Chapter 3
Meredith and Derek's family home is bustling with activity. Animated chatter and soft laughter intermingles with the Christmas tunes playing in the background as the alcohol flows and a delicious aroma wafts in from the kitchen.
But Mark has never felt more alone. He is the only solo guest, the only one who doesn't have somebody. Somebody who doesn't really care where they were as long as they are spending the holiday with him.
A quick glance around the room confirms this. Alex and Izzie are celebrating their recent reunion by refusing to take their hands, or lips, off of one another and Cristina and Owen are in the middle of some faux argument he can tell will end up in hot, make up sex later. Bailey and Eli appear to still be going strong and even Thatcher Grey is so absorbed in his new lady friend that he doesn't seem to care about Richard Webber's presence. Richard of course has Adele by his side and Derek and Meredith can be heard laughing softly together in the kitchen as they put the finishing touches on Christmas lunch.
But Mark is completely alone as he observes the other couples from a quiet corner of the room, over by the colossal Christmas tree that is surrounded by Zola's many gifts.
Feeling down he takes a big gulp of the now warm beer he has been cradling for a while as the doorbell chimes and Meredith shouts that she'll get it.
He flicks through the photos from Sofia's gift opening spree on his phone. He settles on his favourite shot, one of the beautiful dark haired little girl, grinning up at him from the middle of a maze of torn red wrapping paper as she had realised what his gift to her was. The hand made dolls house had made her beaming smile spread from ear to ear and for hours she had done nothing but play with it and tell him over and over that it was her "favouritest gift ever!".
But then she had become hungry and Callie and Arizona's parents had arrived and it had been time for him to leave. They hadn't even invited him to stay for Christmas lunch this year, just another sign that their family was becoming one that he was no longer really involved in.
He was sure that Meredith and Derek had invited him out of pity over anything else. Pity and a desire not to be burden with the guilt that they had left him to celebrate Christmas alone in front of the TV.
But the truth is that he feels more alone here than he ever does at home.
"Don't be silly" he hears Meredith's say as she comes into the room.
"Of course it's no trouble, we've cooked enough to feed an army and we can bring some chairs in from the conversatory. It's a great surprise, I'm so happy you're here! Dad, look who's here!"
"Lexie!" Thatcher Grey exclaims in delight and instantly Mark's heart begins to pound.
It can't be true. It can't be. She isn't here, she's in New York with her husband, she would never come here. Especially not at Christmas.
He follows the older man with his eyes as he almost bounds across the room and envelopes his daughter in his arms.
It's true. She's here, looking as beautiful as ever and there's no sign of Avery.
He feels a little sick. Sick with delight. Lexie, his Lexie is here. It's been six months and just catching sight of her from across the crowded room is enough to make his stomach do somersaults as she hugs her father and explains that Jackson is working so she thought she would come and spend Christmas with her family.
"It's a shame he couldn't come too" Meredith tells her sister and instantly Mark disagrees in his head. It's not a shame at all. If he wasn't working she wouldn't be here. And he didn't ever want her to be anywhere but here. Thank goodness for Christmas rotas.
"It's okay" Lexie smiles softly and reaches down to ruffle her sons dark hair.
"We had our own little family Christmas yesterday, didn't we Jakey?"
"Two Cwistmases!" the little boy announces happily as he holds up two fingers to demonstrate.
"Two Christmases?" Meredith exclaims with a smile as she gathers her nephew up in her arms and presses a kiss to his soft cheek.
"Does that mean double the presents?"
"I got lots of pwesents!" he grins delightedly.
"Well you know what? I think there might be another one for you under our tree. Shall we go an have a look?" Meredith tells him, ordering Derek to get her sister a drink before lowering the toddler to the ground, taking his hand and leading him over to the majestic tree.
And it's not Lexie Mark is looking at anymore. His attention is entirely focused on the beautiful boy pulling Meredith excitedly towards the tree, eager to tear into another present.
His heart leaps into his mouth as he gazes at the boy who could so easily be his.
He searches for visible clues, for anything he can attach even the tiniest smidgen of hope to in the same way he used to do when he scanned the photos on Lexie's phone.
But this is different. This time, his son, his boy is so close he could reach out, hold him in his arms and never let him go.
And he wants to. He wants to so bad. All he wants to do is hold him in his arms. In one arm, with Lexie slotted neatly under the other. He wants a family. He yearns for a family. His family. He wants that more than anything.
Lexie knows that as she watches him stare at her son from across the room.
Her heart aches as she witnesses the pain and longing tingeing his sad blue eyes.
She carries the knowledge that this is all her fault around like the heaviest weight on her shoulders and she doesn't know if he will ever let her put it right.
She lowers her gaze to her gorgeous boy and together they watch him beam with delight at the toy doctor's kit his aunt and uncle have bought him.
"Now you can be just like your Momma and Daddy!" Meredith tells him, helping him to put the blue plastic stethoscope in his ears as he holds the other end up to listen to her heart.
"Momma makes people's hearts better when they're broken!" Jake informs his aunt proudly and the irony is not lost on Mark or Lexie.
Because she doesn't always mend broken hearts.
Sometimes she is the one who does the breaking.
"Your heart's not poorly Awuntie 'eredith!" he delivers his diagnosis with the cutest grin, baring all of his perfect white teeth joyfully.
Lexie glances up at Mark at the exact same moment he turns his head to steal a look at her. As their eyes lock she gulps and holds his gaze, hoping he knows that she never meant to break his heart and that she would fix it in a second if she knew a way out of the mess she has gotten herself into.
But before she can tell whether she has conveyed what she wants to, he looks away and back at Jake for a brief second before Derek starts ushering everyone to the table for lunch.
Neither knows how they manage to get through it. They sit as far away from each other as possible and avoid all eye contact. Lexie busies herself with ensuring that Jake gets more food in his mouth than down the front of his brand new outfit and Mark talks to the Chief about his latest surgery, pausing only to steal brief glances at Lexie being a loving mother when he's sure she won't catch him.
He has never seen this side to her before but he likes it. Loves it even. It's better than he could ever have imagined. The role suits her well.
He just wishes an understudy wasn't always playing his part in the production.
When dinner is over he makes more idle conversation about work before slinking away to hide in the kitchen, needing to be alone to gather his thoughts. But she witnesses his swift exit and, after ensuring that Jake is happily playing with Zola, she gathers up all her courage and finally follows him.
Hovering in the doorway she watches as his emotions finally get the better of him and a single tear slides slowly down his cheek.
"Mark" she murmurs, her heart breaking knowing how much hurt and pain she has caused him.
He looks up and quickly wipes away the tear.
"I was just…erm…"
"Yeah" she nods not wanting to embarrass him and knowing that he is well aware that she knows what he was doing and why.
She moves forward into the kitchen slightly so can slide the door shut so they won't be overheard.
"You didn't reply to my text" she states quietly when she turns back to look at him.
"No" he shakes his head not knowing what else to say.
"Are you seeing someone else?" she questions hesitantly not really wanting to know the answer but at the same time needing to.
"I don't think that's any of your business" he tells her firmly and instantly regrets it.
"No, no it's not, your right" she nods biting her lip and trying to force back her tears.
He can see the pain in her deep brown eyes, hear it in the creak in her voice as she speaks. And he can't do it. He knows that just the thought of him with someone else is destroying her in the same way the fact that she's with Jackson kills him. And he can't bring himself to hurt her, even if she's hurting him.
"Of course I'm not seeing someone else Lex" he tells her softly.
"I don't want anyone else, you know that"
The words have barely passed over his lips before she moves quickly towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head in his chest.
And he can't fight it.
He knows that he should push her away. That he should send her back to her husband and move on but he is powerless. Especially when she's so close and all he has to do is reach out his arms and she'll be in them.
So he does. He wraps his arms so tightly around her he worries that he might break her.
"I'm sorry" she mumbles into his chest, her tears soaking into his black sweater.
"I'm so sorry"
"I'm sorry too" he whispers, reaching up to stroke her hair softly.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for" she tells him, lifting her head to look at him.
Tenderly he wipes a few tears from her smooth cheek and gazes down at her lovingly.
"He's perfect" he tells her with a slight nod of his head.
She smiles and nods, sighing a little as she does.
"He looks just like you Lex, he's gorgeous"
"He's my baby boy" she smiles softly.
"He's cute too"
"He's adorable" she grins.
"But then I am slightly biased"
"Biased you may be, but you're right" he laughs before watching her for a few minutes without a word.
She rests her head against his shoulder and cuddles as close to him as she can get. Enjoying being back in his arms, enjoying the feeling that she always gets in his arms. That feeling of finally being home.
"I want to spend some time with him. When do you go back to New York?" he questions when he finally breaks the comfortable silence.
"The day after tomorrow…but Mark…"
"No Lexie, don't tell me this isn't a good idea" he instructs her firmly.
"I'm just asking for some time. Nothing more. Just a few hours, is that really too much to ask?"
"No, I guess not. But I have to be there too or he'll be confused"
"Of course" he nods unable to believe that she agreed so easily.
"Tomorrow? What does he like to do?"
"Erm…" she pauses to think for a second.
"He loves animals, we could go to the zoo?"
"The zoo sounds fun" he flashes her a genuine smile.
"Thank you"
"You don't have to thank me" she tells him knowing it's the least she can do. To let him spend some time with the little boy who might just be his. She just doesn't know where it will lead and that scares her slightly.
"I do" he whispers softly.
"You came home"
She nods silently.
She did come home and in that moment, in his arms, she doesn't know how she will ever leave.
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. If you did I'd love it if you took the time to leave me a review : )
