CHAPTER THREE

Cassie looks odd when I set a third place at the dining table, but doesn't say anything. Tickle then I pick up my precious baby, "Hi Jake, miss me? I've missed you so much." Bouncing him a bit before holding him close.

Sam cautiously walks in. "This is Dean's brother, Sam meet Cassie." They shake hands, he's staring at me and Jake, "and this is Jacob. Do you want to hold him?"

Sounding unsure Sam answers. "No, I'm right." The look in his eyes becomes furtive.

"Okay, let's eat then. Sit down everyone."

Sam sits down at the end of the dining table furthest away from me and Cassie, I place Jake in his bouncy seat on the floor next to me. Minor small talk ensues while we eat, then we retire to the lounge, hand Sam a beer, he takes a sip, still watching the baby. Sam puts it down on the coffee table. "Can I?" Glancing at Jake.

"Of course," leaning down to carefully put Jake in his arms. I'm actually glad for the break, it's difficult dealing with the flashes of my change while I'm holding him. Watching Sam closely until he relaxes and seems comfortable enough. "Are you doing okay with him?"

"Yeah, I'm good." I love that smile, I bet he doesn't wear it near often enough.

Pull out my phone. "May I take a photo of you with him?" Snap a few when Sam nods and sit closely to them, passing the phone to Cassie to take a few pictures of all three of us, then we put the phone away and Cassie sits down on the armchair on my side of the couch.

"So Cassie, do you mind having him again? Sam says she'll be home tomorrow night, you can bring him back then."

"He's more than welcome and I will have him tomorrow night too. We don't want her straight on baby watch when she gets here and you look like shit Grace."

Laugh trying to play offended. "Thanks a lot!" My voice evens out as I admit defeat. "Yeah I know, I feel it too. Should be okay in a few days."

Cassie is prevented from further interrogating me when her mobile phone rings. She looks at the caller ID in surprise. "Hello?" There's a drawn out pause as she listens to the caller. "Sure. It's for you Sam." I reach to take my son back so he can take the phone.

"Hello? Dean? What's-?" His face changes, panic? Something's wrong. "Okay. Bye." Hangs up fast, takes his own cell out of his pocket. "Damn."

"What's wrong?"

"My phone's dead. Dean needs help," giving me a 'oh crap' look.

"It's okay go, I'll be fine for a few hours. Take my phone." Handing it over to him. "I'll charge yours." Continuing to hold out my hand for it.

He almost automatically presses the home button which reveals the device is locked. "What's your pin?"

I beckon him closer, whispering, "It's kinda your birthday, year first." Sam passes me his dead lump of technology and bursts out laughing. "Really?"

"Yup. Sorry." I laugh too, especially at his expression when he gets it right on the second try and shakes his head. "Get going."

Cassie is quiet after Sam leaves. "What's up hun?"

"You really scared me when you called. I thought something was really wrong."

"It was but Dean helped out and I'm going to be fine. I'm sorry I scared you but I was terrified myself. To be honest I thought I wasn't going to make it. That's why I had you come, I needed Jake to be safe."

From her expression I can see she is upset and confused. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Yeah there is but I can't tell you. Just trust me."

"I do."

We talk for a wee bit longer, before she leaves with Jake and I'm again left on my own, nothing to distract from the flashes, which at least are getting somewhat further apart. I lock the front door and head up to take a shower, catching a glimpse of my eyes in the mirror. They are still very spotty with blood, at least they aren't full blown like yesterday.

No wonder Cassie was freaked out. Hopefully I never have to explain to her what happened. Take a nice long shower and change, turn on my radio, and sit on my bed doodling on my phone pad, until get bored and pick up my book, reading until Sam's leaning in the open doorway. He's spattered with fresh blood.

"The nest?"

"Yeah. Turns out they weren't all home when Dean was there the first time and picked up his scent."

"All good now?"

"We think so."

"Feel free to have a shower. Want me to put a load of washing on?"

"Thanks," he goes into the spare room to get some clean clothes out of his bag. I follow him.

"You got anything else you want washed while it's on?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, dump anything you want done on the floor. I'll see to it while you're in the shower."

"Alright, thanks Grace."

"I'll leave you to it." Wait in my room for the sound of the shower before go back to the spare room for the pile, and the bloody clothes aren't there.
Knock on the door, "Yeah?"

"I uhm want the clothes you were wearing." Cringing at how bad that sounds.

"Come in." Have to take a deep breath in and out before I open the door. See the pile on the floor and can't help myself - I look up at the shower and above the frosted portion of the glass there's water running over his back. Catch myself licking my lips.

Oh man have I missed that body.
Whoa Grace, those are some dangerous thoughts. Just get the clothes and get out.

Picked up the clothes, retrieve the rest from the bedroom. Run down the two flights of stairs and get the load on, not being able to help dwelling on the memories of that toned body close to mine, making me tingle as if it was just yesterday.

How hard is it going to be sharing with him tonight?

But it's that or try to sleep on my own which was hard enough this past year without going through the cure. Slowly make my way back upstairs, wishing that Sam was home, take a photo out of my drawer. Turn on my bedside lamp, look at her picture while turn the big light off and open my book staring at her, closing it in the book when Sammy comes in, wearing his navy v-neck shirt and black track pants. Put the book down on my bedside table before hopping into bed, he's still just standing in the doorway.

"Something wrong Sam?"

"No." He comes over putting my phone down on Sam's bedside table before slipping beneath the sheets too, lying on his side so we are both facing each other. "Thanks."

"No problem Sammy." Roll over to my other side and try to control my thoughts now spinning out of control fast; wanting to ask about Dean and Jacob or worse touch him. My head is starting to ache with the conflict. Reach over into my table drawer for a few ibuprofen and settle down on my back for a few minutes before a hot flash has me throwing back the covers and on my side once more. Sam rubs my back, while I take deep breaths.

"Damp face cloth?"

"Yes please." Sam goes into my ensuite to wet one, climbing back into bed, he leans over me so he can pat my face with it.

"Ta." I turn my head a little to give him easier access and find his lips on mine. He pulls back and I sit up, opening up the cloth he dropped on the top of my chest so I can cover my whole face, heart pounding away. Ignoring (or at least trying to) the 'he kissed me' now doing cartwheels in my mind.

Sam whispers, "Sorry, I was going for your cheek."

I mutter, "It's okay," patting my burning face down. Then as if on a cue I start shivering again. Damn, I thought this thing was slowing down. He grabs my side of the covers and pulls them back up, I lie down and he wraps his arms around me, on top of the covers, placing the cold cloth on the table.

Remembering when we were holed up in that cabin is not helping, wishing we were back there now. My eyelids are heavy. Just breathe, close your eyes, you'll have Sam back tomorrow night and everything will be just fine.


Never completely dropping off, I remain in a close to dozing off state while Sam is occasionally leaning over, patting down my face again when there is a creek out in the hall, I feel his whole body stiffen up when the bedroom door opens.

"Oh it's you," he whispers, relaxing. "We weren't expecting you. Do you want me to go?"

A quiet female voice comes closer. "Don't wake her yet. What the hell happened?"

"She was attacked by a vampire, it tried to turn her, well actually it did. Dean tracked Grace here and was probably intending to kill her. He still doesn't know we knew each other prior to the attack. I wasn't here, I was finishing a hunt a few hours away. She called Cassie before she knew about the cure. Let Dean into the bathroom once Cassie had gotten Jacob out of here so he could chop her head off. She begged him to do it. Thankfully in her panic Grace let him know she was scared of hurting someone and hadn't so he was able to calm her down enough to track her sire. She never fed so Dean was able to make up a cure."

"Her sire?"

"The cure requires the blood of the sucker who makes you a vampire."

"How is she doing now?"

"Well the cure is kicking her in the arse, it's gonna be rough for another day or so. Then she'll be fine, I've seen it work before."

"And how are you?" The female voice asks tentatively.

"You mean 'do I know about Jacob?' Don't you? Still getting used to the idea."

"Yeah I bet, must've been a shock."

"Oh yeah. So how come you're home early?"

"Well I will need to talk to Grace alone."

"Okay, Grace." Sam moves to get up shaking my shoulder lightly, raising my consciousness level.

Groggily I moan at him. "Sam? What's happening?"

"You have a visitor." He half-whispers. I sit up while he gets out of bed. Then I spot the so-called visitor.

"Sam? Oh my god, you're home." She sits on my side of the bed to give me a giant hug. "Man I missed you."

"Me too."

The door snaps closed. I kiss her hard, then turn on the lamp. She's wearing her blue BDUs. "Hang on, you're not dressed like a civilian?"

"I haven't been back to base."

"Misusing Hammond resources are we?" I laugh.

"Grace," she picks up my hand in hers, my heart drops. "Yes, I beamed home. There's a problem, I won't be back tonight; but I couldn't concentrate on work though. Had to find out what was going on with you. Sam told me about the vampire. I want you checked out by someone at work. The Hammond breaks orbit in a few hours, come up with me now, to it's infirmary."

"What about Swin? We can't just beam out, we can't tell him what we're doing either."

"Lock the door."

"Hellooo, he's just as good as you are at picking."

"We won't be long."

"Okay, let's hurry." Sam locks the door, grips my hand, pressing the red button on a small black device. We're surrounded by brilliant flash of white light. When it disappears I'm standing in a blue-grey hallway of a hard-edged ship, I don't have much time to look around. I drink in every detail I can, feeling a strange vibration wherever we go as she leads me around. "This way." We take an elevator to the infirmary for quick exam, scan and blood test for them to study later. Soon we have beamed straight back to my bedroom.

Embracing me she whispers in my ear. "I'm sorry I have to leave so soon."

"Don't apologise for doing your job hun, I sorta knew what I was getting myself into when we got together. Just come back to me, preferably in one piece."

Slightly stand on tiptoes to kiss her, she pulls me sideways to sit on the edge of the bed, quickly we are madly grabbing each other's heads, I take off her jacket, hands up under her black t-shirt, one going under her bra to grab a nipple, sliding the other around her back to pop the bra open for easier access. She runs a splayed hand up my thigh, feel a sizzle at her touch, dropping my hands to the bottom of her shirt and pull it off, sliding her bra off and lean down to grab a tit in my mouth while grabbing her now free milky white breast slowly at first, wanting to take my time, but also highly aware our time is short.

I need her. I need my Sam.

Sam is pulling off my pajama top and she grabs my breasts too, hard and rough; pinching and twisting my nipples. I lose myself in my head enjoying her presence, her touch, her smell, trying to remember every little sensation. I run the shower for Sam, she follows me to the ensuite in all her glory and pulls my hand sweetly dragging me into the large glass enclosure with her and we take our time soaping each other up with puffs, lightly kissing and playing.

We dry off and just lie in bed for a short while until Sam looks at me kissing me softly. "I have to get back."

"I love you." She gets up to put her 'uniform' back on, I put my pajama shorts and top back on.

Start singing to her while I braid her long blonde hair.

"Sam, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life.
Sam, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife."
And as Sam started to go, she said "Keep your pretty head low.
Sam, don't be a hero, come back to me."

Sam turns and hugs me when the song is done. "I love you honey." Sam can't really delay her departure much longer and she drags herself off the bed.

"I know, now get out there and save the world." A quick peck on the lips and a tight, snappy hug with a pat on the bum later Sam goes through to say goodbye to Swin before going down to the lounge to beam back into orbit. I crawl back into bed and pull my covers tight around, hugging my pillow as my chest tightens, curl up into a ball, and cry myself to sleep.

I dream about Sam in the cave, not waking up; about Sammy burning in Hell.
I dream about the locker room, all of my worst nightmares rolled into one.


When I wake I'm surprised to find myself alone. I kinda thought Sammy would rejoin me when Sam left. I take a couple of ibuprofen, still sitting in bed brush my hair. Get up to wash my face then crawl back under my sheet mostly face down gripping tightly to my pillow. I don't care what time it is. It's irrelevant today.

Laying there for I don't know how long, not even really noticing my changes much. No interest in doing anything. And no sign of Sammy.

I go to the bathroom, taking a long look at my eyes which thankfully are nearly clear of the red spots.
It's almost over. Hungry, I finally brave the world outside my bedroom and make a peanut butter and banana sandwich.

Sit at the kitchen table, picking at it when Sam comes in from outside. "Hey Sam." My voice sounds just like I feel, disinterested.

"How you doing Grace?"

"Fine." In the same monotone as before. Giving up on my sandwich I leave it there and go into the lounge, pick up my sudoku book, plonk on the couch and pretend to do one.

He comes through a few minutes later, fresh coffee in hand, sitting in an armchair. After a few more long minutes of awkward silence he heavily breathes in and out again. "Do you want me to stay tonight?"

Twist my neck around to face him. "You can stay however long you want." Then turn back to 'doing' my sudoku.

"That's not what I asked."

I want to scream 'YES!' Part of me wants to be alone. But Sam is a hunter, he can't stay forever and one part of me thinks it's not fair on myself to try and keep him around, even for just another day. The 'Yes' part is also screaming 'You'll be alone soon enough, make the most of some company before you become a solo mother again.' Turning towards him, keeping the monotone voice on. "Don't you have to leave?"

"I don't have to do anything." Very passionately he emphasises the 'have'.

"What about Dean?"

"He can leave if he wants to. I'll do what I want." Sam says defiantly.

"And that is?"

"Right now, to know what you want." Well this is going to go in circles, inwardly roll my eyes.

"That's not fair." Twisting back around to my original position.

"Why not?" he waits a moment. "Grace?" Another minute passes in silence so he gets up and sits in front of me, he lowers the sudoku book. "What's not fair?"

"What I want, it isn't fair on anyone." I'm still staring into the book so he gently pulls it out of my hands. Softly states. "You once told me you would tell me anything that I asked."

Shit! "Yeah I will, anything but this." My heart is on the edge of breaking. Please don't push this Sammy. My breathing is getting heavier, try to breathe deeply but it just makes him lean in closer, making this all the harder. My chest is being crushed. I close my eyes. "Please leave me alone Sammy, please." Damn I sound pathetic.

"Not this time, Grace, what was it you said to me? Spill."

No, nope, no way. "You don't want me to."

Trying to grab for my hands which I pull back, clasping them under my chin so he settles for my knees. "I do." My heart rate and breathing speeds up. I've spent all year trying not to think this, how on earth can I possibly say it aloud? "Tell me Grace what is wrong?"

"It's greedy and selfish."

"It's okay Grace, whatever it is."

"I want- No!" He squeezes my knee and rubs it. "I want Sam home. I want you to stay. I want both of you. Stay here with me, and Jake. It's selfish I know to want to take either of you away from the world. I …" voice breaks up. He's dropped his hands in surprise, so I take the chance to flee to my bedroom. Locking it doesn't feel enough, go into the bathroom and lock that too. Slide to the floor with my back against the door.


After a few hours I realise I'm being childish. I can't hide in here forever, I'm going to have to face him and I'm starving. Should have made myself eat that sandwich.

Wash my face, head back into my room, unlock it, opening the door a crack, letting him know he can come in if he wants then curl up on top of my bed on my right side with my left arm raised over my face, blocking any light.

After only about fifteen minutes more I can't take my own thoughts any longer, lightly walk downstairs to rescue my sandwich and get something else to eat as well. Staring into the fridge I can only see the beer, not any food which is not a good sign since I know there is more than beer in there. Slam it shut and head for the lounge to find my photo album. Sammy is sitting back in the armchair with a beer held loosely in his palm on the armrest.

Do I speak or do I run?

I have to stop running. Stealing myself I sit in my usual spot on the couch. "I'm not asking anything of you Sam, what I want it doesn't matter. What's one person to the rest of the world anyway?"

Picking bits off my sandwich eating and begin to mumble. "This is what I get for letting myself get close to someone. After Jamie I swore I wouldn't." Then I have to go and fall for the two most important Sams' on the planet. Always in danger, every time I see them could be the last but they are both saving the world, what would it be like if they weren't out there?

I'm being stared at, I can feel it so I speak up. "Sam, well she was definitely a surprise, and it took her some getting used to the idea of us. I don't blame her for that one but she also," You need to change subject! "I dunno. But you Sam, you don't have to do anything, okieday? I don't want you to feel pressured into being a dad or staying. In fact, I know you can't stay but if you are okay with staying here with me just for tonight I would like that. It's all up to you. Another one?" Indicating to his now empty beer.

"Sure, thanks." Reach out to take his bottle from his side, he keeps facing forward. Unreadable. Go grab him a beer. Hand it to him from his side again, too chicken to face him, pick up my album and speed to bed, changing my pajamas then jump in and browse through the pages.

Lightly doze off with it open to photos with me, Samantha and Jake in the park. Feel a touch on my arm, think I hear my girl saying 'hey baby' so pull my arm off my face. It's just Sammy. He hadn't said a thing.

"Hey." Sam doesn't respond, just closes the photo album and puts it on the table so he can climb in and snuggle up. We wrap our arms around each other and he falls asleep, snoring lightly which eventually puts me to sleep too, head resting on his chest.

TBC

A/N
Once again this a Winchester birthday present, aren't I getting slack? Hopefully it wont be Dean's birthday again before I update next. Happy 35th Birthday Sammy!

The song is Grace's StarGate version of 'Billy Don't Be A Hero' by Paper Lace that PaulaB87 wrote specifically for this story, Grace sings the whole thing while doing Sam's hair, written below. And yes the lyrics 'Grace wrote' mean Samantha and Cassandra have told her a lot about the StarGate rather quickly; Sam because of what happened to Pete and Cassie because it's nice to talk to someone who doesn't care she's an alien & that isn't part of the SGC or Homeworld Security.
Paula is also directly but unintentionally responsible for another line in this chapter. Cookies for those that guess it, when not even the one who caused it can figure it out. Hehehe :)

The marching band came down along Maine Street
And SG-1 fell in behind
I looked across and there I saw Sam
Waiting to go and join the line

And with her head upon her shoulder
Her young and lovely fiancée
From where I stood I saw she was crying
And through her tears I heard her say

"Sam, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life.
Sam, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife."
And as Sam started to go, she said "Keep your pretty head low.
Sam, don't be a hero, come back to me."

SG-1 was trapped on a hill side
The goa'uld were all around
O'Neil cried "We gotta hold on guys
We gotta hold this piece of ground.

I need a volunteer to gate back
And bring us back some extra men."
And Sam's hand was up in a moment
Forgettin' all the words she said
She said...

"Sam, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life.
Sam, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife."
And as Sam started to go, she said "Keep your pretty head low.
Sam, don't be a hero, come back to me."

I heard her fiancee got a letter
That told how Sam died that day
The letter said that she was a hero
She should be proud she died that way
I heard she threw the letter away.