Hope you're still with me, ladies. I admit that I've been away for a time too long even for my taste.

Anyways, who's ready to see the beginning of the book? :D

P.S. Remember, all chapters won't be shown. Just snippets of them.

P.S.S. If one reader gets confused about the half part of this, go to Emmett's Theory. You'll understand ;)

Beta'd by Breath-of-twilight. xx


2.

WHO IS 'ME'?

The first day of school turned out to be... tolerable. I met two girls in the parking lot – Lily; she was tall and blonde-haired, and the other, Marylou, was petite with short black-hair. Their names might have been as old as the vintage car Dad owns, but, damn, if they weren't as popular in school as that car would be if flaunted to a bunch of car enthusiasts! Well, guess what? They wanted me to be their friend! There's just one problem; I don't think I'm 'it', you know? *sighs*

Thought for the day: Life can be a bitch. In fact, life is a bitch. It has mood swings. One moment, it lets you become happy, and then the next, you're full of despair. It is also an endless cycle of wanting something - your needs and want - which you will have to work hard for, but still always, always makes you think you still need to prove yourself to the world. You see? That's what I feel. I'm just not enough to the world.I have to show them a different 'me' JUST TO BE ACCEPTED.

After signing her name at the bottom of her entry, Isla closed her diary and climbed back to bed. As she lay sideways, staring at the wall, she pondered over her almost seventeen years of existence. Isla had always been the only child in her family. Some envied her because of that mere fact, while some judged her, assuming she must be spoiled and snobbish. All the girls in her old school told her she was lucky because she did not have any siblings to worry about or need to get off her back. They all said that without even knowing Isla's real situation. She even betted that no one even knew it made her feel lonely most of the time. Sure, she did not have competition for her parents' attention, but that sole advantage was actually her problem; she knew she wasn't enough. Growing up, her father, Charles, wanted her to learn baseball and basketball - feats she could not accomplish without tripping or being rushed to the emergency room. She knew deep inside her that she tried, but did her father know that? No. Her mother, Reese, on the other hand, had a competitive nature in her. Reese wanted Isla dolled up and looking prettier than her girlfriends' daughters. She was always pushing her to be the best, not because she was plain proud of her, but because she hated the truth, that Isla was the only kid she had. She despised Isla's clumsy nature, to boot, since it caused her daughter to obtain bruises and scratches, making her skin rough and full of scars and patches. The whole seventeen years, she was pushing her to the limit until she realized she didn't know what she was doing anymore or what it was for. Isla lost herself – her own identity.

After typing the whole chapter for only twenty minutes, I sigh heavily, feeling myself emotionally connecting to Isla's story. I don't know why, but it's feels like this story is some sort of a diary (Good God, I have a diary!)… or an odd, pathetic excuse for an autobiography. This chapter is too close to my real life, only Charlie was left alone after Mom's death. Still, Esme and Mom's other girlfriends "adopted" me and used me as an extra Barbie when they were already done with Rose, Alice, and Jessica. I actually remember getting confused what kind of activity I should do or what clothes I should wear. It's true; I did lose my own identity. Fuck me, Tanya's right.

Suddenly, a loud knock erupts from the door, breaking my train of thought. I quickly pad to the door. Someone is whispering on the other side. Okaaaaay?

Whoever it is, it couldn't be another fucktard wanting to break into my house; he wouldn't use the doorbell, right? With slight hesitation and a skeptical look, I open the door. My expression changes when I see Edward in front of me.

"Edward? Come in," I invite him, opening the door wider so he can enter. I lead him to the living room couch. It might not be as plush as his (I know because I've tried it… you know?), but it's certainly comfortable. What with Jazz picking "the best" couch for us. Like the fucker lives here.

I'm digressing. Yeah, yeah. I know, alright!

"Flowers." Edward pushes a huge ass bouquet of flowers up. I look at him with a surprised face. Who knew he was carrying that thing the whole time?

"For me?" I ask, not believing this. My second week being straight and I get flowers from the reason why I converted in the first place. Never in my life have I received a gesture as sweet as this except for today. I've always thought Alice was just a sappy bitch when she almost cries after Jasper has given her flowers and chocolates. Holy shit, it feels good! Very… uplifting… and inspiring. Shit! I can't write angst if I'm going to feel all girly and weak.

Nevertheless, I take the bouquet. But bouquets are supposed to have a card, right? You know, to turn the girl into a puddle of goo? Like an idiot, I search for it.

"What are you doing?" Edward observes, looking at me like I have lost my mind.

"Who's this from?" I gesture to the bouquet. After saying that, I get this fucking facepalm urge. Can't believe you're not contented, bitch! I bite my lip, wanting to say sorry to myself, but control it instead.

He stares at me with wide eyes, probably offended by my question. Great, Bella. Just great! You ruined everything."From me-asen," he stutters.

"Masen? Who the hell is that?" I scrunch up my eyebrows, trying to conceal my disappointment that it's not from him. I even thought that, for a second, he was saying "me" but it just morphed into "Masen".

"Uh…" He fidgets in his seat, obviously not knowing what to say.

"Whatever." I wave my hand dismissively, losing my interest in the flowers because they aren't from him. Maybe, only women can convert back their sexuality. He'll always be gay. Fuck, I gave him head two nights ago, for Christ sakes! Don't tear up, Bella! You do not have to be weak just because you're a female. You are a strong, unique woman.

I should probably apologize about it now that I know the result. "Listen. About last F-" I start.

"Bella," he whispers. "I had a very weird dream…"

Do I fucking care? Why fucking tell it to me, dude? "You did?"

He gulps and stares at me with glazed eyes as he tells me about his dream. "And then I saw your bare kitty and then went back to the kitchen to get another fork. Within minutes, I go back and you were nowhere to be found, but you're actually under the dining table, and you fellating me…"

"Fellating? Like blow job?" Is he fucking kidding me? He thought that was a dream?

And then he continues with his story, describing it and comparing it to a scene in American Wedding. Coincidentally, I realize I was searching the net for that same movie just hours ago.

"Are you fuckin' serious, Edward?" I shout, just when his shitty storytelling ends. "That was a dream?"

"Yeah…"

I glare at him. "That did happen, fucker! And I didn't make out with Tanya. She's an ex!"

"She's your ex? Wow. You're androgynous," he muses. The fuck?

"What are you talking about?"

"You made out with her! The gang was even watching the both of you," he argues. He was there?

I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath, convincing myself not to strangle him. "That's normal for her. She's a friend, okay?"

"I'm not gay anymore," he all of a sudden blurts out.

Fuck me. "You're not?" Should I believe his ass? He's fucking out of it right now.

"Uh, no."

"Since when?" I grill. Gah, I'm too happy!

"I don't know." He shakes his head, confusion apparent in his eyes.

Ah, fuck. Whatever! I sigh dreamily. "Doesn't matter."

I can tell Edward is really confused right now. Asshole! "Are you okay? Were you just shitting me?"

"I can't do that when I don't even know what we're talking about in the first place," he explains.

I can feel my jaw scraping the rug. "You said you're not gay!"

"I'm not!"

"You are not…?" Great. Now, I'm also confused.

"I'm not gay… anymore," he clarifies.

Let's see… I snort for good measure. "Never really thought you were gay."

"Really?" He leans closer, very interested in what I am about to say.

"Yeah. You're like, just confused and shit," says the girl who wouldn't admit that until two weeks ago.

"I wasn't! Why do people keep on telling me that?"

I huff at him in annoyance. You think you're the only one? "Edward, don't bother about that part anymore 'cause you're not one now."

"Okay," he shrugs.

"Weird."

"You are," he shoots back.

"I'm not gay," I admit sheepishly.

"'Cause you're lesbian…"

For a smart person, Edward's incredibly stupid. "I'm not lesbian anymore."

"Really? That's great!" Fucker grips me and shakes me like crazy.

"It is?"

He nods eagerly. "Do you wanna go out tonight?"

"No dresses," I warn.

"Pssh. Whatever."


So, now you know Bella's take on that day. You also know a bit of her back story.

Now, what chapter of her story do you want to read?

SHOW SOME LOVE AND SUPPORT FOR BELLA :3