--
"Only fools feel guilt, little brother. It means you've done stupid decisions without thinking things through."
--
Naruto was no saint, he was aware. In fact, he was a horrible person if he let anger take control of him. That had happened before, the sight wasn't pretty. His short temper didn't help either. Or the fact that people were constantly provoking him in school.
It was so hard to just turn the other cheek. He wanted to punch them, wanted to kick them so hard their bones crushed and hear them cry out some incoherent name, desperate for someone to save them. Naruto could be that monster if he wanted to.
Really, really could and his bullies were walking on very thin ice. All that anger and frustration build up in his body to a point he was ready to explode.
But he didn't want that, didn't want to be like them, like Sasuke. It was all so frustrating, wanting to fight back but not wanting at the same time. Didn't want to sink on their level, didn't want any trouble in school, didn't want to get sued by their families. Naruto was so angry and frustrated all the time.
That's why he ran. Ran, ran, ran to everywhere. Around the city and then back again and across the street. Everywhere.
Ran his problems away.
It was refreshing and helped to get rid of all the aggressive feelings. He ran until his body was too tired to even draw more air in and his legs felt like they would snap in half, he ran until he didn't feel like screaming his lungs out or punching someone's face in.
He had to stop to take a quick rest. Home was far away now and it would be a shame to not be able to get back there just because his legs gave out and he passed out in some ditch. It was getting cold outside, making his hands even colder that they usually were.
Cold hands equals a warm heart, he remembered someone saying.
Naruto almost laughed out loud. He wasn't warm hearted, he wasn't kind. The mind games he kept playing with the Uchiha were a proof of it. Naruto was a sick bastard and actually enjoyed watching the boy look at him in despair, begging for him to forgive him. It felt so good to finally make the other suffer. Payback was a bitch.
What made it even better was that he didn't have to get physical to deliver exactly what the bratty prince had coming for him. Words were his only usable weapon against the Uchiha. And they were working, working so well, hitting deep, leaving his nemesis to try and tend to the psychological wounds.
The best part was that it was only Naruto's forgiveness that would heal the boy, to make him feel better about himself. And it felt so good!
Though, Naruto was more than aware that his feelings were like if you kicked a puppy after it had bit you, feeling proud of your actions. It was childish and stupid and if he kept it on for too long, he would be the one drowning in remorse. He'd have to stop before he went too far, like Sasuke had done.
Just a little more, he kept telling himself. Just a little more. Make the bastard suffer because of all the things he had done.
And Naruto was running again.
--
"You did those decisions for years and now it led you to this? You must be a real retard then, little brother. How disappointing."
--
There really was no way to get Naruto to forgive him. Bribing, begging, hitting (which had been an idiotic thing to do) and nothing worked. And every time he thought about it, he felt frustrated, annoyed that the blond had to be so difficult. It couldn't be that hard, forgiving.
But then he would think of all the things he had done, all those years, all those times. And it stung. He wouldn't forgive, why would Naruto forgive? In time maybe, but what would that time do to Sasuke? Naruto would heal slowly while he was left to rot, disgusted with himself. It wasn't fair, nothing was fair.
Sasuke wanted to feel better now, wanted to forget and get a good night sleep. But it wasn't possible. Of course it wasn't. It was his fault for being so ignorant for all those years. Not caring, not thinking that it would all come back to haunt him. And Sasuke swore, swore to himself not to repeat the same mistakes again.
Never again.
Never again, never ever again, but it was already too late. Without him realising it, everything had shifted from his control into Naruto's hands. Naruto was in control now. It was so hard to chew and swallow.
And he hadn't even touched his food when his father and brother excused themselves from the table, leaving only him and his mother who just wouldn't stop staring.
She smiled softly, starting to gather the dishes from the table.
"It's never meaningless to apologise."
Sasuke's gaze snapped from the plate to his mother who was still smiling.
"How did you know?"
"Well, you looked kind of pathetic during lunch."
"Don't say that."
A soft laugh.
"But it's the truth. So, what's burdening your mind?"
Sasuke sighed. He didn't like to talk about his problems, not to his mother, not to anyone. It was better to keep them inside him, until they built up and he would beat something, someone, making him feel better again. Temporarily. Like drugs.
He shook his head and buried his face into his hands, muttering.
"Apologies won't work. Nothing works."
"Apology isn't just a word you can use to make everything all right, Sasuke. It's a gesture to make the other person understand you really mean it and not just repeating words you hope will make yourself feel better."
Sasuke was silent. His mother huffed.
"Why don't I make a treat to them and you can take it to them as a peace offering?"
He cocked an eyebrow.
"You want me to bribe him with food?"
His mother waved a dismissing hand and went into the kitchen to prepare something. Sasuke smiled.
"Thanks, mom."
--
"I may have said pathetic, but it really looked like you wanted to cry. I don't want my baby boy to cry."
--
The night was cold and it was raining. He didn't really know why his mother had ushered him out in that weather to deliver the food Naruto would probably just throw back at his face. But maybe it was better to go and try right away; maybe he'd be able to sleep that night.
He had somehow gotten a hold of Naruto's address, thinking about turning around and going back home in every turn he had to take on his way there. Too soon, way too soon he was there, having parked his car outside the building. Slowly, he got out of the car, into the rain which he didn't even notice. Even if it was freezing cold, making his hair fall into his eyes and his body shiver from the cold.
He took three steps towards the building, then stopped, turned around, two steps back, stopped, turned around. Pacing, trying to gather the courage to actually go to his humiliation and verbal beating.
This was Naruto's home, what right did someone like him to go there and disturb his peace? Wouldn't it only prove that he couldn't leave the boy alone even after school, harassing him throughout the day, never giving it a rest.
Naruto would be angry and hurt and his chances on feeling better would drop even lower. But his mother had said it was all right, everything would be all right in the end. He doubted it, but he should try nevertheless. Why wouldn't his legs move?
"What the hell are you doing here?"
The voice startled him. Turning his head to the right, he saw Naruto. Wet and huffing and not wearing enough clothing for such weather. Not one reason why Naruto would be outside on this hour, in this weather, came to his mind. Maybe the boy was simply insane.
"Didn't you hear me or did the rain freeze your brain?"
He really wanted to answer with a hurtful remark, but that wasn't why he was here. No insulting, no hurting. Not anymore.
Sasuke's gaze shifted from Naruto to the box his mother had made for the boy.
"You actually came all this way to bribe me with something? That's just sad."
Naruto didn't look amused, not amused at all. He watched between the offending package in his hands and Sasuke.
"No, my mother made this for you. I just-"
"Oh."
Naruto came closer and accepted the gift. The silence was awkward and heavy and he felt like leaving. Naruto didn't agree though.
"Come on then."
The blond motioned towards his apartment, making Sasuke's eyes grow a bit wider.
"No, it's alright-"
"I said you're coming! I can't just leave you here in the rain to catch pneumonia or something."
Sasuke tried to resist but Naruto's grip on his wrist was too strong and the boy seemed determined to actually invite him into his home and make him feel warmer. And Naruto was caring again, caring too much and caring for wrong people. Unworthy people.
The door was opened and Sasuke yanked inside harshly, almost making him loose balance. And when the door closed behind them, he suddenly felt like he was alone in enemy territory without weapons or any means of survival.
A towel was thrown into his face, an unfamiliar smell invading his nose. And then the bath was filled and Naruto was naked and he had no idea what was going on. Or why he had ended up in the bathtub together with Naruto.
Panic and confusion had taken over, overpowering the constant heavy feeling, leaving him with zero functional brain cells. The tub was so small and he had to scoot into the corner to not to touch the boy next to him.
Maybe the other was planning to drown him, to rape him. Disposing of his body by cutting it in so tiny pieces they could be flushed down the drain. Naruto had every reason to, every right to do that. And Sasuke was unnerved.
But the water was warm.
Naruto was unwrapping the box and he briefly wondered if it was normal to eat in a bathtub.
"So what's all this for?"
"…A peace offering."
He mumbled and wanted to sink further into the water, maybe drown himself before the blond had the change to.
Naruto opened the box and was greeted by good looking treats. If Sasuke hadn't been so mortified of the current situation he had somehow managed to get into, he would have noticed a small glint in Naruto's eyes.
Beside him, Naruto was struggling to keep his amusement to himself. Sasuke was so uncomfortable, it almost radiated from him and Naruto was having the time of his life. Sasuke was right there, at his mercy, so vulnerable at the moment. All the aces were on his hand and there was nothing Sasuke could do about it. Well, except maybe dash out of the house buck naked, into the cold rain and dark night. Not that Naruto had the heart to let it actually go that far.
Just a little more. The bastard had it coming.
He grabbed something small and strawberry-ish from the box and bobbed it into his mouth.
"It's good."
Sasuke had sunk into the water, only his eyes and that oddly shaped hair above the surface and for a moment, Naruto thought the boy was actually trying to drown himself. But that wasn't the case as the boy beside him slowly raised his nose above the surface, breathed a couple of times and then sank in again.
His dark eyes looked at Naruto when he spoke.
"Your mother's cooking."
And Sasuke raised enough that his lips were above the surface.
"I know."
Silence.
"You're lucky."
Silence.
"I know."
The food was good, really was. And Sasuke was lucky to have a mother who cooked so good food for him. Well, Naruto had a mother too, but thinking about that woman would make his mood sourer, making it more difficult to linger on that childish satisfaction on revenging Sasuke at the moment.
But Sasuke was so damn lucky. It wasn't fair. Naruto felt irritated again.Calm down, calm down, no need to get angry over nothing.
"I'm sorry."
Sasuke's voice broke the silence.
Naruto didn't look at the boy beside him. Just a little more.
"Sorry about what?"
"About everything."
"Do you even remember what everything consisted of?"
Sasuke didn't answer.
"Of course you wouldn't, it was insignificant for you."
Naruto wasn't affected, but Sasuke had known that already. What would make his apologies more than just meaningless words to the boy?
"You do realise that the things you do might break people? It kills."
The water was losing temperature.
"So, aren't you glad it didn't kill me? It would be such a heavy weight to carry. Who'd you apologise to then?"
"Do you enjoy making me feel even worse about myself?"
He didn't mean to say that, it just blurted out and he wanted to sink again. Something like that couldn't possibly make his situation any better. But Naruto was laughing, really, really laughing beside him and Sasuke wasn't sure what to think.
"Yes."
The laugh wasn't cold but humorous. Naruto probably found his misery funny and that didn't feel nice at all.
"You're a sick little bastard."
Sasuke said half-heartedly, hoping the blond wouldn't hear it or take it too seriously.
"Takes one to know one."
Sasuke felt his lips twist a little.
"I suppose."
Naruto kept on munching and Sasuke felt more comfortable about the situation and the water kept losing temperature. It almost felt like everything was fine. And even if it wasn't, he felt like it was worth fooling himself for the little while he spent with the blond in the small bathtub, both naked and both on the same level. Like equals.
And it felt nice. Actually nice. Because Naruto was everything his friends weren't. Something new and refreshing. Caring and true. And he shouldn't fool himself in thinking something stupid like they could change their relationship into this.
Just a little while longer.
Naruto got out of the tub, grabbing a towel, looking at Sasuke like he should follow the example. The water would get cold soon; they had been in too long anyway. Sasuke took the towel Naruto had thrown in his face earlier and started to dry himself.
Naruto had brought him some dry clothes since his own were still wet from the rain. He was hesitant to put them on, trying to argue that he could really wear his own, but Naruto's worried gaze promised him hell if he didn't comply.
Putting his damp clothes into a plastic bag along with the Tupperware his mother had packed the food in, Naruto handed it over to Sasuke.
"There you go. Say thanks to your mother from me."
Taking the bag, Sasuke nodded. There was an odd smile on Naruto's face. Not cold and sadistic like he was used to see. It wasn't bright and friendly either. Calm and somewhat ominous, Sasuke didn't like it.
Naruto walked him to the door.
"Oh, and this little incident doesn't mean we're friends or pals or bathtub buddies."
He couldn't see Naruto's eyes; the boy was squinting, making the smile seem more forced…it didn't suit the boy, he thought, but then, what did he know about what suited the boy and what didn't?
"It doesn't mean I'll just get over the grudge I have for you. I just hope you're feeling a little better about yourself."
The blond grabbed an umbrella, handing it over to him, that unnerving smile still intact.
"Now, get out of my life."
Sasuke wanted to laugh. A desperate, bitter laugh.
Sasuke didn't laugh. Naruto's eyes weren't smiling.
His expression saying nothing more than to just stay away from him, to not to associate with him anymore, to get the hell away and stay there.
"Good bye, Uchiha."
The door closed to his face. Opening the umbrella, Sasuke looked at the sky.
Would the cold rain ever stop?
To Be Continued...
This chapter wasn't nearly as good as the two others, we are aware of that. But hey, they didn't say fuck or fucking in this chapter at all, I think.
About boys and nekkidness. Why do people write Naruto to be embarrassed of being naked in front of another male? I mean, from what I know, males don't give a funk about those things. But what do I know, I have no shame (and I'm a girl).
Comment & Criticize!
