even as a young detective – even as a uni – on limited salary, she'd found apartments and neighbors to live in. Manhattan living seemed like a part of Olivia Benson's identity. Yet they'd chosen to move. It wasn't lost on Cragen, though, that even in their choice to move they'd picked a neighborhood – and a condo that offered them clear views of the city. And a rather spectacular view at that. It wasn't the kind of view that would've come cheap.
"Yeah, thanks," Will said. "We decided since I finally offloaded my student debt, we could afford the big bucks for that," he said and glanced over his shoulder at the expansive windows behind their dining table.
Their hosts had positioned them so they'd be able to sit and look out at the city lights. Cragen found himself wondering if Olivia and Will usually sat with their backs to the window – ignoring the view that they'd clearly spent the 'big bucks' on. Or if they'd simply allowed him and Eileen a chance to be memorized it. It was hard not to be. The way the city lit up at night – even at that distance – was something special. Cragen almost feared he might become distracted by the lights and prove to be a rather poor dinner guest and company for his invitee to the event.
Eileen, though, seemed to be carrying most of the conversation at the moment. Cragen thought he might be almost grateful for that. He'd felt a little awkward in Olivia's invitation to join her family for dinner. He didn't make a habit of dining with his subordinates – or anything else for that matter. But his detective had been through so much and he knew the invitation was a big step and a big effort on her part. He couldn't deny her that. It likely would've done more harm. But his awkwardness about attending only increased when she'd suggested he bring the woman he'd reconnected with at his high school reunion. She'd clearly read between the lines and had realized that he was interested in having Eileen as more than just a friend. He'd been working on figuring out how to operate in a relationship in his senior years on his own time, though. He hadn't really wanted to parade that in front of detective. Especially at an engagement that was going to be hard and awkward enough. But Olivia had insisted. He'd relented but that didn't improve his bashfulness about being there with his guest. Eileen, though, seemed undeterred by it. She seemed to have more experience at dinner parties – or social gatherings of any kind – than him.
"That must've been some debt load," she said. "What is it that you do, Will?"
"I teach at NYU," Olivia's husband said between forkfuls of salad.
"And, do research," Olivia provided for him.
Cragen had definitely noticed that Will wasn't exactly excelling at the dinner party setting either. It made him wonder how much Olivia had twisted his arm in organizing this, which made him feel badly. He didn't want her husband having to do something he didn't really want to do.
It wasn't that Will was making him feel unwelcome. It was just that William McTeague didn't exactly seem like the man he'd met on previous occasions. But he wouldn't expect him to be. Not after what he'd been through and what his family – his wife – had been through.
Cragen had dealt with Will in the wake of Olivia's assault and abduction. But it had usually been in the context of the squad room. In the context of the investigation and the follow-up. Will had put on a different front than what he was putting on in his home now. He suspect what he was seeing at the moment wasn't a front. This was what normal looked like for the man now. And, normal looked tired and a little sad. Cragen had always known Will to be a somewhat shy and quiet man. That night, though, he just seemed withdrawn. He also seemed to almost be operating without a social filter. Certain things he was saying and doing just didn't seem like the man he'd known before. It was almost like he was operating in a staccato.
Will shrugged at Olivia's comment. "Yeah. That too. Not much research this semester."
Eileen seemed to brighten up at his mention of teaching, though. Cragen knew she would. "What is it that you teach?"
"Math," Will almost muttered in response, though.
"Oh?" Eileen seemed impressed. "What area of math is it that you're interested in?"
"Mmm …," Will said like he had to think about it. "Lately, I guess, datamining and statistical pattern recognition."
"He's interested in game theory," Olivia provided for him again when his answer had seemed somewhat lacking.
The man glanced at her. "Well, it's in essence the same thing," Will said in a somewhat condescending manner. "It's all models to look at movements of government, firms, people. Whatever."
Olivia shot him a look. Cragen could tell she was unimpressed with his tone. He wasn't exactly happy with Will talking to his detective that way, either. But he was giving Will the benefit of the doubt. He doubted that was the mind of attitude that Olivia would usually allow to prevail in her home. She wasn't one to let men treat her in a condescending manner or walk all over her. Of course, that had been before. She'd been changed. He was sure the dynamic of her and her husband's relationship had changed too. The couple he'd observed on previous occasions likely didn't exist anymore. The couldn't.
Will sighed, though. He must've recognized his wife's look that had clearly said he needed an attitude adjustment.
"I'm not doing much research this semester," he clarified. "I'm teaching some first year courses and an introduction to logic. I'm applying for a sabbatical."
That comment hung in the air. A sabbatical? Olivia had only agreed to be away from work for barely three months. Now almost six months after Lewis, her husband was looking to step away from work. Cragen thought that even if that comment had been meant in passing it was incredibly telling about where the family was at. Sitting there in their home he could tell they were struggling. He could see it daily in watching how Olivia interacted with her squad mates and the victims and the cases and her workload. But this took it to a different level. This was casting a glaringly illuminated light on it. For as much progress as they'd made, they still had so much more to go. They were hurting. Visibly.
"Oh … to have more time for your research?" Eileen asked.
Will shrugged. "I guess. … Not really."
"Will's been working on a book," Olivia provided. "On gamification. He's a published author."
Cragen had always known Olivia to be proud of Will's accomplishments. It wasn't uncommon for her to make mention of them. She knew she took a sense of pride in having found such an educated and respected man to partner with. He'd always been happy for her to have found the same. She had so long needed someone stable and respectful but who challenged her. William McTeague seemed to do both. And, Cragen had grown to like him and to be grateful she had him in her life. He'd been grateful for the man when his detective's son was sick, when she'd been shot and again in her recovery from her abduction and assault. He thought, too, that Will quietly liked that Olivia celebrated and toted his professional achievements. That night, though, he seemed to want to again contradict her.
"I've written academic papers and helped edit and supervise textbooks," he clarified flatly. That edge to his voice was apparent again.
Olivia gave him a look. "He's a bit of a rock star in the math world," she tried and gave him a small smile. But his face didn't even flicker at the compliment. Not the way Cragen had seen in the past. There wasn't a quiet bashfulness. There wasn't a little look between the two that he'd observed them sharing in years gone by. There was nothing. His face didn't even twitch.
"Not lately," he said. "I just want some time to help around here and to spend with Noah. I guess I'd get caught up on some number crunching too. Try to get something published in an academic journal to 'maintain my professional standing' and flaunt Courant."
Eileen was looking at him but clearly didn't know what to say. Cragen didn't either. But Olivia was looking at him too. Actually, her eyes were more drilling into him again and Cragen could almost feel her foot rap into Will's from where he was sitting. The way the man jumped and the look he gave her made the extent of its impact apparent.
"What is it that you do, Eileen?" Olivia asked after Will's continued mistemperment.
"Well, I'm retired now," she said. "But I used to teach at Lycee Francais."
"Ah … vraiment?" Olivia said.
Eileen smiled at that. "Mais oui. Vous parlez francias?"
"Un petit peu," Oliva nodded.
"Vous avez un bel accent," Eileen said.
Olivia smiled a little. "Merci," she allowed and almost shyly tucked a piece of her short hair behind her hair.
Cragen could tell she was still getting used to it that length. He'd observed her fiddling with it and trying to brush it away from her face and eyes only to find it wasn't long enough for her to tuck it behind her ear and out of the way like she once had. But she wasn't the first victim he'd known to chop off their hair or otherwise alter their appearance in the wake of their ordeal. Yet seeing his detective having made that adjustment again made him ache for her. But it'd been yet another thing that he'd felt like he wasn't allowed to mention or talk to her about. It had been a fine line for him. He had wanted to reach out to her as someone he cared about deeply. A woman he'd watched grow up under his command. From a 30 year old young detective to now a mature woman and mother and wife. There'd been times he'd almost seen Olivia as a daughter. Or at least what he imagined having a daughter might be like. But he was also her boss. Her commanding officer. And he was charged with making decisions not just in her best interest but in the best interest of the entire squad and their cases and victims. It had created a significant grey area about things he was and waasn't allowed to say to her. Where he was allowed to tread. It had often left him feeling during her recovery – if it could be called that – that he hadn't been able to be there for her the way he wanted to be. That he was failing her yet again.
"Et appreciez-vous votre retraite?" Olivia asked.
"Je l'apprecie beacoup," she said. "Mon fils a une petite ferme et cave. Je passé beaucoup de temps la. J'apprends beacoup de nouvelles choses."
"I do not speak a word of French," Will said almost too bluntly.
But Cragen still gave him a thin smile. "Neither do I."
"Her son has a farm and she's spending a lot of time out there," Olivia provided.
"It's just outside of Cutchogue," Eileen said. "It's actually the location of the first winery on Long Island. It's such a beautiful area and so much history ..."
Her voice trailed off as she seemed to notice the sudden sullenness that near instantly settled over their hosts again. The way the silence now rolled off his guest, Cragen knew she was taken aback and now trying to determine what she'd said or done that time.
Eileen seemed to examine the couple for a moment and Cragen found himself wishing that maybe he'd told her more about what the family had been through. All he'd said was that it was likely best not to try to talk about work. That neither he nor Olivia would much want to talk about it and that it didn't really make good dinner conversation. He'd also said that the couple probably wouldn't want to talk about the move, even though the dinner had been labeled as a housewarming function. Thankfully, Eileen hadn't pointed out how strange that seemed. She'd been honoring his suggestions on topics to be avoided but even with avoiding those topics, he certainly didn't think the pain the family was in was very hidden. Especially in that moment.
Cutchogue wasn't even anywhere near the area of Long Island that Lewis had taken Olivia to. But Cragen suspected neither her nor Will were ready yet to spend much time thinking about the whole of Long Island. He wondered if they ever would. He imaged they'd almost prefer to wipe it off the map, just like they likely wished they could wipe what Lewis had done to their family from their memories.
It made him feel an added layer of guilt. He already carried enough guilt about the role he'd played in what happened to Olivia - and to her little boy and husband. But now he felt guilty about dragging Eileen into a situation that she didn't understand and likely wasn't prepared for. Eileen wasn't stupid woman, though. Cragen knew that she was sensing the turmoil that was bubbling in that apartment. She might not be able to put her finger on exactly what was causing it. But it was clearly not just some minor spats. It wasn't that Olivia had wanted dinner guests and Will hadn't. Cragen thought his plus-one understood that far more was going on than that.
"Umm … the berries in Eileen's pie are from the farm too," Cragen quickly provided in trying to shift their attention away from the mention of Long Island. "It's all organic and …" he looked to her again.
"Biodynamic," she provided yet again. For some reason he couldn't get that. It seemed so foreign to him yet there was something endearing about her commitment and enthusiasm about that agricultural method.
"Biodynamically grown," he said and looked at Will.
If Olivia couldn't get him to calm into the dinner, he hoped that he might. But he also didn't want the man to feel pressured to participate. He wasn't sure this dinner was something that Will was ready for. He felt guilty to be doing that to him. To either of them.
"Will's very health conscious," he said and looked to Eileen, even though he knew he'd already told her that in a way of introduction. "He participates in the city triathlon every year."
"Really?" Eileen tried again. Cragen was impressed with how she seemed to be pressing on through the awkwardness. He wondered if that was because she sensed the couple's pain and was trying to make them feel better. Or, rather, if she was doing it for him.
"Yeah," Will said. "I know, with a salad like this it's shocking that we're health conscious."
Olivia's head snapped up from her plate of greens, poached pears, candied nuts, sundried cranberries and goat cheese. She glared at Will.
"This is the salad you asked for," she said. Now it was her who had a tone in her voice.
Cragen was starting to regret that he'd agreed to invite Eileen. But with each junction of the fractured conversation he was also feeling more concerned for his detective. He'd known she was struggling. But watching the interaction between her and her husband now was taking that depiction to a different level. This did not seem like the Will and Olivia he had been allowed to see in the past. It certainly look anything like the Will and Olivia he'd seen while Noah had been sick and wasn't even a glimmer of the happy couple he'd seen at their wedding only a few years ago.
But Will seemed to have suddenly realized he'd stuck his foot in it. His eyes changed and he looked to his wife, his hand landing on top of hers.
"I know, babe," he said. "It's really good. I like when you make it."
Olivia's eyes stayed set on him for a little too long. Cragen couldn't tell what she might be thinking or what – if anything – she might be communicating to her husband in the look she was giving him. But she finally pulled her eyes away and looked back to her plate. Cragen took that as his cue to look back to his own too.
"Well, I really do think the salad is lovely," Eileen said again.
Cragen wouldn't have blamed Eileen for sitting there in silence at that point and counting down the minutes until they could politely excuse themselves. But he appreciated her continued efforts. He'd have to make sure he communicated that to her later. Yet, he wasn't quite sure what to say in the explanation of why he appreciated it.
"What is it that you poached the pears in? I can't quite place it."
"It's miso," Olivia offered. Though she seemed more muted now.
"Miso?" Eileen said somewhat surprised. "What a unique idea."
"It's not hers. She got it off Master Chef," Will muttered. "We watched a lot of mindless TV this summer."
Olivia just glared at him again. Cragen could feel her eyes drilling into him.
"Stop it Will," she mouthed more than whispered and the man's eyes set on her. She rubbed at her eyebrow. "Would you please go check on your course and your son," she said. "And bring the pitcher of water."
At least that's what came out of her mouth. Cragen knew he likely wasn't anywhere near as versed in Olivia's talking with her eyes as her husband was (or likely should be) – but he could see the undertone there. By the time Will came back to the table, he was expected to be a new man or he wasn't to come back. Somehow, based on what he was seeing that night, he thought that might be asking a little much of Will. But the man stood and walked to the edge of the dining area, looking over to the couch where their little boy still seemed transfixed with operating the helicopter. He then stepped around the island and into the kitchen and cluttered around a bit while he checked the status of the entre and its sides.
"I'm sorry," Olivia said a little quietly with her husband still not technically out of earshot and likely knowing she was apologizing on his behalf and for his behavior. But she seemed genuinely embarrassed for the both of them. "It's been a while since we've had company. We aren't usually like this."
"I really am enjoying it," Eileen said with a smile. She appeared to. She plate was almost cleared. "It really was sweet of you to invite me."
Olivia gave the other woman a thin smile. "We're glad you could join us."
"Well, I had to meet Don's 'best detective'," Eileen said with another smile. "But I did feel a little badly having you prepare such a beautiful meal this close to Thanksgiving."
Olivia shook her head. "It's OK. We never end up having to manage Thanksgiving dinner and rarely have company to cook for."
"Oh, do you go to your family for Thanksgiving and let them handle the cooking?" Eileen asked.
Olivia nodded. "We usually have Thanksgiving with Will's family. His mother is quite the cook."
"Do they live close by?" Eileen asked.
"They're just out on Staten Island," Will said as he returned with the pitcher and topped up his wife's glass before looking across the table and holding up the pitcher to them. They both shook their heads in declination of a refill. He nodded.
"Tottenville," he added as he sat back down. "You should come."
"WILL," Olivia snapped, her head snapping to him nearly as quickly and loudly as her word had.
"What?" Will spat back. Though it was clearly more of a 'What did I say or do now?' and his tone seemed to say that he thought it was now her who was being rude. "My parents would love if Captain Cragen came."
Olivia sighed. She'd likely realized how abruptly she'd cut Will off in his invitation. She looked across the table at them.
"I'm sorry," she said again with deeper embarrassment. "I didn't mean …" she sighed louder and looked at her plate that she had seemed to have barely picked at while the rest of them had been eating the gourmet salad. "You're more than welcome to join us for Thanksgiving," she said after a moment. "Will's family is just … big … and I sometimes feel like he's tossing people into the deep end when he randomly puts out these invitations."
Will snorted and looked at her. "I 'randomly' invited you to Thanksgiving and it worked out."
A smile seemed to finally emerge on Olivia's face at that comment. It tugged at her lips like her mouth had become so used to being creased it wasn't sure how to upturn anymore and was resisting the movement. But Cragen could still see it there. It was nice to see. It made the dinner so far more bearable. Maybe there was something that resemble a capacity for normalcy still buried within his detective somewhere.
"Barely," she said. "I think we might remember how that day went a little differently."
Will looked across the table at them. "I brought Olivia and Noah home to meet my parents for the first time on Thanksgiving weekend …"
Olivia interrupted him. "To meet your parents?" she actually laughed at that and looked back across the table to them too. "One. I didn't just 'meet his parents'. I was subjected to the entire McTeague brood without any forewarning about just how many of them there were or how loud – and obnoxious," she said casting Will a look at that, "they were. And two. We weren't dating. So I was not technically 'meeting your parents for the first-time'."
"Math isn't her strong point," Will contended with that comical tone of his that again was emerging for near the first time that night. It was another thing that Cragen had known Olivia had been attracted to in Will even though it had been left unsaid. But he had a sarcasm and a wit about it. As did his detective. Cragen had been starting to think they'd lost that but maybe it was still hiding there somewhere too.
"First time is first time, Liv. It only happens once," he said. "And, her definition of dating has always been a little confusing too. We were dating."
His detective rolled her eyes. "We were not dating."
"Do you want a list of all the examples of dates we went on prior to you meeting my parents?" Will asked.
Her eyes rolled even more. "No one wants that." She looked at them again. "He's delusional. Every time we walked to the subway in the morning counts as a date in his mind."
But that just caused Eileen to smile. They'd clearly hit on either a topic she was interested in or she was just glad to see the mood lightening too and was latching on to the opportunity to extend it while it was there.
"Is that how you met? Same subway stop?"
Will shook his head. "Nah. They moved into the apartment next to mine. But, anyways, the point being, for how traumatizing spending Thanksgiving with my family allegedly was, she's still around and still attending Thanksgiving – seven years later."
"I don't have much of a choice in the matter anymore," she muttered.
"And, Liv, is awful about ever inviting anyone to any of my family's parties or events," Will said, likely as some sort of backwards apology on her behalf now. "Have you ever invited Captain Cragen to one of their gatherings?"
Olivia gave him another look but this time kind of gapped like he'd put forward some sort of accusation. Cragen interjected, though.
"I don't really like parties," he said and turned to Eileen with a gesture back across the table to Olivia's husband. "Will's family is quite well-known in the firefighter and police community. They're even more well-known for their gatherings."
Will allowed a small nod. "But Thanksgiving isn't one of their events. It's just family. So you're welcome to come, if you like."
Cragen caught the 'just family' comment. He was almost touched by it but he found himself wondering how much Olivia agreed. She didn't have a family on her side, though, he wasn't sure she considered him family. She'd said in the past, though, that SVU was her family. She wasn't sure that was true anymore. Will's family was her family.
Cragen had seen how much of a role Will's family had been playing in her recovery – in all of their recovery. He wasn't sure he'd been on the side of the McTeague dynasty prior to all of this. As much as he liked Will, he wasn't much for the politics of the first responder community and Ted McTeague had seemed like he built his life around playing the politics of the FDNY and was versed in all the politics of the NYPD too. Cragen preferred to distance himself from that. That wasn't why he was on the job. He hated that aspect of the job. Ted McTeague seemed to thrive in it.
That, though, had been important during Olivia's recovery. It had been good she had someone who was versed in the system and the media and the unions and all the politics. Though it had meant she had guidance what Cragen had appreciated more was that she had yet another protective wall built in front of her. It had been clear from the moment they pulled Olivia out of that beach house that Ted McTeague wasn't going to let anyone near his family, particularly his daughter-in-law. He'd lived up to his bulldog reputation and he'd done a good job at diverting and dodging the media on Olivia's behalf in those early days.
It wasn't just that, though. Cragen had known that Olivia and her family had spent the first months at Will's parents' home. He'd appreciated that too. It had been good to know she wasn't alone. That none of them where. As much as they had each other, he was glad there'd been more than just them. That they had people who cared about all three of them rallied around them. He'd worked in SVU long enough to know how important that was. He'd experienced for himself how difficult it was to deal with an atrocity without a family foundation of support in his own way the summer before. But his trauma hadn't even begun to be comparable to what Olivia's family had endured.
He'd known too that she must've appreciated it. He'd overheard little comments over the years to know that Olivia had had Will's family at arm's length. But since her return to work, he'd heard near the opposite. She still had a protective barrier around her. Yet he also knew that Will's parents were still an active presence in their lives and recovery. They needed that.
"Is your family NYPD too, Will?" Eileen asked.
"No. They're firefighters," Will said. There wasn't any emotion in his response. So Cragen provided a bit more on his behalf as Olivia had been doing earlier.
"His father is Ted McTeague. He was quite well-known in the firefighter's union and worked on the 9/11 commission."
Will just shrugged. Cragen knew that William McTeague disassociated himself for his family's name to some extent. But he regretted that the mention of their connections in that context seem to be turning him into a mute again.
"That must've been emotionally challenging but rewarding work?" Eileen suggested.
Will shrugged. "You'd have to talk to him about that. I'm sure he'd love to talk about it." At that he stood from the table and looked at them. "Are you done with your plates?" he asked.
Cragen nodded, as did Eileen and he leaned forward and took them, retreating to the kitchen, while he left his wife with them and her still nearly untouched salad.
"We don't like to talk about 9/11," Olivia said quietly.
There wasn't the addition that Will didn't like to talk about this family. There wasn't a suggestion that it hinted at the subject of his dead wife. It just was a blanket statement. Cragen found it almost strange that Olivia seemed willing to put out there that that topic was off-bounds while so many others clearly were yet remained unstated. It seemed like a dinner where almost no topic was safe. Everything was loaded. Cragen imagined they might feel that way in their daily life too. Likely things that hadn't even yet realized were triggering them. He and Eileen seemed to be doing a good job at stepping on multiple landmines in the process so far.
"The meal will be ready in just a minute," Will said from the counter. "I just need to plate it."
