I made good use of my crack pipe for this chapter. It's been over a year since my *revised* update and eons since my original final update for this fic. I've decided to continue it as a sort of warm-up before my other writing, lol. I know this has been OC heavy, but it's crack and it's okay.


Across the dingy table, Yumi sighed before speaking: "I don't know. I was hoping you two could help me with that," Emily blanched and Keith's head sunk into the table. Suddenly, "James" knocked on the door before sticking his head inside, muttering something about a Higurashi Cop. Yumi's face froze, and she snapped her attention at the rainbowtastic bartender, nodding quicky in a stiff manner.

A long-haired female entered, dressed simply in a white robelike thing and red pants. Keith inwardly blanched at her outfit, looking up from his position over the table. Emily regarded her with suspicion- Emily regarded everything with suspicion. "And who is this?", she finally asked- haughty and rude.

Yumi straightened: "This is the chief of police,"

"You can't be serious. She looks like another good for nothing fangirl. I've arrested countless tarts dressed just like her around Inuyasha's AND Sesshomaru's mansions." Emily plucked a pair of handcuffs from a pocket, ready.

"Actually, Miss Watanabe, I'm the reincarnation of the chief of police... "

"She's clearly full of shit," Emily stated as she slung a handcuff over one of Kagome's wrists.

"No, I swear! Kikyo is the chief, and I'm more of the assistant now that's she's back."

"Where is she back from? I swear, I'm busting my ass arresting fangirls and the fucking chief prances around on vacation..." Keith muttered, angry.

"No! She was dead– you see Naraku– " Yumi waved the end of her sentence, and spoke:

"Either way, guys, she's the one who found dear Matt's cold body,"

"You have your damned nephew to thank for that," Emily said, crossing her arms. Yumi shot her a look. "What? He wasn't one of mine; I don't care."

"The fangirls will riot, Emily. They. Will. Riot. They'll scream and cry and kill themselves in droves or destroy property or even hit up my own headquarters and carve their undying love for Matt all over my expensive walls or write "IN LOVING MEMORY OF MATT" in blood across my polished windows. They'll stalk my other bishies feverishly, moreso than now and make finding the culprit harder." Yumi stated, bordering on annoyed.

"Or they'll find the killer themselves in the name of their DEAR, SWEET Matt and off the culprit for us," Emily finished, smug.

"Can I just tell you about Matt already?" Kagome cut in, impatient. Yumi nodded. Emily glared. Keith shrugged.

"I was doing a favor for Kikyo: she'd been getting anonymous tips that your Matt was embroiled in a lot of drugs and other stuff like that, and she only wanted me to check on him. I went to his mansion and found that there was no security posted next to the fence's gate and periodically around the fence. I walked past the gate and somehow slipped past the throng of screaming fangirls throwing their undergarments at Matt's house and proclaiming their endless love for him. There wasn't any security around to restrain any of them, either. I didn't even try the front door: everyone on the police force knows they're reinforced with three feet of concrete, two inches of solid lead, and another foot of steel for protection. I walked around to the back and found it was nearly deserted back there. I picked the lock of the back door and entered. The house was nice, but it wasn't anywhere near a top of the line Bishie's house. I wrote this down after I took some pictures as a possible motive or trigger for Matt to turn to drugs before walked up the stairs. I heard noise coming from the room closest to the landing, so I opened it to check. Your security was playing a drinking game based on the different colors of the underwear that hit that room's window. They asked me who I was, so I flashed them my badge. They went back to their Bacardi 151 and I shut the door on them. I continued through the second floor before I found the master bedroom. I opened the door slowly, in case Matt was doing something gross, but I opened it fully only to find Matt stewing in a puddle of his own blood in the middle of the room, at the foot of the bed." Kagome stopped before she got the the description of how Matt managed to bleed so much at Yumi's sudden piercing sobs. Emily was rolling her eyes and Keith looked nauseated.

After a good twenty minutes, Yumi calmed down- although her makeup was now dripping down her face in an unappealing manner. Taking a deep breath, she began: "Emily, send me your three best at once so they can further interview Miss Higurashi. I can't sit through another minute of this and I'm due to sign a few new bishies to YHB in two hours.

"They're probably back at SPC headquarters by now."

"Miss Higurashi, would you please accompany Miss Moss to my SPC HQ?" Yumi asked, polite.

"SPC?", Kagome looked confused.

"Security & Prevention Center." Emily explained as though she were stupid.

"We still never decided on what to do about the fangirls and Matt's death," Keith reminded. Yumi cursed several things as her mind raced. Suddenly, her cell phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, she answered.

"Yu, I am so upset with you right now I don't even think I KNOW the words to express my anger." a pause. "I know you're busy, but you're a fucking PARTNER at my SPC and one of YOUR bishies JUST DIED because of your resounding INCOMPETENCE. NOW I AM DEALING WITH A POTENTIAL DISTASTER WITH THOSE DAMN FANGIRLS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WHIP YOUR AGENTS INTO LINE." another pause. "DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT YOUNG MAN– I HAVE A RELIABLE SOURCE STATING YOUR PEOPLE WERE DRINKING BACARDI SOON AFTER MY BISHIE'S DEATH. IF THAT'S NOT INCOMPETENCE I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS." Yumi's brow furrowed into itself in her white-hot rage at her nephew. "I didn't even find out from SPC that someone died, THE FUCKING COPS HAD TO SEND SOMEONE TO SEE ME PERSONALLY RIGHT AFTER I LET DEIDARA GO. Do you know how much that stung? DO YOU FUCKING KNOW–" Yumi suddenly hung up on her nephew. She cleared her throat and took another shot of vodka.

"My dipshit of a nephew is going to figure out the death announcement and all other preparations. I hope he figures that out soon, because I didn't tell him so. And if he doesn't figure it out, I'm crossing him out from my will and as my heir to YHB." Emily nodded, satisfied. She suddenly rose and tugged on Kagome's cuffs, leading her presumably to the SPC HQ. Yumi righted her makeup as Keith rubbed circles on his temples.


If anyone is reading this, feel free to suggest stuff for the future. I know where things are cracktastically going, but suggestions are fantastic. I'll use all of them. All and any suggestions. ;D