My eyes flickered open, not knowing where I was, but my mind had calmed down. I couldn't feel the darkness, or the lightness, just my usual self. I closed my eyes again, as I realised what I'd just seen, and concentrated on the memory. Why hadn't I listened to my wife's words? She was right, and it made sense. The Veseletrian said that I'd been adamantly against it before. What had changed to make me agree with it? I dug into my mind, trying to remember *why*. I don't give up easily, so either I'd done something, which seemed the more obvious option, or I'd been threatened, and they told me either to let my Darker Self take charge: and be in their command, it seemed, or they'd go ahead with the threat. That seemed more realistic. What threat, though? My amnesia was starting to piss me off. Which was the correct option? Why was I amnesiac? Why was I running? With everything I recalled, I realised, I forgot more about the current situation. Everything I remembered about the past, I forgot about the present. I was sure, before that my brain was clearly split into light and dark. Now, I wasn't too sure. I hit my forehead in frustration: the other thing this planet did was confuse you between what was right or wrong. Which seemed exactly what it had done with me. My sense of morale had gone from my conscious mind. And I couldn't trust my subconscious. I breathed in deeply, trying to keep myself together.
"Doctor?"
I turned my head at the mention of my name, sitting up. A woman with curly hair was looking at me, half-worriedly, half-delightedly. My mind went blank. I knew who she was, and I knew her name, somewhere inside me, but I couldn't remember her. My amnesia was getting worse, just as I thought it was getting better.
"Come on, Doctor, she was in that memory! Try and remember!" I sighed, giving up, and just looked at her "I'm sorry, but if I know you, I've got amnesia, and I can't remember who you are, but if I don't know you, which is unlikely, judging from the fact that you knew my name, then it's nice to meet you."
"Oh, Doctor. What *have* they done to you?"
I shrugged "That's kind of the problem!"
She gave a brief smile: smiles, good or bad? "You need to remember, sweetie. What happened in the TARDIS with Amy and Rory? Do you remember Amy and Rory, my love?"
I hesitated, trying to look through my messed-up memory, and see if their names appeared. Yes. In *that* memory. Oh! Why I was here in the first place! They were in the TARDIS at that time. I closed my eyes and lay down again, as the woman tried to sort out my messed up hair.
My breathing became more ragged as I looked around the TARDIS. Not completely thinking, I opened up the console, and started pulling pieces out of it. The wires and the pieces of metal almost covered me, as I continued doing so. I stopped for a minute, realising exactly what I'd done, and burst into tears. Amy, who had gone looking for me, joined me in the control room
"Doctor, what are you doing?" she asked, looking worried. I turned to her, and ran off towards the library, attempting to search the books for anything that could have spurred this odd behaviour. Rory joined her, looking at me oddly as I ran past "He's acting really strange today, isn't he?"
Amy hesitated, but then nodded "I know what you mean. Could be a side-effect of what was happening before."
"But I thought the drugs had cured it?"
"Clearly not," Rory replied, as I ran back into the room, holding a book, and reading it, I tried to put the TARDIS back together.
"What?" I asked, realising they were both staring at me "Is there a problem?"
Amy put her hand on my shoulder, and I pulled away aggressively. She looked hurt "What's the matter? Why did you mess up the TARDIS?"
"That's for me to know, and you to go 'why the hell are you doing that?'"
"Doctor... You're acting all... Schizophrenic, and I'm worr-"
"Why? There is no need! Now please piss off and leave me alone!" I responded fiercely. They just stood there, looking blank "If you don't mind!" They left, and I continued hitting the TARDIS viciously.
Wait, this wasn't like me. Why did I do that? What had provoked it? Come on, *think*. *Think*, Doctor, you're clever. Cleverer than everyone on this planet. Right and wrong, that's easy to remember! I told myself. That was a half memory, I swear it was. It felt incomplete.
'Yes, keep telling yourself that. Keep believing in it.'
It was back, it seemed.
No. Please go away. I *can* fight you. I *am* strong enough. I will fight you...
'But you can't say that you will win. Doctor, you are fighting a losing battle.'
I looked at the woman next to me "Are you human? Are you going to die due to carbon monoxide poisoning?"
She kissed my forehead "That's a risk I'm willing to take, sweetie. Plus, we're stuck here. How did you get here?"
I shrugged "Woke up here, I was running from... Something. I can't remember what. My God, I *hate* amnesia!"
She gave me a weak smile "Everyone does, sweetie, everyone does."
Why was that repetition so *necessary*? "Amy and Rory were quick to leave me because I kept on being all… quick-tempered."
"You are usually, my love."
"Yes, but more than usual. For some reason I smashed up the TARDIS. And then burst into tears over it," I wasn't going to tell her about Amy and Rory "But it wasn't like my usual memories, I saw myself doing it instead of re-acting it out, and seeing it all over again. This one was… weird. Why did it do that?"
She looked at me worriedly "I *think* someone has been trying to edit your memories. Confuse you. Have you suffered any other confusion recently, my love?"
I sighed deeply, closing my eyes "I don't know the difference between right and wrong. Good and bad. What triggers positive and negative emotions. My sense of morale has vanished. Question, is smiling good or bad? And is good the same as right and the same as positive emotions? It's just that I'm a little confused…"
The woman looked at me pityingly, and hugged me "Being loved, a positive emotion. Smiling, good, which is positive. Wrong is bad. Triggering negative emotions. I'm *so* sorry as to what has happened to you, sweetie. Remorse, good. Usually what remorse is felt for is bad. Unfortunately, there are exceptions. *Never* meet a human if you are confused between right and wrong!"
"Are *you* a human?" I asked, bringing up the previous query as to whether she could actually survive on this planet.
"Yes and no. But that information is not necessary at the moment. You need to remember the differences between right and wrong, why you are here, why you did all that, why you are forgetting everything, what is making you forget… And how to fight it."
"Good luck with that," I muttered under my breath. I raised my voice again "So I need to figure all of that out? With your help?"
"I would, sweetie, I would," Again with the repeating "But I need to go and help Amy and Rory. My parents," She rolled up her sleeve showing a brown leather wrist strap. She pressed a couple of buttons and vanished from sight in a white light, so bright it made me shield my eyes. Pushing myself up from the ground, I looked around slowly, and produced the sonic screwdriver, opening the lock on the door.
"*Oh*, it's a prison… type… thing," I realised, looking around "Which is why I was in that room. Unconscious for half of it, except the memory flash backs. No. *Think*. *Listen* to what that woman said, remember the facts that are important. But which facts are the important ones?" I slammed my hand against one of the walls along the corridor "I *hate* amnesia!"
"Hello?"
I turned suddenly at the voice, looking down the dark corridor
"Hello? Please can you help me?"
I started in shock, but part of my mind murmured 'Go towards her.'
I helplessly obeyed, wondering what it was planning, and started walking towards the end of the corridor, taking ragged breaths, hoping that the child would be scared away.
"*Please*?"
"Hello? Who are you? Are you alright?" I asked, worriedly, looking for the pleading child. I'd stopped the ragged breaths by now; if I had a child with me, she could help me figure out the differences between right and wrong (which was beginning to annoy me).
"I'm here. Help me, please." Her voice reminded me of Melody Pond's, so I followed where her voice was coming from.
'Continue down the corridor. She's right at the end.'
I continued, until I spotted a door. Sitting inside the room was a young girl with ginger curls. She looked about six or seven, and she was turned away from me. Using the sonic screwdriver, I unlocked the door, and stepped into the dark room. It was littered with rubbish, and there was a discarded gas mask on the floor, making me remember the gas mask zombies with Rose and Jack during World War 2. I approached the child.
"It's alright, I'm here. What's your name?"
"Desdemona."
Desdemona. Girl's name meaning 'of the devil'. And, a character in William Shakespeare's /Othello/ wrongly accused of adultery by her husband, I informed myself. I scanned the girl with my eyes, and walked around to look her in the eye, but she deliberately turned away from me. "What's the matter, Desdemona?"
"It hurts," the girl replied with her strong American accent "Something happened and it hurts." She turned to look at me; her eyes were as red as blood - the only part that wasn't was her pupil, and half of her clearly originally beautiful face, was half rotted away. I gasped
"Are you alright? How can I help you?"
She looked up at me "Can you kill me? She asked hopefully "Please?"
I closed my eyes Is that good or bad? Killing? Moral or immoral?
'That depends. Major philosophical question you've stumbled upon there, Time Lord.'
I sighed, opening my eyes again "What happened to you?"
"They tried to make me a Veseletrian. It didn't work. They ended up hurting Chelsea."
"Chelsea's the girl you're possessing. Your name is Desdemona, and the girl's is Chelsea. You're killing her! Get out of her, now!" Another side of my brain that had been quiet for a while made me say. "You're a demon, who's human transport is slowly being killed by the atmosphere!"
"I'm keeping her alive!" The other side of my brain died down, and I was made to speak properly
"What happened to her face?"
"Adrian tried to exorcise me. Of course it didn't work, but he then sprayed holy water on my face. That's what happens when you put holy water on a demon. Now please kill me. It's what Chelsea wants." She looked up at me innocently.
"I'm sorry, but I'm having a little bit of trouble with my sense of morale at the moment. I don't know what you're telling me to do is moral or immoral. So, I'm sorry, Desdemona." I turned away from her and walked off.
'What're you doing? Get back in there and *kill her*!'
No. I don't know whether killing is right or wrong and I can't exorcise demons. So I'm leaving. Amy was right, I *am* schizophrenic! By the way, who's Adrian?
'You're looking at him.'
I was focussing so much on the conversation, that I wasn't processing where I was walking. Looking up at the last minute, I almost walked into the Veseletrian from earlier, flanked by two larger ones. The other two came around my back "Oh shit - hello again."
"Your amnesia isn't as bad as I thought, Time Lord," he smirked, making me feel small by looking down at me, pityingly "Such a shame." Without a warning, I was grabbed by the two behind me, and stabbed by a small needle in my upper arm. "This'll solve it, though. Sweet dreams, Time Lord." And darkness fell. Again.
