Author's Notes: Finally here's chapter 3! Sorry for the lateness!
The song for this chapter is "Lost in Paradise" by Evanescence.
Enjoy!
….
"Promise me you'll give up this mission."
Sakura and Kakashi were lounging on his dark blue couch, her legs slung over his thighs as he leaned against the back of the sofa. She stared at his profile as she sipped tea from the mug cradled in her hands, etching the lines of his face into her memory. His finger absently traced a tickling circle around her anklebone.
"I never wanted it in the first place," he replied in a murmur, not looking at her even as she studied him.
Just a few hours previously, they had sat in the pouring rain for a while, simply looking at each other, feeling the veil tear between them and creating a doorway into one another in its stead. Finally he had picked her up and brought her back into his house, and they were blissfully lost in paradise together, but the cruelty of it always came back to jab Sakura right between the eyes.
He still has that mission.
How long did she truly have to spend with this man? A few years? A couple hours?
"Kakashi," she said again, gently, and placed a warm hand on his shoulder.
He pulled her hand from his skin and curled his own calloused fingers through her dainty ones instead.
"I'll go tell Tsunade myself and hand back the scroll. Tonight. I'll tell her I had…second thoughts due to some very good reasons."
Sakura smiled and he returned it lazily as his eyes slid closed.
They sat together in comfortable silence as he traced and she sipped, the only sound intruding their private paradise being the rain tapping against the window as if requesting entrance.
"You know…I've never really done this before," Sakura confessed quietly, holding the mug up to hide half of her face.
"Done what?"
"Well…this."
Kakashi's eyes opened slowly and he turned to scrutinize her expression. Her cheeks flooded with red and she had a difficult time meeting his eyes.
"What? The normal lives of ninja don't leave much room for cultivating relationships, especially not when the war came up. So much time away, so much uncertainty whether you'd live to see the next day," she explained.
"I know," Kakashi replied. She heard a twinge of something sour in his tone, but instead of consoling him involuntarily, she resisted the urge and decided it would be wrong to show him sympathy when she didn't even know what it was about.
Soon I'll know more about you than I ever wanted to. That sounds marvelous.
"It's been hard for me to keep a relationship long enough for it to go anywhere," Kakashi said. "Sakura…please be patient with me. I can't be the perfect man for you. I've experienced too much, lost too much…. My past still exists even though I sometimes wish it didn't. You need to know…it's hard for me to take anything very seriously anymore. But if you can try, if we can really try…maybe we can make something out of this."
"You're the only one I want," she replied certainly, squeezing his hand, "and I will fight until my last breath just to keep you."
Kakashi smiled and gave a little chuckle. His laugh was something that surprised Sakura; she realized it was one of the many things she hadn't witnessed from her former sensei. The noise that came from his throat was deep and thick, mostly amused but also very tired at the same time.
"That's my Sakura. You never let go of what you believe in, do you?"
She shook her head vigorously.
"Now that I believe in you, you'd better understand just how hard I'm holding on."
She leaned forward and kissed his uncovered cheek. He hummed in delight.
An abrupt knock sounded on his front door, dismantling the enjoyable atmosphere they had created together. The two exchanged a look. It was obvious from Kakashi's rumpled expression that he didn't usually get visitors.
He stood up, pulled his mask on, and held a hand out behind him, indicating that she stay in the background out of sight. He approached the door and opened it carefully.
"Hatake Kakashi," the voice said stonily. "The Hokage demands your presence in her office immediately."
Kakashi nodded.
"Which means get your ass up there, now."
"Are those her words?"
"Quoted."
"I understand."
He shut the door with his palm.
"Tsunade's not happy with you for being tardy for your mission, is she?" Sakura asked as she put her hair up into a bun.
"No. Not at all."
Kakashi wandered into his bedroom and shrugged on a vest before righting his hitae-ai and mask.
"I'll be back," he said upon emerging into the small living room. He zipped up his vest and leaned down over Sakura still on the couch. She pushed herself up against the pillows to meet him halfway, holding a hand to his face as he pressed a gentle kiss on her mouth.
"I'll make us some food."
"Just don't burn anything," he teased while slipping on his shoes.
She stuck her tongue out at him and he gave her a smile.
The door latched closed softly behind him, leaving Sakura alone with only her thoughts and the familiar smell of him around the apartment.
…
Tsunade glowered at the rigid one-eyed nin over her steepled hands.
"I know you are one to be late, Kakashi, but this is ludicrous."
He remained like a statue under her pressuring gaze.
"I know you understand the importance of being on time for a mission such as this. You were to meet your client hours ago. Someone with this much money is not going to appreciate being stood up," she scolded further. "This doesn't just make you look bad, Kakashi, this is a bad mark on Konoha. Do you have anything to say?"
"I wish to return the scroll and politely decline the mission," he said.
If she had been less composed, her mouth would have dropped open.
"You've never declined a mission after you've taken it."
"Correct. But I wish to do so now for personal reasons."
She eyed him suspiciously and pushed herself up from her chair, her heels clacking on the polished tile floor as she approached him.
"This isn't just any normal mission, Kakashi," she said in a warning tone.
"I understand, lady Tsunade."
"I'm not so sure you do."
She reached behind her and grabbed the scroll from her desk. He had handed it back to her upon entering the room.
"You must not have read through the entire thing," she commented without surprise. He always skimmed, never read, but he was always clear on what was to be done. That was one of his amazing and equally frustrating qualities. "You see, once this particular mission is taken, we can't accept a resignation from it. You are still obligated to carry it out. You are to leave at three this coming morning. And by Kami, you better not be late."
…
Kakashi returned to his apartment with his shoulders slumped forward more than usual. Sakura picked up on this immediately; there was no way he left Tsunade's office free of the mission feeling like that.
She had rushed over to him wordlessly and looked up into his one eye. He wrapped his arms around her waist and brought his forehead to hers. They stood like that for a while before either of them spoke.
"Kakashi…."
"I'm leaving at three."
Suddenly, she was falling, out of his arms and into the blackened abyss of her desires, now turned to cruel fantasies.
"You promised me," she said, clamping her eyes closed, feeling herself completely doused in the emotions that had roiled through her upon watching his retreating back hours earlier.
No, Kakashi, you can't…you can't.
"I know. I'm bound to this mission. I'm unable to decline it now. I have to go, Sakura."
She ground her teeth together and tried futilely to prevent her hands from shaking with rage and fear.
"Don't worry," he murmured, enclosing her hands with his, "Now that I've got something to come back to, I'll come back to you."
She opened her eyes and saw his smile, but it sent a pang of desperate longing through her. It was as empty as it had been before and it fell so achingly short of his eye. Her eyes trained on his with a burning intensity.
"Don't you dare come back dead."
A touch of fear colored his dark iris for a breath before he erased it from view, continuing to hold that smile that was supposed to be reassuring. She wasn't quite sure if it was meant for her or for him.
You're afraid, Kakashi.
And I'm just as scared as you.
