I do not own Star Wars: Rebels in any capacity. Just the purely creative content of this fic.
Thank you all for the reviews! I can only hope I can maintain your interest.
Enjoy Chapter 3!
Ezra hadn't been lying when he told Kanan he trusted him. However, that didn't stop the spectre of fear and anxiety from wrapping around him like wet blanket.
He had no idea why he trusted this guy. It didn't make any sense but… Ezra felt safe with him. Even stranger was the fact that Ezra could have sworn he had met Kanan before. And that feeling made Ezra even more nervous.
Ezra has always been a bit… off. Sometimes, when someone would get mad at him, he would know exactly where the slap or kick was coming from. At first he always dodged, but after a while, he learned that avoiding the first blow just made the subsequent beating even worse.
But it wasn't just that. Sometimes he felt like he could sense people themselves. It was never much. Just a small hint of their emotions, particularly strong ones. But it had never been as strong as what he could feel coming from Kanan. If what he felt from other people were whispers, what he felt from Kanan was like shouting. When he first felt it two nights ago, he was sure he was imagining it, dreaming up a safe place in his head to hide while his uncle beat him in a drunken rage. It wouldn't have been the first time. But then he felt it again last night, and when the mysterious man placed his hand on his shoulder, Ezra knew that it hadn't just been his imagination.
And that's what made him so nervous. He knew he was a backwater freak. He knew there was something wrong with him, and he knew that feeling these things made him a bad person. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get it to stop.
Ezra was pacing back and forth in the small apartment, compulsively rubbing his arms. He was grateful that Kanan hadn't locked him up somewhere. He liked being able to move around. But maybe that was just because Kanan didn't know. Maybe that was why Kanan took him away. Somehow, he learned what his family was doing to him, so he decided to save him, thinking Ezra was innocent.
The thought made Ezra shiver. What would Kanan do to him if he found out what Ezra was? Take him back to his aunt and uncle?
No. After knocking Aunt Sarai out, that would only get him into trouble too. Besides, Sarai and Barnabas probably wouldn't even take him back. He had caused them so much trouble already.
More likely, Kanan would just dump Ezra where he belonged: onto the street with the rest of the filth.
Ezra's eyes burned with tears at the thought. It didn't make any sense. Why did he feel so comfortable with this guy? Even though he was a complete stranger, Ezra felt as if he had known Kanan forever. When the older man had wrapped his arms around him earlier, he had felt warm and safe. it wasn't like anything he had ever felt before, and he didn't want to lose it.
Ezra's legs started to ache, so he sat down in the corner of the apartment, contemplating what he should do. He wouldn't be able to hide his dirty tricks from Kanan forever. When he did find out, he would probably beat Ezra for lying to him, but that would be okay as long as he let Ezra stay with him. Which meant he was going to have to convince Kanan that he was worth keeping around. And that meant making himself useful.
He could feel his tears well up again, but he swallowed them back down. He had no idea what he could possibly do to be useful. Even before his aunt and uncle discovered he was a freak, Ezra had never been good for much. He was stupid, and he never did anything right.
He took a deep shuddering breath. He had to do something. He looked around. This apartment was nothing like the ship. The ship was clean and bright, upkept by PA-32. This place looked like it hadn't been cleaned in years. The walls and ceiling were yellow and brown, a thick layer of dust coated nearly every surface, and the air was hot and stuffy.
So maybe… he could clean? Obviously Kanan wasn't doing it for himself. Ezra had never cleaned anything before, but he could figure it out. Maybe.
Suddenly, a strong pull yanked him out of his thoughts, as if someone had grabbed him. He gasped and jumped away, but there was nothing here. The sensation of being pulled remained, like someone had tied a rope around his mind.
Cautiously, Ezra stood and followed the direction of the pulling. It brought him to a small closet by Kanan's bed. Opening it, there was nothing to be found except for a couple of bags in the back corner. Ezra carefully grabbed the first one and pulled it open. It was filled with a bunch of different parts that he didn't recognize.
Ezra quickly pushed the bag back and closed the closet door, realizing he was rifling through Kanan's things. If he wanted Kanan to keep him, he had to behave. And that meant he couldn't be touching his stuff.
It was less insistent now, but the bags continued to beckon him, like a soft buzz in the back of his mind. Ezra shook his head, forcing himself to forget about it. He turned his attention back to the rest of the apartment. His gaze fell on the kitchen and the dirty dishes that sat there. Well, maybe he could try cleaning those…
It was a multi-step process. He could technically reach into the sink, but he was too short to really do anything useful. After he dragged over a chair so he could stand on it, he picked up the bar of soap and looked at it. It couldn't be that different from taking a bath, right?
He turned on the water and started rubbing the plates and the pan with the soap. Once they were all covered in suds, he used his fingernails to scrape off the remnants of food. The pan was especially bad, patches of burnt oil and egg sticking to its surface.
By the time he was finished, his fingers were sore and wrinkly, but he felt an odd sense of pride at the sight of the clean plates.
Then he could hear his aunt scoffing. "What are you so pleased about? A binary droid could have done that in a fraction of the time."
Ezra's smile fell. It might not have been much… but at least it was something.
He put the dishes aside and sat down onto the chair, his legs trembling from standing for so long. He took a deep breath, only to wince at the sharp pain that shot up his side. He slipped a hand under his shirt and carefully pressed it over the hot bruise. His hands were cold from the water, and it minutely soothed the sharp pain.
His body ached and groaned at him for even moving around this much. After he put the chair back, he glanced at the couch and wished he could go to sleep. But he didn't want Kanan come back and think he was a useless lump.
To his relief, he didn't have to wait long for Kanan to return. He wasn't sure how, but Ezra could tell when Kanan was getting closer, although it wasn't as strong as it had been the night before. Or even this morning. At some point, his awareness of Kanan became muffled, almost like he became a blurry image in an otherwise clear world.
By the time Kanan walked through the door, Ezra was standing there, hands clenching and unclenching nervously at his sides. "W-Welcome back, Kanan!"
Kanan raised an eyebrow but gave a smile. "Manage to keep yourself occupied while I was gone?"
Ezra nodded as Kanan walked past him and placed a few bags on the table. He was eager to show that he could be useful. "Yeah, I… uh… cleaned."
Kanan turned around and faced him with a frown. "You… cleaned?" He looked around the apartment, his eyes pausing at the kitchen. "You cleaned the dishes?"
Ezra's heart skipped a beat at the disapproval in Kanan's voice. He gripped his arm with his hand, hoping he wasn't trembling too badly. Trembling would only get him into trouble. "Yeah… Was th-that wrong?"
"No, it's not wrong..." he said slowly. He returned his gaze to Ezra, looking uncertain. "I just don't think it's a good idea for you to be up and about like that. If anything, you should be resting."
Ezra couldn't tell if Kanan actually meant it or if it was just some kind of test. To be on the safe side, he apologized. "'M s-sorry."
"You don't need to apologize." Kanan took one of the bags into the cold storage unit. "I was just surprised. Frankly I thought you would sleep the day away." He pulled out a box of something and placed it into the cabinet before coming back to the table and picking up the last bag. "I got some stuff for you."
Walking up to the table, Ezra stood next to Kanan, careful not to stand so close that they were touching. Just feeling the warmth radiating off Kanan helped calm his stomach which was rolling with anxiety.
Unexpectedly, Kanan placed a hand on his shoulder and pulled him in against his side. Ezra flinched in surprise, but then leaned into the half-embrace, his cheek resting against the side of Kanan's stomach. As long as Kanan didn't mind, Ezra was going to stay firmly in this bubble of comfort and safety for as long as he could.
Using his free hand, Kanan dumped out the contents of the bag, revealing some light brown clothes and a package labelled Perigen. "These clothes are probably going to be too big for you, but you'll grow into them." He picked up the perigen. "But first we should put these on. They'll help with the pain." Ezra eyed the package, but didn't show any indication of moving. Instead, Kanan knelt down, his hand still resting on Ezra's shoulder. "Where does it hurt the most?"
Automatically, Ezra placed a hand over his side.
Kanan nodded. "Take your clothes off. We'll put on these patches then you can put on the new clothes."
If it had been anyone else, the entire process would have been nerve wracking. But Kanan seemed to induce an almost unnatural calm in him. He kept a hand resting on either Ezra's shoulder or on his side as he gently applied the white square patch. "Anywhere else hurt?"
Ezra shook his head. There was a general soreness throughout his body and moving in certain directions hurt more than others, but it was nothing he wasn't used to.
Then Kanan helped him put the new clothes on. It was just a light brown tunic, a pair of pants, and a belt, but they were clean and soft. Kanan gave a sigh once Ezra had put it all on. "Are you sure you don't need anymore perigen?"
Ezra shook his head again. He was already grateful for the patch on his side, which was making it easier for him to breathe.
Kanan took his old clothes with a hint of disgust. "I'm not even going to bother getting these washed. They'd probably fall apart anyway." He tossed them into the waste bin before walking back over, his expression serious. "I did a lot of thinking today… and there are some things we need to talk about."
Ezra stiffened, his brain whirring a hundred klicks an hour. Trying not to linger too much on any possible outcomes, he took a deep breath and replied, "W-What things?"
The older man sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. "I never explained fully why I took you from you from that ship. At the very least, you deserve to understand what in star's name is going on." He gestured the seat beside him on the couch, and Ezra happily took it. "Ezra… do you know what the Force is?"
The Force? Ezra knew about the word 'force' as in forcing someone to do something, but he had never heard it referred to like an object before.
His confusion must have been evident on his face, because Kanan started explaining. "The Force is energy. It's… well, it's everywhere. It's in every living thing. We're all connected and guided by it."
It didn't make much sense, but Ezra kept rapt attention.
"And there are some people who are sensitive to it. They can use it to manipulate their surroundings and sense things others can't." Kanan took a deep breath, wrapping an arm around Ezra's shoulders. "What I'm about to tell you, you cannot tell anyone else. If you do, it could put us both in danger. You understand?"
Ezra gulped, but nodded his head. "I-I promise I won't tell anyone."
Kanan nodded. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "The thing is… I'm one of those people. I'm Force-sensitive. That's why I saved you. I could sense that your family was hurting you."
Ezra didn't fully comprehend what this 'Force' thing was, but it seemed amazing that Kanan could have such a power. He leaned into Kanan, staying focused on his every word.
"But it's not just that," Kanan went on. "I wasn't even trying to use the Force when I felt what was going on. Which meant that what I was feeling was being projected… by another Force-sensitive person." He paused, as if waiting for a response. When none came, he let out a sigh. "Ezra, I'm pretty sure you're Force-sensitive, too."
Ezra's eyes widened. He started making connections to all the strange occurrences in his life, but he slowly shook his head. They couldn't possibly be related. There was no way he was anything like Kanan.
Then, Kanan raised an arm, his hand facing the empty bag on the table. He raised his hand and the bag lifted off the table, seemingly by an invisible string.
Panic seized Ezra's chest. "No!" He jerked away from Kanan, jumping off the couch and backing away from the sorcerer's trick. His vision blurred and his lungs burned. "No…! It's wrong! It's dirty!"
The bag dropped, and Kanan was on his feet, approaching Ezra with his hands raised. "Ezra, it's okay…!"
"NO!" he screamed again, fear taking over. He squeezed his eyes shut and fell to his knees, bracing for the pain. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I promise… Please don't hurt me, please!"
He was silenced by a warm embrace, the scent of sweat and something earthy enveloping him. Kanan's presence was suddenly crystal clear, and Ezra felt a mixture of concern and anger that quickly transformed into an incredible calm. Desperate to feel anything besides the overwhelming terror inside of him, Ezra clung to Kanan, burying himself in the calm and safety Kanan's presence offered. His breathing hitched as he sobbed into Kanan's shoulder and his hands scrambled to hold him as tightly as he could, but the older man didn't pushed him away. He just held Ezra tighter, rubbing slow circles into his back.
Eventually Ezra's panic faded and his breathing evened out to a fine stutter. He could feel Kanan's relief as he gave Ezra a quick squeeze. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not like your relatives."
He knew that. Every fiber of his being knew with absolute certainty that he has never known anyone like Kanan.
Kanan must have been able to sense this thought, because Ezra could feel how happy it made him feel. Then all at once, his presence felt muffled again. Even though he was still firmly in Kanan's arms, Ezra felt like he was being pushed away, and his chest ached at how… empty it made him feel.
"I know this has all got to be really confusing for you," Kanan said. "Especially given how you were raised… but this is the reason I knew you were being hurt. I felt it happening through the Force, and that's the reason I saved you. I wasn't going to just stand by let another Force-sensitive fall victim to the Empire's propaganda."
It was a lot for Ezra to take in. All the strange stuff that's happened in his life… was that all because of this Force thing? And Kanan could do all this stuff too? If that was true, if they were both unnatural, that meant he wouldn't have to worry about Kanan getting rid of him. Right?
Kanan leaned back slightly and Ezra let out an unintentional whimper, but Kanan didn't let go. He placed a hand under Ezra's chin and lifted his head so that they were looking each other in the eyes. "Being Force-sensitive is nothing to be ashamed of."
Even though he still felt muffled, Ezra could feel that Kanan didn't quite believe that himself.
"But it's dangerous for people like us right now. So you need to make sure you never use the Force unless you're with me and we're hidden. Understand?"
Ezra immediately nodded. He already knew that he should never use his abnormal powers. He's always failed to suppress the instinct and 'feelings' that welled up in him, but he hasn't used this Force thing to move anything in months. Now he was going to try doubly hard to suppress all these things.
Kanan smiled. It looked forced, but Ezra still took comfort from it. "Good. Do you have any questions?"
Ezra had a million questions, but he wasn't able to turn any of them into coherent sentences, so he muttered, "No, Kanan."
"Alright. Then let's eat something. You definitely need to get more meat on those bones."
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