He lie under layers of dirt. He could still see Tobias shoveling the dirt onto him. He thought of the child he would never meet. He thought of Elle sobbing at his funeral. He could feel the dirt slowly suffocating him. He thought of his mother, all the choices he made, some of them right, some of them wrong. Finally he saw nothing but darkness.
Elle slept in a chair near Spencer's bedside. She awoke suddenly from the sound of him tossing and turning. She went over to him and sat down on his bed, she shook him awake. He started crying hysterically. His heart monitor was off the charts, so the nurse came running.
"Shh shh sweetie it's okay, I'm here. It's okay." Elle said hugging her boyfriend close. "It was just a bad dream, it's going to be okay."
"He's going to be alright." The nurse said after looking him over a little, though he refused to let go of Elle. Elle nodded, and the nurse left.
"I thought I was never going to see you again, I thought I was never going to meet our child…" Spencer sobbed.
"Sweetie it's okay, you're safe now." Elle said, soothingly rubbing his back as he did when she was bent over the toilet some mornings.
"When he was beating me all I could think about was you, and our unborn child." He said pulling back slightly to look into her beautiful brown eyes. "All I wanted was to see you again and hold you." He said hugging her again.
"Hold that thought." She said sprinting to the bathroom. When she came back Gideon, Morgan, and Garcia were all in the room, Spencer seemed better.
"Sorry." She said as she came back into the room and resumed her spot at Spencer's side.
"Hey how are you feeling?" Gideon asked.
"I'm doing alright, dad." She said mockingly, he knew she was trying to lighten the mood, he didn't know what had gone on earlier, but when he had arrived Reid seemed very shook up.
"I'm just glad you didn't call him 'mom'." Spencer said with a smile, everyone in the room laughed good-naturedly.
"How are you feeling?" Elle whispered to Spencer.
"I'm okay now." He said, though he didn't look all right. He laid his hand on her stomach and smiled.
"How's my mommy to be doing?" Penelope asked giving Elle a big hug.
"Oh you know, morning sickness. What puzzles me is how I can loose the contents of my stomach when I haven't eaten anything for over twelve hours." She said.
"Baby, you can't do that. You need to eat." Spencer said looking her straight in the eyes.
"I know but hospital food SUCKS. Have you tried the pizza?" She said sticking out her tongue.
"Elle Greenaway go eat something." Reid ordered.
"Yes sir!" Elle said with a smile, "Garcia wanna come with?" She asked standing up.
"Sure I'm starving. Bye gorgeous, bye sweet cheeks, feel better." Garcia said.
"Garcia, I am being discharged in a couple hours." Reid reminded her.
"I know." She said following Elle out the door.
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"Home sweet home." Spencer sighed when he and Elle arrived home a few hours later.
"There's nothing quite like it." Elle said, she wrapped her arms around her boyfriend. He did the same.
"You should get some sleep." Spencer whispered, kissing the top of her head.
"Me?" She shrieked, "I'm not the one who was kidnapped and tortured!"
"I know, I'm not tired, but I can tell you are." He said looking her straight in the eyes.
"Alright, I am tired, are you sure you don't want to sleep?" She asked, that's when she saw fear in his eyes. "Okay, wake me up in a couple hours though." She said heading down the hall to the bedroom.
Spencer walked into the bathroom and shut the door, once he was sure she wasn't going to need the bathroom he fished the drugs from his bag. He hated himself for needing these stupid things, he knew he shouldn't, he had a child on the way for Christ's sake! He just couldn't stop himself. He filled the needle part way and stuck it in his arm.
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"Spencer! Spencer where are you!" Elle yelled when she woke up a little while later.
"Here." He said quietly, he sat out on the porch, he was paler than she had ever seen him. The dark circles around his eyes were darker than usual.
"You look like hell. Spencer are you okay?" She asked sitting down next to him on the swing.
"Yeah, when's your ultra sound again?" He asked.
"Tomorrow afternoon, lucky for me Gideon gave you a couple days off." She said snuggling up to him.
"Yeah."
"Aren't you freezing?" She asked, though she wore a thick winter coat, pajama pants and slippers she was still cold. Spencer only wore a t-shirt and sweatpants.
"A little yeah." He said.
"Spencer Reid it's snowing out here, get your ass back in that house right this instant." She said shoving him towards the door.
"Okay I'm going." He said, stiffly walking towards the door.
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Later that night Spencer lie in bed next to the love of his life. She was sound asleep, her head on his chest, she was curled up to him. He had his arm around her, while he stared up at the ceiling, he was afraid to go to sleep, and afraid to get up. If he got up he would most certainly take the drugs, if he slept he would have nightmares.
"Spencer are you okay?" Elle asked waking up, her voice sounded tired. He must have moaned or made some sort of noise.
"Yeah I'm fine, go back to sleep." He said.
"Spencer I was a profiler, what's wrong?" She asked, though she knew what was wrong she wanted to hear it from his own mouth.
"I just don't want to sleep that's all." He said.
"Spencer." She said, she was becoming very annoyed.
"If I go to sleep I'll remember…"
"As a wise man I know once said 'Elle he's dead, you're, you're right here, you won', and I believe him." She said, Spencer couldn't help but smile.
"It's not just that, I remember everything that happened when I was a child, when my dad left, when my mom first showed the signs. The first time she called the cops on me because she didn't recognize me. I'll remember when I sent her away…" He said, his voice grew quieter with every word.
"It's over, you did the right thing. For your mom. You couldn't help her, it wasn't your fault, you were only a child. I lost my father too at a young age…"
"Really?" He asked, surprisingly he didn't know much about her life before the BAU.
"Yeah, I was eight, he left for work one day and he never came home, he was a cop." She said, she tried to sound casual but Spencer could hear the tears in her voice, and he could see, even in the dim light of the room, her tears.
"I'm sorry." He said, wiping away her tears.
"Do you know what the last thing I said to him was?" She asked.
"No what?"
"'I hate you daddy' I wanted him to teach me to ride my bike, but he had to leave, I was mad." She said, tears now running down her face like a river. Spencer, had not been prepared to hear that.
"It's okay baby." He said holding her close. Soon they were both asleep, though he had nightmares, he didn't have many, because tomorrow he was going to see his babies heartbeat, and afterwards he planned to propose to Elle.
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"There it is." The doctor said looking at the monitor, "see that." She said pointing at the black and white image.
"Oh my gosh." Elle said, tears were streaming down her face, Spencer could barely hold back his tears, one little rebel was able to slip down his cheek.
"That's your baby." The nurse said smiling. Though she saw unborn babies and their very happy parents daily, she was still touched by every one. This couple was special though, she didn't know what it was. That, and the fact that her friend from the recovery ward had told her about what this couple had just been through, just yesterday.
"Spencer look." Elle said, she was breathless.
"I see." He said, those were the only words he could get out. A few minutes later the nurse told them that their baby was developing very well and set up their next appointment.
"What are we going to eat?" Spencer asked as he drove down the road.
"Mexican!" Elle exclaimed.
"Mexican it is." He said, he had hoped for someplace a little more romantic. At least it's not McDonalds. He thought.
Everyone met them at the restaurant so they could all celebrate, there were no new cases today so they took a couple hours off to hang out with the to-be parents. After they ate the last of their food Spencer began to squirm in his seat.
"Spencer what is it?" Elle asked, she was concerned about him, he had seemed distant the entire meal.
"It's… uh… nothing… I was just… uh thinking…" He stuttered.
"Baby?" She asked, she didn't believe him.
"Elle," he said sliding out of his chair onto one knee, "will you marry me?" he asked holding up a case that contained a ring.
"Of course I will Spencer." She said, kissing him. He slid the ring onto her finger with shaking hands.
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