We're smiling but we're close to tears. – The Script, For the First Time.
Returning into the familiar warmth of my home, I peeled off my coat and folded it over my arm. Angel followed behind me, carrying a sleeping Ruby, who hadn't parted from Angel since we left the coffee shop. As I closed the door behind him, I began to realise how Ruby had never been one to attach herself to people, other than myself of course, and I wondered what had made her so fascinated with Angel. I mentally laughed when I noticed this was something I had in common with my beautiful two year old.
"What are you smiling at?" Angel questioned, a slight smile dancing across his face as well.
"Nothing," I shrugged, walking into the sitting room. "Would you like a drink?"
I hesitated in the centre of the room, offering Angel a seat on the sofa. He sat down gently; worry pooled in his eyes as Ruby shifted in his arms, her eyes fluttering, thankfully she remained asleep and Angel breathed a small sigh of relief. His eyes fell onto me. I was stunned by the tenderness and love that danced in his brown orbs, the almost sparkle that had been lacking when he first arrived in the coffee shop, and I realised the man I had fallen in love with was returning piece by piece.
"No, thank you," he said, answering my earlier question.
I nodded and took a seat beside him on the sofa.
We lapsed into a peaceful, yet not awkward, silence that I found oddly reassuring and relaxing. The familiarity of Angel was what made the silence bearable. My mind fell into a pool of memories that made my tummy squirm with butterflies and my heart race wildly in my chest. Most of the memories I held very close to my heart, especially when I was suffering through the difficult times, because it reminded me of a time when I was truly and undeniably cherished and loved for who I was. It was something that had been missing through the past few years of my life. I had truthfully forgotten that sense of security…
I mentally scolded myself for being so idiotic.
The trees surrounded me, the branches reaching towards me as they frigidly moved in the slight breeze, as the rain began to fall heavier. It was unbelievably cold and even Angel's thick sweater didn't conceal me successfully from the bitter cold. Except the weather was the least of my problems. I now wished I had obeyed my mother's rule to never walk through a forest on my own in the dark. But when you're almost being swallowed up by the wind and rain, a short-cut suddenly seems like the perfect idea, especially when you wanted a quick getaway.
I ran my numb fingers through my tangled hair.
"I'm such a dumbass," I muttered.
The reason I had needed a quick getaway was because of the heated argument I just had with my boyfriend. It was pointless and pathetic I had to admit now, obviously this didn't occur to me during the argument and I just continued to shout back. It ended with me storming out of his house and running off down the street, ignoring his protests for me to come back.
"OI!"
The unexpected yell shocked me back into reality.
I looked around, although I was only greeted with darkness. I took a step forward and squinted into the darkness, trying to work out where the yell was coming from. Coming into focus was a sudden figure. I turned on my heel and began to walk quicker with much more urgency than before. I suddenly longed for warmth and safety of my home. As my pace continued to quicken, I mentally began cursing myself for being so damn idiotic to walk through a forest in the dark on my own. There was nothing safe about a forest; the best advantage was that you could hide amongst the trees.
"OI!"
The booming voice roared again, closer this time.
"You can run … but you can't hide!"
I couldn't resist the urge to laugh. I wasn't even running. Was this guy reciting lines out of his favourite horror film? Maybe that was where he got his inspiration from to follow a young girl into the forest. I began to chuckle under my breath, suddenly finding everything too amusing for the situation I was in. As I laughed and giggled some more, my pace unknowingly slowed until I was strolling along at a casual speed.
The wet grass must have muffled his footsteps because I was suddenly shoved to the ground. The vile taste of dirt overwhelmed my taste buds; the smell of freshly cut grass assaulted my nostrils. I grunted, spitting out the taste of dirt in disgust, and tried to clamber to my feet. A sharp kick directed at my stomach had me falling flat on the ground once again with a pained yelp.
"Oh, I like blondes," the stranger purred, grabbing a fistful of my hair.
I began to scream, as I loud and urgent as I could, until I realised this was only encouraging my attacker to tug on my hair more violently. He had a cruel, cold laugh that made a shiver crawl down my spine. He continued to laugh as he threw me onto my back in the damp grass. I tried to push myself up using my elbows, tears pooling frustratingly in my eyes, but my attempts were useless.
My heart began to beat rapidly as he straddled me. I struggled beneath his body now pressing firmly against mine, his fingers caressing my face.
"It's okay," he cooed.
He delivered a sharp punch to my face. And again. And again. Soon enough my face became numb and I couldn't feel the continuous blows.
I closed my eyes, feeling all my faith and hope draining out of my body. My heart ached as I thought about how I hadn't got a chance to say goodbye to anyone, to thank my Mother for always being there for me, to tell Angel how much I loved him. It wasn't fair … life wasn't fair. I just hoped more than anything that they already knew how much I cherished them all.
I heard a noise, something that sounded rather like a growl, and I groaned at the thought of getting eaten by a pack of starved Alsatians. Except the growl turned into a yell, and suddenly the weight holding me down disappeared. I opened my eyes.
Turning my head, I saw a figure on the floor, curled up into a ball, whilst another figure repeatedly kicked him in the stomach and face. When the figure on the floor didn't show any signs of movement, the other figure turned away and walked towards me. I could feel the fear pooling in my stomach again and I clamped my eyes shut. Instead of a brutal punch to the face as I had been expecting, I was lifted off the ground.
The recognizable scent allowed my insides to stop squirming and the fear to dissolve in my stomach. I began to sob… for almost losing my life, for the pain that numbed my face, and for the reality of the whole situation.
"Hey, it's alright, I've got you… I'm going to keep you safe," Angel whispered into my ear, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
"I love you," I sobbed.
Angel's arms were the safest place I knew.
"I've missed you," I mumbled, not really caring about the words that tumbled out of my mouth.
Angel had been a strong figure in my life, someone I could easily look up to and feel so blessed to be part of their life, let alone be their girlfriend. Sometimes all you need is that one person to bring out the beauty in everything around you.
"I've missed you too," he replied softly.
He reached out and allowed his fingertips to gently stroke my cheek, his eyes never moving off Ruby though. A spark of electricity, so strong, so powerful, ignited throughout my body, throughout my soul.
"There's a lot of pain in your eyes," Angel suddenly said, looking up at me.
"I don't understand."
"I don't mean it as an insult," he quickly explained, his eyes widening at the thought of me feeling insulted. "I just meant that you're sparkle is missing."
"My sparkle?" I asked, trying to force myself not to grin like a lovesick puppy.
"The sparkle I fell in love with," Angel answered.
I gently placed a sleeping Ruby into her crib, covering her with her favourite purple blanket, before whispering "sweet dreams" and departing her room. I returned back downstairs to find Angel examining the various photos that decorated my sitting room. He seemed to take a particular interest in the one where I held Ruby for the first time after she was born.
"Here is the sparkle that I adore so much," Angel said, running her fingertips along the photograph.
"Holding your child for the first time is the most magical feeling," I replied passionately.
"It is, isn't it?"
"You have a child?" I questioned, slightly shocked.
"I did." Angel bowed his head, his fingers twitching awkwardly.
The atmosphere in the room suddenly became very tense. Being around Angel was as natural as breathing; I had never felt awkward or uneasy around him like this before. Needing to escape the uneasiness, I offered to go make us a cup of coffee and something to eat. I didn't wait for his polite protests.
When I returned from the kitchen, I found that my sitting room was empty. I placed the tray of refreshments on the coffee table and headed upstairs, wondering if Angel had decided to explore the rest of my house. Yet the only person upstairs was Ruby, who was still sleeping safe and soundly in her crib.
I returned downstairs and sighed.
I had been through this once before with Angel and it still hurt unbearably... even years later. It reminded me how love gave someone the power to break you.
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