Note: Hello, Troublesome_monkey_dono signing in! Okay, chapter three. Please bear with me. This will be quite long, and I'm not entirely sure if it is mostly needed. I believe the way I envisioned this story was a snippet of dreams I meshed together until it was cohesive enough to write a story. So, really, I'm not sure if I meshed it correctly. I have this inkling feeling that I didn't, but I'll leave you readers to decide and tell me your views. Once again, thank you for reading and enjoy!


CONTRITION


Ch 3 - Disconnect


Dreams are fickle little things. They are figments and fractures of random nothingness, as though a snippet of short movies were displayed in a nonsensical fashion. People believe dreams have meanings, that they are a metaphorical symbol of people's life. Dreams are fantastic in that they have a distinct ability to drive people into a spectrum of human emotion. But, Ciel finds dreams almost ridiculous. They're fleeting little things, speckled with redundancy and lunacy that is forgotten long before he could even bother to stretch his limbs.

It is in dreams that Ciel finds he has a certain degree of control, something so inherent in his life now he finds it natural enough to have in his dreams. Because, why not? These are his dreams after all. Often he found that if he concentrated enough, they were the perfect atmosphere to scheme large scale operations. After all, the stretches of human imagination have no barriers and the laws of dreams are the perfect medium to plan. It is in dreams that schemes and epiphanies are sewn.

However, there are certain nights, when demons haunt him, where Ciel cannot grasp the control he seeks. And he is left floundering almost, a confused spectator to a scene that neither makes sense nor need any bit of analysis. Before he even makes sense of it, he finds himself in that exact situation. He's not sure how or why, but he sure that he is dreaming. So he opens his eyes. He is immediately bombarded as his vision sways, to and fro, flashes of colorful light blaring until he closes his eyes and waits for the myriad of lights of to stop. And abruptly it does, as darkness its place.

Tentatively, he opens them again and blinks, trying to clear the orbs of flashing lights that irritate his vision. He's staring at nothing it seems. It is a void of night, dark and silent. For a moment he's tempted to call out for someone. Immediately, he dismisses that ridiculous notion because he's consciously aware he is merely dreaming. He somehow always is. He's just not sure when he would awaken. So, he allows himself to dwell and take around the nothingness around him. It remains dark, a blanket of night with little stars. It is eerie really, how pitch black it is.

"This is ridiculous," he mutters out only to find to his great surprise that his voice sounds murky. "Wh-what?" His voice was merely an echo, as though he was underwater. It was almost unstable really, how his voice moaned and sighed as he spoke, pitch and vibrato off tune it merely sounded like fleeting whispers and groans. "Why is my-"

Something passes him quickly, too quick for him to make out what it was. It is a shape, humanoid at best, striding forward so gracefully and swiftly Ciel barely had time to blink before it had dissipated into the darkness. And the bombardment began. A myriad of humanoid figures whisked past, all too dark for him to identify, moving so quickly he could only catch of glimpse of their silhouette. They were abnormally loud, obnoxious and chattering away about redundant and particularly ridiculous topics.

"That dress in the Millers' shop-"

"Benjamin! Stay still you insolent-"

"I want-"

"They were so-"

"Did you-"

Loud. They were too loud. Almost bracing himself, Ciel felt his head erupt into a throbbing migraine as the passing crowd seemed to get even louder. He almost flinched as the passing conundrum seemed to choose the exact moment to scream their thoughts aloud all at once. The confusing jumble of words and sounds only increased the anxiety that was threatening to bubble in his gut. The alarming number overwhelmed him enough to sway in his feet, feeling too bombarded and overpowered to gain his balance. Why were they even screaming? What are they doing here? What is happening?!

Then he heard it. It was merely a whisper of but his keen ears managed to capture it. "Ciel!" Lizzy's sweet voice slithered into his ears like molten gold. "Where did you go?" It was followed a soft laugh, so silent and subdued Ciel strained his head to hear more.

"Lizzy?"

Blindly, he turned a full thirty six degrees trying to find the source of her voice. It seemed to resonate everywhere, making him even more frustrated where he stood. He couldn't pinpoint her location when her voice echoed every which way. The shrieking crowd seemed to grow louder and louder still, until all Ciel could do was choose to tune them out as best he can. "Lizzy!" he called out as loud as he can, head twisting and turning every which way he could turn. "Where are you?"

"Ciel," a small disappointed Lizzy answered back, "can't you at least answer me? Ciel?"

Confused, Ciel called out once more. He stepped forward into a general direction, only to bump against the passing figurines who seemed incessant in getting on his way. "Lizzy, I'm right here! Hold on! I'm coming! Where are you!?"

He didn't think it were possible but Lizzy managed to sound even softer still. Her voice was so distant now, Ciel could only catch her answer if he stayed still and closed his eyes. Selective hearing be damned. Even with all of his might, he couldn't hear all of her words. The noise, it was too much. It kept on bouncing about him, an echo of hissing and shrieking, drowning out the wonderfully soft voice of his own beloved. "Ciel, I miss you...but...never...and...I thought...Ciel?" Her voice seemed to trail off into nothing and Ciel's eyes snapped open.

There was silence.

The crowd had suddenly stopped their activity, as though frozen in time Staring like a gapping fish, he took in his silent surroundings hesitantly. The silence was abnormal. Unconsciously, Ciel began to shiver as he looked around. The silhouettes remained as they were, frozen in activity, all rushing past him. It was only then when Ciel noticed they were all heading in the same general direction. Without thought or reason, Ciel began to walk forward into that direction. Because it could be where Lizzy went. It could be where Lizzy is. It could be where -

"Ciel." Lizzy's voice had stabbed through him like iron. It was louder now, the loudest it had ever been. And to his surprise, her voice was laced with such venom it was almost unrecognizable. Almost.

"Lizzy?" Blinking, he stared past the towering crowd of dark silhouettes in the distance and caught a glimpse of golden hair weave pass. He didn't even know he had taken off in that direction, until he felt the unmistakable ache of lactic acid build up in his muscles. Groaning, he stopped his sudden sprint to catch his breath. He was never a physical man, being frail and lanky as a child. He had grown into a firmer body, but not one of impressive physical shape. Cursing under his breath, he cursed is own sickly body as he bent over, resting sweaty hands on his knees in exhaustion.

Wild eyes roamed the vicinity, trying to catch the glimpse of gold he had seen. Lizzy was so close, she was so close. Where the hell was she!? She was just -

Something clasped itself on to him, a hard vice grip of ice cold claws covering his face with such a frenzy, he was caught off guard. He barely had the time to gasp out when the hard grip clasped over his mouth so hard he was sure his lips were bleeding. In panic he struggled against the sudden weight against his back, cold and firm, tightening every second as he moved. Like a curling anaconda, the form curled around him until he was immobilized. Gasping for air, he managed to scream out, "Seb...astian! St-stop them!"

It was almost a reflex really, how easily he turned to the demon butler for help. He wasn't even sure if the butler was even there to begin with, but that didn't stop him from seeking his strength. When it became evident that Sebastian was not pressed, he pressed hard against his assailant, hoping to slide free from his gasp enough to wound him and run. He's done it before, he can certainly pull it off again. He just...he just needed more strength. More determination. More -

"You stupid girl!" Slacking against his captor, Ciel could only watch with widening eyes as two figures crept closer to them. The two silhouettes battled each other, each punching and kicking until one - the more petite and feminine out - finally succumbed and slumped on the floor sobbing. Ciel swallowed, feeling the bubbles of trepidation release inside him like a wave. Oh, he knew that cry. Oh god, he knew that cry. It can't be her. "Liz...zy," he groaned out, his murky whisper drowned out by her shrieking. The feminine form curled into a ball, trying vainly to block herself as the towering form above her started to kick her like a ball.

"No!" Ciel screamed as he tried his best to free himself from his captor. He could feel his fingers start to bleed as he tried to twist and claw his form away, only to be squeezed harder. But, it all didn't matter. Because Lizzy needed his help. Lizzy need him there. He had to get to her. He had to. "Lizzy!"

Terrified, he watched as the kicking figure finally stilled, staring at the shivering mess on the floor before he grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled. Squealing, Ciel watched the girl struggle against his grip, hands in a flurry trying to free herself from the pain. She twisted and rolled as the figure began to drag them his way.

Flincing, Ciel could only let out a small moan as his captor squeezed him harder until he was sure one of his ribbed cracked under the pressure. The pain finally settled somehow and he felt it bloom from his chest so quickly, he was left a coughing mess. Each cough sent a ripple of sharp throbbing to his head, until he felt the pressure build in his own head. Gasping, Ciel could only watch as the two struggling figures finally stepped close enough to be seen.

It was another him, dragging a petrified sobbing Lizzy behind him like a sack of potatoes. The absolute panic swept him then, bubbling so quickly in his gut, he was seized with the horrific realization that this stranger that took his visage was with Lizzy. There was a stranger, a horribly accurate looking stranger with a wicked grin, who was dragging his pitiful princess closer to him. Who was this man!? Surely it couldn't be him, because he was here. He was here, so who was he!? Who was this man who dared to hurt Lizzy in such a cruel, vile, vicious way!? Who was this guy!? Who was he!?

The figures didn't seem to notice his own predicament for they merely passed, three feet away from his position, as though he was a wall. Mouth agape in horror, Ciel could only watch mutely as this figure seemed to pause for a minute as he pulled the girl harshly. Lizzy was left almost like a floundering fish on the floor, dignity and beauty all stripped away, as she shrieked and groaned in misery. She looked beaten into submission, dripping in blood and painted in bruises. Ciel shook his head in response. No, no, no. This isn't Lizzy. This can't be her. She can't be here. She's not the woman who was being dragged by a man who looked like himself. It wasn't real. It can't be.

Finally, she spoke. So softly, so beautifully, it was heartwrenching. "Why Ciel!?" she shot the man above her such a vile and poisonous look, it made Ciel shiver despite his predicament. All the pain he felt suddenly dissipated, only replaced with emptiness. She had spoken his name with such conviction, such sureness. Her voice broke as she begged her own tormenter, demanding what she had done to deserve this. It was laced with such heartbreak, such a feeling of betrayal; Ciel had the heart to almost look away. But he couldn't.

"What...what did I ever d-do to you!?" Lizzy continued to demand as the figure tugged on her hair even tighter. She squealed as she was dragged across the floor another two feet. "I love you Ciel!" she hiccuped as she fought against her captor's grip. "I love you! S-so...so much! Pl..please! St-stop it!"

Yes, please. Please stop it. Please. If Ciel could speak with clarity, he would have gotten to his knees and begged this doppelganger to stop his assault. He couldn't bear it anymore. He couldn't bear to watch Lizzy suffer any longer and he couldn't even help. It was an unbearable thought really, to feel helpless as you watched your loved ones suffer. Except, this was the irony of his life it seemed. Because Ciel always had to watch his loved ones suffer. It was his fate.

"You foolish twit," his clone suddenly spoke. It was eerie, how alike he sounded. Every note, rhythm, and pitch that made Ciel Phatomphive's voice seemed to have been copied by this doppelganger. Even the way he turned, cold and distant, was like how Ciel carried himself. It was eerie. But, Ciel tried to convince himself, it wasn't him. Because here he was, right in front of them. He was the one trapped, he was not the one torturing Lizzy, he was the spectator. "I have never loved you," the voice continued on, making Ciel choke suddenly. "You have been nothing more than a mindless distraction. A burden." He spat it out with such ferocity that Lizzy shrank where she lay.

"You..I...you can't...mean that," she tumbled out so quietly it broke Ciel's heart, "You can't..."

The clone merely sneered at her as he scoffed. Finally letting go, he stood above her, arms folded in as he watched her grovel underneath him. A satisfied smirk bloomed in his face as Lizzy sniveled, trying to crawl up, only for her arms to fail her. And for that split second, he had glanced Ciel's way, before finally sneering, "You disgust me."

It took all of Ciel's strength to fight back, finally thrashing as hard as he can against his captor. The adrenaline that had been pumping inside him had finally started to rush back, allowing him to break apart the captor's grip for that one second to tear his arms away from the figure. Like a howling demon, Ciel had snarled as he clawed his way closer to the doppelganger. It took only a mere seconds for his form to be subdued again, once his captor had caught him midway, curling around him so tightly he was sure he had broken more bones. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but wringing this bastard's neck.

The hate that had soared inside him was unbelievable. Ciel was familiar with such an emotion, always harboring it inside him like smoking volcano, but it had never once threatened to spill over so dangerously. It was terrifying how it came with such ferocity. How, so suddenly he was well aware of the flexing of his muscles as the thrashed about, trying to fight of his captor. He was suddenly so hyperaware of his breathing, whining and sighing as his body tried to catch air. He was aware of his beating heart, a fast vicious drum in his ears as the blood rushed into his head like a tsunami. He was aware of Lizzy's soft weeping, a beacon of inspiration for his wrath. He was so hyperaware of his sudden lust for spilt blood, even if it were his own face he was to destroy. Because in the end it didn't matter. This bastard had gone too far.

"You bastard!" he cried out with such venomous animosity it was almost spectacular, "this is your fault! Get over here you -"

The figure had pressed itself closer still, until he felt a cold breeze brush his left ear. Like water dowsing a burning flame, Sebastian's voice had suddenly crawled into his ear. "On the contrary Young Master, this is entirely fault."


Ciel was slapped awake, a hard calloused hand hitting him to hard that his head he snapped back into a whiplash. His mouth had been agape and Ciel had let out choking sounds as he fought for air. In a frenzy, he looked about only to find Edward standing over him with a candle aloft. He looked half tempted to drop the candle on the squirming boy, wondering idly whether or not he would catch on fire. Edward watched as Ciel shot up, shivering and sweating so profusely he almost felt pity for the lad. Ciel had been sweating bullets, tears leaking out from wide eyes as he curled himself into a sitting fetal position. He took in shaky breaths and Edward wondered if he would even survive the night. The noises he made as he breathed, like a whining string pulled taut, almost sounded life threatening.

"You were having a nightmare," Edward stated so bluntly it was almost humorous. For a moment, he watched Ciel relax as he tried to gain his sanity. He almost didn't hear Edward as he blindly turned to his left to find Lizzy sleeping away, neither bleeding nor sobbing as he had seen. He was suddenly quite thankful he had pushed the beds together so he could sleep next to her. Because right now, all he wanted to be was be next to her. He let out a small croak, suddenly aware that his voice was strained. He must have been screaming aloud. Whimpering, he reached for Lizzy's hand, cold and limp as before, and bought it to his lips.

He kissed it for a brief moment as both his shivering hands pressed her hand against her cheek. Sighing, almost in content as he tried to calm himself, he peered at her sleeping form and whispered, "I love you." He kissed her hand again and again, each time proclaiming the same thing. "I-I'm sorry...god, please I'm sorry. It's my fault. Please, I...I... I love you. Please...I love you..."

Edward, a mere spectator at this point, could only watch in concern. He wasn't sure whether he should have ripped the man away in fear that he was gripping Lizzy's hand too tightly or merely sigh and begrudgingly accept it. He almost felt like an awkward invader, as though he had stumbled upon something that did not remotely concern him. But of course, this does concern him as this was the welfare of his own beloved little sister. Still, he felt as though he had over used his stay. Thus, like a quiet shadow he crept away, all the while watching as the scene unfolded.

It was almost comical, if the situation wasn't so damning. In the doorway he watched as Ciel almost folded over himself, kneeling close to Lizzy's body as he chanted his mantra. This Ciel looked so defeated, so unbelievably different from the proud Phantomhive he was use to talking to. Ciel had always exuded enough confidence when speaking to him. He had always chosen his words carefully, with such fine diction and importance that Edward always had that inkling feeling to smack the boy away from Lizzy before she swooned. Yet, here he was shivering in a pool of his own sweat. It was a damning visage really, how freely he allowed himself to break in front of Edward. Perhaps because, this time, he didn't care.

Edward watched, with an almost critical stare, as Ciel finally curled around his little sister like a lifeline. He was whispering something to her, something he couldn't hear anymore. If the situation were any different, he would have ripped them apart before Ciel could even have to chance to utter a word. He was quite sure that Lizzy would be fine, the doctor and his mother had extensively assured him that, but he couldn't quite grasp why Ciel had a particularly hard time accepting this fact. He had clung even harder on the girl, a hovering and depressing shadow. It was peculiar, even for him.

And so, silently he slipped of the room, muttering about indecencies and proper decorum, before he noticed he had company. Sebastian, the ever so loyal butler, was leaning against the wall adjacent to the door. In the moonlight, he merely looked like a shadow, dark and omniscient as he stared at the window across from them. For a moment, they said nothing to each other as they listened to the silence.

The moonlight had spilled through the glass, illuminating the dark hallway enough for Edward to navigate through the hallway without the need for a light. Edward took in the expanse of the hallway, large and spacious, decorated in paintings and rugs imported from India and Nepal. It was dreary, void of the usual pastel colors, but unusually sorrowful for a reason he could not understand. And for that brief moment, Edward merely sighed and turned away as he made it down the hallway.

He almost turned the corner before his nerves finally stopped him. The curiosity got in the way and he turned back to the haunty butler, whose gaze was transfixed on the moon outside. "You should enter and comfort him," he finally said. "He's..." he stopped for a moment as he racked his brain to search for the correct word. What is the perfect word to describe Ciel Phantomhive now? Depressed? Miserable? Pathetic? Suspicious? Yes, he was all of this. But there was a certain word, one that was absolutely Ciel Phatomhive. "He's...he's unhinged," he finally concluded. "He needs help."

And from his position, he could have sworn the butler had scowled so harshly it was almost terrifying before his face had turned to him with a soft smile. "What he needs now is time." He had said it with such certainty; Edward was almost tempted to prod around for more answers. However, something in his throat had stopped him and he merely nodded his head and walked away. As he meandered down the end of the hall, his mind buzzed with too many questions. He was almost tempted to turn his heel and ask the dark butler once more. Time for what exactly?


It was the fourth day since the accident when Ciel begins talking. He had mostly kept quiet until that point, reassuring himself that once she woke up, they will talk. And he would say he's sorry, and call himself an idiot, a selfish brute, an unworthy cretin undeserving of her. And he'll gather her into his arms and implore her to never stray again. And he will marry her come spring, on her birthday. And they'll be happy. She'll be content, he will be complete.

Not once had he ever thought of any other possibility because it simply doesn't exist in his reality. But, suddenly, the seeds of doubt were planted last night and he couldn't help but feel impatient. There was this urge, this urge to start talking with the obscure hope that maybe, just maybe she's still listening to him. Maybe, in her slumber, she can hear him and his pleas and she would awaken. And even in her slumber, she will know that he's right there, next to her.

So, he begins to talk. It's a minute in detail really as he whispered in a cracked, broken little voice about his day. He doesn't have much to talk about, he found out quickly, merely because his day was spent here tending to her needs. So, he racks his brains to tell her something else, only to find he's not sure what to tell her. Talking excessively was not his forte, it had always been hers. While she may have to gift of storytelling, he was not rewarded with such a skill. So he stumbled for a few hours, searching and prodding what to say to her.

It becomes natural after two more hours, when he is left rambling about the weather. He's describes it quite bluntly as he stares outside the window. It's quite cloudy today, the clouds are gray, the sun is barely peaking out, and it's windy. Not a horrible windy, the kind that is good enough to ruffle the hair but feel soothing. It's still quite warm out there. The trees are swaying outside, leaves singing as the wind rush passes them. The summer is ending soon though. Soon it will be fall. When will the leaves turn colors I wonder? Of course, he receives no reply, but he carries on anyway until he's skipping to another topic.

He settles for the description of the room. He's sure that Lizzy would like to know what changes they have made in her absence. Your pinks are gone, he says brusquely as he stares around. The color motif is blue and beiges, undoubtedly handpicked by her mother. They stored most of our things inside the glass cabinets, except the plush toys. Your bunny, the present I gave you, it's right next to your head. He stares at his gift for a second and adds, "Edward calls it childish." And as if he's found another appealing topic, he begins to talk about Edward and his little visits in the night.

"But I suppose you hear him talking to you every night right?" he asks offhandedly as he glances at her. Like every other time, she stays silent and Ciel cannot help but wonder whether or not he's being utterly foolish talking to a comatose woman. He falls silent for a second, gaze drawn to the floor as his mind wanders. While he has placed all of his faith in the mere hope that sometime soon she will awaken and she could in fact hear him as she slept, there was a shadow of uncertainty that he could not dispel. Try as he might, there was always doubt planted so firmly in his life. He could not prove or disprove that Lizzy does in fact hear every word he utters and will continue to remember and cherish it when she awakens. And, he's not quite sure what to do with this shadow of doubt.

There are times when he's forced to accept it. He merely allows himself to swallow the bitter truth, as much as he detests its presence. So he is left in melancholia, drawing himself in as he assess the truth with all the bitterness and despair he could possibly draw forth. There were times when he wonders why in the world it always happened to him. How in all of god's creation it was as if he was personally singled out and beaten with a stick labeled trials and tribulations. Yes, he understands that every human goes through obstacles and why yes, he is a selfish little dolt who is wallowing in self pity. Still, he cannot help but continue on this maelstrom, because why the hell is it always him? Why does he get stuck dealing with loss after another, seeing loved ones ripped away so suddenly he cannot grasp any form of fairness in it. He doesn't understand why it must involve so many loved ones, people who he cherishes beyond a measure of his own life. He can't comprehend how any divine force in the universe could allow such grief to happen to those who do not deserve it. Because, while he may deserve every punishment thrown at him, he cannot tolerate it when others are involved. They shouldn't be. Why the hell are they?! It's not fair. But then again, life was never fair.

Then there are times when his defiant mind could not simply process any other reality than what he expects. He fully expects Lizzy to awaken, like a fairy tale princess woken by a kiss, confused and demure but so amazingly alive. She would smile and tell him that she heard him, that she loves him too, and that she wants their relationship to change for the better. And she'll regain her strength and he will be her pillar of support. And all things will the right in the world. This is the reality he had set up for himself he simply cannot stomach anything else that deviates from this beautiful vision. In his mind he knew he was setting himself up for disaster because nothing every goes according to plan so flawlessly. Yet, he clings into his plan because he never had such a startling amount of hope coursing through him until now. Because this was going to happen, he knew it was. It had to.

But then again, there were also times where he fully wanted to throw his head back and just curse all of existence. Curse all of this abomination of a life. Curse this ridiculous, petty little disgusting mentality of his. Curse Lizzy for being such an important person. Curse that damn carraige for throwing of course. Curse everything because they exist. He knows that it's completely foolish to do but all he wanted to do now was to close his eyes and will himself to stop thinking. While almost impossible, he sometimes wishes that he couldn't feel emotion because they were confusing and terrifying to deal with. He wishes he could just turn his cheek and let everything fly away from his life. He just wanted to scream at everything to leave him the hell alone. Because everything was just too damn much.

"If you were awake Lizzy," he murmured as he relaxed into his chair, "you would call me silly and throw a party. That sounds like you doesn't it?" He turns to Lizzy for a moment before eyeing the time. Two hours have passed without his knowledge. Quietly, he stands from his seat and returns to Lizzy's side. As though he was handling fragile glass, he carefully turns her to the side, positioning her into a more comfortable position. The doctor suggested she should be turned every two hours to prevent pressure ulcers. He quickly noted that in an hour he should call Paula so they may start her passive exercises. It was good to keep her muscles moving and keep blood circulating. And then he'll -

"Young master," a soft velvet voice called from the doctor. Ciel didn't need to look up to see Sebastian enter the room. He had practically left the butler to his own devices for the time being, managing the business and making sure that the house wouldn't be decimated by the servants. He had checked up on him every hour or so, keeping a close eye on the boy like a predator does their victim. Ciel could hardly care less at the moment though, choosing to occupy his time with more fruitful ventures.

It was peculiar however, that Sebastian had not once tried to aid him in caring Lizzy. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he was more than a little scorned with the little fight they had in the manor and thought this would be damning enough of a punishment for the lad to do alone. Perhaps he was more than preoccupied dealing with the Queen's demands and running the business to oversee an ailing girl. Or perhaps he was more than a bit disgusted with the pitiful display Ciel had shown over the last week. Whatever his reason may be, the butler had been pathetically absent during this ordeal. But Ciel could not find it in his heart to ask the butler for help because what could he do really? Demons do not heal, not without a price.

He was never once completely comfortable leaving the demon alone with Elizabeth simply because it was the stuff of nightmares. Who in their right mind would leave a beautiful, overly trusting woman in the hands of a monster? He had read more than enough books to know how that story ended. But of course, he snorted to himself, who was to say that she was safe from him to begin with? He was a monster in his own right.

"What do you want?" Ciel snapped as he tucked Lizzy in. Brushing his bangs away from his face, he bought himself into a defensive stance. Perhaps it was the paranoia sweeping in but that dream had left him more than just a little suspicious of the demon butler.

Sebastian merely cocked his head, a small amused smile playing on his lips. He didn't bother to step closer for Ciel looked like he would brandish a knife against him. The boy had deteriorated as the week passed, looking more hollow and lost than he ever was. And while this trial had corrupted the boy's soul, it left Sebastian wondering whether it was a good or bad thing. He thrived in torment and despair, practically basked in such hard longing and desire, but he supposed this was the different kind. He had reared Ciel, pushing and prodding him into a direction that made him oh so delectable to watch and feast on. But this, he wasn't sure what to make of this.

"The Queen has summoned you young master," he said with a bow."Your presence is needed urgently." He was almost sure that Ciel would whine, ever the little child intent on getting what he wants. He had handled his business all this time, but even he could not replicate the persona that is Ciel Phantomhive. It had to be him that would show up in person. But would he even want to show up at all? He had an extraordinary tenacity to glue himself upon Lizzy's bedside like a leech. And while he could certainly drag the boy away for his own good, he knew that Ciel would merely kick and claw away and run back to his beloved. He wouldn't even doubt that Ciel would go so far as gnaw his way out if Sebastian would tie him to the Queen's throne with metal chains. Ciel was relentless as he was unhinged.

To his surprise, Ciel had merely slumped over deep in thought. He knew of his obligations, his responsibilities, his duties. He knew of the risks and payments. He knew it all. It was his life. But, never in his life did he suddenly feel so much doubt. While he had the occasional break down, wondering why the hell he was pursuing adventure after adventure with some zealous determination that could only be described as fanatically religious. Yet in all that time, he had thoroughly convinced himself that he was doing this for a specific purpose. He had to blacken his soul, ice it and barter it off, so he may avenge his family. He always had a purpose.

And now, there was doubt. He wasn't sure when it started, but now he more than willing to overlook all his duties, responsibilities, and obligations. His purpose seemed entirely selfish now because his life...his life was right here. As cliché as he would care to admit, his life was right next to him. Silently, he reached over to cradle her hand, tying her fingers against his as he sighed. He knew, in fact he had always known, that Lizzy was always the bridge that connected him to his new and old life.

She was, rather she is, the one of the few constants in his life that connected him to his childhood. She reminded him of happier times, of precious untainted memories. And Lizzy, she was also his future. Try as he might, he had never once thought of any reality where Lizzy and he would not eventually marry. As a child he scoffed at the sentiment of actually marrying Lizzy because there had never been any inkling of affection he held for the girl that was remotely romantic. He had only accepted their impending nuptials because her parents had pressured him into it. That was the stark truth. Then years pass, seasons change, and the two had passed through puberty before he could even blink. Then suddenly, there was something that changed because things always change. Suddenly, he regarded the girl as more than just his fiancée. Suddenly, he had accepted she was the lady that he would build a family with. And that eventual realization was more than enough for him. In fact, he suddenly regarded himself as being absolutely lucky.

In the back of his mind, he knew he would eventually leave her. That someday in the near future, Sebastian would eventually reap his treasure and she would be left as a widow. He could have been cruel and push her away earlier on to protect her from heartache, but he had no fight left in him to actually deny her. He was selfish like that he supposed. Yet, as he grew he realized that it would have been crueler to push her away so early on. He knew that Lizzy would have preferred that he would be in her life, showing her he loved, cared for her, and desired her just as much as she did him. And he would leave her with that knowledge, with that love. He knew that Lizzy would fall into despair, but he also knew that Lizzy had always been emotionally stronger than he ever was. He was confident that she would eventually find happiness again. So he was content.

At least, he thought he was. Along the way, he stumbled it seemed. He suddenly forgot what his purpose was. He forgot that he was lucky. And look at where it's gotten him. Staring at her cold hand, he pressed his forehead against their laced fingers and sighed. What could he do now? He knew of his duty to queen, but he also knew his duty to her. How could he choose between them? He had never asked, never wanted to choose something so undeniably difficult. To others, it would have seemed like an easy pick. Books were laced with every love story imaginable. If he were smart, as people would suggest, he would take a page from the book because themes like that had meanings. You choose the one you love, don't you?

"Stupid," he muttered smirking ruefully. If it were that easy, he wouldn't feel like he was threading on thin ice. But he was, so to speak. Because his choice, it always has consequences. He was called because he was needed; because only he had to ability to solve something heinous and detrimental to society. While society may have scorned him for what he does, they needed him. And Lizzy...she needed him too, right?

"I am sure Lady Elizabeth will be fine. She has Paula taking care of her," Sebastian had cut in, "you will only be gone for an hour." Sebastian watched, delightfully amused, as his young master squirmed in his seat. He had never seen Ciel so indecisive. It was quite a sight. He was almost tempted to point out that Ciel was merely fabricating scenarios in his head. He relied heavily on Lizzy's presence than she ever did. That was what was truly keeping him there. He needed to be grounded, so to speak. But, like any good pleasure in life, he must be led away to face responsibilities. He was no longer a child and Sebastian must treat him as such.

So without further ado, he had lifted Ciel of his feet with a quick pull, rambling on about a vague mission that the Queen would like completed. He had almost succeeded in pulling the sluggish man out of the door when Ciel had stopped and wistfully turned back, face gleaming with dread and uncertainty. Sebastian could only sigh, rolling his eyes in quiet annoyance, before simply stating that the doctor assured that Lizzy would be fine. He managed to pull Ciel into the hallway. Dejected and fatigued, he found Ciel almost pouting as he trudged down the hallway. Shaking his head quietly, Sebastian could only keep his comments to himself. "Ever the self deprecating brat he is," he mused.

Casting one last glance at Lizzy's sleeping form, he closed the door quietly. He scrunched his nose for a moment as he let out a small sigh. It smelled like death in there.


Ciel almost felt mechanical as he climbed into the waiting carriage. He felt tired, so unusually tired, as he sat down. The suit he would usually wear to address the Queen suddenly felt too constricting, too tight. He fingered the collar for a moment as he gazed outside. It was surprisingly cool for a summer day, but bright and silent. The wind almost felt whimsical as it danced through the green trees that were scattered upon the Midford estate. He noted the accumulation of clouds brooding far away. It might rain soon. They best hurry.

He kept half his attention on Sebastian as he went to explain more details of the mission. Unfortunately, he only caught snippets as his mind had wandered off. As the carriage began to move, he felt the almost overbearing anxiety he had flush through is system so quickly it was almost remarkable. He kept a steady gaze outside, watching as the surroundings of the Midford estate slowly vanish from his sight. God, he felt sick. Why was he suddenly so nauseous?! Biting his lip, his shaking hands grabbed the carriage window to steady himself. Did he suddenly develop motion sickness?

No, that can't be it. The Midford slowly vanished from his sight as they followed the bending of the road, he made a small choking sound inside his throat. That was it. He's left the premises. After a week of tending to Lizzy, he's left her. And god...god, why did he leave her?! What was the reason he left again? The Queen? His mission? His priorities? They certainly were not as important as she was. He was sure of that. But, why did he leave her again?

He glanced at Sebastian, who had stopped talking and was watching him keenly. He was well aware he was panicking, but he wasn't sure why Sebastian was calmly telling him to breath. He was breathing wasn't he? He inhaled as much as he can, only to choke midway when he realized that his throat felt constricted. He wasn't sure what happened, but the constant whining he made as he breathed told him well enough that he wasn't breathing correctly. Lightheaded and confused, he glanced at Sebastian who had placed his both hands on his shoulders to steady him.

He was trying to steady him as he recited instructions but for the life of him Ciel could no longer hear him. The constant throbbing of his own heartbeat was all Ciel could listen to, making him feel queasy and more frightened than he thought. Blinking slowly, he wondered if this was it. He had finally gone mad with grief. That this was the eternal punishment for leaving Lizzy.

"Lizzy," he wheezed out pathetically as he shut his eyes.

And he knew it was a bad idea. He knew that with his eyes closed he welcomed a darkness that made him aware of so many little things. The beat of his heart in his ears. The whining of his lungs. The sweat tricking down his forehead. The cold clammy hands that were gripping the wooden window too tight. Sebastian's voice a soft echo of useless words. His mind was whirling with emotion, if that were possible, as though is thoughts were a hurricane of despair.

He didn't know why, but he suddenly felt dread pool into his stomach. Something happened. He didn't know how or why he knew, he couldn't remotely quantify why he should even get this feeling, but something happened. Perhaps it was his paranoia setting in, but damn it, something awful happened. Oh, why did he leave?! Why the hell did he allow Sebastian to let him leave? How could he leave Lizzy alone? Lizzy, she needed him. Lizzy, she was there, alone and scared, and cold. Lizzy, god, Lizzy, whose last vision was his cold pathetic self inflicting heartache and danger. Lizzy, who only wanted to be loved. Lizzy, who was in danger.

Eyes flickering open, his lips let out a garbled yell as he pushed the butler back. Sebastian looked on more confused and disturbed than he bothered to hide. Ciel looked feral almost, eyes wide and bloodshot as he began his alarming mantra. He looked outside, past the moving vegetation and mud, muttering to himself. "Lizzy, lizzy, lizzy..." And before Sebastian could react, Ciel had all but thrown the carriage door open and jumped out. Sebastian cursed as he leaped out quickly to catch the deranged man before his body could hit the ground. They slid across the pebbled, muddy road quickly, suits and bodies rolling about from momentum.

Sebastian winced as he felt the back of his own suit rip from the movement, half cursing his master for being distraught and entirely too foolish for his own good. Before he could glance at Ciel, crumpled and shaking in his arms, Ciel's own claw hand had ripped itself away and grasped the butler on the jaw. Sebastian watched with narrowed eyes as Ciel hurriedly pushed himself away, another hand grasping the butler on the shoulder as tight as he could. The wild, hazed look didn't suit Ciel. Yet, as those blue pools bore down on him, he felt the inkling of pride. Never had he seen Ciel so fierce, so predatorial. So inhuman.

"Take me to her, I command you to take me to her."

"As you wish, young master."


Paula hummed silently to herself, carefully taking note of all she needed for today. The new towels were left in the cupboard this morning and the shampoo Lady Elizabeth liked were delivered as well. As she turned around the corner, she stilled in surprise. Ciel Phantohive was racing towards her at a dangerous speed that she quickly moved aside to let him pass. He didn't seem to notice her obvious presence as he sprinted closer, looking even more panicked and distressed than when he left.

"Oh, Earl Phatomhive!" Paula had greeted in surprise. " I was just going to draw Lady Elizabeth a bath. She's alright, I just left her for a moment to -" She didn't even her sentence when Ciel had all but darted past her and down the hallway she had just passed. Frowning slightly, she noticed the disheveled appearance Ciel had. He didn't leave like that did he? "What-" she muttered out before turning around only to jump. Sebastian was looming over her, discontent and filthy looking. He was staring after his master with such unease that Paul couldn't help but suddenly feel panicked herself. Ciel had gone straight to Lizzy's room right?

Before she could run back into that direction, she felt Sebastian grip her shoulder. A tight line was drawn froth as he stared down the hallway. "We must allow him to face this," he said silently. Eyes widening in fear, Paula could only stare up at him in silence. What did he mean by that?

Before she could ask anymore, an unmistakable yell shot through the hallway like a whip. "Give her back!" Gasping for air, Paula had broke herself away from Sebastian's grip and tore down the hallway herself.


Ciel didn't know what to think when he reached Elizabeth's door. While he could have certainly waited for Sebastian to personally bring him all the way here, his nerves were on high alert to wait for anything. Once the Midford estate was in view he tore himself away and sprinted up the stairs, adrenaline and terror fueling him like an engine. He hoped that he would find Lizzy where he had left her, sleeping away and safe. In fact, it was the ideal situation. It was quite possible, so very probable it was true. So Ciel tried vainly to calm his beating heart as he ripped open the door.

It was dark in there, abnormally so, as the windows were suddenly drawn close. Did Paula close them? For what purpose? He tried to readjust his eyes quickly, stepping into the room blindly. It was only until he reached the foot of Lizzy's bed when he realized he was not alone with her. Near the head of her bed, close to the window, stood a shadow that made Ciel's blood run cold. A shinigami. He was half tempted to push the damn entity away, but even he knew he stood no chance in fighting a shinigami. As the face revealed himself to him, Ciel could only throw himself to Lizzy's side as a flurry of fingers tried to find the pulse on her wrist. Please no. Oh god, please no. Not yet. Please, not yet. Please...please...please...

"That will do you no good, Ciel Phantomhive." As the string of light from the closed window caught the stranger's face, Ciel could only look up to greet the unwanted visitor. William T. Spears stood before him, yellow- green eyes gleaming cold and detached, as he held forth his book of judgment. He watched almost curiously as Ciel, eyes wide and terrified, tried once more to look for Lizzy's pulse near the neck. When he found none, in desperation, Ciel had placed his ear against her chest. He kept on searching, waiting, hoping. Heartbeat. He needs to hear a heartbeat.

There is none. The desolate, empty silence crashes over his head and he finds it impossible to breathe now. His eyes widened as he takes a step back, looking down upon her like a stranger. This can't be Lizzy. It can't be because she's not breathing. She's not pulsating. She's not living. Oh god, she's not living. He feels his legs shake and crash underneath him as he grasps tightly on her hand. She's so cold. She's so abnormally cold. She's ghastly pale. What happened? How did this happen? How could he let this happen? What does she need? She needs...she needs...

"It is her time," William clarified even louder. He didn't bother to wait for Ciel to react as he bought forth his beloved death scythe and slashing the deceased girl on the chest. He watched as the Cinematic Record sprang forth, detailing the girl's life. She was awfully young he supposed, but he had reaped his fair share of youth to complain. Life was a delicate little privilege.

Before he could even begin to move forward, he felt something hurl itself against him. A large warm, heated body had thrown himself on top of him, blindly scratching, hitting, and kicking as it howled. He had merely kept it an arm's length away, unsure whether or not to dispose of this little interruption.

"Give her back!" Ciel Phatomhive roared above him. William merely stared, one hand playing with his death scythe. He was sorely tempted to slash him too and put him out of his misery, but alas, it was not yet Ciel Phatomhive's time. It was not his soul to reap either. Scoffing silently to himself, he sighed. Stupid humans and their stupid emotions.


Note: Okay, chapter three is a wrap. Well, like before, my author's notes are quite lengthy so please bear with me.

First, to the wonderful readers who read and reviewed, thank you very much. I encourage all of my readers to review and tell me what they think. I honestly don't mind criticism, in fact I welcome it, because I see it as a way to improve myself. It's refreshing actually to get feedback and work in angles I haven't thought of doing before.

Second, uhm, well yes. Lizzy is dead. I had quite a bit of people give me hell about it but I thought it was simply the ending that was plausible. Let's be honest now. Comatose people today are hard to care for, but with the advent of technology it is quite possible. However, back then the chances for survival are dim. That's a fact. Actually, for a while there I was sorely tempted to awaken Lizzy because her personality would be quite fun to write. But you know, you gotta roll with the punches right? Uhm, I do apologize if you do take it personally that I killed Lizzy. I did drop an awful amount of hints.

Anyway, this became awfully long actually. I meant for half of this to continue on to the next chapter but I thought I might as well end it here. School starts in a couple of days so we shall see when the last few chapters are done.

So for now, Troublesome_monkey_dono signing out!