Three. Watching life from the sideline
With a sigh, Yukari Uchida leaned against the dark marble walls of an elevator, the cold of the smooth stone seeping into her. She watched Amano telling the liftboy that they were headed for the 23rd floor before turning to her with a smile, chestnut-coloured hair framing his face.
She raised a challenging eyebrow at him and grinned coyly, the doors sliding quietly shut. Amano rolled his eyes and nodded at the liftboy who stood with his back to them but was watching their reflections in the door.
"He could join us." She shrugged nonchalantly and Amano threw his head back, laughing loudly.
"You wish." Casting a quick glance over his shoulder, he spotted the liftboy's ears glowing red, and shook his head. He really felt sorry for the poor guy.
Yukari tilted her head slightly to the side and studied his features, Amano returning her stare with a slight blush tinting his cheeks. He was too cute, always a bit uncomfortable with public display of affection. But she would show him what he was missing out, with persuasive and foolproof arguments no man could resist.
It was only ironic that she had met Amano through a divorce. Half a year ago, she had employed him as Hitomi's lawyer, employed him to end a horrible fight. It had all seemed to be so perfect. And it had been. But it wasn't meant to last forever, not even for three years.
At the age of twenty-three, Hitomi had married Allen Schezar whom she had met on the stage. She played the flute, he played the violin. They were a dream team, enchanting the people with their music and their charm. And now, three years later, they were about to be divorced after one and a half year of playing charade.
A warm hand on her one made her snap out of her thoughts. "You're not thinking about pleasant things." Amano dragged her out of the elevator and they entered the hallway that led to Hitomi's suite.
Not pleasant was the understatement of the year. She could remember the day Hitomi had told her about her decision as if it was yesterday. The words, the tears and the tired expression in her eyes was still fresh in her mind, just like the guilt. She would never be able to forgive herself for talking her best friend into trying it again and giving Allen yet another chance, into putting back together the pieces of a broken vase while it was falling apart on the other side again.
"If you keep on frowning like that, you'll be all wrinkled in a few years." She looked up at Amano and narrowed her eyes. "What were you thinking about?"
She looked at the door of Hitomi's suite and knocked. "Nothing. It was nothing."
Amano tucked his hands in the pockets of his pants and rocked on his heels like a little boy. "Didn't know nothing could make you look like you just got to know that your favourite boutique was insolvent."
Another knock. She hadn't told him the whole story but it sure wasn't a topic to discuss in front of Hitomi's hotel room. Speaking of that. Where was that woman?
The redhead started to attack and violate the door with her fist until Amano took hold of it, giving her a dry look. "Hey, Jackie Chan, did you ever consider that she might not be there before breaking through her door with your bare fists?"
"No, baka, because we're supposed to accompany her to the hairdresser." As if to prove her words, there was the faint clicking of a lock and she gave him the superior I-was-right-and-you-not look.
It was fourteen thirty. Yukari wasn't expecting what opened the door.
It was hardly identifiable as a human being. It was wrapped in baggy sleeping pants and a shirt that could have been a circus tent with goats dancing all across it. Its shoulders were tiredly slumped, its skin looking like a crumpled sheet of paper and its hair rumpled as if a bird had tried to build a nest with it.
"Yukari?" the thing croaked hoarsely and squinted its eyes that were swollen from sleep.
"Do you," Yukari pressed lowly through gritted teeth, her hands fisted at her sides so not to jump her friend and simply throttle her senseless, "have any clue what time it is?"
Hitomi glanced at her bare arm in bewilderment but finding no watch there, looked back up at her manager. "It's half past two in the afternoon," the redhead said slowly and fixed Hitomi with blazing brown eyes. "And do you, by any chance, know what day we have?"
"Monday?"
"Yeah, and it's freakin' Valentine's Day, Hitomi!" Yukari bellowed and brushed past her into the dark hotel room, only a small lamp beside the door illuminating it. With long, determined and unhealthily angry strides, she crossed the room and opened the curtains, bright daylight streaming in and chasing away the shadows.
Hitomi winced and covered her eyes as if she were a vampire. "Oh."
"Oh?" the redhead echoed in disbelief and opened the windows, inviting the cool February air. "Oh? Is that all you have to say?! You should have been at the tailor's to get your dress fitted at one. And you've got your bloody hairdresser appointment in half an hour. What's gotten into you?"
"Yukari..." Hitomi shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself when a cool breeze crawled over skin.
The redhead spread her arms. "Don't Yukari me! Do you know how hard it was to get an appointment? To get the tailor to correct your dress once more? You're not the only one who wants to look nice tonight, you know? All these starlets smelled blood and think they can collect popularity points at the Valentine's Ball, today!"
"I'm sorry."
"No, you're not because you don't give a shit." She ran a hand through her hair and began to pace the carpet, pointing a finger at Hitomi. "But you know what? You signed a contract, missy! And I will not allow you to go around breaking the rules as you please just because you're on some kind of revenge trip! You don't clean up the mess afterwards, do you? No, because it's me! It's always me trying to calm choleric promoters when you felt like skipping an event again!"
"Yukari..." It was the first time Amano spoke up since they had left the elevator and Hitomi was mortified to find him there, leaning against the closed door. She hadn't noticed him.
He walked over to the fuming redhead, hiding a grin when he saw Hitomi's shirt. Pressing her arms against her sides, he looked down at her and she sighed. "I know, sorry. I got carried away." She wriggled out of his grasp with a weak smile and looked at Hitomi. "But just think about it, Hitomi. I know that you don't want to go to the Valentine's Ball with Allen but you're playing on to him if you don't go. You'll only make it easier for him to bring you down to your knees. And you don't want that, do you?"
Hitomi averted her eyes. "No."
There was a huff and she looked up to find Yukari crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Fine then. Hurry up and get out of these clothes. Maybe we can at least do some damage containment. Did you already look into the mirror? You could frighten the yeti."
There was a tiny smile hiding at the corners of her mouth but it didn't come to fully spread across her lips for right then the phone rang. The shrill sound shattered the silence that had settled over them after Yukari's outburst and Hitomi turned to answer the call on the phone beside the couch.
She pressed the black receiver against her ear. "Yes?"
"Ms. Kanzaki, this is Ruhm from the reception," a rough but warm voice spoke up. "Your husband is here and wants to talk to you. Do you want me to send him up to your room?"
"NO!" she exclaimed in a horrified yell and immediately clamped her hand over her mouth when she saw Yukari and Amano raising their brows in surprise. "I mean, no. I'm not decent. Please, tell him to wait in the lobby. I'll be down in fifteen minutes. Thank you."
"As you wish."
Hitomi placed the receiver back down with a sigh and turned to the couple. "Speak of the devil." She shrugged and crossed the living room, heading for her bedroom to get her clothes. "Allen's in the lobby. Don't know what he wants. Maybe he's dying to tell me about his latest conquest."
Yukari barked a laugh. "Alright. Do I come with you or can you deal with him yourself?"
"Thanks but I think I can manage him myself. Will show him just how unwanted he is and will get rid of him in record time." She smiled and disappeared in the bathroom.
"Alright, we'll wait until you come back and then go to the hairdresser," Yukari yelled over the noise of the shower being turned on.
"Thanks! Make yourself at home!"
There was a brief silence before the noise of the shower increased in volume and Hitomi's head appeared in the doorframe. "But not too much at home, please. I don't want these images of my best friend and my lawyer making out on my couch haunting me while watching TV. Thank you for your understanding."
After the shower, she felt like a newborn human being and ready to deal with everything Allen was up to. A confident air around her, Hitomi stepped out of the elevator and crossed the noisy hall. Snippets of conversations were floating around her, bellhops rushing past her, pushing trolleys full of cases across the tiled floor.
She spotted Allen in the lobby, his tall body casually slumped in an armchair, his eyes trained on the waitress in front of him. He was giving the young woman a charming smile, enchanting and knee-weakening, the same smile he had always flashed at her. She had felt as if she were the only woman on the entire planet. Obviously, she hadn't been the only one.
Disgust was all she felt now when she saw him smiling like that. Crossing the hall, she turned slightly to where the receptionist was animatedly arguing with a customer across the counter – and suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide in surprise.
The young man Ruhm had been talking to had turned to face her as well, his dark hair in the seemingly usual state of absolute disorder and his intense eyes focusing on her. Van Fanel was standing by the counter, a bunch of flowers in his long-fingered violinist's hand.
Hitomi felt the knot her insides had tangled into at Allen's arrival loosen ever so slowly and a hesitant smile slipping onto her lips. After raising a confused brow at the dry look he gave Ruhm, she watched him close the distance between them with long, confident strides.
"Good afternoon, Ms. Kanzaki," he greeted with a light bow, his eyes dancing. "I thought..."
Van didn't come any further for Ruhm had finally managed to catch up with him, his tall form shielding Hitomi immediately. "I'm sorry, Ms. Kanzaki, but this gentleman here asked me for the number of your room and simply couldn't accept a no. I can arrange for him to be removed from the hotel if you wish."
She couldn't hide her grin when she saw Van raise his brows at her over Ruhm's broad shoulders. "No, it's okay, Ruhm. I know him. Thank you, though."
With a short nod at Hitomi and one long stare at Van, the tall man left to put his huge body back behind the counter, flashing his most polite smile at the next customer.
"He probably thought I was a stalker." The young man beside her sheepishly scratched the back of his head and she couldn't help but feel curious at why he was at the hotel at all. And a tiny little part inside Hitomi hoped that she was the reason, that the flowers were for her.
"What brings you here?"
And as if he had waited for that cue, Van produced a flat, rectangular box from out of the pocket of his jacket, the flowers rustling softly with the movement. Her eyes widened to saucers.
"Valentine's Day," he offered with a lop-sided grin and she quickly took a step away from him, shaking her head.
"I cannot accept it! I-I don't even know you!"
Van rolled his eyes and held the box out to her. "You don't even know what it is!" He pressed it into her hands when she tried to pull them away, looking at him in disbelief and shock. "Will you just look at it?"
Not knowing what to think, she first eyed him and then the box, proceeding to loosen the loop that held it close. Her heart was hammering in her chest that she thought it was going to burst and a gasp left her lips when she finally saw what was inside.
"My pendant!" she exclaimed and looked up at him.
Van hid a smile and shrugged nonchalantly. "I knew you'd like it."
"Thank you." Her cheeks were on fire when she handed him the empty box and clasped the chain back around her neck. Why was it that she always ended up horribly embarrassing herself in front of him? First the father thing and now that. What had she expected, a proposal? Someone really needed a vacation.
"You forgot it the day we went to the lake." He was looking her directly in the eye and she found it hard to hold his penetrating gaze, his eyes the oddest colour she had ever seen; it reminded her of the wood some of the most expensive violins were made of.
She looked down at her pendant and held the fragile gem gently. Every excuse to escape his gaze for a moment.
"I had quite a fight getting it back. When she's smitten with something you can be sure Merle will use her claws to defend it." He shook his head absently.
"Where is she actually?" Hitomi looked around when she noticed that the cat-girl wasn't with him. "You didn't do anything to her, did you?"
He gave a laugh and shook his head, unruly strands swaying.
Delicate brows knitted. "Why didn't you take her with you?" Oh, how she wanted to kick herself! Who was she, his mother? Couldn't she just leave him be? Why did she have to be so nosy? What was she going to ask next? The colour of his boxers?
Her cheeks flushed slightly at the thought and she watched him lift his jacket to tuck his right hand in the pocket of his pants. "Actually, I have planned something else where I cannot take her with me." She frowned. Was it just her or did he seem unsure? "Do you have some time? I'd like to show you something."
Hitomi blinked her green eyes at him. "I...I don't..."
Her gaze darted around. Allen was still talking to the waitress in the lobby, waiting for her. Turning further around, she watched a cart with a dozen suitcases piled on it being pushed out of the elevator. Twenty-three floors up there, Yukari was waiting for her as well.
"If not, it's alright." Van's deep voice wafted into her thoughts and she turned back around to face him. "I don't want you to feel plagued by me."
"No no!" She was surprised at how fast the words were out. It seemed as if a certain part of her had already decided what to do. "It's just...umm, I can't leave right now. I have to settle some things first."
"How much time do you need?"
They both turned when a loud clattering suddenly echoed within the hall and they found a young bellhop sitting in a heap of suitcases, his head beet red. "Two hours maybe."
Van looked at his watch. "What about five thirty?"
"Sounds good to me." She smiled at him and watched the bouquet being twisted and turned in his hands, yellow tulips and orange carnations dancing animatedly.
"Good. Five thirty at the eastern end of Vargas' Bridge." An orange petal was floating to the polished ground where it remained lying, admiring its own reflection on the polished tiles. "At the statue of the king. I'll be waiting for you."
Hitomi nodded her head slowly. She had never heard of that bridge before, not that it surprised her. When she was playing at concerts she was usually drowning in work and rehearsals so that there was hardly any time for some sightseeing. "Oh. Okay."
"Don't worry, you cannot miss it," he assured her with a small smile and nodding at her, the young man turned around to leave. "See you later."
"Yeah, bye." Brushing a strand of honey-coloured hair out of her face, she followed his retreating form with her eyes until he entered the busy streets of Fanelia through wide glass doors.
The flowers hadn't been for her. Was it disappointment she felt?
Hitomi shook her head, chasing away the stupid thoughts. But once more, she felt that something was going on with her, something she couldn't control or understand. She had agreed to meet with a stranger and she didn't even feel the slightest bit guilty that she was hoping to miss out the ball.
And she knew why.
Her eyes caught Allen and her hands fisted determinedly at her sides when she crossed the hall toward the lobby. No matter what would happen, she could always say it had been her decision.
"See, this is exactly what I mean!" Yukari let her head drop on the backrest of the car they had just entered, and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Yelling and complaining, that's all they can do. They seem to be forgetting that we pay them a bloody fortune! Isn't it so?! Amano!"
"What?" The young man exclaimed and shared a confused look with Hitomi over the back of her seat. She was occupying the passenger seat while Yukari and Amano sat in the fond. "You called him an ungrateful parasite! What did you expect him to do? Kiss your feet? Of course, he starts barking back at you."
The redhead snorted. "Oh, puh-lease. If he cannot even take a bit of criticism..." She frowned when her eyes came to rest on her best friend who had her head tilted against the window, creating a paper dragonfly out of candy wrapping.
Despite his parasitish attitude, Yukari had to admit that Moleman had done a marvelous job in the shortness of time. Her hair was slightly curling at the ends, gathered at the back of her head with the help of green pins. Simple but beautiful, as was her make-up. There was only the barest tint of rouge and lip-gloss, every attention drawn to her eyes that seemed to glow a brighter green than ever before.
The only disturbing thing was that Hitomi looked actually happy. "What is it with you, Hitomi? You look like you're actually looking forward to the whole event? Changed your mind?"
She immediately covered her smile with a yawn, turning slightly in her seat. "Nah, I'm just practicing to pretend being the well-bred, ever smiling and happy wife."
"Wow, you almost convinced me. It scares me but you're getting better at it every day." The redhead offered her friend a sympathetic smile before her eyes narrowed to ominous slits. "Though I still can't believe he came to tell you to behave! I swear, if I had been there, I would have given him a good piece of my mind and afterwards he would have been able to sing higher tunes than you, Hitomi."
Amano's roaring laughter filled the car and he reached for Yukari's hands when she gave him a seething glare. "Good you weren't there or I would have another charge to deal with now for I doubt Mr. Schezar would have been happy about you gelding him, love."
"It's okay, 'Kari, but thank you." Hitomi twirled the paper dragonfly between her fingers.
"Yeah, well...no, don't turn right here!" the redhead suddenly exclaimed and leaned forward between Hitomi and Gaddes who was driving, vigorously pointing with her finger ahead. "Zaibach Avenue is plain suicide at that time of the day. We'll take another way."
"Whatever you want, Miss Uchida." Gaddes adjusted his sunglasses, cast a glance at the side mirror and summoning a concert of hooting, he changed the lane.
Yukari leaned back in her seat when they had filtered into the stream of traffic again and nodded in satisfaction. "Take 2nd North, that should do."
"But that's a detour, Miss Uchida."
"I know, but it won't be jammed." She cast a glance at Hitomi who was looking at her curiously. "We don't want you to be late, right?"
Hitomi rolled her eyes and Yukari reached for Amano's arm to check his watch. "It's five fifteen already but it doesn't matter. It's all arranged: you'll get the dress, let them give you the thumbs up and that's that. Allen will pick you up at the hotel at six thirty and we'll meet inside the hall again."
Green eyes widened. "What? But I told you I didn't --"
"I know, I know." Yukari raised her hands in surrender. "But it would have been too suspicious if you hadn't arrived together, Hitomi."
"We could have met one block away and I could have entered his car there!"
"Too risky." Yukari couldn't help but smile at the look on Hitomi's face; like a pouting little girl.
"You know what you're doing to me, don't you? I bet his little pet will be in the car too and they'll be making out beside me all the way and I'll be scarred forever and I'll need a therapy afterwards and I'm going to search the most expensive psychologist there is and you're going to pay him coz I'm going to sue you for –-"
The redhead snorted a laugh. "Get a grip, drama queen, it won't be that bad. And now, we'll hop off coz we're there. Remember we'll meet in the hall, right after you finished running the gauntlet."
"I'll be marred," Hitomi grumbled when Yukari opened the door and stepped out on the sidewalk together with Amano, boutiques hemming the street with clothes in their shop windows whose price tags had at least four digits before the point.
"You'll have something to talk about," Yukari retorted smugly. "Remember to get the dress, to look beautiful and not to tear Allen to pieces when you see him! Promise me!"
Hitomi held up her hand and made a serious face. "By the grave of my Barbie doll, I promise not to tear him to pieces."
"Good girl! Have fun!" And with that, the redhead slammed the door shut and reached for Amano's hand.
Radiant green eyes followed the couple until they mingled with the other people on the sidewalk and was no more than another spot in the crowd.
She had not promised to get the dress.
"Change of plans, Gaddes." He raised a dark brow at her words and ran a hand over the stubble on his chin.
Rummaging through her handbag, she fished for the woolen cap her brother had sent her for Christmas and put it on, hiding her far too striking hairdo. Moleman would get a heart-attack or two if he ever got to know about it. Almost two hours of slaving for turning the worst case of hair abuse into a magnificent and inspiring explosion of natural honey- and wheat-coloured streaks as he called it, in world record time as he called it and she put on a cap. Blasphemy, he would call it.
"We're heading for the east end of Vargas' Bridge." Hitomi reached into her purse again and began to take off her make up.
"Why do I think that this isn't a spontaneous idea?" he retorted dryly and got into reverse. "I cannot do this, Ms Kanzaki, and you know that."
"I need a bloody bathroom," she mumbled while still working on her mascara, the mirror in the sunshield not exactly helping. "Yes, you can."
Gaddes sighed and watched her out of the corners of his eyes. "I'm paid to bring you to your stylist to get your dress and then to bring you to your hotel to give you to your husband."
"If that's your only problem, I'll pay you more to bring me to Vargas' Bridge." She raised a hand when she saw him roll his eyes and open his mouth to complain. "Listen, Gaddes. I'm sorry about this but either you bring me there or I'll get off and get myself a taxi. You don't want me to make a scene, do you?"
Her bodyguard gripped the steering wheel in frustration, staring out on the street with hard eyes, before switching on the indicator. "Fine."
Hitomi nodded her head lightly before letting it drop onto the backrest, closing her eyes.
Somehow it was all twisting out of control. She could feel it. Half a year ago she wouldn't have even thought of not attending a public ostentation of her undying love for Allen so to keep up the masquerade. How fast things could change.
Of course, she had thought about Van Fanel. For these last two hours, she hadn't thought about anything else but him and his strange offer. But she hadn't thought about how to decide, if she should meet him or not, no. She had made her decision right the moment Allen had told her to "quit her holier-than-thou-attitude and fucking look like she worshipped the ground he walked on". She just hoped Van's surprise would take some time.
She wondered what it was he wanted to show her. For all she knew he could do Gods knew what to her and though she was clinging to this excuse of escape from her life. Hitomi knew that in some ways she was using him.
But it would be just this one time.
"This is the closest I can get you to the bridge," Gaddes said and she jerked out of her thoughts. "The whole area starting from here is pedestrian precinct."
"Okay, thank you." Hitomi unbuckled her seatbelt and looked out of the window, an unceasing stream of people noisily passing by the car only to disperse in the dozens of narrow streets ahead. "How do I get to the bridge then?"
"I'll bring you."
"But --" She closed her mouth when he raised a hand at her.
"Listen, Miss Kanzaki. Either you let me accompany you or I'll drag you right back to where we should actually be right now." He was sweetly smiling at her while everything she did was glare. "You don't want me to make a scene, do you?"
"You're fired."
His eyes almost popped out of his skull. "What?!"
"You heard me. You're fired." Hitomi was looking him directly in the eye and her voice told him she was not joking. "Thank you for everything but I'll find my way alone."
"You cannot fire me," Gaddes told her with a shake of his head and a disbelieving snort. "Miss Uchida employed me."
She threw her hands up in frustration. "Then take a day off or something!"
"Why are you so eager to get rid off me?" If the circumstances had been different, she would have smiled at the sulking sound of his voice.
"Because I don't want to go to this stupid ball! I never wanted to!" The young woman had turned in her seat to face him, her eyes now watching the cars speeding past Gaddes' window. "And I know that when you accompany me you'll find a way to contact Yukari and tell her where we are so she can come get me. Don't worry, there's somebody waiting for me. He'll take care of me."
"He?!" Gaddes echoed and Hitomi's eyes darted to look over his shoulder again, counting the cars that were approaching, counting the cars that would make it impossible for him to get out of the car.
"I'm sorry."
She opened the door and stumbling out of the car, slammed it close behind her, muffling his yell. Hitomi took off and raced along the way that was winding down the bank of the river.
Across the water, the sun was setting behind the cliffs that hugged the city like a loving mother her child, casting everything in a dim light. She couldn't see much of the bridge for a building was blocking her view but even on the small section she saw, there were photoflashes twinkling like fireworks.
Two seagulls were sitting on the backrest of one of the benches that were hemming the way. They were complaining loudly, their cackling screams mixing with the conversations around her when Hitomi chased past them.
At a building right in front of her, a massive crowd was gathering. Joining the string of people that slowly threaded into the eye of the building, she dared to turn around. The sound of her heavy breathing filled her ears when she craned her neck to look past the people behind her, searching for Gaddes. She couldn't see him anywhere.
Willing herself to calm down, she let the avalanche of people carry her. Gaddes was forgotten by the moment she entered the passageway and was swallowed by an overwhelming amount of noises and scents.
People were talking everywhere around her, chatting, laughing, discussing vividly with their hands and haggling inside the shops she was walking past. She saw sweatshirts for tourists behind the shop windows, souvenirs, scarves in every colour possible, knick knack ranging from crystal animals to plates and small crests with Fanelia written across them. Hitomi even found a stand that sold the same cap she was wearing; woolen, colourful, with a little ball on top and flaps to cover her ears that merged into strings to tie it.
She wanted to stay and look at everything that was sold, wanted to watch the people and listen to them but knew that she was already late. Drifting on the delicious scent of pizza and tzatziki, she was swept out of the wondrous little world that was so different and so loud, so full of life.
He had been right. Even for her it was impossible to miss the king.
Cast in the orange light of the dying sun, he stood proudly in the left corner of the small place that opened in front of her. His shoulders squared, he was resting his stony hands on his sword, looking down on the people that were buzzing past him with majestic grace and patience that had seen decades pass by like leaves being blown over the ground by the wind.
Hitomi spotted Van at the king's feet, sitting on the low railing that surrounded the pedestal of the statue. He had his elbows braced on his knees and a magazine in his hands, his head bent forward so that his tousled hair fell into his face, hiding his features.
A smile spreading across her features, she wriggled past a group of tourists who were taking pictures of everything around them and crossed the place. She tiptoed the last meters and situated herself in front of him so that her shadow fell on him.
"Didn't your mother tell you that you'll turn blind when reading in this light, Mr. Fanel?"
Van's head snapped up at her words, dark brows raised, and her heart skipped a beat. Pitch-black hair was tumbling into his view, partly covering his eyes that were squinted against the last sunlight of the day. Looking up at her, a lazy smile formed at the corners of his mouth and slowly spread across his lips like sunlight over fields of grain after a cloud had passed by, growing brighter and warmer with every second.
"Actually, you'll only get tired when reading in this light," he grinned and closed the magazine, his eyes dancing with sunlight. "You found me."
Hitomi couldn't help but grin back at him. "Yeah, I tried but I simply couldn't miss the king. What are you reading?"
A reflection rushed over the smooth cover when he turned it and National Geographic was glowing a bright orange. Standing up, he stretched his tall body and smothered a yawn, his jacket that was sliding slightly upwards revealing his waistband – as well as his boxers. They were peeking over the rim of his loose jeans; blue and green striped. Hitomi bit down a grin.
Looking back up at him, she found him looking at her intently and she felt her cheeks heating up, knowing he had been watching her checking him out. "Any good?" she asked after clearing her throat, referring to what he had been reading.
"Yup." He reached back and tucked the small magazine in the back pocket of his pants, motioning for her to follow him. "The name's Van, by the way."
She joined his side and tapped the front of her cap. "Hitomi."
"Well, Hitomi, have you ever been to Vargas' Bridge?"
She followed his outstretched arm and took in the sight of the impressive Gothic tower that grew on this end of the bridge, a huge archway in its bottom creating the entrance to another world.
The bridge spanned across the width of the river, carried by massive pillars and hemmed by innumerable sandstone statues. They had blackened over the years due to rain and wind, the dying sunlight throwing a translucent, red veil over their stony faces.
Van had stopped beside Hitomi who was looking around with wide eyes, her lips parted in childish wonderment. He felt himself smiling at her expression.
Clouds of seagulls were floating on a cool breeze, their cries echoing out on the gurgling water. At the other side of the river, houses were snuggling against each other along the bank, crawling up a small hill until they were stopped by the cliffs whose dark silhouettes were contrasting with the bright evening sky. Above the heads of the statues, a majestic building complex was rising from the sea of houses, its blue roof sparkling.
"It's the King's Palace," Van informed her when he saw what she was gaping at.
Hitomi brushed some hair out of her forehead and turned to look at him, her brows knitted. "You've got a king?"
"Four hundred years ago, we've had one, yes." She watched his profile, his lips twitching faintly. When the sun disappeared behind the mountains shadows were settling slowly around them, curling like sleepy cats at the feet of the statues and on the dark stones of the bridge, waiting for the night to break. "Come on, there is more to see."
Hitomi hurried to catch up with him when his form was about to vanish within the throng of people that was rolling across the bridge at a slow but steady pace. There were lots of people. Lots and lots of people. It was almost like the stream that poured out of the concert hall after the doors had been opened again, only that here was no demolishing. More and more people were entering the bridge through the gates at both sides, their voices a continuous murmur in the cool air.
Her eyes widened when she saw exactly why people were crowding all along the bridge like sheep on a meadow, blocking the way; artists.
There were dozens of them, one small stand every five meters at both sides of the way, selling paintings and photographs, earrings and chains, and you could even have yourself caricatured within ten minutes. The artists were leaning against the parapet of the bridge, talking and watching the tourists slowly sauntering by, smoking or discussing with customers.
Her eyes were darting back and forth between the stands, trying to absorb everything. A series of black and white photos of the bridge wearing nothing but fog caught her attention when the man beside the photo wall raised his lamp and she turned to face Van. Her eyes were glowing.
"Just go take a look, we've got enough time." He nodded towards the man who had a cigarette hanging from the left corner of his mouth, showing a young woman some photos in an album.
Shoving her way past the people in her way, Hitomi led the way. They crossed the bridge in silence, going in zigzag lines from one side to the other so they wouldn't miss out a single stand.
Every now and then a flashlight lighted up, people taking pictures of the statues that were hemming the bridge. The sound of hundreds of shoes clicking over the plastered ground was hovering in the air, mingling with the murmur of hundreds of people talking.
She stopped to watch a young couple being caricatured, quiet chuckling coming from the crowd that was flocking around the artist. It was fascinating to watch what could grow out of charcoal and a few flicks of the wrist.
They had already crossed the river and the bridge was slowly merging into the houses that were gathering at the foot of the palace. Two towers were creating another archway, marking the end of the bridge. With their oriels and dark roves, they looked as if taken right out of a Dracula novel, emanating a strangely fascinating attraction.
A tap on her shoulder made her turn and she faced Van who nodded lightly to his left. "We're heading this way."
Hitomi cast a look over her shoulder, trying to absorb everything there was, trying to imprint every impression in her mind.
Van led her down a staircase to a small place that dispersed into innumerable narrow side streets disappearing in darkness. She felt like a dog, following her master everywhere. Hitomi grinned at the thought.
"What's so funny?" He stood in front of a slim glass door, his silhouette etching itself darkly against the brightly illuminated room behind.
"You," she smiled and read the plate that was placed above the door. "A gallery?"
"Yeah, I just want to say hello to someone." He held the door open for her with a bow and she saw the grin hiding in the shadows that occupied his features when she walked past him. He smelled like he just stepped out of the shower.
It was warm inside, the scent of paint immediately filling her nostrils. Hitomi's mouth slightly opened at the paintings covering the walls, their warm colours soaking the room. She was just about to open her mouth when her gaze fell on the bouquet sitting comfortably on the forsaken counter; yellow tulips and orange carnations.
A wind chime dangling above the door sang softly when Van closed the door and a second later she felt his calm presence beside her. "Millerna, it's me, Van."
"I'm on my way!"
Hitomi turned at the melodic voice that echoed from somewhere in the back of the gallery, followed by the hurried clicking of heels on tiles. Seconds later, a vision stepped into her view.
She was tall and slender, one of the people graced with the gift of being able to wear jeans and a pink polo-neck as if it was a Versace dress. A halo of curly blonde hair was bouncing around her shoulders and her rare lavender eyes immediately focused on Van, full lips parting into a dazzling smile.
"Hey, there." She was one of the most beautiful women Hitomi had ever seen - and she kissed Van directly on his cheek. "Dryden told me you were here when I arrived and I was marveling at the bouquet. I love it."
Van smiled warmly at her. Hitomi stared.
"I'm glad. And thanks again for keeping an eye on Merle. I know how busy you both are."
"Nah," she waved her perfect, slim hands dismissively. "You know he loves her, Van."
"I do." He glanced over her shoulder and then back at her, a questioning look in his eyes. "Is he with Merle now?"
The young woman tucked a shining blonde curl behind her ear, revealing a filigree earring that matched her eye colour. "Aye, but they should be back soon. They went to feed the ducks. You should see him. His eyes are glowing whenever she's around."
"Millerna, did you tell him yet?"
Her eyes flickered and she turned away from his intense gaze, resting a hand on her stomach. "No."
"Why not?" Van ran a hand through his tousled hair. "He'll die of joy when you tell him."
"I know." She smiled. A secretive, beautiful smile that seemed to tell so much more. "And that's exactly what I fear. Wanna feel?"
Millerna quickly reached out to grasp Van's tanned hand and pressed it against her belly. A slight blush immediately tinted his cheeks and he rolled his eyes. "Millerna, it's the second month. That little football superstar is hardly bigger than my thumb. I doubt he'll already be kicking. You don't even show yet!"
"Oh yes, I do!" She looked down at her belly and stroked it affectionately. "Look, when I turn like this and arch my back a bit you can see that...oh." She trailed off when she finally spotted Hitomi. Her eyes darted from the forlorn looking woman and back to Van, slowly widening in realization. "Oh!"
Van sighed at the incredulous look Millerna graced him with, something close to indignation flashing in her eyes; probably for not introducing her earlier. "Millerna, this is Hitomi Kanzaki." He didn't come to introduce Millerna for the blonde woman simply shoved him aside.
"I know her, stupid. Millerna Sarah Fassa, pleased to meet you." She dropped a light curtsey and grinned broadly. "So, you're the reason why he needed a baby-sitter for Merle so urgently. Now I understand."
Hitomi looked up at Van and bit down a chuckle when she saw him scowling. "We were just about to leave again."
"What? Without looking at my beautiful paintings?" She shoved intentionally violent past him and looked at Hitomi with big eyes. "Do you like art?"
She smiled hesitantly. "I love it."
A triumphant grin broke across Millerna's features and she gave Van an indignant look over her shoulder "See?"
Taking Hitomi by the arm, she dragged her across the gallery and showed her the paintings with a cloud of faint coconut scent surrounding her. Her eyes were twinkling when she pointed out her favourite ones and Hitomi was reminded of Yukari by the way Millerna seemed to radiate excitement and enthusiasm like a heater emitting warmth.
Hitomi watched the young woman beside her out of the corners of her eyes and wondered if the unique glow that surrounded her like an aura was the one every pregnant woman was said to radiate.
Leading her to a pile with paintings clad in film, Millerna left her with an apologizing smile.
Hitomi was leafing through a pile of paintings, mostly oil, awed at the composition of colours and forms when she found a sketch that showed rather familiar features. Smiling at the dark charcoal lines that were drawing a peaceful image of Van sleeping comfortably slumped in an armchair, Hitomi raised her gaze to question him about it. Nothing but a light gasp passed her lips.
Mighty wings were sprouting from his back, etching themselves against a dark burnt sienna background and rising in a majestic arch over his head. Their feathers were glowing a shining white, contrasting with Van's dark form. Hitomi stared, just stared at the angel standing by the wall, inspecting a painting with his head tilted to the side and his hands in the pockets of his pants.
"Beautiful, isn't he?" a soft whisper startled her and she glanced at Millerna who had a reflex camera focused on Van, a warm smile on her lips. "I absolutely love to draw him or take pictures, especially when he doesn't notice."
Hitomi turned to face him again, the impossible image still there.
Millerna's camera clicked when she pressed the shutter release and Van turned like a startled deer. Spotting the camera, he rolled his auburn eyes and was just about to complain when he found Hitomi staring at him. "What?"
She blinked.
"You're standing in the way, you dork." Millerna waved her hand impatiently at him, her eyes narrowed in mock annoyance and Hitomi let out the breath she had been holding.
Glancing over his shoulder, Van reached up to scratch the back of his head and murmured a casual oh. Swiftly stepping aside, he revealed a painting she hadn't seen before because she had stood with her back to it, the painting that had given him the wings.
It was an angel, his arms wrapped around his bent and bare upper torso, his head tilted towards the ground so his dark hair was hiding his features. The wings were breaking from his shoulder-blades in a shining white and the detail made them seem so real that for the tiniest of moments, she had thought they actually belonged to Van when he had covered the figure on the painting.
"It's my favourite and absolutely not for sale," the blonde woman beside her stated and joined Van's side to ruffle his hair which made him groan. "It's the best I've ever done, don't you think?"
Van grasped Millerna's hands so to avert another attack on his hair and Hitomi's eyes darted back and forth between him and the painted angel. "It's you."
Millerna seemed offended. "Course, it's him! He's my little obsession, after all."
"Tell that Dryden," he mumbled and gave her an accusing look. "I should have never agreed with it. Now, I'm never going to get rid of you."
"Oh, you poor baby."
As if it was calling out to her, Hitomi slowly walked over to the painting, passing by the bickering friends. She reached out a hand and her fingers gently brushed over the rough texture of the canvas. "The wings look so real."
"Yeah, they do." Still inspecting the painting, Hitomi didn't see the secretive smile Millerna directed at Van, didn't see that he averted his eyes, his cheeks flushed.
The wind chime announced the arrival of other customers and the excited voices of two women chatting invaded the peaceful silence. Millerna greeted them with a friendly smile and crossed her arms in front of her chest when looking back at Van and Hitomi. "Can I offer you some coffee?"
"No, thanks." The young man shook his head softly. "We have to leave, it's getting late."
"Alright." Millerna took a step towards him and wrapped her arms around him before he could take a step away from her, resting her head on his shoulder. For a brief moment he stiffened and looked uncomfortable, his arms awkwardly at his sides as if he didn't know what to do with them. "I just wished you would visit us more often, Van. You know you're always welcome," she whispered into his jacket, breathing in his scent.
Van sighed and visibly relaxed, circling his arms clumsily around her slim form. "Tell your husband about the baby and I promise to visit you more often."
"Deal." She pulled away with a broad grin on her features and cupped his face, planting a kiss on his forehead. "I expect you for supper tomorrow. Be punctual."
A defeated smile passed his lips and once again, Hitomi felt more than out of place. This moment was drenched with so many unspoken words and they seemed as if they belonged. She felt a pang in her chest and knew immediately what it was – jealousy. She was jealous of Millerna, of the baby, of the friendship she shared with Van; jealous of her happiness while she was still picking up the pieces of what her life had been.
Van broke the embrace and glanced at Hitomi. "Let's go."
She nodded mutely and walked after him to the door, stopping only when Millerna called out to her. "It was a pleasure to meet you...and maybe I see you again, some time."
Raising her gaze, Hitomi managed a small smile before leaving the cozy warmth of the gallery and stepping out into the cold February night. Van nodded at his friend and closed the door, the whisper of the wind chime following him on tiptoe.
"You're kidding me."
Hitomi looked at Van with a dry expression on her features, pointing at the pathway that gave the word steep a completely new meaning.
The young man shrugged casually, his smile hiding in the shadows that were cast across his face. "Nope."
Sighing exaggeratedly and ducking her head between her shoulders that her scarf reached up to her nose, she jogged to catch up with Van. The path they were walking was winding up a hill, tall streetlights throwing an orange glow onto the cleared, asphalted ground and against the bare forms of leaf-less trees. Darkness had tried to settle down but a remembrance of daylight was still resting on the snow, casting the world into a dim twilight.
They had left the noisy streets of Fanelia behind and had entered a park that was nestling against the mountains, running all the way up until it was stopped by the cliffs.
"Can I ask you a question?"
Van raised his gaze, spotting the brightly illuminated skeleton of a radio tower sitting atop the mountain range through the non-existent foliage. "Why do I have the impression that you'll do anyways?"
She grinned into her scarf. "Because you know me well."
"Nah, I doubt that, highly doubt that." Hitomi caught his gaze when he cast her a brief glance. "There is more to you than meets the eye."
"Look who is speaking," she countered. "But respect, Van. You really know how to evade a topic."
The corners of his mouth were twitching and she felt reassured, knowing that he didn't mind her nosiness. "Why did you stop playing at concerts?"
Like persistent warmth during a hot summer day, the question was hovering in the air. "And for your information, just because you don't reply doesn't mean I'll forget about it."
"What?" he questioned innocently when he found her glaring daggers at him out of the corners of his eyes. "I never said I would answer the question. Why do you want to know anyways?"
Their eyes locked again for a brief moment but she immediately turned away, her green gaze searching for something to focus on, something that wasn't him. "Because I...I..."
"You don't understand my decision," he finished when she trailed off, watching her profile.
"Yeah!" She looked up. "I mean, how could you simply stop? Music was your life and –-"
"Was it?" His eyes were hidden in shadows when he turned to face her and for some reason she was glad she couldn't see them. "Do you know me that well that you know music was my life?"
"I..."
"It wasn't, Hitomi. Never." A group of people was passing them by, chatting animatedly. "Don't get me wrong, I love playing on the violin...but only for myself or Merle or Millerna. I never wanted to stand on a stage and have hundreds of people listening to me."
"Then why did you?"
He looked at her, his features unreadable, before averting his eyes. "Because I made a mistake."
Hitomi could hardly restrain herself from rolling her eyes and pulling the cords of her cap until they tore. "And? You cannot put it like that and stop, leaving me dangling in the air."
"So, you're dangling, eh?" The corners of his lips were slightly turning upwards.
"Yeah, headlong with my foot in a loop!" Setting her arms akimbo, she went to walk in front of Van while facing him. "Well?"
He let out a frustrated sigh. "Do you ever forget anything?"
"No, I've got the memory of an elephant." She fell in step beside him again and held up a glove-clad index finger at him. "And I'm still waiting."
Silence crept between them again, setting them apart, but Hitomi knew it was up to him to break it. And, surprising them both, he did. "I never said no."
"You don't talk much, do you?" she sighed. "Can your answers be any shorter? Even men are said to talk at least two thousand words a day!"
"Sorry, I'm not used to it."
"Not used to what? Talking?"
"Being interrogated like I just robbed the local supermarket." She hid her grin and watched him ran a frustrated hand through his hair, as if struggling with himself.
"I didn't say no when my parents dragged me to that agency. I didn't say no when they told me about my first performance, didn't say no when my brother left us because they were arguing about my career continuously, didn't say no when they got the divorce. My father would tell me to attend the concert and I would do it. But why for heaven's sake am I telling you all that?"
"Because I am a very trustworthy person." She waved her hand nonchalantly but turned immediately serious again. "Did they force you?"
"No." His voice was strangely different, so much colder and lower as if it wasn't him he was talking about but someone he didn't know. "No, I just never said no. It needed Merle to change it all."
She frowned. "What happened?"
He smiled. It was a smile so full of memory, a smile like a little treasure hidden in his hands with only him knowing what it was. "I was nineteen when my mother died in childbirth and left me a handful of life with too big eyes."
The path led them in serpentines up the hill and only when she spared a moment to study his features, she noticed that she was quite out of breath. Loosening her scarf, she exhaled. "Why you?"
He shrugged. "I was the only relative they could find. The father was gone, my brother was gone..."
"And what about your father?"
"My father?" Van snorted and it sounded like a failed attempt on restraining a laugh. "Merle isn't his child. No law was forcing him to support her in any way and he sure wasn't going to do it voluntarily. Merle meant that I had to change my life and my father let me decide between him and her, between the stage and Merle. And I chose her."
The play of light and shadows on his face was hiding his emotions well. "You disappeared."
"Yes, I did and I have never spoken to my father again since that day when I told him I would take care of Merle."
Hitomi struggled with the next words. "Do you...well, do you..."
"Do I what?"
She looked him directly in the eyes. "Do you regret it?"
"No." He smiled a secretive little smile. "No, I couldn't be more grateful. No full opera house can compare with Merle."
Wriggling her cold nose, Hitomi tried to rub life into it. "So you're okay?"
"Yes." Van laughed and scratched the back of his head. "Yes, we are okay. We've got everything we could ask for: a nice little apartment, two jobs for me to pay the bills." He shrugged.
"Isn't the money you earned with your performances enough?"
"It's enough to scrape by." He exhaled and his breath gathered in a white cloud before dissolving into the night. "But the special school Merle is going to attend in autumn is quite expensive and..."
Her brows rose in curiosity when he suddenly trailed off with an embarrassed cough and she faced him to give him an incredulous look. "And what?"
"Nothing." He was looking at a spot somewhere ahead of them, his lips twitching faintly.
"What were you going to say?" Hitomi insisted and he turned around, a thoroughly disarming smile on his features.
"Something stupid."
Green eyes turned heavenward. "Oh, I'm sorry to tell you but even if you tried you couldn't say anything stupid!"
"Would you bet on it?" He was looking out on the way again, a light breeze ruffling his dark hair, making silky strands graze his cheeks. "I'm saving money for college."
"College?!" the young woman exclaimed in surprise and he pulled up his shoulders.
"Told you it was stupid."
"No, it's not." She shook her head vehemently, tilting her head to the side and watching him even closer. "It's anything but stupid. Why do you say so?"
"I'm twenty-six, Hitomi," he countered matter-of-factly. "I'll be twenty-seven when I start college this autumn and that only when nothing goes wrong."
Pulling her hands out of the pockets of her coat, she spread her arms. "And? I know someone who started college with thirty-two! Where's the problem? What do you want to do?"
There it was again; this smile. "Biology. Molecular biology."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "You don't seem like the type to me."
"I've always loved it at school. If there was any project around that involved growing fungus in your fridge, you could be sure I was around." He grinned. "This is what always meant more to me than music. One point at the top of my 'To do' list is finding a cure for cancer."
Hitomi turned away from him and instead came to face a couple that was sitting on one of the benches hemming the way, locked in an intimate embrace. Heat crawled upon her cheeks at once and her eyes darted to the ground.
What was her goal in life actually? Be married and live happily ever after?
She had never thought about it. She had never seen any need to. It never had been her priority to have a goal.
Her head snapped up when the trees around them were suddenly retreating, some kind of clearing opening in front of them. Benches arranged in a semi circle were glowing white in the night and Van went to sit down on one of them, a small smile on his lips.
Hitomi frowned when stopping beside him and dropped onto the bench as well, observing his profile with an amused grin. "What, already tired, old man?"
"No, we're there." He nodded his head at something. "Did you ever stop to watch life from the sideline?"
Poetry. That was what came to her mind when she followed Van's unreadable gaze and saw the sleepy city rub its eyes.
Beyond the shore of the park's darkness, a sea of twinkling lights was covering the plain until it broke silently against the mountains, filling the entire length of the valley as far as the eye could see. Looking up at the cloudless sky, it seemed the lights were reflected on a smooth black surface.
The river was cutting a black crevice through the orange glow, passing by the King's Palace that was towering to her left, illuminated by hundreds of floodlights. Cars were rushing along the streets and she could hear the noise of tires on wet asphalt in the clear air.
There was something peaceful about this picture.
"Why?" she whispered and tore her gaze away from the city to look at the mystery beside her.
Somewhere a siren began to wail and the noise echoed into the night sky, blue lights flashing between the houses. "Why what?"
"Why did you do that?" She was searching his eyes and he complied her wish.
"I thought I saw something in your eyes."
His voice was quiet and she suddenly felt cold. "What?"
"Sadness."
Take away from me
This monstrosity
'Cause my futile thinking's
Not gonna solve nothing tonight
Silence had just settled, stretching lazily on the place between them, when he stirred it again. "It wasn't supposed to turn out like this, you know. With you asking all that and me talking so much."
"What, were you going to question me?" She watched him with hooded eyes when he smiled at her.
"I had hoped you would spill it yourself. I'm not good at socializing."
Hitomi leaned against the backrest and exhaled deeply, letting her gaze sweep across the outline of the city. "You're doing very good. And don't worry, you didn't miss much. There's nothing to spill. What would you have liked to hear anyways?"
"What would you have liked to tell?" he countered and she could feel his eyes on her, the intensity of his gaze sending a shiver up her spine.
"What would I have liked to tell?" Glancing at her watch, she found the digital face showing that it was half past seven.
In half an hour, the ball was going to take place she was supposed to attend. Somewhere down there in this twinkling sea of lights. She wondered if Allen was already raving. She wondered if he had already called on Yukari because of her absence. She wondered if Yukari was angry.
"Maybe I would have liked to tell that I'm not satisfied with my life. Nothing seems to work out the way I wanted it to. I kind of lost my way. I feel like I'm drifting around without any destination at all. I don't know, maybe I would have liked to tell you something like this." She exhaled and watched the quiet, young man beside her. "And what now?"
"Well, this is what I wanted to show you." He shrugged. "Now, you're free to do whatever you want to do."
Hitomi hugged her coat tightly around herself and looked up at the stars twinkling down at her. "I'd like to stay here for a while."
"I have one last question."
A hesitant smile spread across Van's lips when he stopped at a red traffic light. His hands were frozen stiff in the pockets of his jacket, the cool and dry air pricking his skin when a wind sprung up. "Shoot."
Hitomi rubbed her red nose and looked at him with an incredulous expression on her face. "What's your favourite piece?"
"Hmm? Music, you mean?" His brows rose in surprise. "Bach's Air on a G String. Why?"
"Because I think it tells a lot about a person." She looked at him closely, head tilted curiously to the side. "Why this one?"
"Because it was the first one I heard and the first one I played on the violin." He watched the cars speed by on the four lane street, bright headlights piercing the night. "You could say it's the piece that started it all."
Hitomi found Gaddes's car parked across the street where she had told him to wait earlier on the phone. "Did you think about what would have been if you hadn't heard it?"
"Only once." Van turned his head slightly and gave her a small smile. "And when I noticed that Merle probably wouldn't be with me then, I never thought about it again."
"But your mom would be alive and your family would be intact."
"Life is not perfect, Hitomi. I learned that by falling flat on my face and swallowing a mouthful of dirt," he told her profile. "But when something goes wrong it's the possibility for something else to go right. You could say things happen for a reason."
She turned to face him, her eyes boring into his ones. "Do they?"
"If I hadn't heard that piece, if I hadn't started playing and split my family, if I then hadn't stopped playing for Merle, you maybe wouldn't have met me under these very circumstances and we probably wouldn't be here now." The honesty of his words surprised her and she squinted her eyes up at him.
"Why do you assume it's good that I met you or that I'm here with you now?"
"Isn't it?" he retorted smugly and the look in his rare auburn eyes was childishly challenging.
With a grin breaking across her lips, she tiptoed and placed a light kiss on his cold cheek. She felt him smiling. "Good night, Mr. Fanel, and thank you," she whispered when she pulled away and took a step backwards. The traffic light switched to green.
Loud laughter was echoing from further down the sidewalk. "Good night yourself, Ms Kanzaki, and you're welcome."
She began to cross the street and looked at him over her shoulder. "Have a save trip home and tell Merle I said hi."
His tall frame was etching itself darkly against the brightly illuminated sidewalk. "I will."
Hitomi turned when she opened the door of the familiar car waiting on the sidewalk and gave Van one last glance and a smile. Warmth swallowed her by entering the unsuspicious blue Ford, locking out the noises of the night when closing the door.
"You've caused quite some havoc," Gaddes greeted her calmly and she sighed.
"I know."
"Miss Uchida booked you a suite in another hotel." Hitomi nodded mutely, knowing that something like this had been bound to happen. "We would have needed an excavator to dig our way through the heaps of reporters to your original suite. They laid siege upon the entire hotel."
Her lips were twitching. "You aren't fired, are you?"
"Not yet."
"I'll talk to Yukari, don't worry." Shivering, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and watched the lights of the city pass by the window. She felt cold although the heating was going at full speed.
It was eleven twenty when she entered her new suite and froze upon finding the lights turned on and Yukari sitting on the couch.
Hitomi took a deep breath. "Before you start yelling my head off and skin me alive, please hear me out for one minute."
The silence following her words was deafening and the expression on Yukari's features emotionless; like she was waiting for an explanation that would hopefully convince her not to commit murder tonight.
"I'm sorry." Hitomi ran a hand quickly through her already ruffled hair. "But I'm only sorry for letting you down. I know I disappointed you and abused your trust. I left you alone without saying anything and you had to deal with the mess I left once more. I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry for not going to that stupid ball."
Her eyes darkened. "It was an unwanted duty. I've never wanted to go there in the first place. I would have had to put on this fake smile, would have had to fake politeness and that I had so much fun. And worst of all I would have had to fake that I love my husband. All I'm doing is pretending to live a life that fell apart two years ago, Yukari, and I'm doing it because people want me to do it."
Seeing Yukari open her mouth, she raised a hand to stop her. "Either it's good for the money or good for the image. I'm hardly doing anything because I want to do it. But today, I did. And you know what? It's been a long time since I last enjoyed myself that much. I smiled because I wanted to smile and I laughed because I wanted to laugh. I could be myself, Yukari. I had almost forgotten what it is like. And whatever you say, I won't regret what I did today."
She was breathing quickly when she was finished, her cheeks flushed. And it was that she noticed the tiredness in her friend's eyes, her rumpled dress, the heap of pistachio peels on the table and the envelope she was toying with. "What's that?"
"My notice," she replied with a sigh and tore the envelope in the middle.
Hitomi's eyes widened, her mouth opening and closing like the one of a fish washed ashore. "Are you very mad at me?"
"There is no word to define how mad I am, Hitomi." The redhead rose from the couch and let the pieces of paper drop on the table, fixing her friend with serious eyes. "But I'm also a tiny little bit proud of you."
An uncertain smile tugged at the corners of Hitomi's lips and Yukari walked to the mini-bar, fishing a bowl with ice cream out of the fridge. She was grinning. "How about you tell me about your evening and I tell you about mine?"
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for
