A/N: Trying to keep ahead of the story by a few chapters before I post them. Working on writing this between homework and other things so it's somewhat slow going. Don't want to post before it's as close to perfect as I can get. Thank you to my few reviewers, and those that are following/liking; glad there are people out there enjoying the story. :)
Chapter 3
The first few weeks of exploration were quiet. They were taking the Enterprise out farther than any human vessel had been before and it took time to get there. Lieutenant Commander Scott had tried to make a logical engineering schedule but his color-coded charts were confusing and jumbled. Milani volunteered to help him with the schedule. He liked the end result so much he tacked on "schedule supervisor" to her list of duties. It wasn't something she was looking forward to doing but at least she could set her own hours.
It was coming up on time for her to file her first report to the Admiral. She had been on the bridge nine times in the past three weeks and found nothing unusual about the running of the ship. As there had been no encounters or new planets to explore, the crew members went about their daily tasks quietly and orderly. Milani had noticed that Kirk was beginning to look antsy and bored in the captain's chair. She wasn't sure she was going to report it, however, as it was just speculation.
The night before she was to send her report through the hidden channel Admiral Jensen had set up, Milani couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned, counted sheep, and even tried to have the computer play soothing music. Nothing helped. When she asked, the computer informed her it was oh four hundred. Four in the morning. Great.
Throwing on some standard civilian clothes she headed out into the corridor. At this time the Enterprise would be akin to a ghost ship. A skeleton crew would be manning the basic functions while the main crew slept. She probably wouldn't run into another soul. That was ok. She was suddenly craving an ice cream sundae.
She stepped into the mess hall which was, surprisingly, occupied. Captain Jim Kirk was sitting at a table in the middle of the room, eating a bowl of ice cream. Milani froze in place, unsure of what to do. She wasn't sure she was allowed to socialize with the senior officers that weren't in her department. She had spoken few words to the captain and only during her brief shifts on the bridge. Awkwardly she began to back out of the room.
"Where are you going?" She heard him ask while peering at her from across the dim room. The side running lights, set at half strength, were the only illumination in the room. It reminded Milani of the times on Earth when the power went out and her mother would light candles while their father told Phoebe and her stories. Most everything was in shadow but she could still make out the Captain's face.
"I, uh, didn't mean to disturb you..." Milani stammered. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous but every time he looked at her she felt a stab of uneasiness rip through her stomach.
"Not at all. Come, join me." Kirk motioned for her to sit across from him.
Stiffly, she ordered her sundae from the replicator and sat across from him. She wasn't hungry now but she had to have a reason for coming into the mess. She didn't pick up her spoon but stared intently at the hot fudge dripping down the vanilla scoops.
"Milani, right?" Kirk asked her, finishing off his own bowl of ice cream.
Her eyes snapped to his when he said her name from habit. "Yes, Captain." She replied.
He grinned and waved her words off. "Please. Jim." He told her.
"I don't think I'm allowed to use your first name-" She started but he cut her off.
"It's four in the morning, formalities be damned. I think it's ok for you to call me Jim. For right now."
Milani smiled at that. "Ok." She nodded. She attempted a bite of her sundae, hoping she could keep it down. Her stomach felt funny.
"Couldn't sleep?" He asked the obvious question.
She shook her head. She couldn't tell him why she wasn't sleeping right now. She couldn't tell him that she was about to file a report on all her superiors, analyzing their decisions, deconstructing their actions, and describing details to the admiral. She couldn't tell him that she felt a little sick about it, even though her first report was going to be short and uneventful.
"Nightmares?" He asked. Milani looked at him a moment before shaking her head again, this time more slowly. He sighed and sat back in the chair. "That's my problem. Nightmares." He rubbed a hand over his face wearily. "What would have happened if I had made different decisions last year. Reliving the death of my friend." His eyes dropped to his lap. "My own death," he added quietly.
Milani bit her bottom lip. She couldn't believe that the captain of the Enterprise was being so open about something that could be portrayed as a weakness to a near stranger. "Captain, I-" He gave her a sharp look. She started over. "Jim. I'm sorry about what happened. I heard about it. It must be hard." The words sounded cliché and hollow, even in her own head. "It sucks you had to endure something so terrible."
He snorted a small laugh. "Sucks. Wow. I haven't heard that one in a while." He offered her a smile. "Thanks for the sentiment." He sat forward again, scooping his spoon into her rapidly melting sundae. "So enough about me and my tragic history. Why can't you sleep?"
Milani considered her words carefully. "Some nights I just can't turn my brain off."
Kirk chuckled at that. "I don't have that problem. Bones would probably say I turn my brain off too often, even when I'm awake." He peered at her closely. "What does an engineering officer have on her mind that would keep her up at night?"
Milani looked down at the table, trying to think about how to answer that question without outright lying. Kirk mistook her intention. "Sorry, I'm being nosy. You don't have to tell me."
"I feel like I do," she gave him a half-hearted grin. "You are the Captain after all."
He pointed a finger toward her. "Not right now, remember? Just Jim." Now he was eating more of her sundae than she was. After another few bites he changed the direction of conversation. "You okay with being in space for five years? It's a big commitment."
She laughed loudly at that. "A little late to be asking that question!"
He grinned back at her. "I know, but I think it's just now sinking in with some of the crew. Five years away from home. It's a big deal."
"You seem ok with it." Milani pointed out.
He shook his head once before taking the final bite of their ice cream. "My family is here, on this ship. I'm not missing anything." He shrugged. "It's different for me."
Milani sighed inwardly. It was the same for her. Her only family, her sister, was on this ship. She wasn't missing anyone at home, just missing the action packed life she had come to expect. Five years of the same old life on the same old ship was going to be a tough adjustment.
Her mind went to her cover story. The best lies have a lot of truth in them. Almost everything in her back story was true to her real life; only details had been changed so as to hide her true identity.
"I have a sister." She told him. "Back home, on Earth. She's a doctor."
"You miss her?" He raised an eyebrow with the question.
"We weren't close." She replied, running her fingers along the edge of the table in front of her. "Not once I joined the Academy."
He gave her a sympathetic smile but didn't press the issue. Milani wanted to change the topic of conversation but she found herself confiding more to him. "No parents. They...died."
His eyebrows knit together in concern. "I'm sorry." What else could he say?
The gates were open, however and at four o'clock in the morning Milani couldn't close them. Words rushed out of her like a river that had been held back by a dam. A dam that had broken. "Dad was killed by a co-worker. He was a civilian police officer and they were raiding a known drug smuggling operation. It was an accident, the officer was shooting at someone else and fired one too many blasts in that direction. The blaster was supposed to be set to stun, the guy was a rookie, and well..." She trailed off.
Tears pressed against the back of her eyes. It was similar to what had actually happened to her father but not exact. That detail, the small amount of truth she held back, was the only thing keeping her from sobbing. She looked up into empathetic, cerulean eyes. "Sorry, that was more than you wanted to hear." She whispered.
"No, I asked." He reached across the table and covered one of her hands with his. "I'm truly sorry. That's a horrible way to lose a parent."
She thought back to his file and how he lost his father. Sniffing she drew her hand back and wiped away invisible tears. "I'm sorry." She repeated. "I didn't mean to dredge up old memories for you."
"I think about my father every day." Kirk replied, his hand still resting on the table where hers had been a second ago. "It's my motivation to be my best. I try and make him proud with all my decisions." He considered his words a moment before amending them with a crooked grin. "Well, most of my decisions."
Milani giggled softly at that. "I am sorry to have depressed you at so late an hour, Captain- Jim."
"You didn't depress me, Lieuten- Milani." He replied, still grinning. "I am grateful for the company."
"We are close to the first uncharted planet, aren't we?" Milani asked, grateful that she thought of something to turn the tide of the conversation.
"Yes, Sulu promised we'd be in orbit by the end of day tomorrow." His eyes lit up at prospect of adventure. "You'll be on the bridge?"
Milani shook her head. "My schedule has me on the bridge the day after tomorrow."
"Change it."
"Excuse me?"
"Change it." He insisted. "You should be there when we scan the planet for the first time. It will be historical. It might even be epic."
"But Lieutenant Commander Yashi has rank-"
"Beshaw!" Kirk made a funny nose and waved at her. "Rank, schmank. You are assigned to the bridge tomorrow evening. That's an order."
"From Jim?" She grinned.
He returned the smile. "From the Captain."
