Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine


My eyepatch is a variant of Kenpachi's. I've actually got four of them.

The patches are a compromise. Soul Society issued me an order after they'd thrown me out. They wanted to restrict me to five percent of my power so I wouldn't unduly affect the world of the living. I was still smarting from the way I'd been treated, so I drew a Rukia-style picture of a rabbit with orange hair and a very surprised teddy bear with a long gray beard and an X-shaped scar in the process of having that order-

I think they got the point.

I wrote my counter offer across the back. I lost my right eye in one of the battles with Gin. I'd be wearing something to cover that anyway, so they could send me some eye patches like Zaraki's. They sent me four, sized big, bad, worse and one that does nothing at all, just to keep the old socket covered up for people with weak stomachs. I'd imagine that was against the old man's orders, I've always thought it was Nemu or Urahara who arranged that.

The patches were specifically designed to be layered. I wear the strongest two, which together take almost all of my spirit powers down. A bit gets through, but not too much more than an ordinary person. When I pull off the outer patch it gives me more, maybe around ten percent. I usually pull that one off to fight hollows. The whole idea of the range is so I can mix and match, depending on the circumstances. I can ramp up progressively, I don't have to jump from almost nothing to full blast. It becomes unwieldy to wear more than two at once so I usually keep the other two in the pocket of my shihakusho.

I still live with Kon. He's changed too, all of us did. He's still a plushy, but we've made some improvements. I found a little plushy lion I keep attached to my book bag, it barely holds the pill it's so small but it gives Kon a chance to get out. At home we did some experiments with Frankenplushy, came up with something that gives Kon decent hands to work with.

Kon is the closest thing I have to a friend, I'm not that good with people anymore. He has the grace not to whine about Rukia; like me, Kon did a lot of growing up. Modsouls are criminals too, so we make a good pair. I think he's happy enough, or at least as happy as he can be. Mostly he comes to class with me or watches TV, we have the high end TV package for him.

We get by.

I still train. I have to. If I stopped I'd be agreeing with them, and I can't do that. I am the Vizard, after all. That doesn't ever go away, even after I die that won't go away, so I refuse to lie down and die because of it. Some day something worse that Aizen and his Arrancar will come along, when that happens I'll be there to fight them.

I'm going to be stronger when that happens. I think I said we've got a reaper in town to take care of the everyday hollows, but if a Menos shows up that's my job. Whether soul society likes it or not.

I'm probably stronger already. Actually, I'm probably a lot stronger. I spend some time working my physical body (it's got to last as long as possible) every night, then usually a half hour training my soul reaper form before bed. Sometimes I take down a hollow or two in the process. I'll admit I've branched out a little, I have abilities I haven't developed. Some day I may need the kido, so I'm trying to learn it. And I have an instant regeneration ability on my hollow side, but I can't control it. So I'm a little leery about trying it out on my eye. Maybe one day I will, but not yet.

About the kido, I think it was my father who left me the book. I don't know how he did it, I never saw him do it. If our meetings are monitored by soul society I'm sure they couldn't prove he did it either.

I keep the book on me, I don't want some reaper sent to my apartment to collect it while I'm in class.

Anyways, my kido is improving and I'm a mean hand at the cero. I'm also developing my hollow equivalents of my soul reaper powers. I can Shunpo obviously, now I can also do the hollow equivalent. It's a little different, and basically interchangable, but I feel I should be able to do it both ways. My kido ain't so hot. I throw my everything into it when I'm throttled back and I can barely control it. I'm simply not a natural with the stuff. I still train though, even if it's only a few minutes a day. Because best case scenario is that ten thousand years from now I'll still be Kurosaki Ichigo able to use kido to kill hollows.

Shit.

I guess I should say right off the mark that I don't hold this against Rukia, or Renji, or Hanataro or any of the others. These people are still my friends, they're just not allowed anywhere near me. Would you believe that Hana is my doctor? The year after my father moved back to Seireitei there's a knock on my door and who should be standing there but Hanataro Yamada, wearing the silliest bowler hat you've ever seen?

Hana is a very skilled healer. I felt a lot better just for seeing him. Sort of a message right there, a lot of people weren't happy about the situation. A lot of those people still considered me a friend.

It's horrible to wish there could be another war just to see people again.

In a way I guess this was a blessing in disguise. I'm grown now, in college. I can't just race out of class to kill hollows like I did in high school. I have to grow up now, leave the battling to people that don't have to get jobs. They can handle it. They always have. One more sword won't make a difference anymore, not with Aizen and his cronies gone. I'm getting on with my life. I had to get on with my life. I'm a living, breathing person, I have a life to live.

Kon and I have been discussing going to America. My English isn't terrible, and apparently Kon can speak any language he wants to. We figured he could stand in for me dealing with anything that needed a real master of the language. And presumably the gates from Seireitei can open anywhere in the world, it shouldn't be a problem for Karin and Dad to visit me. Yuzu too, once she graduates.

There is one thing, apparently they reverse your name there, put your family name last. So in America I'd be Ichigo Kurosaki and Kon would be, well, Kon. Ichigo Kurosaki. It just doesn't sound right. And English doesn't have honorifics, people you don't even know will just address you by your first name like they're family or something. I don't know if I could get used to that.

There are too many memories here. I just caught myself staring at Chad's bass. An inheritance, no one else wanted it. Chad didn't have any family left. Most of what he owned was sold to pay for the funeral. I can only hope I'm not the only one who visits his grave. Rukia, Renji, they must go when they're in town. Surely? You'd think a guy in my position wouldn't worry about Chad. He should have gone to the soul society, would have known to go immediately to the Seireitei. It's just that he never contacted me to say he was all right.

There are a lot of days I think he must hate me. I hope he's like the others, with orders not to speak to me.

Yeah, maybe we'll go to America. Never speak Japanese again, just leave all of this behind. Become an American soul-

-an American Vizard.

Maybe I could get a cowboy hat.

Sorry, I have to laugh. There's just something about the thought of a shinigami in a cowboy hat that always cracks me up. I'd get one for Zaraki too. And one for Byakuya. We could call him Tex.

Maybe it is time to leave. At the end of this year I could take my credits and transfer into a school overseas. Besides, there were big open spaces there, really big spaces. Spaces I could take off this damn eyepatch and open the taps wide, spend a night firing ceros at the moon.

It's harder than you'd think to hit the moon with a cero. Sure it's a big target but it's also far. You don't have to be off by much to miss it entirely.

I'm just kidding, the ceros usually burst before they leave the atmosphere. Still fun to try though.

I'd like to meet a girl. I'm not so good around people anymore, but maybe if I could meet a girl-

I'd be putting her in danger. Relationships are out.

I know nobody said life had to be fair. But this is a little much.