(Lapis…)
"It's alright, they don't even know we're together, they aren't going to walk in alright?" Lapis brought her finger forward to hush the girl as they began to share their bed. They had the same feelings running their veins of curiosity and nervousness.
Through the window they could see the moon peeking just past their feet. It gave a shine along the rim of the window as if to spill the night skies dreams into their room. With no lock on the door she kept her composure and began to raise herself on top of the blonde girl. Careful as to press her knees down on the bed and no the delicate girl.
Green eyes flickering off to the side and flinching with fear of any movements outside of the room. Controlled underneath the blue haired girls palm as she began striping off her shirt, a texture soft that easily came up, making barely any noise as it hit the floor.
"Really I don't know if we should be doing this…" anxious words fell out of the blonde's mouth and were quickly caught as the blue haired girl pressed her concerns away with a kiss. A melting kiss that left both of them desiring to continue. Sparks floating between their minds shared at the lips that signified the next steps.
"If you really don't want to, we don't have to. It's just I kind of thought now would be a good time y'know." Pressing a tender kiss on top of Peridot's forehead she began lowering herself once again to check for the green light of vibrant eyes saying okay. Down cast they laid as if trying to stare into the abyss of shadows contained in the blankets over them.
"You're right, I want to," She admitted with hands clinging to the loose fit shirt along Lapis' body. Quick movements threw it off with another few obstacles remaining. Each step exposing more of the beautiful girl she loved.
"We're gonna have to lose our clothes then," Lapis said with a wink that she wasn't quite sure whether Peridot could see it or not. While she pushed herself off of her and they began to strip, it let the beam of light from the window spread across her beautiful blondes face instead of the back of her head.
Each movement caused a few rustles of the sheets and was often followed by ears frantically searching for signs of intruders. Lapis only kept on her panties as they both made sure to put their clothes on the side of the bed furthest from the door. Being so close each of the calamities of noise cause intentional held breaths that Lapis loved listening for.
She also loved the fact that Peridot would stare at the bottom of the door where a crevice of light would occasionally shine through whenever she was telling a secret. Knowing that any moment that door could open, but it more so felt like she was scared of that light grasping her secrets like a dream catcher.
One secret that Lapis rarely held onto is the fact that she thought Peridot was beautiful. A visible gasp at the naked girl beside her that she quickly brought her hand up as if to push that breath back into her mouth. A breath that contained the secret that she was currently lost on her beauty, any ounce of lust had been pushed back with just the thought of adoration.
"So, now what?" It seemed that Peridot actually caught everything she was thinking with an embarrassed look to the side. Taking a look away from the light in her life, she tried to get a handle on herself. When she looked back the girl was still as beautiful as ever and Lapis lead into her with a kiss. Slowly shifting her hands along the girl's side so that she could fully be propped on top of her once again.
"You really are the most beautiful thing ever," Lapis said taking a break from their kiss. Peridot was well proportioned, she had some killer hips. Her chest was an alright size as well with a little bit of a pudgy stomach and it was adorable.
"Thing?" Peridot questioned Lapis words fully aware of what she meant. Even with this small joke Lapis could see past it, the girl was nervous. Her shoulders condensed as if wanting to minimize her size.
"Out of all things in everywhere, you are the best, I'm a thing, you're a thing but the difference is you're the best thing," Lapis said realizing a perfect time for a joke but instead using something else. It was a perfect time for reassurance of how she thought of her.
A weak smile spread across the blondes face and this time she tipped her head up so that they could meet half way. With a hand claiming a portion of the back of Lapis head she was forced down into the mouth of the girl below her. A small amount of pain forming on her scalp as the hand claimed her was only alluring her to continue on.
With an open mouth she went to town on the girls' lips, small bites and caresses with her tongue till she took a break and went for the defenseless neck. Each of those actions bearing a reactions till she was biting her own lips to halt from reacting.
"Peridot!" Lapis shouted as if she couldn't contain it anymore. Like a slammed door she knew that she was in trouble as she opened her eyelids.
"Really! You're still thinking of her when we do things… This is why we wouldn't ever work out huh?" A familiar voice lathered over her thoughts.
"I'm sorry," Lapis admitted as the small lamp flashed on to show a strawberry blonde girl beside her. The other girl was dragging herself to her feet and beginning to leave the room.
"Yeah you always are," Pearl said obviously irritated. With that Lapis raised herself as well knowing the destination that they would both arrive at together. Stealing away her clothes from the floor and swiping off one of the black jackets she joined the other girl into the night.
"Really, this past week has just been hard. I keep dreaming about her." Slowly closing the door behind her they lined up along the balcony of a rather nice house. A large second story house that only held the presence of two souls at most that shared similar feelings, loneliness. It was a starless night, a constant reminder of the light pollution spilling into the sky.
"If you could stop thinking about her for a day then maybe you wouldn't be dreaming about her as well. I can't believe you still think of her over the person you're actually with." Pearl handed over a small dose of addiction that they both happened to share.
The second light of the night flickered over the front of their lips as smoke started to billow on the inside of their lungs. Slowly it was released from their body with the permanent residue of a mistake they should have never started.
"I can't, then again we aren't dating so why does it bother you?" It was a low blow that both of them knew. That's how it was to them, saying harsh things without a response for the most part, knowing each other a little bit too well.
"Yeah that's why we dated for a month before I realized your past is more important than me," words that weren't bitter. Neither of their words held emotion in them just felt more like time had to pass somehow and words had to taint it in the least.
"We're both a little fucked up huh?" Lapis admitted before heaving in another breath. The landscape around them was an empty cul-de-sac regardless of the time of day, it used to have rampant life running amuck. Much like how time runs, it no longer held that much life.
"I think you might have me beat though, let's go get some food then we can sleep." Pearl said slowly driving the last bit of orange along her cigarette to extinction, rubbing it along a small metal ash tray.
"I'll be in there in a moment, can I have another cig?" Lapis asked which quickly had a cigarette thrown at her. Her hands had stopped shaking now thanks to her body's satisfaction, but her mind had not stopped running.
Most of the time after they were done she'd regret something, all that was brought was memories. Jealousy was a horrible thing, especially when you're jealous of someone that they'll never see again. Lapis thought that to herself but she knew that Pearl was in the right.
It had ruined things for her as well, happiness wasn't permanent, and life had definitely taught her that.
"Lapis I made a friend today," eyes that could contain all the stars in the sky danced around her. Happily in the halls curiously they talked over the new girl entering her life.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah her name is Amethyst, she called me cool which I don't understand but it happened and like we just met. She even called me smart, I mean I did answer the question right but still."
"Whoa, whoa calm down there. You're speaking a mile a second," they were a complete contrast at the moment. Lapis was calmly speaking trying to figure some things out while Peridot was spewing out all the information instantly.
"Alright well she said that she wanted to hang out with us during lunch is that alright?" Peridot asked as they coordinated through the halls. They still had a few minutes before class started once more.
"Uh yeah sure, she knows you're in a relationship though right?" Lapis questioned as they turned into their class.
"I just met her, I'll tell her when we all hang out, and we didn't have much time to talk in class." Peridot happily said.
"Well I wouldn't want her trying to steal you away from me," Lapis said as they began to settle down into the class. Peridot looked shocked that Lapis would even suggest that. Lapis was shocked that Peridot couldn't see that being a possibility, she usually coined out that not everyone was gay like them.
With another heave of her addiction she wiped it the same way as Pearl before reentering the house. Lights lined the kitchen and that was about it, the rest of the house held that shadows that kept the sky together. A nice kitchen counter with plenty of vegetables lined up to be thrown into a stir fry, something simple that both of them liked.
"You should use shrimp this time," Lapis interjected before she placed herself on a stool by the counter. Letting her elbows rest on the cold granite table that meshed shades of grey in a few inch thick slab.
"Fine, if you'll peel it though," Pearl looked back holding her head a bit up with dipped eyes. Her voice made Lapis feel tired, to the point that she pressed her forehead against the counter.
"One moment, I need to get the energy to do it," Lapis thrusted her hands off the counter in a shove that nearly knocked her to the floor. While grabbing the shrimp from the fridge and bringing it over to the trash her mind began to wander for the last time of the night.
"Hey how yah doing," Said a shorter girl about the same size as her blonde. The girl had a lighter blonde hair and held herself with quite a bit of confidence or at least it felt that way. Her hand that wasn't attempting to be shaken was left along her hip.
"I'm alright, I'm Lapis," she gave a brief hand shake giving into the formality. "How are you?"
"So I'm Amethyst and I'm doin pretty good, just glad to be chillin y'know." Amethyst shrugged off those words as if they were nothing.
"Yeah, same. Are you going to start hanging out with us during lunch each day?" Lapis curiously asked, not really sure what to say to the girl.
"If you guys are alright with it," Amethyst said casually walking over to the wall to sit down. Throwing her bag down and slowly opening it up with a glance up.
"Well of course we are, I'm glad that you two are getting along," Peridot was frantically speaking switching her view back and forth between the two of them. She reminded Lapis of a Meerkat with her head lifted frantically looking around.
"Eh yeah you both are nice lookin, and I like eye candy," Amethyst quickly said before shoving a mouthful of food into her mouth quite disgustingly. Lapis wanted to show her disgust for the girls' actions but still this was a new friend, she shouldn't. I should show that she can never have her.
Lapis set her stuff down as well and slowly approached her girlfriend with a goal in mind. With them being the only two standing around it was perfect.
"Lapis what are you doing?" Peridot asked slightly concerned before Lapis wrapped her hand beneath her jaw. After that slightly turning it her direction till their eyes were on track to each other, till they collided. A soft sin, with a sly look to the girl on the ground that watched with wide eyes.
"Get some!" Amethyst yelled out while they separated with Peridot looking quite frantic. Their separation was caused by two small hand thrusting her away, which was alright she showed her point. A simple touch that could prove a world of difference.
"Lapis not at school!" The blonde huffed out clearly rattled as her chest was matching her heart inside falling forward with each breath and back. The blonde dragged her head back to gaze up at the sky before placing her palm on it.
"By the way Amethyst we're dating so she's off limits." Lapis declared staring her straight on with a small smile on her face. What do you think of that huh? You'll never be able to have her, she is mine.
"Like she would even want me Lapis, god calm down," Peridot said as they both began to sit down facing the new girl.
"Well I mean if you want me to be honest, I thought you were pretty cute so it's not like all my intentions were pure if y'know what I'm sayin." Amethyst words were shrugged off like they didn't matter anymore but they did and Lapis wanted to deck her.
Looking beside her and the cheeks of her girlfriend were red, not at the kiss but at the words just spoken. Like a cloud of realization was hitting her, lack of confidence was running through Lapis taking away the weight in her chest. She felt shallow like she was staring at the ground from a roof and beginning to slip. Her eyes didn't want to look up to anyone knowing that each of them felt different of the circumstances.
"Well um I'm more than flattered… I hope you'll still be my friend even if we can't be together." Peridot said back and Lapis didn't trust those words, that girl had to still be after her right? From that point on she kept more than a cautious eye on her.
"Hey Lapis what are you thinking about?" Pearl asked dragging her out of the old dusty thoughts.
"The girl that made Peridot and I break up." Lapis admitted shoving the bowl full of shrimp stripped of their protection over to the other girl. They were quickly thrown into the pan to be cooked through.
"Oh." Her voice showed that she knew the land mine she was treading on. Their conversations were full of those like a jungle fresh after a war. Their battle scars were quickly regained every chance they got a break thanks to their own thoughts.
"What about you?" Lapis tagged along knowing that the other girl had the same issue of never being able to stop thinking.
"How I'm going to be taking care of Steven tomorrow. I think he might be coming over here so I'll have to do some cleaning." Pearl said patiently stirring the food and grazing it with some light seasoning.
"Oh man I haven't seen him in forever, mind if I hang out with you guys?" Lapis changed her tempo slightly trying to fake a smile as well as she was faking her mood. It didn't work she could feel the cracks in her smile and if she did pull it off, she'd feel more of the doubt in her mind.
"I don't know, I kind of think you should leave when you wake up Lapis," Pearl said as her stirring slowed down just like her voice.
"Oh… Come on, Pearl you know he misses me to," Lapis said dragging her eyes away to the grey streaks. Normally their conversations didn't hurt but this did.
"If we're just friends with benefits maybe it'd be best if we kept our personal lives separate." Pearl took time with those words as if choosing each detail on the knife that was cutting them apart. An unsteady grasp of breath that was unluckily heard. Pearl was clearly crossed between what to do with wide eyes worryingly looking at Lapis.
"Pff," Lapis let air be pushed past her teeth. "Maybe. I'm sorry Pearl." Lapis admitted knowing a few of the reasons this conversation was unraveling.
"Let's just eat alright," Pearl sighed with her words, maybe she believed that she went too far as well. Bowls were served up with a mixture of rice and shrimp, they had other veggies mixed in, and Lapis could probably name them all but she wasn't focused on the bowl. It felt more like staring past, past the black table placed in the dining room.
Words weren't spoken while they ate, the air felt dense, it was a familiar uncomfortable aura. Taste buds were damaged or maybe it was her mood, she was never quite sure but she knew the food tasted great but it didn't. Ash filled her mouth clouding over most things tampering her judgement along with her desire to eat. Still she didn't want it to taste good, anything that could grace her life with joy had to be ruined some way or eventually it'd get her back.
As they finished off their food, Pearl slowly began putting things away. With an out reached hand, Lapis slowly handed her bowl off, before resting her face on the table. They usually did this, Pearl put things away while Lapis waited for them to retreat to the room together.
"Pearl!" Lapis called out loudly hearing it echo throughout the house.
"What?" Pearl sighed with her voice aimed at the dark haired girl.
"I just like hearing the echo's in this house," Lapis admitted. They were a bitter sweet noise, it showed that the home was hollowed out.
"Alri-." Pearl tried to speak but once again Lapis was shouting.
"Pearl!" this one had a different response.
"Really even going to cut me off now?" Pearl clearly a bit agitated responded from what felt like in front. But the only sign of distance was noise as Lapis felt that darkness engulfing her closed eyes. Only able to grasp herself to fend off the worry, and a constant fear of not deserving the sight of light if she opened her eyes.
"No this time I'm curious are you done yet?"
"Yeah, let's go," Pearl tiredly responded. Finally opening her eyes and at the other end of the room was the other girl. She had her arm resting on the wall leaned up with her hand on the switch that turned off the kitchen and living room lights.
They left for the staircase in silence, walking past an empty hallway that was once adorn by many pictures. Pictures bring back memories, and so now the hall was stripped of the pain, letting that pain remain silent in a closet downstairs.
A few other rooms upstairs, and only two were actually available for them to go into thanks to a few words spoken. Rules were set in this house as if to give stability that was lost in both their lives, punishment for not following them was the disappointment that in the end that it didn't matter.
"Are you even tired?" Lapis asked knowing the sin that would likely commence.
"No, however I can tell you I don't want to be awake," with that the door was pushed open with a king sized bed taking over most of the room. Hallway lights that only bled onto the start of the bed before the switch was flicked. Then they were covered in darkness once more.
They got onto the bed, able to tell where each other were thanks to the sinking mattress pulling their bodies together. Dragging herself to the end she felt the soft pillow encompass the sides of her head with subtle noises of another person beside her.
"Hey Pearl can we just snuggle tonight?" Lapis asked in a low voice both of them were familiar with.
"Okay," Pearl said which the blue haired girl quickly wrapped her arms around the slender frame dragging her close. With her head resting just beneath the chin of Pearls she felt large tears flailing down her face as she held her as close as she could. Pearl responded with holding her back and lightly brushing through her hair.
Heaving breaths left her body as she thought about what her life had become. It was over, her love wouldn't even respond to her calls any longer, hell she probably had blocked her days ago. Alcohol remaining in her system didn't help tame her emotions rolling rampant in their starless night.
"Also, I guess it'd be alright if you said hi to Steven."
