Chapter 3:

AN: All of your reviews are amazing. You guys make it so easy to keep going with all this encouragement! Here's hoping you like this one too! Also, as usual, I own nothing but the plot. Absolutely nothing…I just wish I did.

Walking across campus towards my old dorm I continued thinking back, trying to figure out what moment he would be trying to get me to remember from my dorm. We had so many! Like the night after ICCA finals, or any number of movies we watched. Running through the list in my head it clicked. "Breakfast Club" He wanted me to remember the night he tried to show me the ending.

How could he think I would forget? It was the night I showed him my music for the first time. I wonder if he realizes he was one of the few who had actually heard it. Definitely the only other person besides me to hear something unfinished.

I doubt I will ever let him know this but, I had already fallen for him that night. Looking back I can remember his smile, his face as he listened to my music.

Shaking my head I tried to stop from being angry with myself. I hid behind that oath. I wasted most of a year trying to push away feelings I wanted to have. Why? Why would I do that?

I raised my head in realization. I wouldn't. The old me would. Jesse had slowly worked through each of the layers I had built up and stripped them down. Fixing the hurts along the way and making me stronger.

"Damn, why can't he be here right now?!" All I wanted to do was pull him into a hug and tell him how much I love him, how much he has changed me. Later, I guess. When I see him next he's in for it.

Jesse's POV

I followed behind her quietly, trying to make sure she didn't see me. I could tell she was lost in thought about something. Her expression kept changing from happy, to sad, to angry, and then it hit. Awe. She was in awe of something.

I stare at her as she lifts her head slightly, "Damn, why can't he be here right now?!" She said grumbling. I wonder what she's thinking and I have to catch myself to keep from walking up and wrapping my arms around her. It wouldn't do to ruin this; I've worked too hard to get it ready. Maybe I can add an extra visit in though.

As she starts to move forward again, I follow her the rest of the way to Baker hall and watch as she enters the doors. Walking around the building, I perch near the window of her old dorm room. Peering in as she walks through the door.

Beca's POV

As I walk into my old room I can't help but shake my head. I know he's up to something, but I can't really figure out what. Sighing, I look around the room.

"Damn!" The room looks nothing like it used to when I lived here. Scanning the walls it definitely looks familiar, star wars stuff lining the walls…"Holy Crap! Is this Benji's room now?!" I shout to no one in particular, my eyes landing on his magic box. I haven't been to his room this year; I thought he had moved into the treble house…huh. I really need to pay more attention to my friends apparently.

Jesse's POV

I struggle to stifle my laughter as I hear her figure out how I got access to her old room. Actually, she only kind of gets it. She's right; it's Benji's room, but only for this quarter. I don't think she remembers the Treble house is being remodeled…

Peering in I wait for her to find her next message, wondering what she is going to think of this one.

Beca's POV

I scan the room for my next clue. This one is definitely harder than any of the others. I know my own room like the back of my hand. It's the same with the studio and it was just too easy out at our spot. Here though, how do I go about looking? This is Benji's room…I don't want to start looking through anything. Personal boundaries are important.

As my eyes scan I see a piece of paper tucked into the side of the Death Star on the wall. Having known Benji for years, I know he would never do something like that. Actually, that could come in handy later as blackmail for Jesse. If Benji knew his collector's item had been messed with…well let's just say my boyfriend might be missing a limb or two.

Reaching for the note I step quickly away from Benji's precious toy. I don't want to get in trouble with him.

Jesse's POV

I snort as I watch her so skittish in there. True, I probably should have put it somewhere that didn't risk the wrath of my best friend, but she's just too cute about it. Crouching down, I keep my eyes trained on her face as she opens the letter.

Beca's POV

Unfolding the paper carefully, I try to prepare myself for what new and emotional thing Jesse was about to throw at me. Feeling mentally prepared, I begin to read:

You are doing very well Baby! Now you know my ways…Benji is staying here for a while. Actually, this is part of what lent me the opportunity to set this up for you. Remember how I told you the Treble House is being remodeled? Well, Benji and the other residents are in the dorms until it is finished.

When he told me his room number I decided this was perfect. You see, I wanted to have another memory for our game here and I was having some trouble picking the best one. Benji being in your room gave me the perfect opportunity.

Jesus, he sounds like a maniacal stalker or something. Laughing I look back at the page and continue on.

Do you remember the night I tried to show you the ending to Breakfast Club? We were so comfortable with each other. You were laughing, smiling, and just enjoying yourself. Granted, I had to go and make things uncomfortable by trying to kiss you, but you can't blame me. You really can't Bec. You looked so perfect when you were watching the movie. It was even better after I caught you staring at me. I knew you wanted me too. I could feel it. I've been meaning to ask you for a long time about this actually, why did you turn away? Did I do something wrong, or not read the situation right? I have a feeling that you just didn't want to let your walls down yet, and that's alright too. We got there eventually.

Sometimes I think back to that night and can't help thinking about what would have happened if you let me kiss you. While that rejection definitely stung, I can't regret it. Everything that happened led us to now. It also laid the foundation for the best apology anyone has ever been given, but that is another memory for another time.

In my mind, this is one of the sadder moments I have. It was here I started to give up hope that you would ever be mine. I started to question if I ever really understood your feelings for me. If you ever actually cared at all.

It was like he was here with me, actually telling me this stuff. I imagine the pain that would show on his face and the sadness in his eyes. I didn't realize how much that had hurt him, or how much thinking about it would hurt now. Dropping the letter to the floor I let the tears flow steadily.

"Why is he with me?" I cried out as the force of my realization hit me. I had hurt him so badly that year. The fact that he was still on speaking terms with me was amazing, let alone the fact that he was my boyfriend and still loved me. "How can he love me?"

I fell to the ground crying. Thankful that no one could see me. My mind traveled to each of the moments I hurt him that year and the look on his face. It was as if I had crushed him. I couldn't process that I hadn't seen it since my apology at the ICCA's that year. I couldn't process that none of it mattered now, all I could see was his face.

The tears continued to flow as his letter lay on the ground forgotten. My heart beating loud as my sobs escaped my mouth.

Jesse's POV

I was watching her closely as she read, and my heart fell to the floor when she started to cry. Something isn't coming across right. My face paled as she dropped the letter to the floor. What was so wrong? What had she misread? What had I miswritten?

I almost collapsed as she voiced the thoughts I never wanted her to have. "Why is he with me?! How can he love me?" She was crying so hard now. I watched as she collapsed to the floor and then I couldn't take it anymore. I broke into a run. It didn't matter that I wasn't supposed to be here. I never wanted to hurt her and she was in pain now. She was in pain because something didn't come across right. Did she finish reading? She couldn't have…if she had she wouldn't be like this.

I burst through the door to see her with her face to her knees, sobbing loudly. My heart was breaking. What have I done? Rushing to her side I pulled her into my arms.

"Shhh, Bec It's okay. Breathe Baby-girl…Beca you have to breathe." I rocked her in my arms as I tried to calm her down. Her head snapped up and I looked into the tear stained face of my Love.

"Jesse, I'm so sorry, I'm a horrible person. I was a horrible friend, a horrible girl. I don't deserve you, you need better than I am. You should have more than me. You-"I cut her off quickly, pressing my lips to hers in a demanding kiss. I couldn't listen to more of that. I couldn't hear her put herself down like that.

Snaking my hands into her hair I deepened the kiss, trying to show her how much I truly love her. Pulling back, only when we needed air, I rested my forehead against hers. "Bec, are you alright?" I gently wiped her tears away with my thumb.

"Jess, I…" she took a deep breath and then turned her head down sadly. "I hurt you. I made you think I didn't care about you. I made you doubt everything and I never meant to. I was broken, I didn't know how to do this…I still don't. I love you, and I hurt you, and you deserve-"

I grasped her chin softly, tilting her head up and quickly pecking her lips to stop her. "Beca Mitchel, you are not allowed to even think about finishing that sentence. " Forcing her to look into my eyes I smiled softly, "I love you too, and I've hurt you too, and you deserve someone a hell of a lot better than me. I mean seriously?!" I gestured to the situation we found ourselves in at that moment. "Look at how badly I just hurt you. When I came in you could barely breathe with how hard you were crying! You might as well have been curled into a ball on the floor."

I sighed heavily, "You hurt me years ago. I'm not going to lie Beca, it hurt. I was a mess over that spring break, but that was years ago. I just hurt you now. Today. In this moment." I dropped my gaze to my lap, letting the feelings of self-loathing envelop me. "I'm so sorry Baby." I mumbled softly, the shame taking over me. I had promised to never hurt her and look what I had done!

Beca's POV

In the midst of my breaking down Jesse was there. Suddenly I was wrapped in his arms and he was murmuring softly in my ear, telling me everything would be alright. Where did he come from? What was he doing here?

I tried to apologize but he cut me off with a kiss. He's so selfless, so giving. Here I'm the one who hurt him and he's trying to make sure I'm alright? I have to try again. I have to make him know how sorry I am…

Dropping my head down I try to apologize again. "I hurt you. I made you think I didn't care about you. I made you doubt everything, and I never meant to. I was broken; I didn't know how to do this…" Sighing I let the tears keep falling, "I still don't. I love you, and I hurt you, and you deserve-"He interrupted me again by tilting my head up and kissing me softly. Warmth spread through my chest and I tried to look away again. I shouldn't get to feel better.

"Beca Mitchel, you are not allowed to even think about finishing that sentence." He turned my face back towards his and smiled. I love his smile; it makes me feel like the world is going to be alright again. I was barely picking up what he was saying; the battle inside my head was raging to hard. I wanted to hate myself, but I also wanted to accept his forgiveness and just cuddle into him. Then, of course, there was the part that wondered how the hell he knew something was wrong in the first place, and why he was here.

I was snapped out of my reverie by his sigh. "You hurt me years ago. I'm not going to lie Beca, it hurt. I was a mess over that Spring Break, but that was years ago." A single tear slid down my cheek as I looked at him. He continued speaking. "I just hurt you now. Today. In this moment." He looked away and let his gaze drift. "I'm so sorry Baby." I almost didn't catch that last part, it was so soft.

Raising his chin I kissed him again. Running my tongue over his bottom lip, begging for entrance into his mouth. I knew he wasn't going to listen to me if I told him it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't stop me from doing this. I had to make him feel better, to put a smile back on his face.

I ran my arms up over his biceps, trailing my fingers softly as I followed the path to his hair. Scraping my fingers along his scalp gently, I deepened the kiss, wrapping my legs around his waist in an effort to get closer to him. Nipping at his lip, I began to trail kisses down his jaw, earning me a moan.

"Beca." He breathed my name out, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. "I love you so much Baby." He kissed my neck softly and then pulled my head back so he could look into my eyes.

Smiling gently he kissed my nose. "You alright now Hun?"

I smiled in return and nodded my head, content to just sit with him. "I'm good now, I'm sorry Jess. Despite my excellent ability to appear the hard-ass to everyone else, I can't do that when it comes to you." I kissed the corner of his mouth, "When I realized how badly I had hurt you…I couldn't help but break down."

Focusing on the last question I had, I looked into his eyes searchingly, "Jesse, not that I'm not incredibly grateful that you are, but what the hell are you doing here?" I smirked at him and just stared into his eyes. Despite how amazing this moment happened to be, I was curious dammit!

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "I had to go pick up the wonderful setting for the last clue you were at, he motioned to his computer bag, and I told Benji I would drop something off for him. When I got to his door I heard you crying." He wasn't quite looking at me as he said that, but I decided to chalk it up to how worried he was at finding me so upset.

"Bec, you don't have to finish the hunt if you don't want to. There's still a way to go yet, and not all of it is happy. The next one definitely has happy parts to it, and I think you'll like it," He began to ramble through his words before he caught himself. Taking a breath he continued, "but you don't have to finish this thing if you don't want to. I can cancel the rest of the stuff I'm supposed to do and just come cuddle in the room if you want. We can watch a movie even!" I could tell he would be disappointed if I took the out he was offering me, but I also knew he didn't want to risk me feeling like this again. 'Buck up Becs!' I thought to myself, mentally pepping myself up.

I quickly kissed his lips and then stood up. "Nope. You started this thing nerd," I poked him in the chest as he stood up as well, "I'm going to finish it." Looking around I tried to see where I dropped his letter.

I reached to grab it but he got to it first. "Bec, how's about I hold onto this one. Your next clue is on the steps of the campus police station." He gave me a quick kiss to the nose, a smile on his face but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Maybe you can finish reading this one sometime down the road. Right now though-"

I snatched it from his hand and stuck my tongue out at him when he glared. "Jess, I love you very much but you wrote each of these for a reason. Besides, I haven't gotten to the part where you tell me how much you love me yet. It's been in the rest of them and I wanna see it in this one." I laughed at the look he was giving me. He looked so worried. "Jess, really, it's alright. Stay while I finish it if you are that worried Baby." I turned my head down and skimmed until I found my spot again.

I wish I would have known about the stupid oath you had taken. It would have lessened that blow, and all the others, quite a lot.

I scowled, "That stupid oath. I still hate Aubrey for that crap." Jesse snorted as I said that, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my shoulder.

Still, as much as that night stung. Something amazing also happened. I saw you, Beca Mitchel, completely vulnerable. You let all of your defenses down and it was amazing. You showed me your music. Stuff you weren't even finished working on yet. I know for a fact you don't do that for anyone else but me.

"It's true ya know, I have never shown anyone else unfinished work. It just doesn't happen." I turned my head and kissed his nose, taking in the smile he was giving me.

I was lost the moment your face lit up Becs. So this moment, while sad, is amazing and I will cherish it forever. Two things happened here. The first, I took down another wall. One that no one else has ever broken through. Two, this was the first time I let myself try to kiss you. At that moment I didn't just want to be friends. I wanted more. It's true, I wanted more from the beginning, but this (coupled with the riff-off) made me allow myself to be turned on by you.

To put it bluntly, it may be a very good thing I didn't kiss you that night. I doubt I would have been able to stop myself from wanting more, and you would have been trebleboned well before that oath was made pointless.

I snorted loudly, mumbling something about being trebleboned before the rule was terminated anyway. Jesse laughed hard, nibbling on my neck while I finished reading.

Beca, you are my everything. I have never felt this way about anyone else. I have never been turned on like this by anyone else.

Your next clue is at the campus police station. You should be able to find it, but look out front by the bricks where I was standing, waiting for you to come out.

Thank you for being mine Becs, I love you.

Jesse

I folded the note and put it in my pocket with the others, turning in his arms so I could kiss him. "I love you too nerd." I breathed against his lips, nibbling on his bottom one before I captured them both, wrapping my arms around his neck and playing with the skin under the collar of his shirt.

Sliding his hands into my back pockets and yanking me closer, he trailed his lips to me ear. "I have to go Million Dollar Baby, I'll see you in a while okay?" He nipped my earlobe gently before letting go and backing away out of the room, his backpack strewn over his shoulder.

Chuckling, I walked out of the room and closed the door, heading to a place I hadn't been since the night Fat Amy broke that damn window.

AN: So what did you think? It's a lot longer than the other chapters, and a lot sadder, but I think I like it. Not everything about them has been so pleasant. In fact, most of that first year had Jesse in a lot of pain, even if Beca didn't realize it until the end. Again, thank you to everyone for the reviews. They definitely motivate me to keep this thing going.