ANYONE BUT YOU

This chapter is somewhat shorter than usual because I cut the story line. This part isn't rated M yet, but the next chapter is. I'm sorry! I know I rated it K+ originally, but somehow the smut spilled out! It was kinda needed for the storyline and to fit in my head canon. So, I apologize for those who started to read the story but now can't because of the changed rating. I owe you one.


"You can't be here."

She didn't sound mean. Just resigned and weary. Her cheeks have become sallow, dark circles set deep under her eyes.

Molly plunked down her heavy bag on the couch next to him and tried to made a beeline for her bedroom. Sometimes she wondered why she even bothered to go to John's. She should just keep Rosie at her flat overnight instead of picking her up from the creche, taking her goddaughter to her home for dinner and a bath, and then taking Rosie to John's for bed.

It didn't make sense.

And yet, Molly felt a compulsion to let John be with his daughter, even though he said he's incapable of it. She didn't want to give up on John as a father. He had just lost his wife. He didn't need to lose his child as well.

And so despite bone-deep fatigue, Molly carried on with this commute, forcing John to see his daughter even as he was yet unable to hold her.

Truth be told, Molly needed to be in a constant state of movement. If she stopped, then she would have to acknowledge this new reality: Mary was gone.

"You can't be here, Sherlock," she said again in case he didn't hear. "I'm picking up Rosie and taking her back here for dinner."

"Oh? When did you last eat?" he asked, standing up to block her way to the hall. Just as she was about to answer, he added, "a proper warm meal, Molly."

He pinned her with his eyes, forcing her to make contact. Defiantly, she glared back with her chin jutted out.

"When did you last eat a meal?" she spat out.

"Mrs. Hudson has been extra attentive, actually," he said, his eyes softening to make room for conversation. "Just yesterday, she sat me down and literally watched me chew and shallow while she regaled me with her youthful exploits." He closed his eyes and shivered. "I was forced to finish my meal so she would leave me alone."

He made her chuckle at that, which made him feel somewhat good about himself.

"What do you need then?"

"Nothing." Molly's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"I don't believe you."

"Fine. Then I need you to take care of yourself. Eat – sleep! – for God's sake. Let someone else take care of Rosie tonight. And let me take care of you for once. Please."

He sounded as desperate as she was to do something - anything – to keep sane. But still…

"I… I can't. I have to shower then leave to get Rosie."

"Why?"

"Because if I stop… if I stop then I'll feel. I don't want to feel right now, Sherlock," she said as she moved past him.

XXXXXX

Her skin burned under the searing heat of the shower, but she didn't care. How dare he come here to help him help her. It was so typical of him to be selfish. She didn't need help, thank you very much. She wasn't the one who lost a spouse, who lost a mother. She didn't even really lose a best friend even though she had gotten closer to Mary throughout her difficult pregnancy and after. Molly somehow still felt like an outsider, only called into the circle when needed. Part of it might be because she had never been entirely comfortable in social situations or big groups. But there were also times when she gets reminded of her otherness.

Like, no one told her when Sherlock was shot. She overheard that from someone at the cafeteria. When Sherlock was 'exiled', she had to awkwardly navigate the fall out of not being told and learning about it much later.

It seemed they only really came to her when they needed someone to babysit Sherlock, and then later Rosie. Usually she did not mind. Molly has always wanted to be useful and helpful. And sure, many have taken advantage of that character flaw, but it did make her happy to help the people whom she has come to love like family - and the one she has come to love as definitely not family.

So why was she still feeling like crap? Hasn't she been helpful to John, even doing things that were unbearable to do? Didn't she just plan and execute all the infinite details of Mary's funeral? The one argument she had (and won) from John was to allow Sherlock to be there for the service. But didn't she then have to tell him off despite every single cell in her body wanting him to be close to her for support? Even then, she shunned him.

And now that he's out there in her living room, needing to be needed, why must she remain alone?

She knew why. Because somehow, the sense of fairness tugs at her. If John can't have his wife, she can't have (her) Sherlock.

The irony of it was, she never had him anyway. Never has, and never will.

It was that thought that finally broke her.


Note: Obviously I'm finally writing out my head canon, because I only ever write canonical fanfic. I'm not that creative. Anyway, to me, Sherlock would want to stay occupied, and try to be helpful, even going as far as meeting up with John's former (non-murderous) therapist. I mean, we saw him go to John's only to be told "Anyone but you". But no one has prevented him from helping out the helper. So this is more of useful Sherlock. But as we will see, there are other reasons, aside from being helpful, that are at play. Stay tuned!