So umm maybe just maybe if i dont have writers block ill write more chapter for the 3 people that read this LOL thnxs for reading though and for reviewing =D it makes me happy ... i had alot of great ideas for this story and i like getting into Eli's head its fun =D again sorry i know we dont like julia that much but for this story its important so yeah... ummm if you have any ideas for me or you just wanna tell me how much u hate or love this please let me know ahaha... okay well no more talking ahaha
DISCLAIMER: i forgot to mention this in the pther chapters but yeah I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI =( sucks i know dont remind me ...
OKAY well enjoy =D
02-6-09
Hey Julia,
It feels like its been forever since I last talked to you. But it hasn't, its only been a few days and that is because no matter how much I miss you I keep forgetting to write in this journal. I talk to you in my head all the time but the idea of writing daily in my "diary" as my dad calls it, is hard for me to remember. There really isn't anything new to tell you, your dad came by the house the other day. He looked different, I guess he looked different to me because he was actually sober for once. He was worried about me, which was weird you know coming from your dad but he talked to me for a while. We were remembering the time you made dinner for both of us and you almost burnt down the house for dessert. I will always remember looking at those black cookies and thinking I sure hope she throws them away. But no you instead that we tried them and well being nice and all I tried them and since then I have never tasted anything more disgusting in my life. I remember seeing the tears in your eyes as me and your dad made the worst faces in the earth and we decided that next time I would make the dessert instead. That day was funny and I guess its one of your dad's favorite memories because we talked about that night for almost an hour.
We may have lost track of time talking about you and how much we both missed you. To tell you the truth I half expected your dad to try and kill me for having hurt you so badly, for having destroyed you completely. But he didn't hate me its like he knew what it was like to lose someone. And then I remembered 5 years ago when you lost your mother and I understood why he wasn't mad at me and I was glad that I had someone to talk to besides you and my parents. Before he left he gave me back that necklace I gave you when I asked you to be my girlfriend. Remember the one with the guitar pick, I guess you weren't wearing it the night you died because your dad had found it under your pillow while he was doing some cleaning in your room.
I kind of dazed off into a memory right now and completely forgot what I was writing. I was remembering those beautiful brown eyes of yours and the way they looked at me that day we went to the fair. I will always remember how much you wanted that big stuffed animal giraffe but the game was nearly impossible to beat and I had almost spent all my money on that booth. But those brown eyes just looked at me with such sadness I knew I had to win that giraffe if it was the last thing I did. I think I spent well over 40 bucks at that booth that the lady felt bad and well just handed you the giraffe. I felt kind of stupid I really wanted to win it for you. Somehow you convinced me that I had won it for you. I will never forget what you named that giraffe well because you named it kitty. Ha our first child, according to you was a giraffe named kitty. Wow. Well yeah I was just thinking about that night right now and I was wondering if you remembered how much fun we used to have just by going to the fair. I miss those days.
I think more and more of you each day and the more I think the more it hits me that you arent coming back. I wish you were though because I just want to be able to hear your voice one last time. See there I go rambling again about how much I need you in my life. Look Julia I am sorry if I bore you, I don't know who else to talk to and well you are the only person that ever really did listen to me anyways. I cant keep things bottled inside any longer. I feel like one day I will explode and end up killing myself or something.
I am sorry it gets out of hand sometimes, you know this depression stage. Sometimes the only way for me to be happy is to close my eyes and pretend that you are here with me. And then I open my eyes and everything goes back to being gloomy and not worth living anymore. I get angry for no apparent reason now and I have scared my mom a few times with these fits of mine. I start crying when no one is around me and laugh when absolutely nothing is funny. Julia don't you see what you are doing to me, your no longer here and I am going crazier everyday without you.
I took a quick break from writing for a while because well my emotions were just all over the place and I needed to breathe. I actually started doodling on the back pages of the journal. You always liked seeing my drawings. Would you like me to share with you what I drew? Well I didn't draw anything special this time I was playing tic tac toe by myself and just scribbling lines and your name all over the place. I remember when I would draw those funny cartoons you always liked. You would always ask about the story behind my drawings, you would give the characters on my paper life. I miss that about you. A simple drawing of a tree and you would all of a sudden have a story for where he came from and what his name was.
Oh Jules, what can I say you were something special. I don't think I will ever find anyone like you ever. I miss you best friend. I really enjoy talking to you but I wish I could hold you in my arms one more time. I seriously need you right now. I don't know how I am going to deal with going to a new school all by myself without you by my side.
I kind of want to keep writing to you until my hand falls off but I think that before I get all sad and depressed thinking about you I am going to close my eyes and dream about your pretty smile and eyes and wish that I were holding you right now in my arms. My dreams are way better than reality.
I love you Julia
Forever and always
Eli
P.S. I've been listening to a lot of music lately, and it all reminds me of you. Wow music is no longer my escape it just reminds me more and more of you.
Soooo didya like it? LOL
Review or dont its okay...
bye bye much love 3
