Pretend (Part 3)
by BrDPirateMan

Barely a couple of weeks remained of our school break. Time for another date… uh, pretend date.

But this time, Shiki wasn't the one to initiate things. It was me. I know this is the 21st century, where unorthodox dating practices are becoming increasingly common… girls being more aggressive and asking boys out instead of the other way round, and so on. But you know, I was a fan of the traditional way of doing things. It just felt more right.

To tell you the truth, it was always mortifying for me to be the one to be asked out, but every time I wanted to fix a date with her by myself, I would chicken out. Then she would beat me to it. Dammit.

There was a shy side to Shiki which few people saw. As her close friend, naturally I know about this trait of hers. She could be a total nutcase when hanging out with her best pal Eri, gushing over the latest fashion designs, but at the end of the day she was a quiet girl at heart who loves nothing more than a relaxing day at home indulging in her hobby of sewing.

So how did she get all the courage to do things that I know she normally wouldn't do? Maybe it was because she could never think of me as a potential romantic interest. If it was a boy whom she was in love with, wouldn't she be all timid, tongue-tied and reduced to a trembling wreck? That's how teenagers at our tender awkward age – such as me and her – are like, right? I knew I would be like that; why not her?

That thought was rather depressing… But I couldn't stay emo over something like this. If there was ever a time to take action, that time was now. This was making me feel less and less of a guy and I couldn't stand it. Time to grow some guts and be a man!

And if I was going to step out of my comfort zone, I might as well hop well out of it. A whole afternoon of positive thinking and self-directed pep talk later, I called her up and arranged a date for the two of us.

I had actually done it. But there were a couple of nagging issues…

One, I knew it was summer, but was asking her to accompany me to the beach such a bright idea? Hitting the beach was what people would do at this time, but she wouldn't think I was some pervert, would she? There was sure to be a good number of pretty girls frolicking about, half-naked in their swimsuits no less…

And two, when I told Shiki about my plans, she didn't hesitate at all. Nope. Just squealed excitedly and said yes with gusto and giggly happiness.

Was her behaviour… normal? Shouldn't she have said something like, "Oh gosh, Neku, I'll need to think about this… The beach has so many people and it feels weird walking around in front of them in a swimsuit. It's so embarrassing… But it's so nice of you to invite me and I really want to go. Can I give you an answer later this evening?"

Just thinking about my imaginary take on her reaction was enough to give me a warm and cozy feeling. She would be so adorable if she was like that.

But instead she went, "Okay! Let's go!"

Uh…

Wasn't this a bit too easy? Was there a catch?

XOXOXOXOXO

Shiki's eyes were closed as she took a deep breath, inhaling the crisp sea breeze. A smile crept onto her lips as she exhaled slowly and purposefully.

"Now this… this is why I like summertime."

We were relaxing at the beach, sitting side by side on a mat in the shade of a giant parasol. Now, if someone were to tell me before today that sweet, innocent Shiki wouldn't mind wearing a two-piece swimsuit in public, I wouldn't have believed it for one minute. She was never really the daring type. And yet, here she was in a bikini, and a sarong wrapped around her waist, sure to fetch eyes. Did spending her time in Eri's scantily-clad body in the Reapers' Game poison her mind? Not that I had a problem with it… She was hot…

Her face was ever so calm, not perturbed in the slightest as the wind billowed gently in her hair and mussed it around. "Great day today, huh, Neku?" she said, tucking her wayward hair behind her ear, something that I liked to see her do because it was so alluring.

"N-Neku? Are you okay? You're not talking, your face is red, and you're shaking like a dry leaf. You're not… sick, are you?"

I was doing my best to suppress my male urges. When the girl whom you love is right next to you wearing practically nothing… it's hard to keep still. I had to pretend to look at the horizon of the ocean just to remain sane. "I'm… I'm okay… All well and good… ha ha…"

"Are you sure? Let me see." She cupped one hand around my cheek and twisted my head so we were face-to-face. It set alarm bells ringing. Her hand… was so soft and warm… "Yeah, you seem alright, I guess…"

When she let go and I snapped my gaze back to the water again, I had one thought, Wow.

"Hey, Shiki," I began after a silent pause, "Are you okay with that?"

"Okay with what?"

I gulped. "Well… don't you feel… embarrassed, wearing that bikini and everything…?"

She gave a chuckle. "Eri said I should try out a two-piece at least once, and you know what? I think I kinda like it."

"Y-You're not embarrassed? Really?"

"It'd seem you're more embarrassed about it than I am!" she laughed. "I'm really okay with swimsuits like this… but only if you don't stare at my breasts all day!" She shot me a mock stern look.

"Uh-huh…" Things just got harder for me…

"But seriously, I gotta thank you, Neku."

"Thank me?" I looked at her quizzically. "For what?"

"Well, you know…" She fiddled with her fingers coyly, her cheeks reddening. "Back in the Reapers' Game, when you told me that I shouldn't be afraid to be myself, that was the confidence boost I needed. Your words were the truth that I should have been facing, even if it was a brutal, honest truth." That's right… I was slightly harsh in getting her to wake up and shake off her low self-esteem. "But at the same time, there was an underlying kindness. A genuine wish for me to look forward to the future. It was the glimmer of hope I was looking for so badly… and you gave it to me."

"I… I see…" I was dumbstruck. I never thought my words would have such a great impact on her. "Sorry if I sounded cruel at that time, Shiki."

She gave my arm a friendly squeeze. "No, no… not at all! Thank you for everything. But hey, let's talk about that later, shall we?" She placed her glasses into a protective case, then stood up, stripped off her sarong and started pulling me by the arm.

"Shiki, what're you doing?"

"Get a grip, Neku," she sighed, "What else would people do at a beach, play Tin Pin? Come on, let's go swimming for a bit." She kept pulling, but I resisted. There was a good reason for that…

"Um, Shiki, if you don't mind, could I stay here for a while?"

"Whaaaat? ! Boy, you're no fun!" she pouted, not letting go, "We're at the beach! To not have a swim would be sacrilege! C'mon, don't be such a wet blanket! It's no fun swimming alone, you know."

She was a persistent one… "Um, I don't think I can go swimming with you, Shiki."

"Wh-Why not?"

"Because… uh, I can't swim."

She stared at me like I had sprouted a pair of horns on my head. The surprise could clearly be seen. "You… You can't swim? !"

I nodded, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.

"Oh… uh…" She was at a loss for words. But not for long. "Well, then all the more we should go and take a splash in the water!"

"What? !"

"I'll teach you some basics of swimming, Neku," she beamed, "You haven't even swum once in your entire life? You don't know what you're missing!"

"Um…"

"Don't 'um' me! Get your lazy butt off the ground and let's go!" With a burst of strength she yanked me until I had no choice but to follow her. This was going rather scarily…

"Wait!" I protested, helpless to stop her. "Wh-What if I drown? ! What if I sink and –"

"Oh, don't worry, Neku," she giggled mischievously, "You'll only drink a bit of seawater."

And so she literally dragged me to my watery doom.

XOXOXOXOXO

"I'm sorry, Neku… W-Will you be alright?"

I couldn't answer. The past two minutes had been spent coughing up seawater. And I was still having trouble clearing it out of my system.

"Neku… Say something!"

I managed a weak reply, raspy from a clogged throat, "I… I'm not dead."

"Sorry the impromptu swimming lesson didn't go so well," she sniffled, rather ashamed of herself. "I… I just wanted to show you how much fun swimming can be."

"W-Well, it's only the first time for me!" I consoled her as best as I could, "Everyone's bound to slip up on their first lessons… I should've been more careful anyway. And… you know what they say, practice makes perfect… Look, don't cry, okay?"

She just nodded meekly, feeling visibly better about herself as my bouts of coughing subsided.

Earlier, Shiki had tried to teach me the fundamentals of swimming, and the first thing she taught was staying afloat. She had instructed me to hold on to her for support at first, floating together with her. Then when she thought I had the hang of things (I didn't), she let go of me and I immediately plummeted into the sea like an anchor. Just when I was on the verge of revisiting the Reapers' Game, she fished me from the clutches of death and dragged my gasping self back to shore.

With the earlier fiasco dealt with, we sat without a single word between us. Shiki must still be feeling guilty… and every involuntary cough I made seemed to make her feel worse. I thought to take her mind off of it.

"Hey, Shiki," I said, "could I ask you something?"

Still shy from her first time in such a daring swimsuit – and in front of a boy too – she had curled herself up, foetus-like, her arms crossed and resting on the knees of her upright legs. Not much of a good attempt to cover herself up if you asked me, since her body was still pretty much exposed. Behind a tapestry of tousled damp hair, her clear brown orbs were fixed at me in an owlish gaze. She was dangerously cute.

"What is it?"

I gulped hard and, fueled by a burst of courage, asked, "Why do you like me so much? Not that I mind… I'm just curious."

Startled, she stuttered, "Neku, is 'like' another way of saying 'love'? !"

"Um, I didn't mean it that way… I just –"

"I-I'm not in love with you or anything," she muttered, her cheeks substantially reddened, "We're not real lovers, only pretending to be… So we're strictly friends… a-are we clear on that?" So she said, with a peculiar stammer in her voice…

Better play along for now. "Uh-huh… Okay…" At least she wasn't sad anymore. That was good to know.

"But you know…" she continued, in a much calmer manner, "I like you because… well, I think you're really cool."

"Cool?"

"Yeah, I mean… you're so nice and selfless, and you're not shallow at all. I know I'm not as pretty or interesting as the other girls are, but you never once thought of me as a burden, even when you saw the real me. I know I can count on you."

My heart lurched in my ribcage. I corrected her gently, growing redder with every word, "Shiki, what are you saying? I think you're quite pretty, and… and you're interesting too."

She had a subtle and most welcome hint of a smile. "Hee hee… Really?"

"You bet."

"You sure know how to please a girl, Neku," she giggled.

"But I'm telling the truth."

"I know… You're not the type to tell fibs."

I had nothing to say to that, but I felt good. She felt the same way too. Another short pause ensued, after which she spoke up again.

"Neku, I've been thinking… If you ask me, and this is my honest opinion… I think you're way cooler than Ryusei."

"Wh-What? !" I could feel my body heating up. Did she just imply that she liked me more than the boy she used to have a crush on?

"It's true!" she grinned, "I'm serious. You've become so reliable over the past few months. No offense, Neku, but given how you were so dreadful to begin with, it's impressive how far you've come. You're like a different person altogether, and I like that."

Those were some of the most heartfelt words I had ever heard. Spoken by the girl whom I loved they held even more meaning to me. But I was also very confused. Exactly who did she have feelings for? Me, or the other guy – her first crush? What was on her mind?

For a while we did nothing but gaze at the ocean before us, watching the few people who were still loitering around the beach – many had left the beach now that the evening was starting to roll in. The sky was tinted orange and it was most scenic. It wasn't nearly as lovely as the sight of Shiki in her bold two-piece, though. She had slowly unraveled her limbs from herself and was sitting in a more relaxed fashion, and I found myself sneaking furtive glances at her from time to time. There was no mistaking it: to me, she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

"Neku, um…"

"Yes?"

"I forgot to ask you earlier, but… d-do I look… okay in this swimsuit?"

The answer to that question was obvious! "I think it looks great on you! It… uh… how should I put this?" I wanted to put in some actual effort in my compliments. Anyone could say a girl would look good; but how good she looked… now that was something I wanted to briefly elaborate on. "…makes you look like… I mean, it…" She was hanging onto my unfinished sentence, awaiting my answer, but I was having trouble finding the right words. And the problem was, when I did find them, they sounded so very strange.

"When you wear that swimsuit, it makes you look like a, uh… a fruit salad! Yeah, that's right."

Shiki blinked at me, speechless. Not because my compliment took her breath away, but because she was probably trying her best to crack the logic behind it. Nice going, Neku.

However, she simply chuckled, shielding her grin in one fist, before breaking out into all-out laughter.

"Well, I know I'm not a sweet talker…" I admitted in a self-deprecating manner, as she continued to drown out the soft whistle of the wind with her laughing, "…but you didn't need to be so cruel about it…"

"Aww, cheer up, Neku!" she said, wiping away tears of mirth, "Sure, it was awfully weird, but… it's also the sweetest thing anyone's said to me in a long while!"

I stared at her, perplexed. "You don't mind being called a… a bowl of apples and oranges?" Hearing that got her in stitches again. Her abnormally loud laughter was driving away the seagulls and marine animals, and the remaining beach-goers had turned to look at us in alarm. She had to cling onto my shoulder to prevent herself from doubling up in total hysterics.

When she had calmed down, she still had that foolish but adorable grin. "Ha ha ha… s-sorry, Neku… I couldn't help myself… It's too cute! I love it!"

"You… You do?" I was more puzzled than anything.

"Yeah! I don't know why… it just cracked me up."

"Uh… Okay…"

"But Neku… thank you. You sure put in a lot of effort in that compliment… and I appreciate that."

She noticed! I charged into the whole thing blind but it looked like it worked just fine.

"However…" she warned, wrapping her bosom in her arms, "that doesn't mean you just got yourself a free pass to stare at my chest freely! Okay?"

"Um… sure…"

We turned back to the ocean, the evening sun setting beneath the horizon, casting warm sunlight across the clouds like liquid gold. The water shimmered serenely, the surface like a mirror. The roar of the waves was gentle and soothing as they lapped against the sand. I stole a quick look around us, and the beach was deserted. We were the only ones left.

Just the two of us… alone… in a romantic place at a romantic time… What could be more romantic than watching the sunset at the beach?

Shiki was fidgeting and fiddling with her fingers nervously. Apparently, she must have noticed it too… This energy that was binding us together…

Then a certain thing about this struck me as odd. If Shiki supposedly had neutral feelings towards me, why was she so edgy? Maybe she had never spent time alone with a boy before. But wasn't it strange for someone who had no qualms about confessing to her crush at school?

Whatever doubts and questions I had in the back of my mind disappeared when both of us happened to turn to each other at the same time. Our eyes were riveted to each other… locked in a meaningful gaze. Nothing was spoken… there was not even the slightest gesture or hint of body language. But in her brown eyes was reflected a growing feeling… a burgeoning desire… Looking at her marred my senses with temporary dizziness. I felt like fainting. Like falling. In love.

She mouthed my name, her voice silent. Her eyelids drooped half-closed.

If I wasn't mistaken, she was leaning towards me… slowly… Entranced by the passion of the moment, I did the same… And our faces drew closer…

But then we barely moved past the two-inch mark before a booming voice cut in, "Hey." We jumped and faced the source of our rude interruption in the form of a burly lifeguard.

"Hey, kids," he said, in a firm but polite way, "I hate to break things up but it's closing time at this here beach. Please pack up and leave the premises."

"O-Oh, sorry!" said Shiki, hurrying with me to gather up our belongings, "We didn't take note of the time."

"If you kids wanna have a neckin' you could always come back tomorrow," he smirked, that Kansai accent coming out rich and thick.

"We're not necking!" I protested, but he had walked away, chuckling to himself.

Shiki and I took a brief look at each other before sharply turning away, embarrassment being the order of the day, saying nothing else as we bundled up all our stuff and prepared to head back home.

XOXOXOXOXO

The bus ride back was fraught with awkwardness with a capital A. Shiki and I were sitting adjacent to each other, but neither of us dared to speak up during the entire 30 minute trip.

She just stared ahead of her, boring her eyes into the seat in front of her. If she wasn't doing that, then she was looking outside at all the buildings we were passing by. Everywhere she looked except at me. The atmosphere was so heavy and tense that it was a wonder even to me that neither of us jumped out of the bus screaming.

So hard to believe that we almost kissed… We were this close… Had that lifeguard not intervened we might actually have done it. But now that we were back to our senses, the realization of what we were at the brink of doing carved a gap between us. She wasn't mad. But I could tell she needed some space… and time to think about it.

I needed to ponder a bit more about the potential meaning that this little incident may have hidden. Shiki loved Ryusei, right? Sure, he turned her down, but she must still have some form of residual attraction for him, even if it had been reduced to just a tiny fraction… However, in her own words, she had said that I was "way cooler than Ryusei". What did it mean? Summer break was almost coming to an end, and we had gone on lots of 'dates' by now, but I was no closer to solving the enigma of Shiki Misaki than at the beginning when it all started. Was I a friend or more than a friend to her? I had absolutely no idea.

The biggest hint that she dropped – unknowingly or otherwise – was the kiss she almost gave me. You don't just kiss a friend on the lips and expect to get away with "Well, you're my pretend boyfriend, so isn't kissing something that lovers do? That includes us… in a way". Again, another mystery. What did it mean? !

How many times did I have to think in circles and arrive at nothing? It was frustrating me to no end. This was all so confusing and I didn't understand a darn thing. Hopefully, in time to come, I might be able to figure out something about Shiki, the girl whom I found so easy to relate to but so difficult to understand. Until I cracked her code, I was groping about in the dark.

We eventually alighted at Shibuya. The invisible barrier of intense quietness that seemed to separate us came down when she spoke. "Neku, thank you so much for today."

"Oh, you mean for taking you to the beach?"

"Yeah… It's been a while since I last went there," she mumbled sheepishly, turning pink, "I love swimming, you know… and… and I went swimming with you too… so that's nice…"

"Huh?" That last sentence was incredibly suggestive…

"Oh! Uh, don't be too surprised, Neku…" She cast a shy glance at me – such an adorable sight to behold. "You're my 'boyfriend', so it's only natural that we do… um, stuff together."

"S-Stuff? !" Now this was crossing from suggestive into the realm of positively seductive… I could think of a million things that could mean the "stuff" that she was talking about, and no thanks to my reptilian urges, all of them had a scandalous air about them. Just when I was about to think of the next craziest thing, she jabbed me in the forehead with her index finger. It stunned me for a moment, the effect of which was similar to hearing the news that street-talking Beat could in fact write proper sentences with proper grammar.

"Hoi, Neku, stop thinking dirty," she giggled, "Anyway, I'm really glad to spend time with you today."

"Same here." I flashed a grin.

"Maybe I'll give you another swimming lesson when the time is right."

"Ha ha ha… That would be nice." I could have jokingly added, "And if I drown, you can give me mouth-to-mouth," but chose to play safe.

Her discomfort from earlier had loosened up somewhat and she partially regained her old self. Perhaps now might be a good time to inquire about that matter… After all, we were 'lovers', and lovers can talk about almost anything, right?

"Hey, Shiki, you know… I was wondering…" I cleared my throat.

"About what?" It's cute how she cocks her head to one side when she's curious…

I grew increasingly fidgety with each new word that came out of my mouth. Just a few words and I was already close to realizing a mental breakdown. "Shiki… You were about to… uh, kiss me just now… D-Did you mean it?"

She froze, gawking at me with a deer-in-the-headlights look. "Wh-When did you say I did what? !"

"You know… back at the beach, just before closing time… You were close to kissing me, and –"

"Um… I don't know what you're talking about," she snapped, stammering too much for her denial to be convincing. I pressed her a little more.

"Well, don't you remember? It was right before the lifeguard came… You were leaning in towards me… Were you serious about it?"

"I… I still have no clue about what you're trying to say," she insisted vehemently. The cherry-coloured tint that was fast spreading across her cheeks was quickly giving her game away, though. And she probably noticed this, because the next thing she blurted was, "A-Anyway! It's getting late and we should get back home now. I-I'll… I'll… I'll kiss you tomo – No, no! I mean I'll see you tomorrow!"

She shouted her goodbye over her shoulder as she scampered away at the speed of light. I had never seen her run that fast before…

I had to get my answers soon enough. All this beating about the bush was getting tiring. Confirmation! Confirmation that she loved me! That's all I wanted all this time. But I never got it. Even a flying pig was less elusive.

That night, the scene of her tilting into my face was the only thing I could think of. It never failed to excite me as she drew closer, but it was always at the last moment that the lifeguard appeared to spoil that romantic moment and shatter it into a million pieces. Then I would have to pick up those pieces, put them together and relive the experience again endlessly.

Shiki denied that she was trying to kiss me. But try as I might, there was nothing else I could interpret it as other than that. She… might be in love with me, huh? How nice that would be… How much nicer it would be to be sure of it.

Summer break was ending. I had to put an end to this mystery once and for all. The question was…

…how would I go about doing it?