Keep a trash can by you when you eat, if you feel like you are going to lose control, throw the food away and don't even think of eating for 24 hours. At least.
-Tip on most pro- eating disorder websites.
Alice was nine years old, and she held in her hands a letter she had found on-line when she searched one simple word, 'diets'.
From, Ana
Hello, my name, as I am so often called by doctors and concerned parents, is Anorexia. Anorexia Nervosa, but If you would like, you may call me Ana for short.
How often have you heard teachers and parents talk about you, saying you are so mature, so smart, and have so much potential? And where has that gotten you? NO WHERE! I can help you, in fact, I would love to be your faithful friend and guide you to your true weight. I will put a lot of time into you, and I expect the same in return. I don't have time for baby sitting, I am a very busy girl, and only have time for those lucky few who are ready for it. I expect you to lower your calorie intake and up your exercise, and to watch as I claw myself in you. Before long, I will always be with you. I am the part of you that wakes up and runs for a scale, the part of you that lovingly rubs the side of your stomach, getting to know your bones. I am the part of you that counts calories and fat grams, and the part that tells you when you are and are not fat. I will make you see an obese woman when really there stands a starving child.
Don't like it? Well too bad, because you cannot defy me. I am you, and you are me, we are one of the same, and you can forget ever going back to being the fatty you once were.
There will be times when you rebel, I hope not many. It hurts me to see you eat, because it will make you sad as soon as the food is gone. I don't want to see you sad, ever. That is why I am trying to help you lose weight, so you'll never be fat and sad again. However, there will be moments, where you will start to eat the food I have so carefully drawn a line across, trying to keep you away from it. You won't stop until you start to beg me to forgive you. You tell me you will do any thing, and I will take your cold body in my warm arms, and tell you just what can be done. I will make you go to the bathroom and throw up until nothing comes out but blood and water, and you can eb sure that you got it all. After that, you promise to listen to me, and to always take my advice.
And if you don't want to purge... there are other ways. I can forgive you if you cut yourself, so you can see your blood and feel the pain it caused me to see you eat. And you deserve to be in pain, you fat COW! How could you mess up all the hard work I put into you!? If you keep that up, you will be FAT forever! Do you really want that?! And for what, a moment eating?! A few hours of feeling full?! You sicken me, you wil never be good enough unless you TRY!
I hope this letter got you to get to know me a little more. Remember, I love you, and I can make all your dreams come true.
Love, Your friend,
Ana.
The letter scared Alice. It seemed like a real person talking, and the words she said hurt Alice. The words made her want to stay thin, and never get fat. So she listened. She paid close attention, and let the new habits Ana brought her replace old ones.
The day after she found the letter, Alice started the rainbow diet. As one of the most popular crash diets, every day, you ate a different color of fruits and vegetables. Every day was planned out for you, all you had to do was fallow it. The diet allowed for exactly 679 calories every week, and required a fast of one day. Alice stuck to this diet for three months, then switched to the 'gymnast diet', a week long diet that only allowed 102 calories every day. On the gymnast diet, you could lose eleven pounds during that week. The Alice decided that one had too many liquid calories, and started the 'three a day' diet, in which you ate three pieces of fruit a day, at 220-310 calories every day. None of these diets allowed more than three grams of fat every day. she was never full, and that was the way she liked it. Being full made her feel fat, and she couldn't have that, could she?
She didn't mind that she had re-grown 'baby hair' because she couldn't maintain a body temperature, or that her black hair was thin and taking on a white tint. None of that mattered as long as nothing on her could be pinched or grabbed.
Alice could barely sleep as a side effect, one time, not for three days. Even if she was dead tired and weak from not eating, she still worked out. She ran for two hours a day, at the very, very least. The way she figured was this, two hundred calories needed an hour of exercise to burn it off and get any thing else that could be lurking because of it. She would do this sometimes to the point where she collapsed, and yet, she pushed on. She tested her limits every day, and whenever she ate even the smallest amount, she forced it back up again. That was the way she did things, and the weight loss was amazing.
She could have kept her lifestyle up for the rest of her life, she was happy with it. She didn't mind that she was always dizzy and tired, that was mental. If she was overweight though, every one would be able to see it. Alice wore her swimsuits and tight tops like a badge of honor, and on her wrist, the object that would make sense only to other people who were proud to say they had an eating disorder.
It started years ago when one girl thought about how often she saw a skinny girl and wanted badly to ask her if she had an eating disorder, so that they could link up and be real life Ana buddies rather than the ones most had on line. So, she came up with a way for every one who was proud of having an eating disorder and would like to talk to others that felt the same way to know each other out of a crowd. A red, beaded bracelet, you could buy or make yourself. If you saw someone that was skinny and wearing a red bracelet, you were to make eye contact and touch your bracelet and smile. If they did the same, you had a match, it they didn't, they were just someone who happened to be skinny and wearing a red bracelet. She posted this on her web-site, and people posted it on forums, chat rooms, blogs, their own websites, everywhere. It caught on so fast, Alice herself had met two friends this way. The red bracelet was a sign of your love to Ana, like a Christian would wear a cross to show love for God. Ana was to be fallowed at all times, because she knew best.
The red bracelet meant you were in it for life, no going back.
