Caution: Excessive pointlessness in this one. And Mel. And – well, just read it.

Song: "Isengard Unleashed" – The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers soundtrack, composed by Howard Shore

Doctor: 7

"So this is supposed to be a good movie?" Mel sniffled, reaching for another tissue. "It's horrible! All those trees being destroyed just so that awful wizard can make an army of- of- mutants!"

"Quiet, Mel, this is one of my favourite parts! Look, the Ents are coming to overthrow Saruman and end the reign of Isengard. Nature rebelling against those who abused it…." The Doctor's voice trailed off as he drifted into a brown study, which was interrupted by Mel's giggles. "What is it now?"

"The Hobbits are knocking out the mutant things—"

"Uruk-hai, Mel, not 'mutant things'."

"—by throwing little rocks at them! That's just silly, a rock that small couldn't hurt a muta- Uruk-hai, I mean – that badly!"

"Talking trees and Ringwraiths she doesn't mind, but the throwing arm of a Hobbit is questioned," muttered the Doctor. "I simply can't stand watching movies with humans!"