Hey guys. I am SO SORRY! I know it's been months since I posted the second part. I actually had some technical problems with FF, my password didn't work anymore and neither did one of the temporary ones they send you if you hit the "Forgot password" button. I tried from time to time and tonight, it worked. It's a miracle (I know Robin would argue that there are, in fact, no miracles). So I've been writing this part about 3 or 4 months ago and posted it to LJ and now I'm finally able to upload it here. I'm not quite sure whether I like this part, now that I've read it again after all these weeks, but I'll publish it anyway. Please review, I really apprechiate constructive criticism. But be nice please, I'm a newbie. Quick question though: Is my grammar really that bad as it was implied in the reviews? I'm doing my very best and I'm sorry if the style's not good or anything, it's not my mother tongue...
So I really hope you haven't given up on me yet. I'll try update sooner this time!
He stared at her for a second, blinking. Then he closed the distance between them in one step and took her into a tight embrace. Robin felt the warmth of his body and, despite all plans of keeping distance, leant into the embrace. Why did it bother her so much that he knew the truth now, after all? She had already closed that matter for good. She couldn't have kids. It hurt, she got over it. Why could she hardly stop the tears from falling now? She tried to blink them away, without much success. Her body trembled, she wasn't sure whether it did because of the cold or because of her current emotional state. Damn, Scherbatsky, keep yourself together! She took a few deep breaths and inhaled his scent. He smelled incredible. He always did.
It felt so good. Her damn heart raced and she hoped he couldn't feel it. This was her place to be, like, 24/7.
Nonetheless she slowly pulled away. It wasn't right. It wasn't. Feeling that way about Barney Stinson was a no-no.
He casually took off his suit jacket and placed it on her shoulders. „Robin-" She stopped him before he could say more. „I'm fine, Barney, I really am. I never wanted kids in the first place. I will never want kids. It's just hard – having the possibility taken away from me. Please don't tell me how sorry you feel or some crap like that. It just makes everything worse, because everyone I told made me feel like I really lost something big and important. But it's not like that for me. I never wanted kids and I learnt to live with it." She cleared her throat, embarrassed by her breakout.
„I know" he simply replied. „Robin, you're going to be an awesome aunt to Marvin. And to Luke and Leia one day. These three will look up to you, because you're their famous aunt Robin who will teach them how to drink scotch and how to fly helicopters and how to shoot guns and you can be their badass laser tag partner. Believe me, there will be enough children around to keep the two of us busy being the awesome aunt and uncle. And they will need us, otherwise they'll be lost in this city, just think of their parents! Do you think Ted will show his daugther how to handle a gun to scare off the bad guys? And they need me as their personal stylist. Otherwise these poor kids will copy their parent's style and I cannot stand another group member in plaid shirts." He pretended to shudder and then smiled at her. Robin let out a quiet laugh. Why did he always say the things she needed to hear? „Thank you, Barney. That's what I needed to hear." „Anytime." he replied and wiped the single tear she couldn't hold back, off her face. She took a step back, bringing more space between them. Even though he clearly meant that as a gesture of friendship, she didn't like the things it made her feel.
„Do you think I miss something important?" she asked quietly after a few moments of silence. „I mean, it's not normal for a woman not to want kids. Most women want it. They want a family, they want to have a big house in the surburbs where the children can play on the streets, and they want to throw barbecue parties and go to parent-teacher conferences. And they want a loving husband who brings the money home while they stay at home to care for their children. Seeing Marshall and Lily now – it makes me feel like, just because I don't want to give up my independence and my career to play housewife and because I don't want children, I'm missing some sort of life lesson, a reason we're here for, and..." „Hey. Hey, Robin look at me!" Barney interrupted her desperate monologue. He placed his hands on her shoulders and waited until she looked into his face. „Hear me out, will you?" he continued. „Just because you don't want children and you don't want to live in the surburbs and be a housewife, doesn't mean you miss anything. You can still have a family, and you already have one, us. Our gang is your family. And if you want to marry, you can do it. The fact that you can't have children or your rejection to live that standard, and in my opinion lame, life-style doesn't cut out the possibility to find happiness." „It was the deal breaker between Kevin and me. And just look at the guys out there. Look at Marshall and Ted. We are adults now. Most of them want children. I couldn't deal with stealing a guy's dream of children." Even though the mention of Kevin hurt, he ignored it. „The guys who want children aren't the right guys for you." „Barney -" „I said hear me out. And now look at me. I don't want children. I never will. Just like you. And I would rather burn my suits than move to some lame surburb. I'm just not that guy. And you are not that woman. And that's perfectly fine and normal. Whatever you'll do with your future, it will be awesome. Remember, you are the second most awesome person I know. And I know a lot of people. And a big part of why I think you are the second most awesome person in the world is your independence and the way you think about life. You'll always be awesome to me, Scherbatsky. And for any guy who doesn't see you that way, I feel feel very sorry." She was speechless. She just stared at him for several minutes. „I really should have talked to you earlier." she said after she was able to break away from his blue eyes. I really should have talked to you earlier? What was the matter with her? After all the things he had said about her being awesome and about how they were so similar, she couldn't think of anything better?
„Earlier? How long do you know?" he asked. Robin cleared her throat once again. Now that he knew, she could as well tell the whole story. „Since December. After I thought – well, they called me again and then the doctor said t-that I will never have kids." Barney frowned. „You know for half a year? Why didn't you tell me?" She bit her lip. Yeah why didn't she? Because she had thought it might be the deal breaker between them. Because she had been afraid of his reaction. Because of everything that had happened in November. „Come on, you know why. It's been the most difficult time in our rel- our-our friendship. I-I didn't think you'd..." His gaze made her stop mid-sentence. He was dead-serious and seemed to be angry all of the sudden. „Robin. You should have known that what happend in November- I would have been there for you anyway. What's the matter with you? How can you possibly believe that I don't care for something like that? I thought you'd know me good enough." He paused and she could see that he was hurt. Then he snorted. „The others all know, don't they? You told them right away, didn't you?" She stared at the floor. „They know. But Ted figured it out for himself and -" „They all knew for months except for me! You know what they say about friends. They trust each other and let you be there for them!" Her eyes narrowed. „This isn't about trust, Barney!" Many emotions mirrored in his gaze. „And I thought you were the person that knows me better than anyone." He shook his head and walked away. She didn't stop him.
He was angry and disappointed. Good. It would make things easier for her. She paced up and down. This was ridiculous. How could it enrage him so much that she didn't tell him right away, but on the other hand he'd never said a word about her betrayal in November. Which was, in her opinion, the thing he should hate her for. She sighed. Sometimes she was able to read him like a book, but right now, she couldn't figure out what was going on inside of him. She slowly sat down in a corner and wrapped tightly into his jacket. Of course he had every right to be disappointed. It was strange to keep something that big away from him, especially after he had suffered a pregnancy scare with her just days before. After what had happend with Kevin, she had thought that maybe Barney would react the same way if they ever – Today he had made it very clear that felt the same way about kids. He never wanted kids on his own. But he had been so excited when he had thought that she was pregnant... Actually, she reminded herself while getting up, it didn't matter anymore. He was super-duper-lovey-dovey-happy with Quinn and it was time that she moved on. It was early evening. Maybe she should go down to the bar and hook up with some nice random guy. She put her cold hands into the pockets of his jacket. Or she should just go home straight away. As if some random guy would make her forget. She inhaled the cold air. It was pathetic to stay up here on the roof. Especially since it just started to rain. Since when did Robin Scherbatsky hide from anyone? She turned over to the fire escape and right before she pulled out her hands to grab the ladder, she felt something little in his left pocket. Without thinking she pulled it out and stared at the little button.
She remembered exactly when it had fallen off her blouse a few weeks ago. They all went looking for it under the table, but no one ever found it. Or at least they told her. Confused she put her discovery back to its original place. He'd definitely worn a different suit. Why did he keep carrying this around? She shook her head to shut up the voices in her head. Maybe he needed it for a magic trick. Or it wasn't the button of her blouse after all. Maybe a button had fallen off his shirt. But that would've probably caused him a panic attack. It was Barney.
Right before she entered the living room, she took off the jacket. Then she climbed through the window. „What have you been doing up there all the time?" Lily asked, one eyebrow raised. „It's freezing!" „Yeah, it feels like November. But I just needed some air." Robin replied. What a lame excuse for staying on the roof for one and a half hours. „Quinn?" she then turned to the blonde woman. „Would you please give that suit jacket back to your fiancé?" she smiled at her nonchalantly, tossed the jacket over, took her own coat and headed for the door. „I'm sorry guys, I gotta go. Work is calling." On the corridor she couldn't help but giggle. The look on Quinns face had been priceless. And with all that drama going down in her life at the moment, she should cherish every funny or happy minute she could get.
When she left the house it started to rain even harder. „Damn it." she mumbled. Why didn't she take her yellow rain coat with her? The trench coat she was wearing would be soaking wet in minutes. She decided to take a cab home and change before she headed to work. She had a lot of spare time. She cursed herself for not taking an umbrella with her. In the second the cab stopped, a guy came out of nowhere, said, without looking at her, „Excuse me, I've got a thing" and tried to climb into the cab before her. Wrong day, wrong girl. „Hey!" Robin exclaimed and grabbed the taxi thief's arm. He turned around, stared at her for a second and then smiled. „It's you!" It was Crush Guy. Robin was speechless. Crush Guy! She had thought she'd never see him again! „Mind if we share the cab?" he asked „Where are you heading to?"
As they were sitting next to each other in the cab, Robin caught him staring at her. „So, what about your engagement to that guy? I don't see a wedding ring." She suppressed a smile at his hopeful voice. „That was just a fake. Our friend – ah never mind. Believe me, I would never marry Ted. I'd go mad." She laughed at the thought. „Would you have dinner with me? Tomorrow, at eight?" he asked outright. „Sorry that was kinda weird." His hands ran through his hair nervously. „It's just - we've met a few times in the past couple years and, believe me, I wanted to go out with you every time. But you've always been in a relationship, so...I really need to take this chance, who knows when we meet again." Oh he was adorable. „Um, sure. As your taste in shirts seems to have improved – I'd really like to go out. What's your name, by the way?" This was good. Her plan to move on had made some huge successes today. At least she tried to talk herself into that. „I totally forgot, sorry for being rude. My name's Nick." „Hi Nick, I'm Robin." she smiled at him genuinely. What a nice coincidence that she met him now. She silently thanked the big guy up there. Now she was going to have a date at Barney's wedding, she felt really sure about that.
