Chapter 3

"We're lost, aren't we?"

"We are NOT lost! We are just traveling in unfamiliar territory and have no idea where we're going."

"And that's not lost?"

"No, they are two totally different things." How many times have you heard that one? Well, when I finally managed to get back in the car (don't ask how), we tried to go in the direction I instructed…but of course, these things don't always work out the way we plan.

"Ben," my mother complained, "I thought you said it was just up that hill?"

"I thought it was too," I explained.

"How far up did you go?" Bari questioned.

"Not that far," I answered.

"Can we turn the AC on?" Beau requested.

"Well, you obviously went up farther than you thought," Mother inquired, "because we should be there by now."

"AC, please?" Beau asked again, who didn't appreciate being ignored.

"Hey," I defended. "I'm not a sloppy navigator. I know what I'm talking about."

"Then where are we?" she insisted.

"How the heck should I know? This place isn't on the map!"

"I'm burn'in up," Beau reminded.

"Maybe we should stop and ask for directions," my Mom suggested. How many times have you heard that one?

"Who do we ask? The telephone poles? There's nobody out here!" Dad cried.

"I'm hot!" Beau complained. His voice became louder.

"Why don't you ask them, honey, I'm sure you'll know exactly what to say." My father turned his head around slowly to face her. There was silence. I was kind of scared for a moment….well, not really.

"Oh, so now you're making fun of my personality, huh?" Dad shouted defensively. Oh, sweet relief, I thought.

"No genius, I'm making fun of your hair." I'm glad my parents understand each other's humor. Things would be pretty ugly by now if not.

"Well, why don't you talk to the dirt? I'm sure it will respect your morals."

"That was low blow."

"If I aimed any higher, I'd miss."

"AC…it stands for air conditioning."

"Great come-back, Dad," I jeered while nodding my head.

"Now we definitely should be there…" Bari reminded.

"Well maybe we took a wrong turn," Mom advised.

"Where is there to turn?" Dad countered in frustration. He flung his hands forward a little in exasperation.

"I'M ON FIRE!" Beau screamed.

"Beauregard!" Mother shrieked wrathfully.

"Yes, Mommy?" He replied in his most innocent voice. Beau was lucky this time. "Mommy's" phone began to ring. She sighed in resentment and dug the phone out of her overstuffed purse.

"It's Bubbles," she informed her husband. He nodded, and after flicking opened the cellular device, the conversation began.

"Hello? We're trying to. No…well, I don't know. Maybe, why? Really? Ok, I guess so. You're behind us, right? Ok, ok. Thanks. See yah, sis."

"What did she say?" Bell asked.

"She said Ben is awesome, and you should all listen to him more often," I explained. Bell glared at me.

"She said the town is about five more miles up," Mother corrected.

"Well, I didn't think it was that far up…but at least I was right. Score!" I lifted up my hand, and made a grasping motion in the air. "Take that, all of you who didn't believe me!"

"You mean your mother?" Beau muttered.

"Yes, her most of all!" I exclaimed with mock rage. Mom leaned over her seat and shot me a warning scowl.

"….I love you," I chirped nervously.

Everything was quiet after that. I was beginning to wonder if we would break a record. Five whole minutes went by…I was amazed. I was shocked. I was astounded. I spoke too soon.

"You know what's weird?" Beau asked suddenly. "Nobody turned on the AC yet." My mom let her arm fall on the console. My Dad mumbled something under his breath that I couldn't hear. I had a pretty good idea of what it was though.

"Hey look! A town," My Dad announced.

"We're saved!" Beau exclaimed while waving his fingerless arms in the air above his head.

"We're not going to die today," I added. "Tomorrow is another story, but we won't die today!"

"Oh, hush," Bari grumbled after rolling her eyes.

"Daddy, can I get a chocolate bar?" Bell asked.

"Can I get a Twinkie?" Beau wondered.

"You can have a chocolate bar after lunch, Bell. Beau, you're having baloney."

"Why do you hate me?" he sniveled.

"Don't speak to your father like that Beau, or you'll get nothing." Mom corrected.

Approaching the town felt like forever. I kind of wanted to get out of the car. I'm not one of those people who can stay cooped up for long. I know it is extremely hard to tell because of my quiet and serene siblings.

Eventually, we drove onto this beat up road with buildings scattered on each side. Every now and again there was a store and then nothing. Store, and then nothing. It was kind of creepy. Everything was just plain…weird! What freaked me out the most is knowing that there was nothing around. No trees, no grass, no civilization. Nothing. The ultimate Twilight Zone moment.

"What is this place, anyways? It gives me the creeps," Beau pointed out.

"The GPS doesn't say anything about it," Bari admitted. "Now, that gives me the creeps."

"What gives me the creeps is trying to figure out how you got the GPS," I said.

"It's magic, Ben."

"Witchcraft I say!"

"Guess we can stop there. They sound desperate," my Dad suggested. He pointed to a neon road sign, which said "Burgers, really cheap! 2 mi."

"I don't know, I'm not really in the mood for burgers," my Mother objected.

"I don't think we have a choice," Dad answered.

"The Sweet Stuff Bakery is a choice." Beau pointed to an odd looking two storied building. The top story looked wider then the bottom. A product of bad construction.

"Ok."

A few minutes later we approached a red and yellow trailer that was converted into a restaurant. A few parking spots were open in the front. Actually, all of them were opened. Nobody was there. I was beginning to think this might not be the best idea. Our car pulled into the first one, and the other two pulled in beside us.

"Yesss, I'm soooo hungry!" Beau bounced up and down in his seat waiting for someone to open the door.

"Careful, you'll break the springs. And then you'll eject yourself and die."

"Coooooool. I'm so hungry."

"We can tell." I threw my door open and jumped out outside, relieved to finally get some fresh air. Well, the freshest air you can get in a parking lot. Beau bounded out beside me as I began to stretch. Beau stood there for a minute and then copied my example.

"Oh, you two look so much like your Father," someone called. I ooked up to see who was talking. My aunt Blossom was leaning against her car and watched us wearily.

"Oh, goody," I answered to the comment of my appearance. "I have so much to look forward to." She grinned and chuckled a little.

"You have no idea," she added.

"Oh, joy!" I said enthusiastically.

"Well, it's better then what my boys have to look forward to," she sighed.

Three little boys hopped out of the door beside her. They all had red hair and eyes, save for one. He was the youngest and happened to have pink eyes like his mother. This is Blazer, who is five, and as you can imagine, he gets a lot of attention from those eyes of his.

"Hey, Beau!" one of them yelled while running over to my brother.

"Hi Bruno," Beau greeted. Bruno was the second youngest in his family, at seven.

"Guess what I did," Bruno ordered excitedly. He had a mischievous look in his eyes. Oh boy, this ought to be interesting, I thought. I leaned up against the car and looked down on them quietly.

"I found a cock-ca-roach on the window!"

"Cool! Do you still have it?" Bruno looked like he was holding back laughter. He cupped his hands around his mouth, and whispered in Beau's ear.

"N-nope," he replied faintly.

"Where is it?" Beau interrogated. He sounded like he needed to know. Well, this is Beau, so I wouldn't be surprised.

"I…I," Bruno continued, fighting back laughter.

"What? Come on, spit it out!" The suspense was killing me. No really, I kind of wanted to know myself.

"I put it in my sister's hair," Bruno admitted with an entertained grin. Now, both the boys were fighting back laughter until they couldn't take it. Both of them burst out panting with amusement. I fought back laughter myself, but was able to contain it.

"How did she react?" Beau asked.

"She hasn't figured it out yet! That's the best part," Bruno lowered his voice to a whisper as he finished his statement.

In my Aunt Blossom's family, there are five kids. The oldest is Bethany, who is fourteen…like Bari! Aren't I lucky? She has pink eyes too, surprisingly. She tries to use that as comfort for her brother, but it doesn't really work much. The next is Brett, who is twelve. Birch is after him, who's ten, then Bruno, and last but not least: Blazer.

"Hey Ben," someone welcomed. It sounded like Beth's voice, so I looked around.

"What?" I asked while looking both ways.

"I'm up here, Sherlock." I tilted my head up to see the bottom of my cousin's pink converse.

"Oh…there you are. Hey," I greeted.

"I see your observation skills have improved since I last saw you," she commented intellectually. "The drive up here must have given you plenty of time to think."

"Yeah, I wish. Why are you floating anyways?"

"To get on your nerves."

"Of course. Figures," I replied after shrugging. Beth lowered herself to the ground.

"So, where is your sister?"

"I don't know. Try the other side of my car."

"Ben? What are you looking at?"

"Oh, umm…nothing." She must have spotted me looking around at her hair, attempting to spot the offending cockroach…or 'cock-ca-roach' if you ask Bruno.

"Then what are you starring at?"

"Well, your hair. It looks so…shinny," She raised her eyebrow, and I could tell she wasn't buying it…well then again, who would buy it? I was preparing for another defense.

"Come on guys, time to eat!" In little more then a few seconds, a torrent of twelve famished children came flooding over me and my cousin. I backed up against the car and pretended to be panicked. Five boys rushed to the door yelling "FOOOOOOOOD!"

"Beau! If you don't calm down, all you'll be eating is concrete," I heard my Dad shout.

"Hey guys!" A peppy voice called behind us. We both turned around and saw Brooke hop in.

She was jogging in place and had an energetic look.

"How was your ride? Mine was great! We watched this movie, and then me and Blythe played cards and I totally creamed her in slap-jack. After that, we played this road game. My dad would ask questions about these things on the road and we'd have to guess what they were. It was mostly for the little girls but it was soooo funny. When my dad said 'so what is flat and…blue?' and Junior said 'Mommy!' and we were all laughing it was sooo funny."

"Glad you had fun," I responded.

"We had so much fun!"

"I tried to sleep," I told her.

"Well that's no fun!" She exclaimed. "I hate sleeping. Whenever I'm in the car, I always try to do stuff. I mean sleeping…it's just like you just lie there and then you sleep; I mean there is nothing interesting about that. You don't do anything. I at least try to read a book, or color, or play with the little girls or something. I mean, I feel so uninvolved when I just sleep…" She lost me after 'no fun.'

My aunt Bubbles' has five kids. First there is Brooke who is thirteen, Blythe who is eleven, then Bridgett who is nine. Belinda is next. She's four, and last of all is Boomer Jr. We just call him Junior. Two years old and he's already a rocket scientist compared to his Dad.

"Well, Ben keeps starring at me," Beth mumbled. Brooke gave me a surprised look, but she was still smiling.

"Why Ben! How rude. No wonder you always sleep in the car…Who stares at their own cousin's hair? It is obviously someone who suffers from the chronic disorder of sleeping in the car while traveling."

"Pardon my ill manners. Obviously, they occurred thanks to the habit of sleeping in the car."

"Exactly," Brooke agreed, shrugging her shoulders.

"You guys coming?" My uncle Brick was holding open the door.

"Coming Daddy," Beth retorted. She jogged up to the door. Brooke and I followed.

Inside the trailer restaurant…thing, there weren't enough seats for all twenty people, so, unfortunately, the older kids had to stand. Really lame country music played in the back. I thought I was going to hurl.

Suddenly, a giant pig busted out of the door behind the counter.

"Welcome to John Bonne's! Home to the best-look'in, juiciest burgers in all of Nowhere! I'm John Boone, what's your….." the pig dude paused and looked in awe at all the people before his bar. Belinda shrieked fearfully when he popped out. She jumped off her seat and scrambled over to her Mother.

"Mommy," she bawled. Aunt Bubbles took her arm and rapped it around her little daughter.

"It's ok honey," she explained. "He's just a giant pig going to take our order going to take our order." I smiled. Talking pigs? Ehh, I've seen weirder.

Before the John Bonne guy could say anything else, another screech rang out. Everyone turned their head towards the screaming. Beth jumped out of her seat and whacked at her head furiously.

"Get it off! Get it off," she squealed. "Eww. Eww. Eww. Eww." Suddenly, a little black spot flew off her shirt and landed on the counter in front of Blythe. Bruno, Beau, Brett and Birch started laughing their heads off. They were panting so hard, I literally thought one of them would fall over. I admit it…I started laughing too. Well then again, how could you not?

"Brick!" Aunt Blossom gasped. My dad walked over to the counter quietly and smashed the cockroach with a napkin holder. He slammed it several times until he was sure it was gone, and walked away calmly as if nothing had happened.

"Brick?" she repeated.

"Wha-what?" he gulped.

"Discipline your son!" Uncle Brick spun his chair around and jumped up from his seat.

"Alright, which one of you did it?" There was silence for a minute, save for Beth's wheezing. All the boys were silent. After a minute, they all pointed to Bruno.

"Thanks for ratting me out, guys!" Bruno complained.

"Bruno, you know that was wrong, right?" Uncle Brick stood over him threateningly.

"Yes," Bruno replied humbly. He starred at the ground quietly.

"Then why did you do it?"

"I thought it might be funny…"

"Is that any way to treat your sister?"

"…maybe…"

"Get to the car," he ordered. Bruno turned around and walked towards the door. When nobody was looking, Brick held out his hand and Bruno high-fived it before exiting the building.

"It was in my hair," Beth sobbed miserably.

Yeah, that restaurant experience was a total fail. After everyone ordered their food, we left. Nobody questioned us.

When we got back into the car, I leaned my head up against the window. The depressing landscape was really starting to get to me. Just as I thought that, we passed a wooden farmhouse. A little windmill was slowly creaking beside it.

"Mom," Bari stated. "Why are we slowing down?"

"That's a good question. Why are we slowing down, Butch?" She responded almost irritably.

"Because it's all smoky out here, and I don't want to hit something," Dad answered.

"It's not smoky out this way," Bari and I told them. It really wasn't. I was looking out my window and didn't see any smoke.

"It is where I'm looking," my Dad told us.

"Wait a minute," my Mother said. Nobody said anything after that. I looked up from my window. Oh, now what?

"The engine is on fire!" Beau howled in excitement. I thought he was joking at first, but both my parents began to panic. Wait, our engine is seriously on fire? I thought. Now I could see it: billowing smoke pouring from underneath the hood.

"Here, just pull over," Mom advised. "We'll all fly out when we park, and I'll get Blossom to put it out."

"Alright, sounds good," Dad replied. We slowed down as much as we could, and Dad pulled the car over to the side. That didn't end well. As we were shifting, a huge force knocked us backwards.

CRASH!

The whole car twisted around. Glass shattered and shards and splinters littered the front seats. The metal groaned and bent, crumpling as the telephone pole collided into us. The brakes shrieked as my father attempted to stop their vehicle. Another crash came from my side of the car. It dented the door and knocked me over to the other side on the floor. Worst time ever to forget your seatbelt. I slammed onto the floor, and the impact knocked the air out of my lungs. When all the crashing and bumping was done, we looked around the car.

"Is everyone ok?" Mom asked shakily. The windshield had shattered and the smoke was engulfing the front seats.

"Yeah," I answered from the floor, coughing from the smoke.

"I'm ok," Bari responded. She was up against the window.

"Me too," Bell whimpered. There wasn't another call. We waited a little longer: but still no fourth reply. I got up off the floor and onto the middle seat.

"Beau?" I called quietly, fearful that there would be no answer.

"Beau?" Mom copied. She sounded much more worried. "Beau!"

"Is he back there, Bell?" Dad asked.

"I can't tell. I'm squished." She said, squinting against the gray-black cloud.

"Beau," my Mother called again. She was way more panicked this time. I got up and checked the back seat. Bell had a suitcase toppled on top of her. I leaned over and pushed it off. Where's your brother? I wanted to ask. For some reason I couldn't get it out. I don't know why.

"Beau! Where are you?" Bari muttered. There was silence. Nobody spoke.

"Beau," everybody yelled one more time.

"Here I am," came his cracked voice. He picked himself up from behind the very back seat. Relief washed over me. "I'm ok," he reassured.

"Phew," I sighed. "Thought we lost you there for a sec, bro."

"Really? Maybe I should have stayed there longer. I bet you would have cried." All the feelings I had early left instantly.

"Beau!" she shouted angrily this time. "I can't believe you would do that! Do you know how worried we were? We thought you were dead! This is no time for joking. We were in a collision! Don't you see how dire this situation is? We could be stuck here for days! We don't need little boys scaring their mothers half to death…"

"Mom, I have one question?"

"Eh…what?"

"Did the cheeseburgers make it?"

"I'M GOING TO RING YOUR LITTLE NECK AND THEN I'M GONNA…"

"Dear, I think we need to re-think our parenting strategy…" Dad counseled. Good to know everyone was ok.