[AN]
I want to apologise for the delay this has had getting here, Ive been unable to write for a couple of months and it has really been driving me mad. So if anyone is still reading his, I hope you enjoy it, the last chapter will hopefully follow soon.
Omega
[/AN]
The Present unwraps.
Derek was shaken by the visit from his sister, the presence that she had had was still palpable to him in the air of the charred living room. The past had also shaken him as he had seen what members of his pack had had to endure and yet still were open to feeling for others. While true no one had the guilt from causing the deaths of their family, they had suffered in their own way.
What Laura had said about his family having never blamed him for their deaths left Derek with an unsettled feeling. He was the cause of their death, if he had spoken to someone or had been the least suspicious of Kate then the others would still be alive. Still be here with him and the house would be alive and vibrant with the people inside it.
As he stood pondering what had been shown to him and what had be told to him he failed to notice the warming of the room around him. It had started slowly with a gentle breeze that swept the dust from the floor and from the broken furniture. It then began to infuse the room with warmth and as the warmth grew so did a light coming from the back of the house.
It broke Derek from his revere as the glow and the warmth made the room feel more like a warm autumn day rather than the dead of night in a snow storm. "What the hell…" He said to himself and then the silent clock on the floor struck one. Turning he saw the source of the light and it infused him with feelings of home and kith and kin. Walking back through the house he turned under the stair case and to the ruined hole where once the kitchen, the heart of the home, had stood.
As Derek drew close a voice called out. "Come in and know me, young man." The voice was commanding yet gentle. He stepped around the door frame and instead of finding the ruin he had expected, he found the kitchen of his youth staring back at him. Over by the stove was a woman bent over and fiddling with the oven.
Derek paused not wanting to move, the thought running through his head was 'Is this Mom?'. "I'm so sorry sweetie, only one of your family was allowed to come here tonight and that was your Sister." The woman said answering Derek's unasked question.
Straightening up the woman, who Derek through was somewhat familiar, placed a baking tray full of fresh cookies onto the counter. "So here we are then. Got yourself into a bit of a pickle. Hmm." She says to him and uses a spatula to transfer the cookies to a cooling rack.
"I know you…" Derek started but trailed off.
The woman nodded. "We've never met but you've seen photos my son and husband keep up." She told him and it occurred to Derek where he had seen the woman.
"Mrs Stilinski." Derek said in a reverential greeting.
Stella Stilinski smiled at him and offered a plate of cookies towards him. "Cookie?" She asked.
Derek reached forward automatically and took one of the cookies, his mind still reeling from the meeting with Stiles mother. "How?" he finally asked.
Stella smiled again. "Well your family asked me to come, they're worried about you Derek, and having been watching, I'm worried as well. I know that you have feelings for my son, and that he is starting to have feelings for you, though that isn't a surprise to you is it?" She asked him.
Derek nodded slowly, he was aware that Stiles was starting to be interested in him, the smell of arousal and the looks, he would have to be denser than stone, or Scott when Isaac was pinning after him. "Yes." He said slowly, not wanting to get into that conversation.
Stella nodded, and put the plate of cookies down. "Well we have things to do and time is a wasting." She offered Derek her hand and Derek took it, now resigned to the events that were unfolding this night. Stella led then towards the back door which began to let in a growing glow around the edges of the door. She opened it to reveal a blinding light which Derek tried to shade his eyes from but allowed Stella to lead him forward.
..oo00OO00oo..
Blinking to clear his eyes from the residual effect of the light that had just engulfed them, Derek tried to get his bearings as to his surroundings. He and Stella were in a darkened bedroom, the room was almost clinical in its order. "Where are we?" Derek asked.
"At your newest pack member's house." Stella replied and indicated the apparently sleeping form of Jackson in the bed.
"What are we doing here?" Derek asked, confused to the choice in locations.
"Were here to try and show you that what you have to offer is needed by others, and by not offering it you hurt them and cause them pain." Stella told him with a gentle hand on his arm.
The alarm on the bed went off and the teen in the bed turn over and turned it off. It was clear that he had been awake long before it had gone off. Jackson then rolled back and stared at the celling.
"When is this?" Derek asked.
"Christmas morning." Stella replied.
Derek paused and looked around the room. There was nothing in it that suggested that it was Christmas. As he watched Jackson slid his legs from under the covers and sat at the edge if the bed, sighing he stood and walked over to the built in closet. Opening it and then reaching on tiptoes he rummaged around in the back of the top shelf.
Derek was puzzled. "What's he doing?"
Stella signed and moved closer. "He's trying to find his anchor." She said and Derek looked at her quizzically.
"He has his anchor, it's Lydia." Derek said.
"Not that anchor, an anchor for his compassion." Stella corrected him and raised an eyebrow when Derek snorted. "He has a compassionate side, it's so buried under years of self-doubt and a desire to prove that he is worthy of the people he has in his life." She gave Jackson a sympathetic look.
Jackson had found what he was looking and returned to the bed with a cardboard box. Opening it he then unwrapped tissue paper and took from the box a baby blue blanket with an embroidered teddy bear in the corner, under it was embroidered the name 'Jackson'. Jackson lifted it to his face and pressed it softy to his cheek and then in the silence of the room he started to cry.
"He never knew where he came from, and for the longest of times he believed that he had been left behind by parents that didn't want him. The Whitmore's are good enough and caring as people go, but they have never been able to form a true bond with Jackson, and then when they told him he was adopted it made it even harder for him to truly open himself to the possibility that they could want him if he was a disappointment as he thought that he was." Stella had walked back over to the bed as well and ran a gentle ghostly hand through Jackson's hair in a loving gesture. "He struggles to allow himself to trust others because he is constantly trying to protect himself and really can't comprehend how others could ever really love him for who he is."
Derek had never realised the depth of Jackson's need, he had always assumed that it was a douchebag trying to get more power to be the best. "What about Lydia and Danny." He asked.
Stella looked over. "They are the closest that he has allowed any one to come to him in years. Danny because he never cares what Jackson does, he likes him regardless. Lydia is the girl that is his first love. Even those are tainted by his constant fears." She had walked past Jackson and on the bed when she passed was a five year old Jackson sobbing softly into the same blanket. "He never really grew up from the boy that found out he was adopted, abandoned, even now knowing the truth of what happened."
Derek looked at the little boy then over to Stella, when he looked back Jackson had returned to his teenage form.
"Without knowing true family, he is going to struggle and struggle to keep himself together and one day he's going to stop trying and seal his heart away for good." Stella gave Jackson a final look, and then a motherly kiss on the head, though the teen never felt it. "If that happens Derek, then you know what he will become." She stroked Jackson's hair and there was a silver sparkle.
Derek nodded, knowing that without a foundation or anchor Jackson would go feral and even if he could hold together his human side, it would be twisted by the darkness that would come from the wolf that was lost to pain and suffering.
Stella offered Derek her hand again, and as he took it knowing that this visit was over, they turned and walked into the light that was beaming from the closet like a lighthouse.
..oo00OO00oo..
The light receded again and they were in the McCall living room. It was decorated for Christmas and under the tree there were parcels waiting to be opened. The room was lit by the tree lights and from a set of fake candles that were glowing softly.
It was still dark outside and looking at the clock on the Mantel, Derek could see that it was just coming up for six am. A creak from the hallway caused Derek to turn and coming creeping down the stairs like a five year old was Scott, dragging a semi awake Isaac behind him.
"Scott, it's too early." Isaac whispered over a yawn.
"Shh, it's tradition!" Scott answered him and pulled Isaac down as he descended the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs he let go of Isaac and crept into the living room and over to the tree. Standing and smiling to himself he cocked his head back and shouted at the top of his voice. "HE'S BEEN!"
Isaac just stared at Scott and then he groaned at the shout. From the top of the Stairs Melissa came round the corner of the hall and Smiled down at Isaac and Scott, obviously having been awake and waiting for the shout.
Derek looked at Stella and with a concerned face and with a hint of incredulity he asked, "Please tell me he doesn't still believe in Santa?"
Stella shook her head. "He hasn't believed in Santa since the Christmas his father spoiled it for him, I believe you saw that one. When he was younger, it became his way of trying to make everything right for his mother, to pretend that he still believed for her sake to try and keep Christmas special for the pair of them. Then it became a tradition for him to wake her that way that he hasn't stopped since."
Scott grinned as he watched his mother descend the stair case. "I'll get the coco on!" Scott said and bounded to the kitchen.
Melissa gave Isaac an almost apologetic shrug. "He gets excited for Christmas, though he does make really good coco." She walked over to the pile of presents and started to sort them into Piles.
Isaac looked unsure what to do, so he sat down on the couch.
After a few minutes Scott came back into the room with three mugs topped with whipped cream. "Here we go." He said. He handed one to Isaac and set the one for his mother on the coffee table.
Melissa had finished sorting the presents and passed a bundle to Scott's waiting eager hands which were doing grabby motions, then she turned to Isaac and gave him a pile as well.
Isaac looked shocked to be getting something. "Uhh what's this? I mean I didn't really get anyone anything…" He said in a worried tone.
Melissa shook her head. "You don't need to worry Isaac, these are yours, from Santa." She said with a grin as Scott nodded his head as well agreeing with her.
Derek looked at Stella. "What are we doing here?" He asked.
Stella smiled, ignoring the questions she said. "They never had much but they always made it special for each other and now for Isaac." Derek watched along with her as they unwrapped the gifts. Scott was ripping into the paper, while Isaac was taking his time and folding the paper like it could be used again.
"You don't need to keep it Zac." Scott said with a snort.
Isaac just gave him a soft smile and shrugged. "I've always done it this way, my mum showed me."
Scott made an 'Oh' face and then bumped shoulders to convey he understood.
Soon the parcels were opened and Melissa and Scott were sitting back enjoying another mug of coco. Isaac still had a pensive looks.
"What's up Zac?" Scott asked him.
Isaac looked at Scott and said with a sigh. "I was thinking about Derek, I mean I know he has like zero interpersonal skills, but he's alone right now… No one should be alone on Christmas."
Scott slid over next to Isaac and put an arm round his shoulder and pulled him into him. "You have a really kind heart Zac. Tell you what, after we get breakfast and clean-up for Christmas lunch, we'll go over and give it one more try to see if he'll come for dinner."
Isaacs face lit up at that. "Thank you Scott." He replied and nuzzled into him.
Scott shrugged with a half-smile. "I don't expect he will want to come, hell he probably growl at us and chase us of his land." He said.
Isaac nudged Scott. "We just need to leave the door open for him."
Scott gave Isaac another nuzzle. "Sure Zac, anything for you."
Derek looked at Stella. "Even after I chased him off, he's still worried about me?" He asked, confused.
Stella nodded. "Indeed, even after everything, Isaac has a good kind heart and he sees you as family so he will always try." She walked to the back of the couch and stroked both Beta's hair and there was a silvery sparkle.
"What was that?" Derek asked Stella.
"A blessing of sorts." Stella said.
Derek raised an eyebrow in question
Stella shook her head. "I give my own blessing to anyone who holds family in their hearts. Come on, more to see." She held out her hand to Derek and he took it and they turn towards the door.
..oo00OO00oo..
Derek blinked and looked around the room they were now in, it was in darkness with the curtains drawn over, it was familiar and he saw that it was Stiles room. "Stiles?" he asked.
Stella nodded and indicated the bed, Stiles was sitting on the edge of the bed holding a Christmas stocking in his hands. Derek moved so that he could see it better in the gloom of the room and saw that it had 'Mom' embroidered on it. "Yours?" He asked, knowing the answer.
Stella nodded. "Yes, mine. He keeps it hidden and brings it out at this time of year."
"Why is he alone in the dark, and not with his dad?" Derek asked when he saw that it was almost midmorning on the clock.
"Because it's too painful for both of them. Stiles is here on his own and John is at work pulling a double shift under the pretence of letting others be at home with their family. In fact it just hurts him too much to be at home even though it leaves Stiles on his own." Stella told Derek.
Stiles shifted and got up, still holding the stocking, he left the room and Derek and Stella followed him down stairs. Derek saw that the living room was barely decorated, it had several cards put out on the mantle and a small bare tree and that was it. Stiles looked at the presents that had been left on the table and walked away to the kitchen.
"When he was eight, the year that I passed away, he begged Santa not to bring him any presents, he just wanted his mummy back. It killed John when he read the letter and he had to try and explain that I was gone and no matter how hard he wished for it, I couldn't return. That killed Stiles belief in Christmas." Stella told Derek as she watched Stiles moving around the kitchen.
"But he seemed so into it…" Derek asked remembering the last pack meeting.
"It's a clever rouse, he pretends to be into it to hide how much he is hurting inside, and to keep his father from experiencing the pain of knowing that he couldn't do anything to protect Stiles from the pain of loss. Stiles will go upstairs soon and get ready and go and join the McCall's for Christmas dinner, he'll put on a brave face, and then later he will see his father and they will have a stilted exchange of gifts. Both drowning in loss and pain and both trying not to let the other see it."
Stiles came back into the room and was carrying a mug of coffee, he sat down on the couch then put the coffee on the table, and he then lifted the Stocking up to chest height and stroked the name on it. "I miss you mom, I really do. Dad misses you as well though he won't ever say it to me. I wish… I just wish that you were here right now, I wish I could just hold you for one last time." Stiles sniffed and both Stella and Derek saw a single tear falling to the cloth.
"He hides his pain inside and bottles it up, when he does he hardens his heart to feeling. If he had someone that he could share this pain with, someone that loved him in return as Stiles loves them then the pain would be lessened. Scott knows that Stiles suffers at this time, but Stiles won't open up to him, won't let his pain add to Scott's or anyone else's." She looked at Derek and Derek felt her eyes boring into his soul and finding the affection and love for Stiles that he had never been able to express. "He hides his feelings well from everyone, even the ones that need to know them the most." She ran a loving hand over Stiles cheek and leaned in to give a ghostly kiss. "My precious boy." She whispered.
Derek just looked at Stiles and wondered if he could really ever tell Stiles how he really felt, if he could open his heart to trust Stiles with those feelings and to have them returned in kind.
"Your indecisions will cripple you both." Stella said to him, then offered her hand to Derek once more. "One more stop on our trip."
Derek took her hand and they both climbed the stairs to the light that was emanating from the top of the stairs.
..oo00OO00oo..
They walked through the light and were standing at the top of the stairs on a familiar landing. Walking down stairs they were greeted by the sight of the Hale pack gathered together in Scott's living room. They were sitting around the chairs looking somewhat down and certainly not in the mood to party or celebrate with each other.
Stella spoke to Derek as they stood in the hall. "They need to be together as a pack, it's part of who they are now, but even gathered together something is missing from them, something that makes this incomplete."
Derek looked down guilty at the continued strain he was putting his pack and their bond under. "Doesn't this just show how much I fail at being an alpha?" He said to her, the self-loathing was heavy in his voice.
"No, it just shows me how much pain you are in that you can't put your pack first. What it also shows me is that if you were together with your pack that your pain wouldn't be quit as heart-breaking as it is."
Derek looked over at Stella and then turned to the room as Scott spoke. "Has anyone heard from him?"
Most of the pack shook their heads and stiles answered. "No, I tried to call him earlier, even sent him a few texts but got nothing back. I would have gone out there but he probably would have chased me of the grounds with a stick of holly."
Jackson tried to lighten the mood. "That could have been a good look for you, Holly wrapped round your head." Stiles stuck out his tongue in retaliation and Danny nudged Jackson for his quip.
"Well he's not here but we are, so I think we should try and celebrate as best we can. I mean were all here, we have each other." Scott said looking up at Isaac and gripping his leg gently, who smiled shyly at Scott.
Lydia nodded. "Yes, this is meant to be a party, were all here and we told him about this, so it's his own fault if he misses it just because he is too pig headed to let other people in." She told the others in her clipped no nonsense manner.
"I agree with red, let's have some egg nog and sing some songs and watch a movie or something." Erika said to the group, but even with her bravado it lacked something.
"They're trying, trying to be there for each other and to help shoulder the collective need, but you can see what is wrong." Stella said to Derek who just nodded.
Stiles got up and went into the kitchen, Scott's gaze followed him and with a look to Isaac who nodded he got up and went through after him.
"Come on Stiles, you can't fool me." Scott said to Stiles when he got into the kitchen and was trying to look busy. He came up behind Stiles who was wrestling with a tray of cookies and caught him in a tight hug. "You never could fool me." He whispered.
Stiles shuddered slightly and Scott could feel tears falling onto his arm. "It's silly I know, he never shows me that he feels the same or anything and I'm never sure where I stand with him, but I can't help it. I just want to be there for him and he won't let me, hell I should just probably give up and try to move on." Stiles quietly told Scott.
Scott shook his head. "No, you can't just give up, not yet. I know I don't get on with him a lot of the time and he makes me so damn mad at times but Stiles, you love him. If anyone can get through to him them it will be you. Don't stop being who you are because that person wouldn't let a little difficulty get in his way."
Stiles sniffed and a crooked smile played over his lips. "Maybe." He told Scott. The pair stood for another few minutes, brothers in all but blood and name, Scott supporting Stiles knowing that Stiles would do the same for him.
Finally Stiles said. "Ok, let's get these cookies through otherwise they'll go cold and there is nothing worse than cold Christmas cookies." Scott nodded and let Stiles go and then helped him plate up the different cookies and got a pitcher of eggnog and one of milk from the fridge.
Derek looked at the pair of them. "He shouldn't want to be with me, I just bring others pain."
Stella looked at him them smacked him on the back of the head, Derek flinched at the hit. "You don't know how lucky you are that my boy loves you, otherwise I would kick your ass through the wall young man. Stiles loves you because he does, he was meant to love you and be with you, just as you were always meant to be with him. That you isolate yourself from him and not allow yourself to feel the love you could have, it's killing the pair of you. Stiles could help you heal, as you could help him heal as well."
Derek looked at her. "How could I deserve to be loved by anyone after what I did and have done, my love hurts others and causes pain to everyone."
Stella shook her head. "No, you only thing you don't deserve it because you feel guilty that you survived." When Derek looked away from her Stella she sighed. "Did you start the fire?" Derek shook his head. "Did you purposely give away your family's secrets?" Again he shook his head. "Did you seduce a hunter years older than yourself, or were you targeted and fooled and seduced and twisted by a manipulative bitch?" Derek just looked down at the ground. "You were never at fault Derek, you survived at horrible tragic event. You are just as much a victim as your family was, a fact they all agree on. I know." Derek stood where he was and Stella sighed. "You just have to let yourself see that Derek, and your life could be so much more that it is." She gave him a final look and then added. "Your mother always said 'You're responsible for your actions, and not what others do. Live right and be true to who you are and you can't go wrong.' She said that was her motto that she taught to all her children, maybe it's time you listened to her."
Derek looked at Stella who held out her hand again and Derek took it, she led him to the back door which opened to the familiar brilliance and they stepped through.
Derek found himself walking into the living room of the Hale house surrounded by the darkness and the gloom of the night. As he stood there he felt tears running down his cheeks.
