A/N - don't own the characters, but the story is mine. Please review and let me know what you think. I've been writing all day and your reviews will make me feel like it's worth it!

Everything was coming together a few short days after I arrived in Kelso. I called Mr. Dickey's office on Tuesday and scheduled an appointment for a meeting and walk-through at the bookstore for Friday. I'd yet to hear from Mrs. Cullen. I wondered if she was politely taking a break from the work to allow me time to get acclimated to my new surroundings.

I hooked the computer up Wednesday morning and shot a few short lines off to Charlie and Renee to let them know that things were going okay. I also used it to look up some places where I could find stuff for the house aside from the chain stores in town. It looked as if Huntsville was closer than driving back to Nashville, so I decided that I would go on Thursday to pick up some curtains and textiles for the bed. I honestly didn't know why I was worrying with it.

I hadn't had a good night's sleep since I arrived. Hell, I hadn't gotten a good night's sleep since Jake died. Why did I think that my being in a new location would change that? Each night, several times through the night, I would awake to the sound of my own sobs. The dream was the same, never changing.

It was exactly as I'd imagined it would be. Jake was standing on the water's edge on First Beach in La Push. Late in the day, the setting sun glinted off the sea behind him. It shone on his flowing black hair, turning it an opalescent blue. He was barefoot and dressed in white pants and a white shirt. His dark eyes shined and his smile beamed at me. Our families and friends were around us as I walked down the beach to him on Charlie's arm. The happiest day of my life was finally here. As Charlie removed my arm to give me to Jake, the sky opened into a bright, white light behind him. I reached my hand out to his and he mouthed to me "Bella, I love you now and always." He then turned his back to me and walked into the ocean and then to the light. "Jaaaaaaaaaaake!" I screamed. "Don't leave me. Not yet. Not now!" He stopped at the entrance looking over his shoulder at me.

I awoke in the same fashion Thursday morning as every other day. It always took a few minutes to realize that I was awake and that it was only a dream. I finally threw the covers back and hopped off the bed. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I made my way to the kitchen where the coffee was waiting for me. I poured a cup and headed out to the screened in porch overlooking the river at the back of the house to think of what to do for the day. The trip to Huntsville was still on the agenda, but it shouldn't take more than a couple of hours. I needed to go back to Gerald's and make the big grocery run, not just essentials as I'd picked up last time.

"Last time," I sighed remembering the last trip to the store. "What was his name again?" I asked myself. "He did have the most gorgeous eyes."

What are you doing, Bella? You need to be thinking of Edward like you need a hole in your head.

She wasn't thinking of Edward, she was just remembering the lovely eyes. Leave her be!

Ah, the friendly little voices in my head could remember his name when I couldn't. Edward. But my sensible voice was right. I didn't need to think of Edward or anyone else right now. There was still much to accomplish before I could feel secure in my new life.

I hopped off the chaise lounge and headed back into the house to freshen the coffee in my cup when the phone rang.

"Hello" I answered.

"May I please speak to Isabella Swan?" the polite female voice on the other end asked.

"This is Bella," I replied.

"Oh, Miss Swan! How delightful to finally speak to you! I hope that you haven't been put out with the lack of completed work. My name is Esme Cullen and I've been doing the remodeling there at your home."

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen. No, it's no trouble. The back part of the house is my favorite, so it's quite alright. Thank you so much for all that you've done. The den and kitchen are beautiful. I scolded Ren -my mother for going through the trouble. I loved the house as it was, but the updates are wonderful. You made it quite warm and welcoming for me. I do appreciate it."

"I'm so happy to do it for you Bella. May I call you Bella?" she asked politely. "Yes ma'am, that's what I prefer, actually." I replied. "Great, then. Bella, it is. We have quite a bit of work left to do, so I was wondering what you had going for later today? If it's not too much of an inconvenience, I would like you to stop by my office so we can set up the schedule and make any changes to the outline of the work."

"I don't see a problem with that, Mrs. Cullen. I had planned to go to Huntsville today to get curtains and bed linens, but I can put that off for another day. I saw your office on the square the other day. It's quite lovely from the street. I need to go to Gerald's and pick up groceries, so I could stop by and see you beforehand. What time do you have available?" I asked.

"How does one o'clock sound, dear?" she asked me. "One will be fine. I will see you then." I replied. We said our good byes and I hung the phone up on the wall.

Mrs. Cullen seemed pleasant enough. I hoped Renee hadn't spilled my life story to her. But if I knew my Mother as well as I did, the whole town already knew of Bella Swan and her cross country escape from the loss of her fiancé.

I returned to the chaise on the porch and watched the water in the river roll downstream. Was I really this pathetic that I had to travel a few thousand miles to escape the pain? It was still with me in every moment, awake and otherwise.

Bella, Bella, Bella. What you're feeling is understandable. You're not pathetic by any means. It will take time, but the hole will heal. You will never forget Jake, but you will be able to love again.

Love? Love, you crazy fool? All you think is hearts and flowers. Don't talk to her about love right now. Jake is gone. Let her cry if she wants to.

But, I refused to cry anymore. At least, not while I was awake. I'd already shed way too many tears and to be quite frank, I'd had enough. My move was about me picking up the pieces and beginning again. I could do this. I would do this. And I would be better for it in the end.

After finishing my second cup of coffee, I changed into shorts and a t-shirt and grabbed my iPod to take a walk down to the dock to see what kind of shape it was in. I knew that I'd want to swim and canoe once the weather warmed up a bit. Memorial Day would be here before I knew it and I was hoping Renee and Phil could come up for a visit. Luckily it was still in great shape. The platform stretched 20 feet on the bank and there were steps on either side taking you down to the dock built just above the river. Grandaddy told me when I was little that it would be below normal height and the temperature would be several degrees warmer when the generators at Tim's Ford hadn't been run in a while. I sat on the edge and removed my flip-flops. I swung my legs around and dipped my toes in the water. It was definitely warmer than I'd imagined for the first week of April. I laid my back on the dock and cradled my head in my hands. Tombstone by Crowded House came on and I laid there taking in the words. How fitting that even my iPod on shuffle could find something to soothe me as if it knew what I was thinking.

I must have dozed off because I awoke in a start. Again. "Damn it!" I shouted, looking down at my watch. "Twelve o'clock. Shit. I'm running late!" I rushed back to the house and jumped in the shower to get ready for the meeting with Mrs. Cullen. I was out the door 45 minutes later, dressed much the same as my first outing to town.

I arrived at Esme Cullen Interiors on the square promptly at one o'clock. I pushed the door open and walked inside struck by the beauty that surrounded me. Hanging on the wall nearest the window was Van Gogh's Irises. While she was finishing up on a telephone call, Mrs. Cullen motioned for me to have a seat. She was a beautiful woman with smiling green eyes. Her hair was brunette on the edge of being auburn and it was swept delicately off her neck in a fashionable French twist. She couldn't have been more than an inch taller than me, which would put her around 5'7". I couldn't tell her age, but I would assume her to be mid-forties, although she looked only a few years older than me.

"Yes, Carlilse, I'll stop by the cleaners on the way home. The boys are throwing steaks on the grill tonight. I'll see you when you get home." She said into the phone before she hung up. "Bella, dear!" She exclaimed as she came forward. "It's so wonderful to finally meet you in person. Your Mother has told me so much about you."

I really hoped that wasn't the case. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Cullen. It's nice to meet you, too." I replied as I stood to shake her hand. "Bella, please call me Esme." She asked. "Would you like anything to drink? Coffee, tea?"

"No thank you, Esme. I'm okay. What all do we need to go over?" I asked.

"Straight and to the point." She commented. "I like those qualities in a young lady. Okay, then. Let's get on with it." I felt like a real heel when she said that, but I've never been one for small talk, so why beat around the bush. "Let's go in the back so I can show you what your mother and I have discussed."

I followed her into the back room. There were bolts of fabric lining one wall and several drawing tables and easels with drawings and blue prints resting on them. She stopped at the front table and was looking through a large notebook deep in thought. "Ah, here we go." She stated as she laid several room drawings on the table behind her. "Come see, Bella."

I stepped to her left side as she began explaining everything to me. "This is the drawing for the upstairs bathroom. We are going to convert the room in the far left corner at the front of the house into your closet. The room that currently joins it with the door to the hallway will be the master bathroom and we will add a door in the nook as a door from the master bedroom. Your mother told me that you always loved the room at the top of the stairs that stretches the remaining front of the house, so it will be your master bedroom. We will only need minor changes in the other room on the second level. I'm sure you've noticed that downstairs we've already ripped up the carpet and we will refinish the hardwood floors upstairs and down. The other rooms just need a bit of sprucing up with paint. Does everything meet your expectations?"

"Wow, Mrs. Cullen." I gasped. "It's all great. I can't believe it. Mom was right when she said I loved the front room upstairs. I've always thought that it would make the perfect master. I just didn't realize Mom was going to have all of these things done to the house so soon."

"Your mother was pretty specific about what she wanted. It was clear that we keep the structure the same and we dare not touch the original cherry woodwork in the house. Of course, I would never dream of doing such a thing. It is rare to find untouched cherry mantles, baseboards and trim. It's absolutely gorgeous. You're a very lucky girl, my dear Bella. You have a gem in that old house." I blushed as she said that. "The only other things to do are to choose paint colors and set up a schedule for the work to begin again. I have a color wheel that you can take home and let the rooms decide which colors they would like to see on them."

"Thanks, Esme. I like how you said to let the rooms choose. I've never really thought of it that way, but I guess each room would work better with certain colors than others dependent on the lighting." I responded. "That's exactly right, dear. You hit the nail on the head with that. Are you sure you're not an interior decorator?" she replied with the most gracious smile.

"Oh, I'm sure of that." I grinned back at her. "I'm actually the new owner of the bookstore three doors down from here. Well, it's not official yet, but I go tomorrow to sign the papers at Mr. Dickey's office. I honestly don't know what all being a bookstore owner will entail, but I do love books, so I guess it will come in time."

"That's great, dear! I'm so glad to know that you will be close. I had a good feeling about you when your Mother initially called." She said. "I have two boys and a girl that are around your age. I would love to have you at the house one evening for dinner. It will do you good to get out and meet people of your own age."

"Thank you, Esme. I think I would like that." I stated, really unsure how I felt about meeting other people my age. Jeez. That made me sound like a solitary shut-in who had never made their way out into the world. "But back to the matter at hand; why don't I stop by after my meeting with Mr. Dickey tomorrow. That way, I will have a better idea on what's going on with the bookstore."

"That would be okay, dear. Or you could call. I don't want you to feel put-out." She replied.

"It's nothing really, Esme. I don't mind at all." I said as I looked at my watch. "Wow, I didn't realize time had passed so quickly. I really hate to run, but I need to get to the store to stock up so I can get home before it gets dark. I'm still not quite familiar with the area."

"It's okay darling, I understand" she said as we made our way back to the front office. I grabbed my purse and turned open the door to head out when I heard her call "Bella, wait!" and stopped in my tracks. "Dear, you forgot the paint wheel." she said bringing it to me. "Thanks, Esme. I'll see you tomorrow." I said turning back to the door. As I did, I collided into someone walking in. I could feel the heat in my cheeks immediately, and when I looked up, those intense green eyes stared back at me. Again.

"Hey Bella, we've got to stop meeting like this." He said with a crooked grin.

"Um, hi. Edward, was it?" I stammered, feeling as close to an idiot as ever. I couldn't look away.

Gorgeous green eyes at twelve o'clock!

Will you stop already and let her get out of here?

"Bella, have you already met my son Edward?" Esme asked from behind her desk.

"Uh, yeah. I kind of ran into him last week. Literally." I breathed quickly.

"It was nothing, Mom. I carried her groceries to the truck after our little collision." he chuckled to Esme. Turning back to me, he held out his hand and said "Edward Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you. What brings you here to Mom's office?"

I shook his hand in return and felt the shock. It started in my throat moving to my stomach and on to my knees before coming back up again. My chest tightened and my already reddened cheeks felt a few degrees warmer.

He's striking up a conversation with you. Play it cool.

Don't play it cool. Get out of here. You did not come to this town to meet gorgeous men!

The voices in my head were battling it out. I felt like an idiot standing there saying nothing while there was a war going on in my head. He was much better looking that I originally remembered. At least 6' tall or more, with strong shoulders and messy hair the came color as Esme's. And the eyes, oh, those eyes: They were the color of emeralds hanging from a string in the sun.

"She's doing some remodeling work on my Grandparent's old place. I moved in last week." I finally managed to say.

"You mean the old mansion house on the Elk River?" he asked. "Yes, that's the one." I responded, still unable to peel my eyes from his. "That's a gorgeous place. I helped Mom with a few things there a couple of weeks back."

This gorgeous creature has been in our house?

Bella, get out of here. It's getting late.

"It's nice to meet you, Edward. Please excuse me, but I do need to get going." I barely heard Esme say "See you tomorrow, Bella." as I jetted out the door like lightning. I didn't stop until I was safely within the confines of my truck. I folded my arms and butted my head against the steering wheel. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I said to myself.

I looked at the clock and decided against the trip to the grocery. There was enough sandwich meat for one more night. I would be in town tomorrow, anyway. I put the key in the ignition and backed out of the spot and onto the street. I turned on Maple Avenue and decided that I was in definite need of a glass of wine or three.

I was still wound up when I got home, so I drew a hot bath in the tub I played in as a child. When I was that age, I never dreamed that I would end up like this. I put the iPod in its dock on the counter and poured myself a glass of wine and settled in the tub to relax. I settled on Ray Charles' version of Eleanor Rigby. I always needed to have my music match my mood. Sometimes it was by happenstance, but this was purposeful. His soulful voice knew my needs.

All the lonely people. Where do they all come from? All the lonely people. Where do they all belong?

How did I become so lonely?

You're not lonely, sweet Bella. You've lost your love and you're trying to keep on living. Jake wouldn't want you wallowing in despair. Pick your chin up.

Her chin IS up. And, she's not wallowing. She's rationalizing. Being sad, angry and pissed off are all normal stages of the grieving process. It's perfectly okay to feel this way.

I couldn't take listening to the war rage on. I got out of the tub when the water had gone cold and changed into my blue pajamas. The ones with the matching top and bottom like your granddaddy used to wear. I dried my hair and slipped on my big bunny slippers. I grabbed my iPod from the dock and the bottle of wine from the fridge and made my way to the front porch rocking chair. It was a gorgeous night and every star in the sky looked down on me.

I sit all alone, in my peaceful country home. Miles from the moon. Oh, I hope to see the stars at night. They look at my lonely life. I keep asking them "Why?" Will my answers fall from the sky. – Stars by Love Jones

Again, my iPod greets me with a song that relays my life in its current phase. I poured my third glass of wine and thought back to earlier in the day. Edward Cullen. What was that spark that I felt when he touched me? I'd never felt anything like that in my life. My knees turned to jelly when he said my name.

Bella, don't do this. You need time to heal.

Leave her be you over-protective fool. Maybe this will allow her to heal.

I dozed on the porch after the fourth glass of wine.

The dream came, except it was different now. We were alone. Jake and I hand in hand on the beach. Our bare feet were in the water. The bright, white light shone behind him. He looked into my chocolate eyes and breathed in my ear, "For you. I did this for you."

I startled awake to the sound of glass breaking on the porch. Groggily looking down, I realized I'd fallen asleep with the glass in my hand.

"What was that?" I wondered to myself.