Chapter 3
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March 22nd 1974
It has been two months since Natasha started school and with more time that pasts Natasha finds her self-control being tested more, though she realises that the more times she has had to the easier it has gotten to control herself.
Even though she has all weekend to do her homework on Friday afternoon Natasha is sitting at the dining room table doing her homework.
Needing a break Natasha looks up just as Howard walks in the room, heading in the direction of the kitchen.
"Howard, when'd you get home?" Natasha asks curious as she was pretty sure that Howard was at S.H.I.E.L.D.
"I've been home all day." Howard says as he walks over to her.
"Really?" Natasha asks surprised as it's rare for Howard to spend all day at home.
"Yeah, it's a long story." Howard explains, being pretty sure that he and Peggy will be fighting when she gets home.
"Okay." Natasha says, being able to tell that she shouldn't push.
"Doing your homework on a Friday night. I'm impressed." Howard comments as he sits on the table.
"Don't be, the only reason I'm doing it now is because I want to get it done." Natasha explains.
"I thought you learnt chemistry during your training." Howard comments as he reads what Natasha is doing.
"I did, but it was practical uses and practical knowledge." Natasha explains, "This theory stuff is boring."
"It can be, but you know all theory has a practical explanation." Howard explains, "And you know all of this have some pretty simple practical applications, I can show you if you'd like." Howard offers, "Might help with your understanding."
"That would be great. Thanks." Natasha responds.
"Great, get Tony and meet me in the lab, I think he will like this too." Howard explains.
"Will do, thanks Howard." Natasha says before heading upstairs. Once Natasha leaves Howard quickly reads and memorizes what Natasha is doing so that he can do the right way before he heads to the lab.
An hour later Natasha, Tony and Howard are still happily in the lab together, Howard showing Natasha and Tony all kinds of science when Peggy, clearly just home from work, walks in.
"Mommy, we're doing science to help Tasha with her homework." Tony reveals.
"That's great sweetheart." Peggy says, forcing a smile and as she does Natasha feels the tension in the room rise, "Tasha would you please take Tony upstairs." Peggy requests as the conversation, or more specifically fight that she had Howard are about to have can't wait but she knows that Natasha and Tony shouldn't hear it.
"Sure." Natasha responds, honestly she wants to get out of the lab as quickly as possible, "Come on Tony." Natasha says picking him up.
"But we're having fun." Tony objects.
"I no Sweetie, but your Dad and I really have to talk." Peggy explains to her son.
"We'll do this again tomorrow, promise." Howard tells his son.
"Okay." Tony responds, still not looking too happy, and he and Natasha leave the lab. They aren't even half way down the corridor when they hear,
"WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING." Being angrily yelled by Peggy.
"Tasha what's going on?" Tony asks, looking afraid.
"I'm not exactly sure." Natasha admits as they head upstairs, hearing the angry voices of Peggy and Howard as they do.
A couple of minutes later Natasha and Tony are up in Tony's room, sitting side by side on Tony's bed. Natasha has her arm around Tony as he looks close to tears because of the fact that they can still hear Peggy and Howard's angry voices from downstairs.
"Tasha I don't like this." Tony tells her.
"I know." Natasha responds.
"Why are Mommy and Dad angry?" Tony asks confused.
"I don't know." Natasha admits.
"I want them to stop." Tony says as he snuggles into Natasha's side, "I wish they'd stop." He says, tears coming to his eyes and as he does Natasha looks around the room, wanting desperately to try and do something to help him and as she does Natasha gets an idea.
"I have an idea, take all your pillows off your bed. I'll be back." Natasha informs Tony as she removes her arm from around Tony and climbs off the bed.
"Why?" Tony asks confused.
"I'll explain in a minute." Natasha explains as she heads out of the room.
Being confused but trusting Natasha Tony takes his pillows of the bed and about a minute later Natasha returns to the room carrying a pile of pillows and blankets.
"What's all that for?" Tony asks confused.
"I was thinking we could build a fort and hide in their while your Mom and Dad argue, what do you think?" Natasha asks curious.
"That sounds good." Tony responds.
"Good, help me move the furniture." Natasha requests and she and Tony work together to move some of the smaller furniture around so that they can build their fort.
After about ten minutes Natasha and Tony have made their pillow fort and are sitting inside together.
"I like it in here. It's safe and quiet." Tony admits, being glad that a lot of the sounds of his parents fighting has now been mostly blocked out.
"Yeah, it is rather nice in here." Natasha admits, surprising herself by that.
"Tasha are you my sister now?" Tony asks curious, asking with the kind of innocence to his voice that only a child can have.
"Do you want me to be your sister?" Natasha asks curious and for about a minute Tony looks like he is really considering that.
"Yes! I really do." Tony responds, "You're a great sister."
"Then I think I might be able to do that for you." Natasha admits, causing Tony to smile.
"Good, I think having a big sister is really cool." Tony informs her.
"Good to know." Natasha responds and the two of them drift into silence.
"I'm sorry Peg, I screwed up." Howard says, "I thought I would be able to make something to help, something that would help keep you and our kids safe, and I was wrong." Howard says, it being clear that he is feeling guilty and because they are in the middle of a fight neither Howard or Peggy notice that Howard said kids as in plural.
"I'm not the fact that you screwed up that upsets me the most, I know that your intentions were good. What upsets me the most is that you didn't tell me yourself." Peggy explains, "I'm angry that I had to find out what happened because a level three agent told me while you were hiding out here." Peggy explains, looking hurt, "You should have told me, Howard." Peggy says, "I thought we were passed lying and keeping secrets from each other."
"We were, we are, I wasn't thinking." Howard admits.
"That's obvious." Peggy tells him, "For one of the smartest people in the world you can be a real idiot sometimes."
"Yeah, I can, and I'm trying to better." Howard admits, "I love you Peg, I love our family and every single thing I do is for us, whether stupid or smart." Howard explains, "Just tell me what to do to make things right."
"I think this time you have to figure that out for yourself." Peggy says, "I can't keep telling you what to do." Peggy says before turning and leaving the lab, leaving Howard who is looking almost heart broken.
After leaving the lab Peggy takes a couple of minutes to collect herself then she heads upstairs, heading straight to Tony's room to check on her kids.
When she enters the room and finds the fort Peggy makes her way over to it and opens the entrance, "Can I come in?" Peggy asks, not entering the fort more than she has to.
"Of course." Tony says and Peggy climbs in and walks over to where Natasha and Tony are sitting side by side, "Are you and Daddy still fighting?" Tony asks.
"No, we've stopped." Peggy answers, being pretty sure that a break is probably a better description, "I'm sorry that you had to hear that, both of you." Peggy tells Natasha and Tony, looking between them.
"It's okay." Natasha assures her.
"I didn't like it." Tony tells his mother.
"I'm sorry Tony, I'm so sorry." Peggy says, picking up her son and cuddling him, "How would you two like to go away for the weekend?" she asks Natasha and Tony.
"Where would we go?" Natasha asks curious, suspecting that Peggy is suggested this to get some distance from Howard.
"How about New York?" Peggy asks curious, "We could go to one of the houses there, see some of the city." She explains, "We'd have to be careful, but I think we can have a good time."
"Can we go to the places you and Dad talk about?" Tony asks curious.
"Yeah, I think we can." Peggy says with a smile.
"Okay." Tony answers.
"Tasha?"
"Sure, sounds great." Natasha responds.
"Good, we'll leave soon, I just have to do something." Peggy explains, "Tasha could you help Tony pack some stuff?" she asks curious.
"Sure." Natasha responds.
"Thank you." Peggy responds and she gets up and heads out of the fort.
After leaving Natasha and Tony Peggy heads to hers and Howards room and puts enough stuff for the weekend into her bag, then she heads down to the kitchen where Jarvis and Ana are, going via the dining room where she leaves her bag.
"Ms Carter." Jarvis says happily when she walks in, "Are you and Mr Stark alright?" Jarvis asks concerned.
"Not exactly." Peggy admits, "Tony, Tasha and I are going to New York for the weekend." She explains and as soon as she does Jarvis and Ana exchange looks.
"Are things that bad?" Ana asks surprised.
"Maybe, I don't know." Peggy says uncertainly, "What I do know is that we both need some distance to work out a few things." Peggy explains.
"Well, I guess I better make some snacks for the drive." Jarvis informs Peggy.
"That would be great, thank you." Peggy responds, "And Mr Jarvis…." She starts to say and Jarvis realises what she is going to ask.
"I'll look after him." Jarvis promises.
"Thank you." Peggy responds before leaving, heading back to the lab to talk to Howard once more.
While Peggy is downstairs talking to Jarvis and Ana Natasha and Tony are upstairs, as Natasha has helped Tony pack his bag they are both in her room packing a bag for herself.
"Tasha do you think Daddy's coming to?" Tony asks curious.
"You know I think it might just be me, you, and your Mom." Natasha explains as that's what she assumes.
"Oh, okay." Tony say, looking disappointed as Natasha hides a couple of weapons in her bag.
"Hey, I'm sure this weekend will still be good." Natasha says walking over to Tony, "We'll still have fun, okay?"
"Okay. I just wish Dad was coming too." Tony responds and having no idea what else to do Natasha just gives him a comforting smile.
After she speaks to Jarvis and Ana Peggy heads back down to the lab and once she gets down their Peggy has to pause and take a deep breath before she heads inside.
"Peg, you came back." Howard says, looking glad.
"I'm not leaving you Howard." Peggy tells him, "But I am going away for the weekend with Tasha and Tony."
"What?" Howard asks shocked, "Peg, we can work this out, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He tells her, begging in his voice.
"I know you are." Peggy assures him, "And I think with time we are going to be able to work this out, but I need some space right now, I think we both do. We've got things to figure out." Peggy tells Howard, "We'll be back Sunday night."
"You're just going for the weekend?" Howard asks.
"Yes. We can talk Sunday night once we've both had some time and space to think." Peggy explains.
"You think that's for the best?" Howard asks, trying to stay calm even though the thought that he could be losing his family, wife and best friend all in one go is tearing him up inside.
"Yeah, I do." Peggy confirms.
"Okay, I guess I'll come up to say goodbye to Tony and Tasha." Howard explains and Peggy nods. Once she does they both head upstairs.
Peggy and Howard have been awkwardly standing across the room from each other for a couple of minutes when Tony and Natasha walk downstairs.
"Dad…" Tony says happily, running to his Dad who picks him up.
"Hey Pal, you're going to have a great weekend with your Mom and Tasha." Howard tells his son, forcing a smile.
"Why aren't you coming?" Tony asks curious and as he does he and Peggy exchange the briefest looks.
"I've got some stuff to do here, but I'll be thinking about you all the entire time you're gone and I really want you to have a lot of fun." Howard tells his son, "Do you think you can do that?"
"Yes." Tony says smiling.
"Good boy." Howard says smiling placing a kiss on Tony's head before placing him back on the ground, "That goes for you too Tasha, have fun."
"Will do." Natasha responds, giving Howard a smile.
"We should go, we want to try and beat traffic." Peggy explains.
"Right, see you Sunday night." Howard says, locking eyes with Peggy.
"Yeah, see you then." Peggy says, looking straight at Howard and after Tony gives his dad one last hug before he, Peggy and Natasha walk out Howard watching his family go with a look of heartbreak on his face.
"Mr Stark?" Jarvis asks once Peggy, Tony and Natasha have walked out of the front door.
"If anyone stops by or if anyone but Peg calls I'm not home." Howard explains before walking out of the room, heading in the direction of the lab.
A couple of hours after they left home Peggy pulls off at roadside diner so that they can have some dinner. From the second they walk into the diner both Peggy and Natasha look around and watch for any sign of danger.
"How long until we get to New York?" Tony asks his mother curious once they have ordered their food.
"A couple more hours." Peggy answers.
"Okay." Tony answers, "What are we going to do?" he asks curious.
"Well I thought I could show you both some of the places your dad and I have told you about." Peggy explains, "What do you think about that?"
"That sounds good." Tony says and Natasha nods.
"I'm glad you think so." Peggy says, "Tony while we're in New York it is very important that you are always with either me or Tasha. You need to always be holding one of our hands." Peggy tells her son, "Okay?"
"Yeah, I can do that." Tony promises.
"Good." Peggy says and the three of them drift into silence.
It has been a few hours since Peggy left with Natasha and Tony and ever since Howard has been shut in his lab. As he felt that he should give Howard some space Jarvis has left him alone, but because he knows that Howard hasn't eaten much Jarvis decides to make Howard some food and bring it down to the lab.
When he enters the lab Jarvis is greeted by a sight that he hasn't seen for a very long time, Howard surrounded by several empty bottles.
"MR STARK." Jarvis says in a stern voice.
"Jarvis, I screwed up, I screwed up so much and I lost them, I lost Peg." Howard says, sounding heartbroken and as he does Jarvis realises that he is staring at a picture of them all that was taken at Christmas as they celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah.
"You did screw up, but you haven't lost anyone." Jarvis says as he puts the food down, "But if you act like this you will." Jarvis tells Howard, "Ms Carter fell in love with you after you showed her another side of yourself. It was this side of you that always pushed her away, and if you go back to this you will push her and your children away, which is the last thing you want." Jarvis tells his friend, "With all due respect sir, you need to grow up. You need to think about everything that has happened and decide to fight for your family, you need to figure out how to make this right, and you're not going to find that answer in the bottom of a bottle." Jarvis tells Howard, being completely frank with is boss and friend.
"You're right Jarvis, god damn it your right!" Howard realises "Get rid of all these. I've got an apology to figure out." Howard says, sounding so much better before walking out of the lab, only pausing to have a small mouthful of the food Jarvis made.
"Happy to help, Sir." Jarvis says as Howard leaves.
A few hours after they stopped at a roadside diner Peggy, Tony and Natasha are in New York at one of the Stark properties, one of the properties that very, very, few people know about. As it is quiet late Tony and Natasha have both gone to bed and after she checked on both of them, and made sure that all the windows and doors were locked Peggy headed downstairs. Once she is downstairs Peggy poured herself a drink and as she starts to drink it she notices something on the table, a picture, and so before she realises what she is doing Peggy has gotten up and walked over to photo. The picture is her and Howard from their wedding day, both of them looking so happy.
"What happened to us?" Peggy ask herself as she walks back over to the couch. Still staring at the picture.
A few hours after Peggy brought the photo over, though Natasha doesn't realise, she is getting up to get a drink of water and when she walks past the living room Natasha sees Peggy asleep on the couch.
"Peggy?" Natasha asks in a whisper as she walks over and as she does she realises that Peggy is clutching a photo, Peggy and Howard's wedding photo though Natasha can't see it, to her chest. Once she sees that Peggy is asleep Natasha starts to look around the room for something and as does she spots a blanket so she walks over and grabs it. Once she has the blanket Natasha walks back over to Peggy and covers her with it.
"Tasha?" Peggy asks, having been woken by the movement.
"Yeah. Sorry about waking you." Natasha tells her.
"It's oaky." Peggy assures her, "Thank you."
"Not a problem." Natasha responds, "Are you okay, Peggy?" Natasha asks concerned.
"I don't know." Peggy admits, doing so because she knows that Natasha will know if she is lying.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Natasha asks curious.
"No."
"Are you sure? I want to help." Natasha explains, showing how far she has come from where she was.
"Have fun this weekend and help Tony have fun, that's what you can do for me." Peggy tells her, "Okay?" She asks as she reaches out and pushes Natasha's fridge out of her eyes.
"Okay." Natasha responds, looking like she wishes there was more that she could do.
"Why don't you head back to bed; we've got a long day tomorrow." Peggy tells her.
"I'm just going to grab a drink then I will." Natasha explains, "What about you? Are you going to head to bed?"
"I think I'm going to sleep down here." Peggy admits.
"Okay. Night Peggy."
"Goodnight Tasha." Peggy responds and Natasha goes and gets herself a glass of water before heading upstairs while Peggy makes herself comfortable on the couch before attempting to fall asleep, still clutching the photo.
Two days later
Even with everything going on with her Peggy made sure that she didn't let what is going on affect her weekend with her kids, she did her best to make sure that she didn't give away what was going on though she is pretty sure that Natasha was able to tell whenever she was hiding something.
Because they are getting ready to head back home Natasha, Tony and Peggy are loading everything into the car.
"We'll be able to show Dad these pictures' soon, won't we?" Tony asks his mother.
"Yeah, we will. We'll develop them when we get home. I think your Dad would very much like showing you how to do that." Peggy informs Tony.
"Really? That would be great." Tony says, grinning from ear to ear.
"Yeah." Peggy says, smiling, being glad that he seems so excited, "We're ready to go so why don't you go to the bathroom first." Peggy tells her son.
"Okay." Tony says before heading back inside.
"Are you and Howard going to fight again when we get back?" Natasha asks curious because she wants to know what she should expect.
"It's possible." Peggy admits, "But this time we'll make sure that we don't until you and Tony asleep." Peggy promises and Natasha nods before heading to the front of the car where she gets in.
At the house it is becoming perfectly clear to both Jarvis and Ana that Howard is both nervous and excited about Peggy, Tony and Natasha coming home.
"You've talked to Peg? They're on their way home?" Howard asks Jarvis.
"Yes. Ms Carter said that they were on their way home." Jarvis explains, "They should only be a couple more hours."
"Good, that's good." Howard says, "Will dinner be ready for them when they get here?"
"Of course." Jarvis answers.
"Good. Good. We'll eat and then Peg and I can talk, we'll figure this out." Howard says, looking hopeful.
Because he is watching out the windows by the front door Howard sees the second that Peggy's car pulls in and the second he sees it Howard hurries to the door and opens it just as Peggy, Tony and Natasha are getting out of the car.
"DADDY." Tony says running to his father as soon as he gets out the car while Peggy and Natasha collect the bags out of the front.
"Hey Pal." Howard says as he picks up his son and hugs him, "How was your trip?"
"It was good Dad, really good." Tony tells him, "We went to all the places that you and Mom talk about and it was really cool. We took photos, Mom said that you would help me develop them, will you?" Tony asks his father.
"Of course I will." Howard says as Peggy and Natasha walk over.
"I missed you, so much." Howard says as he pulls Natasha into a hug.
'We missed you too." Tony tells his father.
"Jarvis has dinner on the table, are you three hungry?" Howard asks looking between his wife, Natasha and Tony, and all three of them nod.
"Great." Howard says and the three of them head into the house.
All through dinner Howard and Peggy were polite to each other, though everyone except for Tony could clearly fell the tension in the room.
"He asleep?" Howard asks Peggy a couple of hours after dinner once Tony and Natasha are in bed as she walks down the stairs.
"Yeah. He really enjoyed himself this weekend." Peggy reveals.
"Good that's good."
"Yeah it is." Peggy confirms, "Guess we should talk."
"Yeah, there is something I want to show you." Howard tells Peggy.
"Okay." Peggy responds and the two of them head towards the office.
When Peggy and Howard walk into the office Peggy realises that everything looks exactly the same, except for the fact that there is a wooden box, that Peggy has never seen, sitting on the desk.
"What's this?" Peggy asks curious once they arrive at the desk, at the box.
"Something I've never shown anyone." Howard admits, "Open it." He encourages.
Hesitantly Peggy reaches out and opens the box as she looks inside Peggy sees that there is a picture of Steve, a picture of people who Peggy knows to be Howard's parents because there is a copy of that exact photo in the living room, the photos of all the victims and destruction caused by Midnight Oil, and a list of names, and a few other things.
"What is all this?" Peggy asks, not seeing the connection.
"My biggest failures, the people I have failed the most, the most destruction I've caused." Howard explains.
"Why is a picture of your parents in here?" Peggy asks confused as from what she can see she can recognize everything in the box and why Howard would consider failures, everything except the picture of his parents.
"You know this is the only picture of my parents that exist." Howard says as he picks it up, "The others, the one in the living room, is just a copy of this." Howard explains, "My parents couldn't afford much, so they only ever had one photo of them taken." Howard tells Peggy, "Dad used to keep this by the cash register where he sold his fruit." Howard explains, "As soon as I knew what I could do I would fix the cars of the people who could afford it, and help Dad when he needed." He explains, "The day Dad died I was supposed to be fixing a car, but I was with Dad instead." Howard tells Peggy.
"I thought your Dad was alone when he died." Peggy comments as Howard told her what happened to his father.
"That's what I had to say." Howard reveals, "It was the winter of thirty-two things were tough on everyone." He says, starting to tell Peggy something that he has never told another person.
"I remember." Peggy says.
"People came in; people I knew from around the neighbourhood. They had guns and they wanted to take everything in the register. We didn't have much, we were barely surviving, so Dad wouldn't hand it over. I was doing inventory when I heard the first shot." Howard reveals, a tear coming to his eye and even with everything that is going on between them Peggy finds herself reaching out and taking his hand, "They fired again and took everything in the register, then they turned to me. I thought they were going to kill me, but they didn't." Howard admits, having never known why he was spared that day, "One of them grabbed this photo and he told me that If I told anyone what happened they would kill her, and I believed them. So, I lied." Howard reveals, "It was the first time that I lied to protect someone I love and ever since then it became my instinct." Howard explains, "I'm trying to do better Peg, I really am, but if it means protecting you or one of our kids my instinct is still to lie." Howard says, turning to face her directly, "I'm going to do better, Peg. I'm going to try not to lie to you." Howard says, "You and our kids mean everything to me and I'm sorry about everything and I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you." He says and he and Peggy drift into silence.
"Nineteen years." Peggy says, breaking the silence, "We've been married nineteen years and you've never told me that."
"I know." Howard says, "I buried it so long ago that I think I even started to believe the lie." He admits.
"I know that lying is your first instinct, but Howard, the only reason we have made it this far is because you started to be more open, because you started to let me in, and if we're going to have a chance then you need to let me in more. I can't hear about things happening thanks to some random agent, I need to hear them from you, otherwise we don't have a chance." Peggy tells Howard.
"I'm going to try; I'm going to try harder than ever before." Howard tells Peggy, "Our family is what matters most to me, and I'm going to do better by you all. I promise Peg." Howard explains, "And I'm sorry Peggy, completely, I truly mean that and mean it when I say that I am going to do everything I can to make sure I don't do anything like this again."
"If you do I don't know if we could make it through that." Peggy tells Howard.
"I know." Howard says, "I know that I won't get another chance, and I wouldn't deserve one, so I'm going to do better, Peg I will."
"I believe you will." Peggy says, "And I forgive you."
"Thank you." Howard says, looking at Peggy in amazement as he wasn't expecting that.
"You're welcome." Peggy says before moving and kissing Howard. Once they break apart they head upstairs hand in hand, Howard knowing that he is incredibly lucky that Peggy has forgiven him and he knows that if he wasn't with Peggy then he would be less of a person and he wouldn't let anyone in as for the past twenty years Peggy is the one person, other than Jarvis, that has been able to see the real him, though when he was alive Steve did too, and Peggy has been the only person who believed that he was something other than just a mad genius and that has meant everything to him.
