Lukas sat up stiff against Mathias's chest, staring into space as he curled his fingers into Mathias's sweater. His own chest was sore from exhaustion as it heaved and deflated with every large amount of air he gulped. What was that? He thought anxiously. When his heartbeat had slowed back to its normal pace, Lukas noticed that the other Nordics were surrounding him and watching him with caution and confusion, waiting to make any moves in case another weird attack like that happened again and trying to figure out what was that attack to begin with. The waiting silence was uncomfortable.

"Norge, are you okay?" Mathias asked the still man in his arms.

Sighing a calming breath, Lukas tapped Mathias's shoulder and said in a dizzy tone, "Put me down."

"Uh, are you sure that's a good idea, Norge? I mean, I don't think it's a good idea-"

"I'm fine, Mathias. Now let me go so that I can get my bag."

"…Alright, if you insist," Mathias shrugged. He let Lukas stand on his own feet but kept hands up protectively around him in case his legs were too weak to use.

Lukas slapped his hands away. "I'm fine, Mathias, okay? Excuse me." He nudged Mathias out of the way and went to the doors to get his suitcase. He wheeled it inside and stopped as he felt his friends' continuous stare weigh down on him. "Guys, stop it. I was…I was just cold, okay? So stop staring at me."

"But…what was that?" Tino wondered aloud for them all. "What you were saying about it being too dangerous and such?"

"Heh heh, probably Norge's dumb 'fairies' messing with his mind again," Mathias laughed. He crossed his eyes, bared his teeth in a wide, goofy grin, and made circles around his temples as he chirped "Coo-coo, coo-coo, coo-coo!"

Annoyed at the mockery yet relieved that Mathias defused the apprehension, Lukas reached up to one of Mathias's nipples and twisted it hard, smirking inwardly as Mathias winced and yelped in pain. "It wasn't my fairies, idiot; I had them stay home to watch my house and plants."

Then he sensed that the silence shifted to a different mood, one of the awkward type. Tino, Berwald, Peter, and Emil were looking away, trying not to laugh or show embarrassment at Lukas's belief in magical creatures. Mathias was the only one chuckling.

"So, Lukas, what kind of, um, 'plants' do your 'fairies' watch, hm?" Mathias snickered and made air quotes.

"I have tulips and daffodils, you know that, Mathias. You saw them every time you visited me."

"Are you sure those are the only 'plants' you're growing? And you only use those 'plants' to pretty up your house? Hmmm? Hint hint!"

Lukas's eyes squinted. "Just what the hell are you doing now?"

"Nothing, I'm just saying that you don't have to keep it a secret from us! Wink wink!"

"Mathias, you're really starting to piss me off, more so than usual." He turned his glare to Emil, who was covering his mouth with his hand to stifle his giggles.

Mathias feigned a gasp of shock. "Uh oh, Lukas is getting pissed at me! I guess it's time you called up your little fairy friends and make them deliver some of your 'plants' here so you can mellow ou- ow, ow, ow!"

Lukas twisted Mathias's nipples again, this time snapping it to be sure that it left a bruise. "Just show us around this damn place so we can unpack, already!" He ordered as a blush crept up to his cheeks.

Mathias pouted as he rubbed his sore nipple. He then beamed and stepped back from the group further into the house. With a flourish of his arms, he announced proudly, "Welcome, one and all, to the beautiful, spacious, superb, and roomy-"

" 'Roomy' and 'spacious' are the same thing," Peter pointed out.

"Shut it, kid, I'm talkin'!" Mathias hissed. He ignored the little tongue sticking out at him and continued. "Welcome to the Mathias Kohler's Mansion of Prestige Excellence-"

"That sounds more like a school than a mansion," Berwald muttered.

"Then what the hell would you call it?"

"…Mathias's mansion."

Mathias rolled his eyes and groaned. "Ugh, you guys are no fun whatsoever! Fine! Welcome to my mansion, ladies and gentlemen!" He smiled again and clapped his hands. "Now, if you guys would so kindly as to collect your suitcases you left out there in the recent scare we had just experienced-" he sneaked a quick glance at Lukas, who still caught him and glared back- "so that we can get started with the tour, just in case any of you see a room that you wanna call dibs on." He winked and turned away. "Now follow meeeeee!"

"Oh, this is so exciting!" Tino squealed as he made his way to the suitcases lying about on the pebbled stairs.

Once everyone retrieved their bags, Mathias escorted his company throughout his mansion. He walked down the entrance hallway-its wall covered with large photos of Mathias sticking out his tongue or drinking a mug of beer, Lukas noticed- and into the white-walled living room. "Here, as you can see for yourself, is the living room. Over there is the flat-screen TV, the couch, and the computer. Around here, you can see the lovely vases Francis made for me to give this room some pizzazz. At the far corner, you'll see my magnificent collection of army knives in that glass shelf. If you break or ruin anything in here, brat, then I'll hold your parents responsible! Now, let us continue…"

The Nordics walked up the stairs and Mathias opened up the first door. "Here we have the first bedroom, with it its maroon-colored walls, shag carpet, and a full-sized bed complete with a moon-patterned comforter and feather pillows for those with weak necks. There's a full-length mirror over there, and a basketball hoop up there above the bed."

"Wow, this room is really cool! I call it!" Emil exclaimed, gazing especially at the dream-catcher light hanging from the ceiling.

"And we have our first taker! Now, please leave your suitcase here to mark your territory and we'll be moving on!"

"Hey, no fair! You didn't give anyone a fair chance to claim it, you jerk!" Peter whined.

"First of all, it was fair because no one else spoke up, so I did," Emil stated. "You had plenty of time, but you didn't use it, which brings me to my next point: tough luck, kiddo." He flicked Peter's nose as he pulled his suitcase into the room and hoisted it onto the bed.

"Now if any of you ever come by here and have the sudden need to bathe or take a dump, then the bathroom's across the hall," Mathias informed them. "And next to Emil's room we have this bedroom right here!" He opened the next bedroom's door, and Tino immediately gasped. "I see we already have another claim! And a good coincidence, too, because this one has a king-sized vibrating mattress for nice, relaxing massages or what have ya." Mathias wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

"Er- well, I, uh, I wasn't thinking so much of that as much as I, er, was thinking about the décor here," Tino stammered as he and Berwald took their suitcases into the bedroom. "Like the forest green paint with leaves design on the walls! And is that a real tree over there? That's so magnificent! Oh, and this!" He stroked the pine tree embroidery on the comforter, and pulled the comforter back to see the white satin sheets. He stroked that as well, enjoying the silky material.

Berwald wrapped his arms around Tino's waist and nuzzled his nose into Tino's hair. "But it's still good enough for some one-on-one playtime for us, right?" Berwald purred into the blonde softness, ignoring the gagging sounds Emil and Lukas were making at the doorway.

"B-Berwald, please! Not in front of Peter!" Tino tried to shove Berwald away, blushing heavily. "I swear, you're just as perverted as your brother!"

"But Papa's right, isn't he, Mama?" Peter asked as he ran up to the couple, his own suitcase in tow behind him. "This room is so cool! It's so big and green and it has a vibrating bed, which is so awesome! It's like that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa and Bart used the motel's vibrating beds to race across the room; we can do that! And we get to play together all we want and-"

"Uh, Peter?" Mathias pulled Peter away from his parents and turned him to look at his face. "Sorry to break it to you, Pete, but the kind of 'play' your ma and pa want to do isn't exactly for the kiddies like yourself, so, yeah, you're not going to be staying with them and cock-blocking their entire vacation."

"Mathias!" Tino gasped.

"Well, don't look at me like that! Berwald says it all of the time!"

"Berwald!"

"It isn't true," Berwald refuted quickly.

"What's 'cock-blocking'?" Peter asked.

"Nothing," everyone but Mathias replied.

Tino knelt in front of Peter and held his shoulders. "Peter, listen, I'm sorry to say this, but as wrong as your Uncle Mathias and your papa are for what they said about you-"

"I didn't say-"

"There is some truth to it. We would like to have our own room and privacy, Peter, while you can have your own room and have as much playtime as you want without disturbing anyone." He then smiled gently. "Besides, you have your own room at home and don't complain about being in there alone, so it'll be just like staying home!"

Peter pouted. "But Mama, you know how I hate being by myself when we travel! And…and…" he trailed off when he saw that Tino wasn't giving in. He then sniffed and pleaded, "Well, can I at least stay with you guys for this night?"

"Well, seeing as how your papa and I aren't going to be doing anything tonight-"

"Cock-blocked!" Mathias quietly jeered at Berwald, who hissed back, "Shut. Up. Now!"

"As I was saying: yes, Peter, you can stay with us tonight."

Peter nodded in resignation. " 'Kay, Mama," he whispered.

"Well, now that that's settled," Mathias spoke up, "how's about we check out the next room, eh?" He pointed towards the door and half-skipped, half-jogged to it. "Follow meeeeeee!"

Peter took his suitcase in his hand and followed the other three nations to the door and went with them across the hall, pouting to himself that he didn't get what he completely wanted, which were to be able to play with Berwald and Tino during their stay, and to know what 'cock-blocking' was.

Mathias placed a hand on the door and paused. "Now, if I can remember the details of this room correctly, then I think that Peter just might like this one." He shrugged and opened the door.

Peter pushed pass the others at the mention of his name and entered the room with a deep gasp. He smiled with fascination as he slowly took in the ivory walls with ocean blue swirls and waves. On the ceiling was a mural of a pirate and his crew standing on the bow of a wooden ship, aiming a harpoon at a colossal and angry white whale amidst an ocean storm.

"Wow, is that from The Tale of Moby Dick?" Peter gasped. "My big brother Arthur read it to me all of the time!"

Mathias tilted his head and tapped his finger on his chin. "Hm, I guess so…"

Peter pouted again. "Don't tell me you never got to read such a great sto- Oh, wow, the bed!" He gawked at the bed excitedly. It was a full-sized bed covered by a black quilt with a skull and crossed-bones design on it. The mattress was boxed in by wooden boards stacked vertically side-by-side. Two pirate swords were nailed to the headboard, the blades crossed like the bones behind the skull embroidery. Peter flopped backwards onto the bed and caused the neatly placed quilt and sheet to shift out of place. "It looks like an actual pirate ship! Mama, Papa, never mind what I asked, I'm gonna stay here tonight!"

"Um, I'm glad you like it, Peter," Tino said with uncertainty, "but is it really a fit atmosphere for a child?"

Mathias followed Tino's gaze to the graphic mural and the swords and grinned. "Aw, don't worry about it, Tino! There's worse stuff on TV than in this mural, and the swords are made of plastic."

"Aw!" Peter groaned.

"Sorry, little man, but I'm sure these lovely people would rather not spend their vacation time getting killed by a sword-wielding lunatic on a sugar high."

Lukas felt a shiver course through his spine. Must be the last bit of the chills inside me, he concluded dismissively. He cleared his throat loudly and asked, "So, is my room the last stop?"

"Aw, as impatient as my little Norge is known for!" Mathias cooed as he tapped Lukas's nose with the tip of his finger. "Okay, follow meeeeeeee!"

"Ugh, stop doing that!" Emil grumbled.

"As master of this household, I am allowed to do whatever I want!" Mathias stuck his tongue out at Emil, who in turned flipped him off. Mathias led the group to what he announced was "Norge's Super-Fantastical, Extra-Magical" bedroom. He pushed the door open with a flourish, making "Oh! Ah!" sounds as Lukas stepped into the room with an awestruck gaze. The walls were a soft, pastel blue with small, cotton-like splotches all over. The queen-sized bed had a floral patterned quilt and a small, wooden trunk at the end. In one corner was a potted bush of fresh, yellow roses. On the ceiling was a mural of purple vines with royal blue and scarlet blossoms.

Lukas padded across the soft white carpet to the bed and positioned the suitcase next to him as he lowered himself onto the edge, murmuring "wow" repeatedly as his eyes scanned the room. He felt so at peace in this room, so calm, as if he was in a dream and was flying high into the sky and floating among clouds. He smiled softly as he lied back on his bed, sniffing the light scent of the yellow roses that filled the air. He moved his arms up and down at his sides, feeling the quilt with the back of his hands. He closed his eyes. Egyptian cotton, wow…

It was until Lukas felt something wet press against his mouth that he remained in the euphoria. When he opened his eyes, Lukas found his lips trapped in Mathias's mouth, being sloppily sucked on by the nation straddling his hips. He pushed against Mathias's chest until the larger man decided to stop teasing him and roll off of him.

"Sorry- I didn't- know another way- to wake you," Mathias panted.

"Wake me?" Lukas repeated.

"Yeah, you were out for like two minutes!" Mathias laughed so hard that tears were forming at the corner of his eyes.

Lukas blushed and looked away sheepishly. He hated how Mathias would just jump at every opportunity to touch Lukas, and worse, in front of the others. He coughed and mumbled, "So, you had these rooms specially designed for us, didn't you?"

Mathias grinned softly. "Nothing but the best for my Norwegian kitten," Mathias purred as he placed a kiss on Lukas's neck. Berwald and Tino averted their eyes and Peter made a disgusted face.

"…Yeah, if we're going to go into this whole maudlin romantic sickness, then I'm just gonna go back to listening to my songs," Emil said, reinserting his ear buds and playing the music on the highest volume possible.


By nightfall, the Nordics finished the tour of the mansion and unpacking their suitcases. They were now sitting around the big, glossy table, ready to enjoy the banquet Tino prepared for them at Berwald's protest, who wanted his husband to start his vacation by relaxing, not busying himself in the kitchen. Tino served everyone wine, except for Peter, who had a cup of sparkling grape juice, and Mathias, who poured himself a huge mug of beer. Lukas immediately replaced Emil's glass of wine with the grape juice when Emil wasn't looking, and they all lifted up their glasses when Mathias stood up to make a toast.

"Huh, I'm not really good at this sort of thing," Mathias began, scratching the back of his head sheepishly, "so I'm going to try my best and make it short, eh heh heh." He cleared his throat. "I guess I just want to say that I'm glad that you guys all decided to come see my awesome new mansion and that you guys loved it, which I knew you would, so it wasn't so much of a surprise to me. But I'm even more glad that you guys are going to stay here for awhile. It- ah- it feels kinda nice…you know, to…have the gang back together…" He trailed off and sat back down quickly, looking down at his beer to avoid everyone's gaze. When he looked back up, he grinned and said, "Well, what's everyone so stiff and quiet for? Let's dig in before this stuff gets cold!"

The others looked at each other and shrugged, deciding to fill their empty stomachs. The food was passed around the table, and everyone's plates nearly overflowed with the Finnish food, and the sounds of utensils scraping against glass rang in the silence.

"Oh, hey!" Mathias suddenly called out with stuffed cheeks.

"Mathias, swallow first, speak second," Lukas told him.

Mathias nodded in compliance, swallowed, and continued. "I've been watching the news from Alfred's country, and-"

"Whoa, whoa, wait," Emil interjected. "You watch the news? From other countries?"

"Well, damn, Emil, don't think too highly of my intelligence and attention span, now!" Mathias scoffed sarcastically. "Yes, Icey, I watch the news, too, and this one I saw was straight from America. Apparently, some neo-Nazi terrorist shot up a Sikh worship temple in blind rage. Killed around fourteen people, I think."

"Oh, my goodness, that's horrible!" Tino exclaimed.

"It's also old," Emil added, sipping his grape juice and grimacing at the lack of alcoholic tart in it. "That happened last summer."

"Well, duh, Icey, I already know that! I heard it from Al himself when he told me he couldn't come over-"

"Wait, so you were going to invite Alfred here?" Lukas asked.

"Yeah, I tried to." Mathias looked down at his food glumly. "But you know, a lot of trouble and work at his country. That attack I mentioned, the reelection of President Obama, the failing economy, the new bills his Congress has been writing and debating over; the guy's been pretty busy. Which got me wondering about you little nations! So, what's been going on over at your countries?"

"If you were really watching international news, then you would've known how our countries are running," Emil mumbled.

"Oh, I have heard all about your little island's problem, Emil," Mathias sneered. "So, are you going all Emo on us because you're starting to regret letting a Feminist ruin your country?"

Emil paused, gripping his fork tighter. Then, in a calm voice straining to hide his anger, he said, "First of all, Mathias, there is nothing wrong with the movement or its activists; they are helping to improve all of the world just as any other movement, okay? Second, my Prime Minister is doing a fine job leading my country despite the European economic crash, because crime rates have gone down and everything! Heck, my country was listed as the number one place for egalitarian citizens, while yours was placed at, what, four? Third, I'm not freaking Emo! Where the heck did that even come from? And what is so funny?"

Mathias was chuckling behind his hand. He then replied, "You! You're funny! I mean, wow, Emil, is it so hard for you to wait a couple of days until you start preaching on your soapbox?" He laughed louder as Emil's glare hardened.

"Mathias," Berwald murmured warningly, "Don't forget about the volcanoes…"

"Aw, I'm just poking fun at him, is all!" Mathias said. "Geez, Emil, you Feminists have no sense of humor whatsoever!"

"I'm not a Feminist; I can't take my own political views, or did you forget that as nations we can't take make our own political stance because we are to follow our leaders' views?"

Mathias waved away Emil's snide comment. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. I'm just curious, all right? I simply wanted to know what's been going on in my buddies' countries. Is that a cause for so much grief?" He gave Emil a wounded pout, quivering his lower lip to add to the effect.

Emil rolled his eyes and made an irritated grunt. He then decided that since it would be too idiotic to expect anything more mature than stupid jokes from the Dane, he was going to humor Mathias a bit and talk about his country's plans of lowering hotel rates to attract more tourists and get more revenue in. Peter chimed in with a suggestion that Emil build a pirate-themed amusement park and frowned when everyone chuckled at his suggestion. Soon, the entire table buzzed with conversation as the guests shared their own stories of national turmoil as well as prosperity, with Lukas the only one silently contemplating how strange it was that Mathias took in this new interest in political, economical, and even ecological currents.

"So much for getting away from the politics," Lukas said quietly to his glass of wine.


Chapter 2: Room Assignment, also known as the chapter in which the author plays Interior Designer and Dirty Comedienne by devoting a chapter to giving each guest their own special room and squeezing in as much inappropriate jokes and comments as possible. Sorry about that. -_-"