Calvin leaned back in his chair, his mind racing. He was still replaying the previous events in his head over and over. He actually helped Susie Derkins. The girl he despised more than anything. The girl who'd inspired him to create the GET RID OF SLIMY GIRLS club for the sole purpose of excluding her. The event buzzed around in his head like an angry bee. What had possessed him to do a stupid thing like that?
He looked to the other three individuals around the table helplessly, hoping they'd maybe have some form of guidance or reassurance.
"… Why did I do it?" he murmured at last.
The superhero straightened up slightly. "You saw an injustice and put it right," he said. "Exactly what I would've done."
"Oh sure," replied the space traveler. "Like the time you dropped an enormous snowball on her head and got us in trouble?"
"She got what was coming to her!"
"Yeah, sure, the brave superhero sends a little girl home crying. That's gonna look real good, isn't it?"
"Unlike you, who just fires a laser at her?"
"Hey, she looked like an alien from a distance!"
There was a loud smack on the table that made them jump, and they saw the cigarette smoke billowing from the area around the detective. "Enough!" he snapped. "Using the powers of deduction, it isn't hard to figure out what the answer is."
"Go on…," said Spiff.
"We saw a crime being committed. We took the necessary means to stop it. Justice prevails."
"But why did it have to be me?" Calvin demanded. "I'm supposed to hate her. I'm supposed to encourage the horrible behavior directed at girls!"
Tracer poured himself a bourbon. "I suspect this is one of those things referred to as 'maturity'."
"Oh, barf," muttered Spiff.
"Great moons of Neptune! You mean we've been infected already?!" Stupendous Man cried in horror. "How could we have been so careless?!"
Tracer shrugged. "It's the chance you take when you let yourself grow up after over thirty years of stagnation."
"But we liked stagnation! We liked never learning or growing!"
"We still had to at some point," murmured Spiff, head in his hands. "Had to go on the last big adventure… to the planet Adulthood…"
They all looked over at Calvin, who was staring off into space.
"Calvin?"
He didn't react.
"Calvin?"
Still nothing.
"Calvin!"
Calvin blinked and looked up to see Hobbes sitting next to him on the sidewalk.
"Kinda zoned out on us there," his friend said.
"Oh… yeah, I'm just… still… kinda… y'know?"
"Well, time to focus on the here and now," said Socrates, holding out his phone. "I've been trying to get some interviews for my vlog, but Andy keeps talking about hearing voices."
They all looked at Andy, who looked sheepishly back at them.
"Voices, Andy?" asked Sherman.
"Yeah… I've been hearing it for a while now. Used to just be once in a blue moon, but now I'm having dreams, and it's happening more frequently."
Calvin sighed with relief. "Finally. Something weird," he said, pulling out the MTM.
"You guys haven't heard it, by any chance, have you?"
"Not me," said Hobbes.
"Nor me," said Sherman.
"I mean… I hear voices all the time, but none that are as mysterious and whispery like you've been hearing…," said Socrates. "Probably just means you're losing your mind."
Andy glared at him. "Well, thanks. Now I feel so much better."
Calvin held up the MTM. "MTM – scan Andy's brainwaves for any abnormalities."
The CD player projected a green light that encapsulated Andy's head for a few moments, causing the boy to briefly stagger before righting himself. It was soon retracted, and MTM hummed for a few moments before he had a satisfactory answer.
It was a very long few moments. Longer than the group really cared for. It was never a good sign when the MTM wasn't already giving an overlong explanation with the smugness that came from knowing everything.
"Well," he said at last. "Seems it's finally happening. Had a feeling it would…"
Andy blanched. "What? What is? Am I actually losing my mind?!"
"No. It's not you. It's the… thing."
"… What 'thing'?" Calvin asked.
"I'm not sure what to call it, really. But let's settle for something simple, like… the 'entity' or something."
Hobbes blinked. "Okay…," he said slowly, "what is this… 'Entity'?"
"It's a creature that exists outside of time and space. Not sure where it came from exactly, but it's been around all this time."
"It has? Why didn't you say?" asked Sherman.
"It wasn't dangerous. Didn't see any point. Not even really sure what it is. It's just always been in our lives to some capacity, existing somewhere between our universe and the void, watching over us. Its energy signature is usually at its strongest whenever we're involved in one of our little adventures. Probably needs us for something…"
"So what do we do about it?" Calvin asked.
"Nothing we can do. Due to the nature of its existence, there's nothing we can do about it, nor can we interact with it. Of course, it can't interact with us either, so that's a plus."
"So why is it revealing itself now?" Andy demanded. "And why me?"
"Not a clue," MTM replied. "Whatever it needs from us, maybe it's running out… We'll need to wait and see what else it does before we do anything."
They all stood in silence, thinking about that for a minute.
Then, Andy noticed something.
"Socrates, please stop filming us."
"Awwww, come on! This is exciting! My viewers will eat this up!"
They all groaned in exasperation.
Then, they heard a melodious little tune winding its way up the street. They all looked, and there was a little white van on its way.
"Speaking of eating, as long as the world isn't ending right this second, let's get an ice cream!" Andy suggested.
"Excellent idea," Calvin agreed before turning to their animal friends. "Let me guess – Raspberry Ripple for Socrates, Fudge-cicle for Hobbes and a scoop of strawberry for Sherman."
"Shrunken down to my size, please and thank you," Sherman nodded.
Calvin and Andy hurried off to catch the ice cream man, leaving the two tigers and hamster to sit on the sidewalk.
Socrates fiddled with his phone. "Hmmmm… I wonder if my fans would enjoy watching me eat ice cream…"
"Given the state of the internet, I'm going to say 'yes, probably'," said Sherman sadly.
While the other tiger fiddled away on his phone, Sherman glanced over at Hobbes, who was sitting and looking off into the distance. Normally, Hobbes and Sherman were not friends, but the genius hamster had to admit that they'd warmed to each other in recent years, and he was concerned by the apprehension on the feline's face.
Plus, it was better than helping Socrates with his vlog.
"Penny for them?" he asked.
Hobbes glanced in his direction and smiled awkwardly. "Just thinking."
"About…?"
"Well… after we came back from the camping trip where we shot Retro into space… Calvin's mom said something to me."
"Is that unusual?"
"I didn't think it at the time… but… she said that I was her son's 'imaginary friend'."
Sherman tilted his head in confusion. Even Socrates looked up from his activity.
"What does that mean, 'imaginary friend'?" Sherman asked.
"She said… that normally, to them, I was just Calvin's imaginary friend. I tried to be cool about it, but I can't get it out of my head. I mean… what does it mean? Do I exist?"
"You seem pretty real to me," said Socrates.
"Besides," added Sherman, "if you were imaginary, wouldn't Calvin be the only one who could talk to you?"
"Well, that's another piece of the puzzle. For a very long time, Calvin was the only one who really did interact with me. I think that camping trip was the first time his parents and I really talked. And outside of our group, I don't get a lot of social interaction."
"You should start a blog, then," said Socrates brightly. "I used to have that same problem. The only person who really talked to me was Elliot. Now I have all these followers online!"
"Have you met any of them in person?"
Socrates blinked. "Well… no, admittedly, I haven't. You have to be careful who you meet up with on the internet…"
Hobbes shook his head. "It's probably nothing. I keep trying to assure myself that I'm real. Obviously, I am. I just can't help but wonder…"
Sherman patted him on the shoulder. "Just try to keep it an idle curiosity, Hobbes," he said. "No need to figure everything out right now. All I recommend is instead of wondering what you are, focus more on who you are."
Hobbes looked at him for a long moment before looking back down the street towards the ice cream van where Calvin and Andy were fumbling with their pocket change for ice cream. He wondered what his friend would make of any of this. But he decided that maybe it was for the best he didn't say anything for the time being. His friend had enough on his plate right now.
The cell was dark and cold. It was amazing that there could be any cool places on a planet that was ninety percent lava, but that's how it was.
Retro dangled in his cell, staring blankly into space. He hadn't said a word all day. He just looked straight ahead, like there was nothing to see. Occasionally, food was brought to him, but he wasn't interested. He was cuffed to some very long chains that hung from the ceiling. His only movement was the odd blink every few seconds. He might've slept from time to time, but no one could tell.
On the inside, his head was practically on standby. Hardly any thoughts going through his mind at all. It was an odd thing for a man of his intelligence to not be thinking, but here he was. When he'd been imprisoned on Annkor, he done nothing but think. Think about how crazy this was. Think about how none of it could possibly be real. Think about escaping. Think about failed escapes. Think about revenge. Think about revenge a lot. Think about how good that revenge would feel. Think about how good it felt to finally succeed in escaping and getting that revenge. Think about how terrifying it was when that revenge went wrong. Think about how embarrassing it was when he was captured once again, deemed too much trouble for his original captors to bother with taking him back.
Thinking had put him here. Out of one frying pan, and into another almost identical frying pan.
He stopped thinking. Just stopped. No more.
So he didn't really register when the cell door creaked open, and in slithered a couple of aliens. They all looked at him cheerfully.
"Hi, there!" said one cheerfully. "I'm Lenny, and this is Carl!"
"Hi!" said Carl just as cheerfully. "We're here to interrogate you and get some answers!"
Retro just dangled there, with numb arms and an even number head. He didn't seem aware they'd arrived.
Not that the two aliens minded, of course.
"So! We have questions!" Lenny said, pulling out the clipboard. "First question – are you some sort of waterfowl?"
No response whatsoever.
Lenny and Carl waited for a long time, watching him blink ever six seconds. The large grins on their faces steadily wilted as they found they couldn't get any answers to their stupidly irrelevant questions.
Finally, Lenny cleared his throat and spoke. "Okay!" he said, this time pretending to be cheerful. "Excuse us for one moment, please!"
He grabbed Carl and hustled him back towards the door, looking concerned.
"Okay…," he said. "The usual stuff isn't working. The subject is not responding."
"That's weird," Carl remarked. "Do you suppose that we've offended him?"
"How so?"
"Maybe he was expecting some sort of welcoming present for being on our planet. He is a newcomer, after all."
"Interesting point… Maybe we ought to find something quick? What do you think he'd like?"
"How about a grilled cheese sandwich? Those are popular on Earth, aren't they?"
"True, true… Although, I seem to recall an enthusiasm for a musical forestry commission…"
"Really?"
"Yeah, it was called Justice Timber & Lake, or something. Always telling you to 'buy, buy, buy' his services?"
"Hmmmm… how about a vehicle? They seem to like those planet-polluting doohickeys a lot."
"They really do… Oh! I think I've got it!"
Lenny quickly slithered over to Retro. "How would you like a six-wheel planet-polluter driven by a forestry commission with a grilled cheese?"
Retro didn't seem to hear him. He was too busy being brain dead.
Lenny frowned. "Hmmm… guess not."
At that moment, they heard a door slam in the distance, and they turned to see Rupert and Earl slithering into the room towards them.
"Well?" Earl asked.
Carl shrugged helplessly. "Not responding. Doesn't want a grilled cheese. And we still don't know if he's a goose."
"… Well, you've clearly done all you can. Leave him to us."
Lenny and Carl nodded cheerfully and slithered past them out of the room.
Once they were gone, the two larger aliens looked at Retro's blank expression.
"So…," Rupert said, leaning in close. "You hate Calvin, too, eh?"
It was like someone flipped a switch. Retro's eyes finally did more than blink. They rolled in the direction of Rupert's face.
He started thinking again.
Calvin and Hobbes polished off their respective ice creams as they rounded the corner towards their house.
"Ahhh," Calvin said contentedly. "Nothing like spoiling your appetite to prepare you for a disgusting dinner."
"And how," Hobbes agreed. "I suspect I'll be having your leftovers tonight."
"More than likely."
They walked up the walk and opened the front door, stepping inside to find Calvin's parents walking back and forth, fussing with their nice clothes. Dad was trying to get his necktie on while Mom fussed with her makeup and jewelry.
"Why do I get the feeling we forgot something?" asked Hobbes.
Dad turned and saw them. "Calvin! There you are!" he exclaimed. "Where on earth have you been?!"
"… Outside?" Calvin replied, not sure if that was the right answer. It was true, but was it right?
"We've got tickets for the six o'clock showing! We've been planning this all week! How could you just disappear when we're going out tonight?"
"… Because I have a life of my own?"
Before Dad could decide how to punish him, Mom pushed past him. "Come on, dear. Not much time. Rosalyn should be here soon."
Calvin looked at them in horror. "What?! Rosalyn?! You can't be serious! I'm seven now, Dad! I don't need a babysitter anymore!"
"Calvin, we really don't have time for this," Dad grumbled, now searching for his wallet. "We've got to get away from… I mean… out of here, soon!"
"No! Please! Don't leave me here! Don't leave me in the company of… Rosalyn!"
"Bit late for that," said Mom, peering out the window as she fiddled with an earring. "Her car just pulled up."
"No-o-o-o-o-o-o!" Calvin wailed, running away with Hobbes under his arm.
His parents sighed heavily. Some things never changed.
There was a knock at the door, and when they opened it, there was Rosalyn, looking apprehensive as ever. It was just one of those things when you had to babysit Calvin. His parents knew she had a lot to put up with.
"Rosalyn! Hi!" Mom said faux-cheerfully. "How are you?"
"Fine, thanks," she said, unloading her book bag on the sofa. "Prepping for college. You know how that is."
Dad swallowed. "You, er… got someplace local, right?"
Rosalyn sighed. "Yes, I'll still be in town for all your babysitting needs."
"Good! I mean, not that we need you to or anything! It's just… uh… I mean, Calvin's certainly… well…"
"He'll be on his best behavior tonight," Mom said firmly.
Suddenly, two suction darts flew through the air from the direction of upstairs, and they saw them embed themselves in the door.
"You'll never take me alive, babysitter!" Calvin's voice rang out.
Rosalyn crossed her arms and gave his parents a look that she had perfected in all her years of babysitting the boy.
Mom sighed, pulling out her purse. "And here's a little extra up front for your trouble."
"That's more like it," Rosalyn said, smiling begrudgingly. "Have a nice evening."
"Thank you," said Dad. "And… good luck."
They hurried out the door, slamming it behind them.
Rosalyn watched as they scurried down the walk and into their car, the tires screeching as it peeled out of the driveway and onto the open road. She turned her head to the staircase. "Okay, they're gone!"
Calvin came downstairs with Hobbes tucked under his arm, looking pleased with himself. "Everything went well?"
"As always," Rosalyn replied, pulling the darts off the door and passing them to him. "Nice touch with the dart gun."
"Gotta make it look good," Calvin replied, pocketing them. "And…?"
Rosalyn rolled her eyes and handed him some of the money. "Here's your cut."
"Thank you! You know, I bet I could get you paid more if I throw a water balloon at you…"
"Don't push it."
"Okay, okay… So, what's the game plan tonight?"
"Well, I thought we'd order a couple pizzas and play that game you like so much."
"Yes! Calvinball! I'll get the masks."
Rosalyn chuckled as Calvin scurried off into the next room. It had been a long time since there'd been any genuine grievances between them. Ever since they'd found common ground through his childish games, it was remarkably easy to babysit him. Of course, she wasn't about to let the gravy train that was this gig stop flowing, so she'd worked out a deal with him. He keeps up the act that he's giving her a hard time, she makes sure he isn't punished when his parents get home, and she gets paid extra for the hard work, with the deal that she gives him twenty percent each time. It was a good system so far. College tuition looked easier with every job.
She joined him out in the yard and helped him set up the croquet wickets for their game.
"So…," she said. "Heard you're starting second grade pretty soon. Excited?"
Calvin snorted. "In what sense of the word?"
Rosalyn smirked. "Scared, huh?"
"Pah! No! I just… You know, would rather just… not… you know… do it. At all."
"It's all okay, Calvin. I'm scared, too."
Calvin looked up in surprise. "You are? Of what?"
"Well, I'm starting college soon. I'm going to move into my dorm next week and start my first semester. There's so many unknowns where the future is concerned. Have I chosen the right major? Will I enjoy my classes? Will I be able to handle the stress? Will I meet someone? Will I lose touch with my friends? Will I gain the freshman fifteen? So many variables, so little time."
"So… why go?"
"Because I want to try. I want to see if it's right for me. And hey, maybe it isn't, but I have to see what it's like. Because that's just life. Taking on the challenges it sets up for you, and believe me, it never stops setting them up. It's still important to learn how to roll with them."
She looked over at Calvin as he finished putting in the last wick. She could almost see her words going through the clockwork mechanisms that made up his brain, struggling to comprehend them. She wondered if he was actively resisting accepting what she was saying.
Realizing the conversation had taken a heavy turn, she picked up the black masks and handed him one. "Ready to have your butt kicked?"
He looked up at her sharply before snatching it away. "Oh, you are going down!"
She chuckled as she put on the mask and grabbed the nearest volleyball. She wondered if she could introduce this game on campus. No way was she playing ultimate Frisbee.
"So…," Rupert said, sitting on the floor next to the still-dangling Retro. "You've been screwed over by the boy as well."
"The boy and his blasted tiger," Retro grumbled. "They left me to rot on an alien planet. I don't know how I survived."
"The floating timeline," Rupert sighed. Off his prisoner's expression, he continued. "I used to belong to this… collective… that suspended the universe in a floating timeline. Years passed, but we all stayed the same age. Probably part of why you were able to survive there for so long. Of course, the boy put an end to that, and now time is moving forward again. So now we have stupid old mortality to deal with. But that's not important right now. What is important is that you seem to have come pretty close to defeating the boy yourself."
Retro grumbled. "Could've have him killed long ago. I created a holographic copy of myself to return to Earth and kill him and continue my work. Didn't expect him to develop his own point of view separate from mine. Come up with his own plans. Got himself killed in the process. So I had to break out and do it myself."
Rupert shook his head. "Well, I know all about unhelpful minions. So here's how I see it. We both want revenge. We both want the Earth. So why don't we both do it?"
Retro raised an eyebrow. "You propose an alliance?"
Rupert nodded.
"… I see… possibilities… What did you have in mind?"
"We destroy the boy. After that, you remain on Earth and rule it. The people will be under my control, but you'll run things on my behalf while I go out and reclaim the other planets that I lost. Soon, I will have reclaimed my power over the universe, and I'll be back on top."
Retro considered. "So… I run the shop while you run the company, as it were?"
"Indeed. We can negotiate specifics later, but for now, that's the broad look at it."
Across the room, watching from the doorway, Earl had been silent for all of this. He could see the look in their eyes. It was calm for now, but that twinkle of madness was present in both of them. He worried what this meant. Rupert was already unstable enough as it was. He didn't need another madman fueling the fire. But maybe this would finally be a chance to restore sanity. Maybe this alliance really would kill Calvin, and they'd be able to go back to normal. His king would have satiated his revenge and be back to his old self.
So he stayed quiet for now. There were so many things that could go wrong, he knew that, but for now, he would go along with this.
He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of Retro's feet hitting the floor as he was released from his shackles. He was currently trying to get some feeling back in his arms.
"Right then," Rupert said. "What shall we do first?"
"First, I want to see your science labs," Retro replied. "I need to get to work on building equipment. Can't wait to see what you've got for me to use."
Rupert led him out the door past Earl, who watched them head out the door. He quietly hoped this would be the end of it before following.
