Thank you for all the lovely reviews! It really is amazing to get so many. Thank you for the new favourites and follows too. There will be one more chapter after this one.

Gillian Kearney Fan, thank you for your review. I'm glad you're sparing a thought for Cal - it's not easy for him either.

CBloom2, please ramble anytime you like. I don't know anyone in RL who watches Casualty so I am starved of rambles. Maybe, as it was such an emotional time, they decided to go away together, as in your story. Thank you for your review!

ETWentHome, it is really difficult for both of them - so many conflicting emotions, which is another reason to be surprised the Casualty writers didn't explore it! Thank you for your review - I'm glad Cal's reasoning makes sense.

beckyboogle, thank you for your review - I really am happy that you like it. They do need each other - and perhaps Ethan will get his chance to be there for Cal too. That's what we like to see them doing, after all, isn't it?

Tato Potato, I'm glad you liked the ending - the first two chapters were really all about Ethan, but I did want to acknowledge and explore Cal's feelings too. I'm glad you liked Cal's supportiveness! Thank you for your review.

Becs2202, you're right... we will have to see how the brothers cope on the day! You might have guessed that's what the last two chapters are about. Thank you for your review - I'm really happy you like the story.

Tanith Panic, guilt is a very strange thing - which is just as well, or this story wouldn't make sense! Thank you for your review - I'm glad you like the ending. The focus is on Ethan, but this is Cal's story too.


Ethan woke up on Cal's lap feeling exhausted and sad; not knowing how he was going to get through the day. His head was aching and he felt sick.

Cal stroked his hair. "Why don't you go and grab a shower and I'll make breakfast?"

"Not hungry," mumbled Ethan as he pushed Cal's hand away and sat up.

"Well, I am!" said Cal. "I'll make enough for two, just in case you change your mind. Go on: go and have a shower. You stink!"


Just the thought spending the whole day looking after Ethan made Cal feel exhausted. But he was exhausted already. He'd slept badly and his whole body was aching.

But that was nothing in comparison with what Ethan was feeling.

"We need to go now," said Cal gently, after he'd persuaded Ethan to eat a small amount of breakfast. They had about ten minutes, but he had a feeling Ethan couldn't do anything quickly at the moment.

"Do you want to drive?" asked Cal, his tone casual.

Ethan shuddered and shook his head.

"It might help," said Cal. He came towards Ethan and put his arm around him.

"You drive, Caleb," said Ethan. He shrugged off Cal's arm and led the way to the car.


Cal parked the car. "How are you feeling?"

"Never better," said Ethan, his voice wobbly.

Cal breathed in deeply in preparation for a sigh, but then he glanced at Ethan and released his breath quietly. "Ethan, I know you're upset. I know you're scared. But it's going to be okay."

"I know it is," said Ethan, and got out of the car.

Cal wondered he should have let Ethan stay at home. He knew Ethan needed to be there to see for himself that he wasn't blamed, but he was so fragile emotionally and this wasn't the kind of job where Ethan could break down mid-task, or where Cal could be at his side instantly to comfort him. The patients would have to come first.

Even though only one person could ever come first with Cal.


Ethan's chest felt clogged with emotion and he could hardly breathe.

It's just another day, he told himself. Everything is just the same. I will go into the hospital, treat patients and then go home. There's no reason to be upset. I'm not upset. I'm completely fine and I'll continue to be so.

He had to stop walking to let an ambulance go fast. He watched it go, but then a wave of emotion hit him. His eyes filled with tears and he put his hand over his mouth to stop himself from sobbing.

Jeff should be inside that ambulance.

Then Cal was there, hugging him tightly and telling Ethan everything was okay.

"How can it be okay?" Ethan was crying now, unable to stop the tears. "He should be there, Cal. He should be there."


Cal stood and patted Ethan's back helplessly as he sobbed. One moment, he hoped Ethan would recover before anyone could see him. The next, he longed for someone to come along and help him because he didn't know what to do.

He ran a hand through Ethan's hair. "It's okay, Ethan. It's okay." It might be easier once he'd got Ethan inside. They wouldn't be able to see any ambulances from inside.

He didn't know if he was relieved or terrified when Connie appeared. She looked at them both without surprise or anger. "What's happened?"

"Ethan's upset," said Cal.

"Yes, Dr Knight: I gathered that!" said Connie. She put her hand on Ethan's shoulder and spoke to him gently, as though he were a child. "Ethan, it's Mrs Beauchamp. Can you turn around for me?"

Ethan turned to face her. "I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp. I'm all right really."

Connie stroked his arm. "Don't apologise, Ethan. I know it's a difficult day for you. Whenever it gets too much, you need to go and have a break."

"I'll look after him, Mrs Beauchamp," said Cal, his arm firmly around Ethan. "I won't leave him for a second."

"Caleb, I do understand how worried you are, but we're running an emergency department," said Connie. "Not a babysitting service. We can manage without Ethan when we have to, but we need you."

Cal knew that a sensible person would give up, but he wasn't at all sure he was one. "How about if we just work together all day? I won't let him do anything if he's not up to it. He can just observe me doing everything brilliantly."

Connie sighed. "This isn't an entertainment venue either."

"Please?" said Cal.

There was a glint of amusement in Connie's eyes. "Dr Knight, are you begging?"

"Yes!" said Cal.


Ethan almost couldn't bear it. He was in the hospital, but he wasn't part of anything. Cal was doing all the work while he hung around in the background.

Nobody had spoken to him. All they'd done was say hello. Ethan had no idea what they were feeling.

It was stupid of him to come. Stupid of him to agree with Cal's idea.

Ethan turned and left the cubicle. He didn't know where he was going. He couldn't see where he was going. He blinked desperately to stop the tears from falling.

"Ethan!" Someone wearing blue caught him by the shoulders. "What's wrong? Shall I get Cal?"

Ethan shook his head. He felt a tear escaping.

Lofty – he was sure it was Lofty – kept hold of him. "What's happened, Ethan?"

"Do you hate me?" blurted Ethan. He cringed at his own words.

"Of course I don't hate you," said Lofty. "No-one hates you. Come on. Let's go to the staff room and I'll make you some tea."


Cal knew Ethan had gone. He'd heard nothing, but he knew that his brother wasn't there anymore. All he wanted was to go after him; to check he was all right. As soon as he could, he mumbled an excuse to his patient and went to the staff room.

To his relief, Ethan was there. Lofty had his arm around him and was speaking to him soothingly.

"No-one blames you, Ethan. We're all a little bit sad today, but not because of anything you did. Everyone loves you." Lofty looked up. "Hey, Cal."

Cal sat on Ethan's other side and Ethan leaned against him, hiding his face in Cal's shoulder. Cal rubbed his back in circles and felt Ethan's shoulders shaking. Cal closed his eyes. He felt teary too now. Ethan was usually so strong. He felt Lofty squeezing his arm, a sympathetic look on his face.

At last, Ethan sat up. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise for having feelings," said Cal. "I never do, do I? Lofty, will you stay with him while I get his stuff?"

"No, I'm staying," said Ethan.

Cal shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Ethan's eyes were red but determined. "I'm staying, Cal."


Ethan walked down the corridor at Cal's side. Cal kept shooting him worried looks but made no further attempts to convince Ethan to go home. Ethan actually wanted to go home, but he also wanted to do his job.

He saw Zoe coming and felt nervous, but she looked sympathetic as she stopped and smiled at Ethan. "How are you feeling, Ethan? It must be difficult. But it's good to see you."

"Really?" said Ethan doubtfully.

"Of course really!" Zoe gave him a hug. "I'm here if you want to talk. It's a very emotional time and it's bound to bring up some old emotions and that's okay. That's normal. It was a terrible accident, Ethan. For everyone who was involved. But it was an accident. It was no-one's fault."

Ethan spoke through a big lump of emotion. "Thank you, Zoe."

"It's okay, Ethan." Zoe turned to Cal and hugged him too. "I'm sure today brings back memories for you too, Cal. I'm glad you're here for your brother, but I'm here if you need to talk."


The next person they saw was Lily. Cal felt Ethan tense as she stopped in front of them, blocking their way.

"Ethan, are you all right?" she asked.

Ethan nodded. "Couldn't be better. Thank you, Lily."

"Good." Lily took his words at face value. "I'm glad," she said in a softer voice before moving away.

Cal gave Ethan a quick hug. "You see? Lily, Zoe, Lofty and Connie don't blame you."

"Maybe," said Ethan, but he still looked far from reassured.