Surprisingly enough, Mike sat down next to me in English . I don't think I would've even noticed if he hadn't said 'hi'. He was my knight in shining armor, for now anyway. He knew that and it satisfied him to the fullest possible extent of his wishes.
When the clock turned 12 we both knew that would be it, that would be the only thing he would ever be. My knight in shining armor, until it was time for lunch, until I could see my Alice again.
Mike liked the idea of almost being back in my life again, even if it were only for a couple of hours every other day. He had started to ease his way back into my life and I had accepted it, as soon as he had forgiven me for my past mistakes and any possible future mistakes as well. That's what friends are for, if anything. "Would you like to sit with us?" Thought I'd ask, otherwise I wouldn't hear the end of it. "Are you going to be all lovey-dovey?"
Nobody seemed to mind. I guess because not everybody knew the truth. After all I had gone through with her dearest brother, it wasn't like I could walk up to Charlie and say: 'Hey dad, how was work? Oh by the way, you know Alice Cullen? Yeah, she's my gay lover.' Gay lover? even in my head that sounded so wrong. I didn't want to put us in a box. We didn't need to be labeled. I knew with perfect clarity who I was. I needed no definition of any sort. A definition of who you are, tell me that isn't rather tacky.
"No, we're going to be Alice and Bella." At school we didn't show our affection as much. We did sit at the Cullen's table and my friends would join at times. We mostly had it to ourselves though. This day was different, I had felt it the moment I'd opened my eyes that morning and seen that she was gone. It probably had something to do with why Alice had been acting so strange.
As I took a seat, I noticed her in the corner of my eye. I tried getting her attention by waving. She was holding a tray with simply a diet coke on it, but who was she talking to? We made eye contact, although she immediately looked away. Edward. It was Edward.
"Edward?" As I pushed my chair back and stood up, it fell to the floor. All heads were turned to face me. People started clapping, applauding my clumsiness. Ignoring my burning eyes and my blushing cheeks, I walked straight up to them. "Bella." He said in a low voice. I stretched out my hand to touch his flawless face, but he quickly grabbed it and pushed it away. "Alice, what's going on?" He asked her.
In this moment, I felt helpless. I just wanted to run. Knowing nobody would stop me, I did so. I ran. Away from school, away from the Cullens, away from my so called life.
Once outside, the cold dry air hit me hard. I had to catch my breath and let my lungs get used to the change of scenery. Suddenly I realized that my truck was not in the lot, but in the driveway back at home. I had to weigh my pros against my cons. Walk of shame back into class? Versus the long walk of shame home. After having stood outside in the dead of a Forks winter, I settled for the pros, the con's might include me getting a ride from Mike, it was something I couldn't deal with right now.
"Bella?" It was Alice. I turned around to witness the saddest look I'd ever seen. "What's happening to us?" Her words sounded so soft in my ears, like a melody that echoed somewhere in the distance. Her hand, so cold, with the lightest of touches she brushed it against my reddened cheek. I turned away from her, gave her the cold shoulder. "Oh I'm sorry, I forgot how you don't like to be touched." A chill drew over me and for a split second I forgot where I was.
"Alice." I sighed deeply, she closed her eyes. "Don't do this to me." She whispered. "Bella, I love you." I couldn't do it. I couldn't break up with her, yet I couldn't stay with her. "Don't look at me that way." Her puppy dog eyes gleaming, holding back tears and sniffles. I thought about Jasper, for the first time in months. This had been unfair. "I'm sorry Alice. I've been holding you back. I can't do this anymore. I've never been happier, but when that happiness disappears, it's like I vanish along with it. That familiar hole in my heart is re opened. I love you Alice, so much. I love you enough, to let you go." I had come to terms, that the crease on my forehead was permanent by now.
Alice placed her thumb on it, to try and stretch it out. She kissed me and my tensed muscles eased up. A tear rolled down her pale cheek. "You just don't leave when you love someone." She was right, you don't. Even if I'd let her go, there was no way that I would find a way for us to still be friends. 'It's-not-you-it's-me' fairy tales don't always have a happy ending. When we find 'the one' we'll fight and cry and smile, we'll laugh and we'll fuck, but we'll never be just friends. We would be in love until it killed us.
"It's because of him, isn't it? It's Edward, that's why you're doing this. You're wrong for that one." She squinted her eyes as she stared into mine. With both of her hands Alice grabbed my face. There was a small gap between us, yet she seemed so far away. "Your eyes, that brightness. That damn brightness, when you lie, I hate it."
What the hell was wrong with me? Everything had been perfect. Although I think we both knew, somewhere, in the back of our minds, that if he ever came back, things would change. I don't think either one of us saw it coming, not really anyway. Edward would always be Edward, but Alice, she was on a completely different level, she was something else, in every way there was. She was my best friend.
How do I even begin to describe her...
