Disclaimer: see previous chapters. No copyright infringement intended. Thank you so much for the reviews. Reading them made my day.
Chapter 3.
Ros was sat on the hospital bed, wrapped in Lucas' arms. The last thing she wanted to do was pull away, but she knew that sooner or later she had too. Leaning back gently she looked into Lucas' tear stained face, seeing the fear she felt reflected back at her in Lucas' eyes.
"What's happening to me?" Ros whispered. Ros always kept it together and yet here she was fainting at the drop of a hat and crying in Lucas' arms. Now if Ruth or Zoë behaved like this, Ros would have told them to get a grip and sort themselves out. But she'd tried that, it hadn't worked. Ros berated herself. It was weakness and Ros Meyers was not weak.
Lucas sat there, hating see Ros so broken. The Ice Queen he was usually so in awe of, his best friend and truth be told the woman he was falling in love with actually unsure of herself. It broke his heart to see her so out of her depth. He sat there, gently smoothing his thumb back and fore over her hand he knew he had to talk about what the doctor had said. But he knew that when he did he risked Ros would push him away - possibly for good.
"The doctor came to see us Ros" she nodded. She'd already known this would have happened. "He said you were dehydrated. That you hadn't been eating or drinking properly. Have you Ros? Because I can't remember when I last saw you eat or drink anything other that the muck that passes for coffee in work."
Ros rolled her eyes. She knew he hadn't meant to start interrogating her. It was MI5. You asked a simple question and ended up holding a full scale interview. But that knowledge didn't help as she pulled her hand back. "What? Since when do we have time for a three course meal? You know the hours we keep. I'm a big girl Lucas. I think I can decide if I eat properly or not, don't you. Oh sod this I can't stay here. I'm going home." Ros spat the words at Lucas as he saw her harden to the world again.
She swung her legs off the end of the bed. Determined that she was going home. There was no way she was going to stay here, with Lucas questioning her and the doctors watching every move she made. That just wasn't going to happen.
Lucas was immediately on his feet as Ros detached the various monitors - determined to find her clothes and get out the hospital gown she'd been dressed when still too confused to argue. Lucas was trying to placate her. Trying to get her to stay as the various monitors beeped in protest at being removed. The sudden movement had made Ros' head swim once more, the room moving around her. Ignore it Ros! She berated herself. All she had to do was get dressed and get back to work. Keep going and she'd be fine, c'mon Ros! Don't listen to this crap. It was then that she saw the look in Lucas' eyes, it was then she grabbed the edge of the bed.
Once again the room spun around her as her knees gave way. The dizziness and the tightness in her chest beginning to take hold again. Lucas was at her side again in seconds gently but firmly making sure she got back on the bed.
"God, Lucas. What the hell is wrong with me?"At that moment the young doctor Lucas had spoken to earlier entered the room.
"Miss Meyers, you really should stay on the bed" Ros really wanted to ask who the hell he thought he was telling her what she really should do. The doctor seemed to shrink back at her look. "We have your test results. All the blood and urine tests were normal. Your blood pressure and blood sugar are slightly low, but I'm sure if you manage to eat a little more often that should sort itself out."Lucas looked relieved. He smiled at Ros as she closed her eyes. Ok, she thought I fainted. So, if the tests are normal I must be going mad. Opening her eyes she avoided Lucas' eyes as she asked the doctor what the chest pain and shortness of breath meant. Why was she having flash-backs? That's what she really wanted to know. But she couldn't bare to have Lucas see her being so weak.
"From what you describe. It would seem that you have suffered a panic attack. Very common. Sometimes as a result of going through either mental or physical trauma. I would expect you to have some sort of reaction to what you went through with the explosion a few weeks ago." The doctor replied cheerily "Is it the first time you've experienced these symptoms? Had flashback to previous events almost like a dream but while you are awake?" The doctor was far too chirpy for Ros' liking. Cheery little creep, she thought. He carries on I may have to acquaint his stethoscope with a part of his anatomy it wasn't designed for. Instead she gave a curt nod.
Lucas sat there open mouthed. She'd been back at work, chasing down suspects. Staying with Malcolm and recently sleeping with him. Yet she'd said nothing. Yes he knew about the nightmares but the panic attacks. His heart broke as he thought of her shutting out the whole team - of hiding what was happening to her. The doctor was still talking as Ros glanced towards Lucas who's eyes had never left her face.
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Lucas needed some air. Using the time Ros would be taking to dress he slipped outside to use his mobile, not paying attention to the rain as it bounced off the tarmac outside the entrance to A+E. Ringing the Grid he realised that he had to tell Harry and the others what had been happening. Deciding that Ruth's secure line would be the best he rang her number.
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Back on the Grid, Ruth was beginning to get annoyed with Zoë. The woman was being so damn irritating. Adam and Zaf had immediately began to cover for Lucas and Ros, ensuring that all their work was done. Zoë had commented that it was a shame Ros had felt unwell and slouched off to check some records. Ruth had thought she was being uncharitable to her old friend, but felt slightly better when Zaf had announced that he thought Zoë was jealous of Ros. Thinking about the closeness Ros and Lucas had she could see why.
Turning her attention towards her work, she started to tap information into the computer. Searching for a link between Nightingale and Basel's delegates was taking time. But she'd find it. After what felt like an age of searching her phone rang.
Harry was sat in his office also tapping away on the computer as Ruth walked over to him. Lucas had just rang. "Harry! Lucas called." Suddenly Ruth had his full attention.
"They said she's ok. Lucas is going to take her home. He won't be in the rest of today." Harry smiled. He genuinely liked both his senior case officers. For once it was good to have some good news.
Ruth stood in front of his desk, the smile on her face suddenly infectious. Harry looked up. "I'll call her later. She's not to come back until she is well. If she tries to I'll have her in Tring before she can turn round." He was trying to be the authorotive Section Head he knew he could be but Ruth stood there smiling and agreeing with him didn't help matters.
"I'll tell the others they'll have to cover for Lucas and Ros for a few more days then?"
"Is Lucas ill?" Harry mused "I expect him back here for morning briefing Ruth, ensure he's made aware of that." He turned back to his paperwork.
"Yes Harry" Ruth smiled and turned on her heel, keen to give Lucas the news he wouldn't be needed on the Grid until the morning.
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Stepping back through her front door Ros knew she should feel relieved to be home. She didn't though. She'd asked Lucas to drop her off at her flat; needing to be around familiar things and away form Malcolm's concerned face for a while. She'd told Lucas she'd wanted to collect a few things.
Lucas had refused to leave. For which she was secretly grateful. Telling her of Ruth's message from Harry he followed her into the small apartment. For the first time realising that he'd never visited Ros at home before now. The apartment seemed cold and was sparsely furnished. It looked as though Ros spent very little time here. Lucas couldn't help but think it reminded him of a newly acquired MI 6 safe house, but didn't dare mention it to Ros.
Walking around the flat, collecting a few belongings to take with her to Malcolm's Ros felt cold, detached from her surroundings. At the hospital Lucas had been so loving but since the doctor had spoken about panic attacks and how she had to look after herself he'd withdrawn from her. He still watched her like a hawk, but he no longer took her hand or placed his on the small of her back as she walked in front. Ros knew she was being over sensitive, knew she had never wanted Lucas to think she needed him. But the truth was she did, just that she could and would never bring herself to tell him.
Leaving Lucas sat in the lounge Ros walked in to her bedroom intending on collecting clean underwear and night clothes. She'd barely spoken to Lucas since they'd left the hospital and now the silence was beginning to suffocate her. Deciding that being in another room for a while would help her she busied herself with pottering about her bedroom. She'd been in her bedroom for nearly half an hour when she heard the front door click shut.
Well done Ros, she thought to herself. Now you've pushed everyone away. Even Lucas has given up on you. With that thought still plaguing her mind Ros collapsed on her bed, suddenly too weak to cry as the thought of loosing someone else she loved caused her to bury her head in the pillow merely wishing the tears would come.
Author's note. I really am being mean to poor Ros. You'd never guess she's one of my favourites. Please review. Chapter 4 nearly finished, is Ros right? has Lucas really left?
